Jump to content

Disclaimer



Photo
- - - - -

Mr. Snugglymuffin's Rampage (MG Fiction)


  • Please log in to reply
20 replies to this topic

#1 Derrick

Derrick

    Giver of Rocky-themed Pep Talks

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 536 posts
  • Literary Status:unagented
  • LocationUS Midwest

Posted 30 November 2010 - 10:57 AM

***Revision is in post #15.***

Dear Agent,

As 10-year-old Suzy grows to love the hamster she never wanted, her hamster grows into a 250-foot monster hunted by a low-budget government agency.

When she receives two unwanted Christmas gifts, a hamster and a chemistry set, Suzy accidentally mixes the two, which results in her pet’s near death. At the veterinarian’s office, she opts to save the rodent, even though the money used to revitalize him was going towards what she really wanted: a puppy. Alive and well, he grows month after month. Each stage of growth brings its own challenges. Once he’s the size of an elephant, a government agency, which believes the giant fuzzball is an alien, captures him.

A few months later, Suzy’s hamster escapes the agency’s clutches and reemerges as a 250-foot threat to Chicago. Suzy teams up with the agency to rescue her hamster from the National Guard while saving the Second City from her pet.

MR. SNUGGLYMUFFIN’S RAMPAGE is a 44,000-word MG fiction.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

#2 Peter Burton

Peter Burton

    Court Jester and Wanna Be Author

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,962 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, published, self-published, unagented
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:Self Published

Posted 30 November 2010 - 11:51 AM

The query feels a little 'jumpy' to me, Derrik, kind of all over the place.

I feel like some of what you have in the second paragraph would be better suited in the hook, maybe like this?

"MR. SNUGGLYMUFFIN’S RAMPAGE is a 44,000-word MG fiction. When 10-year-old Suzy receives two unwanted Christmas gifts, a hamster and a chemistry set, she accidentally mixes the two, resulting in her pet’s near death. Saving her pet's life results in two unexpected consequences, a hamster who is reaching gargantuan proportions, and a very interested government agency."

I think Suzy's passing desire for a puppy could be left out, as it doesn't seem to be much more than a side note to the real story. Of course, I could be wrong, as I haven't read it, but it feels that way to me in the query.

"But that's OK. There's treasure children always seek to find.

And just like us, you must have had, a Once Upon A Time."

~Elton John


#3 Jean Oram

Jean Oram

    Your friendly, neighborhood, all-purpose moderator

  • Super Moderator
  • 9,302 posts
  • Literary Status:published, self-published, in-between agents
  • LocationCanada
  • Publishing Experience:New York Times bestselling romance author. Independent author with traditional publishing experience. Everything from magazines to newspapers to short stories to novels.
  • City (optional):C-eh?-N-eh?-D-eh?

Posted 30 November 2010 - 11:58 AM

You did it! You wrote it. That's awesome. Love the premise. I love the juxtaposition of "Snugglymuffin" and "rampage."


Dear Agent,

As 10-year-old Suzy grows to love the hamster she never wanted [good], her hamster grows [This part seems a bit abrupt. It feels like something is missing, but I'm not sure what it is. I think it is a flow issue. Maybe 'proceeds to grow...'??] into a 250-foot monster hunted by a low-budget government agency.

When she [I might be tempted to move Suzy's name up to here and change the other one to 'her.'] receives two unwanted Christmas gifts, a hamster and a chemistry set, Suzy accidentally mixes the two, which results in her pet’s near death. [I like how two unwanted gifts get mixed.] At the veterinarian’s office, she opts to save the rodent, even though the money used to revitalize him was going towards what she really wanted: a puppy. [The second half of the sentence could be smoothed out a bit. (Starting at "even though...") I think there might be a simpler, more direct way to state it. Maybe try (not sure if this is your style): ...even though it means spending her I-Want-A-Puppy nestegg.] Alive and well, he Snugglymuffin grows month after month. Each stage of growth brings its own challenges. [However,] Oonce he’s the size of an elephant the real trouble begins when, a government agency, which believes the giant fuzzball is an alien, captures him Suzy's now most-beloved and adored pet (or something to show that this is BAD for Suzy). [I made some changes (need smoothing out) to show that maybe this could be made more conclusive--sort of like you're building up to the story's climax within the letter to show how things get bad for little Suzy and Snugglymuffin.]

A few months later,Suzy’s hamster Snugglymuffin escapes the agency’s clutches and reemerges as a (can you throw a quirky adjective in here to give us a fun picture? Maybe "hungry" or "confused" or "snuggly" or "burrowing." It will give us a picture of what kind of threat--otherwise we kind of think of King Kong or the Marshmallow Man (at least I do) and since it is a four-legged rodent, I think it would be a lot different! And funny!) 250-foot threat to Chicago. Suzy teams up with the agency to rescue her hamster from the National Guard while saving the Second City from her pet. [Question: Why team up with the agency? Do they know he's not an alien? What are their continued interests?]

MR. SNUGGLYMUFFIN’S RAMPAGE is a 44,000-word MG fiction.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


Can I read it? It sounds like a ton of fun! (Seriously, if you need a beta reader (adult or grade twoer) let me know.)

I love connecting with and helping other AQCers outside this forum as well. You can find me all over the place!

If you are looking for more about writing, you may find my blog helpful, as well as my Twitter feed:

*The Helpful Writer *Twitter

If you are a parent, you might be interested in my ideas on growing happy, healthy kids who'll thrive in this ever changing world (includes crafts, activities, games, articles, and fun!):
*Twitter *Blog *Pinterest *Facebook

 

I write stuff (www.jeanoram.com)

 


#4 Jean Oram

Jean Oram

    Your friendly, neighborhood, all-purpose moderator

  • Super Moderator
  • 9,302 posts
  • Literary Status:published, self-published, in-between agents
  • LocationCanada
  • Publishing Experience:New York Times bestselling romance author. Independent author with traditional publishing experience. Everything from magazines to newspapers to short stories to novels.
  • City (optional):C-eh?-N-eh?-D-eh?

Posted 30 November 2010 - 12:00 PM

P.S. I like Peter's suggestion in regards to tweaking the hook. (And I forgot to mention that I felt that the overall query length was good.)

I like the puppy part though as it shows how she goes from not wanting the hamster to willingly put out her savings to save him. It sounds like a relationship turning point that could be important to the story.

I love connecting with and helping other AQCers outside this forum as well. You can find me all over the place!

If you are looking for more about writing, you may find my blog helpful, as well as my Twitter feed:

*The Helpful Writer *Twitter

If you are a parent, you might be interested in my ideas on growing happy, healthy kids who'll thrive in this ever changing world (includes crafts, activities, games, articles, and fun!):
*Twitter *Blog *Pinterest *Facebook

 

I write stuff (www.jeanoram.com)

 


#5 Jaclyn

Jaclyn

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 25 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, unagented
  • LocationUS Midwest

Posted 30 November 2010 - 12:34 PM

...”As 10-year-old Suzy grows to love the hamster she never wanted, her hamster grows into a 250-foot monster hunted by a low-budget government agency”.

The story sounds exciting and fun with a pretty unique idea. The first thing that stuck out to me was the words (low budget) for the description of the government agency. It sounds more sinister and fun if you would exchange the words, "low budget" for "secret". Not too many young adults think in budgets, but they do think of top secrets, and mystery.

One other thing to perhaps consider:
"A few months later, Suzy’s hamster escapes the agency’s clutches and reemerges as a 250-foot threat to Chicago. Suzy teams up with the agency to rescue her hamster from the National Guard while saving the Second City from her pet."

Instead of teaming up with the agency to rescue her pet from the National Guard and save the city, why wouldn't she get some of her friends to help her, or perhaps her science teacher to help find a way to save her pet from the agency and save the city. I am just a bit confused on the agency first being the "bad guy" in the book, then becoming a "good guy"? Also, being a government entity as well, the National Guard would be following the same orders; they would not be on a rogue mission to destroy. It is a great idea though, just needs some tweaking. Make sure you research the government and how it interacts between its military and the agencies it is funding. That will help form up the entities and their roles in the book a bit more.
............................
The only one who holds you back is YOU!

#6 Derrick

Derrick

    Giver of Rocky-themed Pep Talks

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 536 posts
  • Literary Status:unagented
  • LocationUS Midwest

Posted 30 November 2010 - 01:34 PM

Thanks for the critiques. A lot of it confirms things I was already thinking, but didn't feel I had enough room in the letter to elaborate on.

My original hook was: "All 10-year-old Suzy wants for Christmas is a puppy and a magic kit, but what she gets is a hamster and a chemistry set--the combination of which leads to a 250 monster who destroys Chicago." But after the whole AQCrew Conflict-o-meter exercise I reworked it. As a result, I'll admit it seems a bit jumpy.

I think it seems unanimous that I need to elaborate on why the agency helps Suzy, and based on Jaclyn's comment, I may include how the agency helps without interfering with the National Guard.

Jean, I did find it interesting that you subsituted the pronouns for Mr. Snugglymuffin. I kinda was going for a set up to punchline thing when I reveal the title. I'll reconsider whether or not I use his name.

Thanks all.

#7 Jean Oram

Jean Oram

    Your friendly, neighborhood, all-purpose moderator

  • Super Moderator
  • 9,302 posts
  • Literary Status:published, self-published, in-between agents
  • LocationCanada
  • Publishing Experience:New York Times bestselling romance author. Independent author with traditional publishing experience. Everything from magazines to newspapers to short stories to novels.
  • City (optional):C-eh?-N-eh?-D-eh?

Posted 30 November 2010 - 03:22 PM

Your title will already be revealed in your query's email heading though, right?

I love connecting with and helping other AQCers outside this forum as well. You can find me all over the place!

If you are looking for more about writing, you may find my blog helpful, as well as my Twitter feed:

*The Helpful Writer *Twitter

If you are a parent, you might be interested in my ideas on growing happy, healthy kids who'll thrive in this ever changing world (includes crafts, activities, games, articles, and fun!):
*Twitter *Blog *Pinterest *Facebook

 

I write stuff (www.jeanoram.com)

 


#8 Derrick

Derrick

    Giver of Rocky-themed Pep Talks

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 536 posts
  • Literary Status:unagented
  • LocationUS Midwest

Posted 30 November 2010 - 03:24 PM

Your title will already be revealed in your query's email heading though, right?


Oh yeah, duh. It's been a while since I've sent a query. And here I was thinking that I was all clever. :blush:

#9 Jean Oram

Jean Oram

    Your friendly, neighborhood, all-purpose moderator

  • Super Moderator
  • 9,302 posts
  • Literary Status:published, self-published, in-between agents
  • LocationCanada
  • Publishing Experience:New York Times bestselling romance author. Independent author with traditional publishing experience. Everything from magazines to newspapers to short stories to novels.
  • City (optional):C-eh?-N-eh?-D-eh?

Posted 30 November 2010 - 07:24 PM

Sorry to burst your punchline and reveal bubble. :sad:

I love connecting with and helping other AQCers outside this forum as well. You can find me all over the place!

If you are looking for more about writing, you may find my blog helpful, as well as my Twitter feed:

*The Helpful Writer *Twitter

If you are a parent, you might be interested in my ideas on growing happy, healthy kids who'll thrive in this ever changing world (includes crafts, activities, games, articles, and fun!):
*Twitter *Blog *Pinterest *Facebook

 

I write stuff (www.jeanoram.com)

 


#10 Jaclyn

Jaclyn

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 25 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, unagented
  • LocationUS Midwest

Posted 30 November 2010 - 08:04 PM

I really like this original punchline just without the part about it destroying Chicago, that makes it feel as though part of the ending is spoiled. The first part though really sounds like something that would make me want to get ahold of the rest of the book! Perhaps instead of saying the city gets destroyed here in the query you could put something down like this...

"All 10-year-old Suzy wants for Christmas is a puppy and a magic kit, but what she gets is a hamster and a chemistry set--the combination of which leads to a 250 foot monster, a city in trouble, and a great adventure amongst the mahem!" ............Or something like that =-)

Thanks for the critiques. A lot of it confirms things I was already thinking, but didn't feel I had enough room in the letter to elaborate on.

My original hook was: "All 10-year-old Suzy wants for Christmas is a puppy and a magic kit, but what she gets is a hamster and a chemistry set--the combination of which leads to a 250 monster who destroys Chicago." But after the whole AQCrew Conflict-o-meter exercise I reworked it. As a result, I'll admit it seems a bit jumpy.

I think it seems unanimous that I need to elaborate on why the agency helps Suzy, and based on Jaclyn's comment, I may include how the agency helps without interfering with the National Guard.

Jean, I did find it interesting that you subsituted the pronouns for Mr. Snugglymuffin. I kinda was going for a set up to punchline thing when I reveal the title. I'll reconsider whether or not I use his name.

Thanks all.


............................
The only one who holds you back is YOU!

#11 Derrick

Derrick

    Giver of Rocky-themed Pep Talks

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 536 posts
  • Literary Status:unagented
  • LocationUS Midwest

Posted 01 December 2010 - 09:19 AM

I really like this original punchline just without the part about it destroying Chicago, that makes it feel as though part of the ending is spoiled. The first part though really sounds like something that would make me want to get ahold of the rest of the book! Perhaps instead of saying the city gets destroyed here in the query you could put something down like this...

"All 10-year-old Suzy wants for Christmas is a puppy and a magic kit, but what she gets is a hamster and a chemistry set--the combination of which leads to a 250 foot monster, a city in trouble, and a great adventure amongst the mahem!" ............Or something like that =-)


That's awesome. I'll have to play around with that.

#12 Peter Burton

Peter Burton

    Court Jester and Wanna Be Author

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,962 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, published, self-published, unagented
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:Self Published

Posted 02 December 2010 - 11:07 AM

Oh, YEAH!

I like that original hook!

Sometimes we're better off going with our first instincts. Just to see how they fly.

"But that's OK. There's treasure children always seek to find.

And just like us, you must have had, a Once Upon A Time."

~Elton John


#13 TJ Robinson

TJ Robinson

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 73 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Midwest

Posted 02 December 2010 - 10:49 PM

Good work Derrick - post your next revision when it's done and we'll take another crack at it. You've had some great advice from our friends here.

#14 Pat Megahey

Pat Megahey

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 34 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging
  • LocationUS Northeast

Posted 06 December 2010 - 12:14 AM

I agree with you. I am having the same problem with overworking my query, and now I feel like it's all over the place. How about, "When Suzy's 250 pound hamster starts wrecking havoc on Chicago, she wonders why couldn't her parents just have gotten her a puppy instead?" I love the title. I think calling a 250 pound rodent Mr. Snugglymuffin is hilarious, and I want to know what he does on his rampage? Does he get around the city in a giant hamster wheel? I think this sounds like a fun story that kids will enjoy. Best of luck, Pat

#15 Derrick

Derrick

    Giver of Rocky-themed Pep Talks

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 536 posts
  • Literary Status:unagented
  • LocationUS Midwest

Posted 08 December 2010 - 09:37 AM

Dear Agent,

All 10-year-old Suzy wants for Christmas is a puppy and a magic kit, but what she gets is a hamster and a chemistry set—the combination of which leads to a 250-foot monster and a city in peril.

After Suzy’s hamster ingests her chemical concoction, he suffers near death. At the veterinarian’s office, she opts to save the rodent, even though the money used to revitalize him was going towards the puppy she wanted. Alive and well, Mr. Snugglymuffin grows month after month. Each stage of growth brings its own challenges. However, once he’s the size of an elephant the real trouble begins when a low-budget government agency, which believes the giant fuzzball is an alien, captures Suzy’s beloved pet.

A few months later, Mr. Snugglymuffin escapes the agency’s clutches and reemerges as a 250-foot threat to Chicago. With everything to gain and nothing to lose but their tiny paychecks, the agency, which has been kept a secret out of the government’s embarrassment for funding them, comes up with a plan to recapture the gargantuan hamster, and it involves Suzy. She agrees to help them, because their idea to contain him is much better than the government’s Plan B, which is to execute him. When she arrives in Chicago, she has ten minutes to save Mr. Snugglymuffin and the Second City before the National Guard starts firing.

MR. SNUGGLYMUFFIN’S RAMPAGE is a 44,000-word MG novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

#16 Cat Woods

Cat Woods

    Juvenile Junky and Clairvoyant Ninja

  • Group Moderator
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,157 posts
  • Literary Status:published, in-between agents
  • LocationUS Midwest
  • Publishing Experience:As Cat Woods: adult short stories in the Seasons Anthologies. Middle Grade Anthology: TALES FROM THE BULLY BOX (2014). Middle Grade Novel: ABIGAIL BINDLE AND THE SLAM BOOK SCAM (2015).

    As A.T.O'Connor: short stories in the Seasons Anthologies. YA Novel: WHISPERING MINDS.

Posted 08 December 2010 - 03:23 PM

I LOVE your hook.

The rest may be tightened a bit yet, as I think you are adding detail that doesn't need to be there-the government's funding for example. However, you have a very fun premise. I'm hooked.

Cat Woods
Juvenile Junction Group Moderator


Words from the Woods~ Blog for Cat Woods
From the Write Angle~ Group Blog

Whispering Minds~ Blog for A.T. O'Connor

 

SpringFeversthumb.jpg   thefall_front_cover.jpg


#17 RileyRedgate

RileyRedgate

    Ant, the Quixotic Query Quibbler

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,994 posts
  • Literary Status:published, agented
  • LocationUS Southeast
  • Publishing Experience:My debut novel, SEVEN WAYS WE LIE, was released in March 2016 by Abrams and optioned for film by Jane Startz Productions. My sophomore novel, NOTEWORTHY, hits shelves May 2017.

Posted 09 December 2010 - 12:32 AM

Oh, this is fun!

Dear Agent,

All 10-year-old Suzy wants for Christmas is a puppy and a magic kit, but what she gets is a hamster and a chemistry set—the combination of which leads to a 250-foot monster and a city in peril.
Yesss. This is an epic hook.

After Suzy’s hamster ingests her chemical concoction, he suffers near death. At the veterinarian’s office, she opts to save the rodent, even though the money used to revitalize him was going towards the puppy she wanted. Hmm. This seems a bit overspecific. I'm not sure how receptive Suzy originally was to saving him instead of getting a puppy, but this may be a chance to reveal some of Suzy's character through her actions. For instance, maybe: "Reluctantly, Suzy gives up the last of her life's savings to save the unfortunate rodent - but she couldn't just let him die. But, to her delight, she comes to realize how much more of an adventure Mr. Snugglymuffin is than any puppy could be." Alive and well, Mr. Snugglymuffin grows month after month. Each stage of growth brings its own challenges. However, once he’s the size of an elephant the real trouble begins when a low-budget Not sure the funding reference is needed unless they're recurring and very relevant to the plot. government agency, which believes the giant fuzzball is an alien, captures Suzy’s beloved pet.
Ooh, also, in this last sentence be careful of double time-switching. No, that's not an actual term, but it's how I think of it - you say "once he's the size of an elephant, the real trouble begins when a gov't agency..." which implies that two things (both snuggly's size and the gov't agency) are causing real trouble. This could be split into two sentences, or maybe you could condense "size of an elephant" into an adjective? Not sure.

A few months later, Mr. Snugglymuffin escapes the agency’s clutches and reemerges as a 250-foot threat to Chicago. With everything to gain and nothing to lose but their tiny paychecks Haha, okay, I see the funding issue coming back here - but it still doesn't seem of quite enough consequence to include in the query., the agency, which has been kept a secret out of the government’s embarrassment for funding them another reference to this - and I'm not sure I even understand this. Why would the government be embarrassed to fund these guys? Or lack thereof?, comes up with a plan to recapture the gargantuan hamster, and it involves Suzy Ooh! Could you elaborate here? She's the protagonist, so the story will be following her, presumably. I want to know more of the conflict she's offered. Maybe "and it requires Suzy's full cooperation in a madhat scheme involving blue jello, nine reindeer, and the pop artist Ke$ha." Only, you know, with relevance. Just something to give us an idea of what she's going up against or doing in general.. She agrees to help them, because their idea to contain him is much better than the government’s Plan B, which is to execute him. When she arrives in Chicago, she has ten minutes to save Mr. Snugglymuffin and the Second City before the National Guard starts firing. To me, this comes across again as specific. Cliche though it may be, the phrase "time is running out" has an appeal to it. It has a perfect amount of vagueness but also implies urgency. Something like "When Suzy arrives in Chicago and sees the havoc Mr. Snugglymuffin is causing, she knows she has to save both her gargantuan pet and the Second City. And time is running out." I've seen a lot of so-called 'closing hooks' on this site, and on several queries that worked - it's something to consider.

MR. SNUGGLYMUFFIN’S RAMPAGE is a 44,000-word MG novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


I love your premise! It makes me want to read it terribly - and the fact that his name is Snugglymuffin just makes everything so much better. :)

Best of luck!

author of SEVEN WAYS WE LIE and NOTEWORTHY

rep: Caryn Wiseman, Andrea Brown Literary Agency

 

i tweet!


#18 Carson Spencer

Carson Spencer

    Carson, son of Scott and heir to the Kingdom of Spencer

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 59 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS South
  • Publishing Experience:None

Posted 09 December 2010 - 12:39 AM

I am glad you kept your hook like it is.

Now for critique:

With everything to gain and nothing to lose but their tiny paychecks, the agency, which has been kept a secret out of the government’s embarrassment for funding them, comes up with a plan to recapture the gargantuan hamster, and it involves Suzy. This is a little vague. How does it involve Suzy? Is she bait? If you aren't going to give it a little more depth then I would just cut it out and start the next sentance with "Suzy" instead of "she".

Also if you are going to mention that the agency is an embarrassment then you might want to mention what they do.

However, once he’s the size of an elephant the real trouble begins when a low-budget government agency, looking for alien life, captures Suzy’s beloved pet.

as always just my opinion.

Having grown up it Chicago I wish that had happened to my hampster Chewy. Instead I lost him and was tramaticly scared for the rest of my life. But after many years of therapy and reading self help books I have learned to deal with the loss. :wink:

#19 Derrick

Derrick

    Giver of Rocky-themed Pep Talks

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 536 posts
  • Literary Status:unagented
  • LocationUS Midwest

Posted 11 December 2010 - 11:33 PM

Thank you, Cat, Anticipa, and Carson. Three AQers can't be wrong. I had a question related to all three of your comments (open to anyone). The reason why I included the lack of funding for the agency is that I wanted to illustrate the stakes for the agency. Otherwise, I feel the question would be "What does the agency get out of keeping Mr. Snugglymuffin alive?" So my question is: do you feel that you need to know the stakes for the agency?

If so, I can delete "low-budget" and instead of this:

"With everything to gain and nothing to lose but their tiny paychecks, the agency, which has been kept a secret out of the government’s embarrassment for funding them, comes up with a plan to recapture the gargantuan hamster"

I could write something more simple like this:

"Desperate for more funding, the agency comes up with a plan to recapture the gargantuan hamster"

Oh, and Carson, my hamster's name was Nicodemus. He died on Christmas Eve.

#20 Carson Spencer

Carson Spencer

    Carson, son of Scott and heir to the Kingdom of Spencer

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 59 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS South
  • Publishing Experience:None

Posted 12 December 2010 - 01:13 AM

I will say maybe. Remember your Query usually follows the MC and her challenges. Changing focus is what got me in trouble on my last query. It's not a bad idea to mention that the government is about to pull the plug on the agency but the main issue is what at is stake for Suzy and Mr. Snugglymuffin. To you and your readers the fact that the agency is underfunded is crutial to the story, however, you have to ask yourself if you cut it out of the query is it going to effect the agents desire to read your manuscript. There are some great articles on the website that show how an agent looks at a query letter. You have to get inside ze mind of ze agent (include thick German accent). Whatever you desided make sure you SHOW what is at stake.

good luck.

P.S. I love the name Nicodemus. The Rats of Nimh is one of my favorite movies.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users