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Silly, Silly, me

Posted by T Larae , 13 November 2012 · 113 views

Nine months ago I learned of the death of someone I considered very near and dear to my heart. The fact that I choose to refer to this person as near and dear still confuses me as I haven't seen or heard from them in almost thirty years.

I learned of her death after 'Binging' her name and finding an article concerning her death. After hearing of her death which took place almost five years ago under very horrible cirumstances, I proceeded to grieve. This was a process that took me places I thought I'd never go and one which to this day I cannot be sure that I'm finished with. I didn't want to work, I didn't want to write, I wouldn't leave the house and I'm not sure but I think there were times when it was really hard to breathe. I totally faded away and shut myself off from life including my fellow AQ'ers I guess that by now most readers could theorize that I must have loved this woman but may be confused as to why I hadn't seen her in almost thirty years. Hence, the title of this entry.

After being talked down off the ledge, as one friend of mine put it, I decided to blog about it as part of the healing process in hope that someone out there may be able to make sense of this all.(As silly as it may seem) I learned a lot of things about myself and about others and some of them I'd like to share.

1. It was my fault I never attempted to make contact with her before learning of her untimely death although it is easy to sumize that she had to have done something to me for me not to want to do so.
2. It is not my fault that she died the way she did nor is there anything I could have done to prevent the circumstances surrounding her untimely death.
3. As hard as it is to get use to, people do die but life for the living goes on that is if they want to live.
4. There are others in this world who do care about you but cannot be responsible for the decissions that you make with regards to how you live your life.

I've resumed my writing career as well as other endeavors I've chose to persue in life and look forward to hearing from other AQ'ers throughout this community.

To me there is no doubt in my mind that this is an episode in my life that will turn into a story that someone someday will have to critique.








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