In the first paragraph, there are mistakes, and that's going to be a red flag to agents. I'd not put a comma after the number of the word count. There's also no space after the name of the book and the comma. The book's title should also be in all-capitals. As far as the plot, it's not bad, certainly enough to pique my interest.
There were details in the second paragraph that were a bit vague. I'd be specific throughout your whole query. Plus, I'd not include the last, brief paragraph, as it's superfluous information. If you would've said, "I saw on your blog/website that you're looking for (the genre your novel it)," that would've been fine.
Hope this helps,
A. R. Braun
THE DO OVER (thriller)
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