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Pitch Madness with Brenda Drake 8/24


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#1 tabs

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Posted 17 August 2013 - 07:52 AM

I didn't see this posted anywhere so thought I'd toss it up. 

http://brenleedrake....-you-ready.html

 

35-word pitch and first 250 words of your MS are all that's needed to enter.  Submissions are open for one full day.  All subs rec'd make it into the first round, and then they're trimmed down from there.  Top 60 make it into Pitch Madness.  But look around her site--there are several mini-contests that can get you past those first 2 slush pile rounds.

 

 

If anyone wants to try their pitches out here to get some feedback, I think that'd be great.  I'll even toss mine out first:
 

 

 

How NOT to take a road trip: buy an old hippie van, pick up a mysterious hitchhiker, witness a murder, steal from the mafia, cross a biker gang, and pray no one kills you.

 


 



#2 Aightball

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Posted 17 August 2013 - 08:16 AM

Here's my pitch:

 

One minute Jimmy Rickliefs’ was a drummer in a huge rock band, the next he was knockin’ on death’s door. Jimmy figured he’d go out with a bang. That bang just turned into a whimper.


Most girls are made of
sugar and spice and everything nice; they
screwed up the recipe for me: I'm made of
bat wings and broken things.

Query: http://agentquerycon...3-love-and-war/

Blog: http://aightball.wordpress.com

Synopsis:

Twitter Hook(s):

Short Story "Anguish", in Winter's Regret: http://www.amazon.co...winter's regret

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#3 tabs

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Posted 17 August 2013 - 10:59 AM

aight:  isnt that the same pitch you used for the last contest with brenda drake?  i cant remember if it got any bites, but if not have you thought about revising it?  i think the first line works, but the next two could be punched up IMO.



#4 Aightball

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Posted 17 August 2013 - 05:33 PM

tabs: yes this is the same one =). It got one bite which was one more than I expected. I have thought about changing things up a bit...let me play with it and see what I can come up with!



 

I didn't see this posted anywhere so thought I'd toss it up. 

http://brenleedrake....-you-ready.html

 

35-word pitch and first 250 words of your MS are all that's needed to enter.  Submissions are open for one full day.  All subs rec'd make it into the first round, and then they're trimmed down from there.  Top 60 make it into Pitch Madness.  But look around her site--there are several mini-contests that can get you past those first 2 slush pile rounds.

 

 

If anyone wants to try their pitches out here to get some feedback, I think that'd be great.  I'll even toss mine out first:
 

 

 

How NOT to take a road trip: buy an old hippie van, pick up a mysterious hitchhiker, witness a murder, steal from the mafia, cross a biker gang, and pray no one kills you.

 


 

 

I LOVE your pitch! It tells me about the story and what to expect and it does it in a strong, fun voice. Well done!


Most girls are made of
sugar and spice and everything nice; they
screwed up the recipe for me: I'm made of
bat wings and broken things.

Query: http://agentquerycon...3-love-and-war/

Blog: http://aightball.wordpress.com

Synopsis:

Twitter Hook(s):

Short Story "Anguish", in Winter's Regret: http://www.amazon.co...winter's regret

aertja.jpg


#5 Aightball

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Posted 20 August 2013 - 10:36 AM

Here's a re-do:

 

A chance encounter with the town drunk at a green light nearly kills Jimmy. But when he wakes up with no guarantees that he’ll walk again, he finds his career as a drummer slipping away.

 

 

And if you want to get feedback on your pitch, check out this blog: http://beccaweston.w...or-pitchmadness


Most girls are made of
sugar and spice and everything nice; they
screwed up the recipe for me: I'm made of
bat wings and broken things.

Query: http://agentquerycon...3-love-and-war/

Blog: http://aightball.wordpress.com

Synopsis:

Twitter Hook(s):

Short Story "Anguish", in Winter's Regret: http://www.amazon.co...winter's regret

aertja.jpg


#6 tabs

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Posted 20 August 2013 - 01:12 PM

Here's a small tweak.  Just a suggestion....

A chance encounter with the town drunk at a green light nearly kills drummer Jimmy Rickliefs. But when he wakes up with no guarantees that he’ll walk again, he finds his rockstar life slipping away.

 

i think your new version gives a little more story which might be beneficial.



#7 Aightball

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Posted 20 August 2013 - 01:27 PM

Here's a small tweak.  Just a suggestion....

A chance encounter with the town drunk at a green light nearly kills drummer Jimmy Rickliefs. But when he wakes up with no guarantees that he’ll walk again, he finds his rockstar life slipping away.

 

i think your new version gives a little more story which might be beneficial.

 

Good suggestion...someone also questioned why his possible inability to walk mattered...do you think it's obvious here why it matters whether he can walk or not? Or do I need to bring that out?

 

Anyone else looking for pitch help?


Most girls are made of
sugar and spice and everything nice; they
screwed up the recipe for me: I'm made of
bat wings and broken things.

Query: http://agentquerycon...3-love-and-war/

Blog: http://aightball.wordpress.com

Synopsis:

Twitter Hook(s):

Short Story "Anguish", in Winter's Regret: http://www.amazon.co...winter's regret

aertja.jpg


#8 tabs

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Posted 20 August 2013 - 05:25 PM

A chance encounter with the town drunk at a green light nearly kills Jimmy Rickliefs. When he wakes, up doctors can’t guarantee he’ll walk again. Without his legs, his career as a drummer is over.

 

 

since im assuming the focus of the book will be his recovery, or life thereafter, i think that should suffice.  the person who didnt understand that drummers need feet to pedal their drums, not to mention all the other baggage that comes with not having legs, is a middle aged woman with pigtails.  no offense to her, but i dont think she would be a fair representative of a possible reader of your book.  that being said, i think the last pitch you made on there is probably what you should go with, but i liked the earlier versions when you didnt have to spell out his problem so obviously.



#9 Aightball

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Posted 20 August 2013 - 05:28 PM

A chance encounter with the town drunk at a green light nearly kills Jimmy Rickliefs. When he wakes, up doctors can’t guarantee he’ll walk again. Without his legs, his career as a drummer is over.

 

 

since im assuming the focus of the book will be his recovery, or life thereafter, i think that should suffice.  the person who didnt understand that drummers need feet to pedal their drums, not to mention all the other baggage that comes with not having legs, is a middle aged woman with pigtails.  no offense to her, but i dont think she would be a fair representative of a possible reader of your book.  that being said, i think the last pitch you made on there is probably what you should go with, but i liked the earlier versions when you didnt have to spell out his problem so obviously.

 

I didn't see the pigtails...but you're right about that. I like the version before it and got it critiqued by another blog with a few suggestions. But it seems the legs thing came across just fine on the other blog. I might alternate a couple different versions of it on pitch day just to see what I can get with it. But I thought the pedals thing was kind of obvious...


Most girls are made of
sugar and spice and everything nice; they
screwed up the recipe for me: I'm made of
bat wings and broken things.

Query: http://agentquerycon...3-love-and-war/

Blog: http://aightball.wordpress.com

Synopsis:

Twitter Hook(s):

Short Story "Anguish", in Winter's Regret: http://www.amazon.co...winter's regret

aertja.jpg


#10 Aightball

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Posted 20 August 2013 - 06:26 PM

Here's another website helping with pitches:

 

http://www.heatherwe...-to-the-rescue/

 

Based on her suggestions, I tweaked my pitch just a bit:

 

A chance encounter with a drunk at a green light nearly kills Jimmy Rickliefs. When he wakes up doctors can’t guarantee he’ll walk again. Jimmy has to learn to walk or kiss his dreams goodbye.


Most girls are made of
sugar and spice and everything nice; they
screwed up the recipe for me: I'm made of
bat wings and broken things.

Query: http://agentquerycon...3-love-and-war/

Blog: http://aightball.wordpress.com

Synopsis:

Twitter Hook(s):

Short Story "Anguish", in Winter's Regret: http://www.amazon.co...winter's regret

aertja.jpg


#11 Katie Bailey

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Posted 20 August 2013 - 10:12 PM

I'm in again!  I got bites the last time I pitched, so I'm not sure if I'll stick with "Constance is bitter, snakry, violent, and brash, but, up against vengeful spirits and deadly conspiracies, she's the best this amateur ghost hunting team has got....This would be an excellent time to panic," or try something new like, "The Suppressors are underfunded, ill prepared, and out of their league.  These ghost hunting jackasses are bound to kill each other if the bloodthirsty spirits and paranormal conspiracies don’t get them first."


It's official:  I run on coffee and sarcasm.


#12 Aightball

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Posted 20 August 2013 - 10:19 PM

I'm in again!  I got bites the last time I pitched, so I'm not sure if I'll stick with "Constance is bitter, snakry, violent, and brash, but, up against vengeful spirits and deadly conspiracies, she's the best this amateur ghost hunting team has got....This would be an excellent time to panic," or try something new like, "The Suppressors are underfunded, ill prepared, and out of their league.  These ghost hunting jackasses are bound to kill each other if the bloodthirsty spirits and paranormal conspiracies don’t get them first."

 

I like them both =). You could always alternate them through the day of the pitches. Personally, I think the first one is the strongest, so I'd go with that for Saturday.


Most girls are made of
sugar and spice and everything nice; they
screwed up the recipe for me: I'm made of
bat wings and broken things.

Query: http://agentquerycon...3-love-and-war/

Blog: http://aightball.wordpress.com

Synopsis:

Twitter Hook(s):

Short Story "Anguish", in Winter's Regret: http://www.amazon.co...winter's regret

aertja.jpg


#13 Katie Bailey

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Posted 20 August 2013 - 10:28 PM

Thanks for your thoughts!  I'm still leaning to the first, too, to be honest.

 

Here's another website helping with pitches:

 

http://www.heatherwe...-to-the-rescue/

 

Based on her suggestions, I tweaked my pitch just a bit:

 

A chance encounter with a drunk at a green light nearly kills Jimmy Rickliefs. When he wakes up doctors can’t guarantee he’ll walk again. Jimmy has to learn to walk or kiss his dreams goodbye.

It sounds fine,  but I can see someone getting nit-picky about having "walk" in such close proximity of itself in the pitch.  Would you consider ending it somewhere along the lines of, "A chance encounter with a drunk at a green light nearly kills Jimmy Rickliefs. When doctors say he may never walk again, he has two options:  learn to keep moving or let life tumble apart,"?


It's official:  I run on coffee and sarcasm.


#14 Katie Bailey

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Posted 20 August 2013 - 10:30 PM

 

I didn't see this posted anywhere so thought I'd toss it up. 

http://brenleedrake....-you-ready.html

 

35-word pitch and first 250 words of your MS are all that's needed to enter.  Submissions are open for one full day.  All subs rec'd make it into the first round, and then they're trimmed down from there.  Top 60 make it into Pitch Madness.  But look around her site--there are several mini-contests that can get you past those first 2 slush pile rounds.

 

 

If anyone wants to try their pitches out here to get some feedback, I think that'd be great.  I'll even toss mine out first:
 

 

 

How NOT to take a road trip: buy an old hippie van, pick up a mysterious hitchhiker, witness a murder, steal from the mafia, cross a biker gang, and pray no one kills you.

 


 

Tabs?

...YES.  So much yes.


It's official:  I run on coffee and sarcasm.


#15 Aightball

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Posted 20 August 2013 - 10:45 PM

Thanks for your thoughts!  I'm still leaning to the first, too, to be honest.

 

It sounds fine,  but I can see someone getting nit-picky about having "walk" in such close proximity of itself in the pitch.  Would you consider ending it somewhere along the lines of, "A chance encounter with a drunk at a green light nearly kills Jimmy Rickliefs. When doctors say he may never walk again, he has two options:  learn to keep moving or let life tumble apart,"?

 

I would consider changing that part! I hadn't considered walk being so close to itself =). I will play with it and see what I can come up with!


Most girls are made of
sugar and spice and everything nice; they
screwed up the recipe for me: I'm made of
bat wings and broken things.

Query: http://agentquerycon...3-love-and-war/

Blog: http://aightball.wordpress.com

Synopsis:

Twitter Hook(s):

Short Story "Anguish", in Winter's Regret: http://www.amazon.co...winter's regret

aertja.jpg


#16 Katie Bailey

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Posted 20 August 2013 - 10:56 PM

I would consider changing that part! I hadn't considered walk being so close to itself =). I will play with it and see what I can come up with!

Like I said, not a big thing at all, but something some people may be persnickety about, I've found.


It's official:  I run on coffee and sarcasm.


#17 LucidDreamer

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Posted 21 August 2013 - 07:56 AM

Good luck, everyone. As someone who benefited GREATLY from a previous PitMad, I am cheering you on!



#18 tabs

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Posted 21 August 2013 - 08:57 AM

aight:  cant say i like the newest version.  theres nothing about rock n roll or drumming in it and it loses its flavor for me. 

 

katie:  i liked the one with 'jackasses' best, but also liked the panic part.  here's a suggestion:

 

 

These ghost hunters are jackasses:  underfunded, ill prepared, out of their league.  And worse, they're bound to kill each other--if the bloodthirsty spirits don’t get them first.  Now's a perfect time to panic.

LD:  did you get an agent from it?  when and who, if you dont mind me asking.  and could you post your pitch for us to see (if you still have it)



#19 LucidDreamer

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Posted 21 August 2013 - 09:13 AM

tabs -- Yes, back at the beginning of this year I got 2 publishers' requests for fulls as well as agent interest from a PitMad. My agent (Jennifer Mishler at The Literary Counsel) asked for a partial, which then turned into a full (and rep.) Both publishers eventually offered -- we actually went with one of them (Month9Books).

 

I got some of the interest in the pitch & 250 word part and some in the Twitter portion.

 

The 35 word (or under) pitch:

 

Seventeen-year-old Thyra Winther's determined to reign forever as the Snow Queen but her time's melting away. She must reassemble a wizard's shattered mirror by her eighteenth birthday or become a mindless, bodiless, wraith.

 

 

The pitches I used in the Twitter portion:

 

YA. As the Snow Queen she's immortal. As a seventeen-year-old human, Thyra Winther has less than a year to live.

 

 

As the Snow Queen, Thyra's immortal, but if she can't reassemble a shattered enchanted mirror she'll spend eternity as a wraith. YA



#20 Aightball

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Posted 21 August 2013 - 11:42 AM

LD: write mine? *laughs* those were great pitches! I wish there were a magic formula for writing pitches. I know there's a formula, but it's not magic =).

 

Tabs: I think you're right. After looking at Katie's suggestion, how's this for a tweak:

 

A drunk driver nearly kills rock star Jimmy Rickliefs. When doctors say he might not walk again, Jimmy has two options: get moving or give up his drums for good.

 

OR

 

A drunk driver nearly kills rock star Jimmy Rickliefs. When doctors say he may never walk again, Jimmy has two options: get moving or give up his drums for good.


Most girls are made of
sugar and spice and everything nice; they
screwed up the recipe for me: I'm made of
bat wings and broken things.

Query: http://agentquerycon...3-love-and-war/

Blog: http://aightball.wordpress.com

Synopsis:

Twitter Hook(s):

Short Story "Anguish", in Winter's Regret: http://www.amazon.co...winter's regret

aertja.jpg





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