I've recently finished a Crime/Thriller script titled Vindication Waltz.. Within the past week I've realized a simple fact - Query Letter's are my arch nemesis.... I'll explain a bit about my story for all you other thriller enthusiasts... Hopefully you might have a few suggestions for structuring a query...
Vindication Waltz - Is a story about three brothers who track down and kill the most psychotic/depraved murderers of society. Samson the eldest is an entity within the government, known only as a Vindicator, his mandate is to eliminate corruption within the system. He is not affiliated with the CIA or The FBI or any other known gov. Agency, hence why he is his own entity within the system. Val is a wannabe rock star and a failure at that, unemployed and easily the most eager of the three brothers to hunt down the baddies. Julian works at a children's home and is the pessimist of the bunch, but still follows suit when they have a target in mind.
Their current target is Dr. Carney, a misogynistic serial killer suffering from erectile dysfunction. His only method of relieving symptoms of sexual repression, is to lure unsuspecting women into his home and forcing them to star in his homemade snuff films. While he beats, strangles and cannibalizes them. Everything was falling into place for him, until his latest victim. An escort named Claire brings her young daughter Catherine along and leaves her out in her car, unaware of what Dr. Carney is going to do. A crash of thunder wakes Catherine from a nap in her mothers car. Afraid and alone, Catherine knocks on the door of Dr. Carney's home. She is greeted by a friendly old butler who works for the doctor. He invites her in after discovering that young Catherine is the daughter of his bosses current victim. The friendly old Butler offers the young girl some milk and cookies which she accepts. As young Catherine eats and drinks she begins to fall asleep, then BOOM she is out like a light. The next thing Catherine knows she awakens in the trunk of a moving car along with her mothers corpse. Then the car stops and the trunk opens, two nasty looking men are staring down at her. Before she knows it, Catherine is in a disgusting basement and witnessing the dismemberment of her mothers corpse. Suddenly a miracle happens, the two criminals dismembering her mother are arrested by local police for minor offences. Giving young Catherine the chance to escape. She is soon picked up by authorities and admitted to a hospital as a trauma victim. Local news have picked up on her story and tried to get some coverage on the story. Val sees the news coverage on Catherine and soon enough all three brothers are hot on Dr. Carney's trail.
Any suggestions that you guys might have for a hook and synopsis, would be very much appreciated..