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Freaks and the Revolution (YA dystopian)


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#1 Shaunta

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Posted 30 November 2010 - 12:28 PM

Dear (agent),

Sixteen years after her father killed her mother in a desperate act of mercy, Clover Donovan is offered a prestigious spot at the Time Mariner Reno Academy. It comes as no surprise to her or her older brother West that she as accepted. Clover has autism and functions with the help of a service bulldog named Mango. She's also brilliant, talented, and has an eidetic memory. But when Clover is redirected to a position in the Time Mariner training program, where she will time travel in a steam-powered submarine through a portal under Lake Tahoe, it sets off a series of events that challenges everything they thought they knew about their world.

Freaks and the Revolution is a completed 73,000-word Young Adult novel set in a post-energy-crisis near future. Society has put all its eggs in the basket of a company that developed not only a way of stopping antisocial behavior before it happens, but a suppressant drug that is supposed to hold a deadly virus at bay. A group of kids and one mad scientist learn that not everything is as it seems, and accidentally start a revolution. Freaks and the Revolution will appeal to fans of Octavia Butler and Orson Scott Card.

I have had novellas published by Pink Petal Books and Liquid Silver Books. I have a background in journalism, having worked on staff at both major Las Vegas newspapers. I am a third-year student studying for a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Creative Writing at Goddard College.

I would love to send you part or all of this manuscript. This is a multiple submission. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Shaunta Grimes

#2 layinda

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Posted 30 November 2010 - 12:38 PM

If it were me, I might start the third paragraph off with the journalism background and follow that with the book credits, but other than that, I'd send a few to see how it flies.

#3 Shaunta

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Posted 01 December 2010 - 11:38 AM

If it were me, I might start the third paragraph off with the journalism background and follow that with the book credits, but other than that, I'd send a few to see how it flies.


Thank you!

#4 Guinevere

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Posted 01 December 2010 - 01:59 PM

A group of kids and one mad scientist learn that not everything is as it seems, and accidentally start a revolution.

Overall I like your query. You don't really have a conventional hook, which I would have liked, but it's set out in a way that is clear and interesting, so I think it works. But the line quoted above just seems very vague and typical of the genre. Without going into great depth, it would be nice to see how this dystopia is not what it seems - what's the dark secret? I think that being a little more specific would strengthen your query.

Overall, though, I think this is very good.

I don't generally see people state that their query is a multiple submission - isn't that assumed when submitting to agents? I'd consider cutting that line, but wiser AQ'ers than me might be able to offer more insight on that one.

#5 Tatiana Vila

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Posted 01 December 2010 - 04:18 PM

The query is great. Nice work!
But I agree with Guinevere on this. I don't think it's wise to put that what you're sending is a multiple submission. Cut that part out and it's perfect.

By the way, I really liked you second paragraph :)

#6 Shaunta

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Posted 07 December 2010 - 03:14 PM

Thank you guys! I put in the line about multiple submissions because so many agents say they want to know. I go back and forth on it. I sometimes take it out, and just leave it in if the agent says in guidelines they want to know.




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