Jump to content

Disclaimer



Photo

Losing a sibling/family member?


  • Please log in to reply
9 replies to this topic

#1 BryanMiranda

BryanMiranda

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 17 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, self-published
  • LocationUS Southeast
  • Publishing Experience:I have self-published a Young Adult Action/Adventure novel called The Journey to Atlantis via Amazon's Kindle Direct Publishing platform.

Posted 27 October 2013 - 06:56 PM

I know it's a touchy subject. I have a character that lost her brother in an accident, and the book is set two years afterwards and she's still coping. I'm wondering if that's too much time, and thought about making bringing it down to just one year afterwards. I've never had a close family member die so I can't really imagine how long it would take.

 

Any information is appreciated. Thanks in advance.



#2 Andrew Nelson

Andrew Nelson

    Veteran Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 558 posts
  • Literary Status:self-published, unagented
  • LocationUS Midwest
  • Publishing Experience:Perfect Pawn (10/2013)
    Queen's Gambit (03/2014)

Posted 27 October 2013 - 07:31 PM

Bryan

 

Good question, but completely subjective. I don't think you can set a time because everyone is different. Two years is the blink of an eye for some folks. I don't think it is an unreasonable amount of time for siblings at all. 


Blog: http://andrewgnelson.blogspot.com/

 

Twitter: @Andrew_G_Nelson

 

Facebook: https://www.facebook...drewGNelson2001

 

Goodreads: https://www.goodread...Andrew_G_Nelson

 

Perfect Pawn and Queen's Gambit are now available through Amazon, Barnes & Noble and KOBO.

 

PP_Cover_Small%2528thumb%2529.jpg

 

#3 Charlee Vale

Charlee Vale

    I love tea.

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 284 posts
  • Literary Status:industry insider, media
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:My short story 'A Gift of Roses' appears in Elephant Bookshelf Press' new anthology Winter's Regret. (Mar. 2014)

Posted 27 October 2013 - 07:53 PM

Uh, no, that's not unreasonable in the slightest. 

 

Andrew is right, grief is subjective, but two years is fine. Especially if your character isn't dealing with it.

 

CV


"My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears. And true plain hearts do in the faces rest. Where can we find two better hemispheres? Without sharpe North, without declining west. Whatever dies was not mix'd equally. If our two loves be one and thou and I love so alike, that none can slacken, none can die." --John Donne

#4 Yvette

Yvette

    Chocoholic-in-Residence

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 362 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, unagented
  • LocationCanada

Posted 27 October 2013 - 09:04 PM

If your character hasn't come to grips, had a chance to grieve properly, hasn't been given space to do so...gosh, there are SO many variables...two years is *nothing*. I was just reflecting that next month is four years since a dear friend passed away suddenly. *That* seems like the blink of an eye.


“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” --Winston Churchill

 

 


#5 AliceJ

AliceJ

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts
  • Literary Status:agented
  • LocationUS Southeast
  • Publishing Experience:Five novels with a traditional publisher and one non-fiction book with a traditional publisher. Independently published three books and one e-book.

Posted 29 October 2013 - 02:36 PM

As a mom who lost her four-year-old son to cancer treatments, I see more and more that many do not understand grief and loss at all.  My daughter was six when her brother died, and to this day misses him, as we all do.  I do a lot of work with bereaved parents and siblings and two years is no time at all.  Key things to note are the relationship your character had with his deceased sibling.  A loss is a loss is loss is not true.  I know some who lose parents and are not as affected---over time----as other losses they experience. 



#6 Lanette Kauten

Lanette Kauten

    Veteran Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,408 posts
  • Literary Status:published
  • LocationUS Southwest
  • Publishing Experience:HOUSE OF THISTLES published November 2013. WITHOUT BORDERS to be published in serialization in the fall of 2015 by Cliffhanger Press. CASSIA, a literary novel set in an arts district, will be published by Evolved Publishing in March 2016.

Posted 29 October 2013 - 03:20 PM

A year into my first marriage, my brother-in-law committed suicide. My (then) husband and I were still deeply grieving a year later. By the second year, we were finally coping. Naturally, it took him longer to cope, and in some ways he never completely got over it. As an aside, and this may not have anything to do with your story but could be used to add depth, our son was born nine years later, and he looked very much like his deceased uncle. Because of the strong resemblance, his father became resentful of him.



#7 Observant

Observant

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 6 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Midwest

Posted 29 October 2013 - 06:11 PM

It feels like you are watching a movie of your life. There are times when my chest gets very tight and breathing becomes physically strenuous. I feel like I'm floating sometimes and the denial will settle in for a time. Especially if the remains didn't look like your loved one. There's a big denial. Many, myself included find themselves looking for their deceased relative in the faces of others passing by. It comes in waves that they are actually gone. You may even go "backwards " to address your concern of two years being too long.Absolutely not too long at all. Your heart does physically ache and depending on how close your main character was to their sibling,, they could very well experience an identity crisis.

#8 mwsinclair

mwsinclair

    Elephant with a trunk full of novels

  • Group Moderator
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,911 posts
  • Literary Status:published, unagented, media
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:Journalist covering U.S. nonprofits, foundations, and life in general. President and Chief Elephant Officer of Elephant's Bookshelf Press, LLC. Since establishing the company in 2012, we have published more than a dozen books, including several short story anthologies and debut novels by several AQC authors including "ScubaSteve" Carman and R.S. Mellette. Midway through 2018, we've already published our first nonfiction title, "Which the Days Never Know," and are putting together an omnibus collection of the Seasons Series of anthologies, with launch expected by the Christmas season. And in 2019, there will be much more, with news to come soon!

Posted 30 October 2013 - 04:39 PM

For what it's worth, when my girls were born almost five years ago, my aunt stayed with us for several days to help out, and I gained much better insight to the effect of her mother's death when she was very young. It affected her older sister (my mother) deeply as she became my aunt's primary female caregiver and the family rarely ever spoke about the missing parent. Decades after her father's death, she still resented that he had rarely spoken of his late wife. This stuff can last a lifetime.



#9 BryanMiranda

BryanMiranda

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 17 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, self-published
  • LocationUS Southeast
  • Publishing Experience:I have self-published a Young Adult Action/Adventure novel called The Journey to Atlantis via Amazon's Kindle Direct Publishing platform.

Posted 08 November 2013 - 12:43 PM

Thank you very much, everybody. I'm confident now that my approach was well done, if maybe just a little bit lacking in explaining how close they were.



#10 Jean Oram

Jean Oram

    Your friendly, neighborhood, all-purpose moderator

  • Super Moderator
  • 9,302 posts
  • Literary Status:published, self-published, in-between agents
  • LocationCanada
  • Publishing Experience:New York Times bestselling romance author. Independent author with traditional publishing experience. Everything from magazines to newspapers to short stories to novels.
  • City (optional):C-eh?-N-eh?-D-eh?

Posted 21 November 2013 - 03:02 PM

Your character might also experience mood swings, sleep issues, anger flashes, impatience, crying, lethargy, hopelessness, disinterest in things they love, weight loss, inability to remember or focus on things, etc., when in the midst of heavy grief. They may have days and weeks where they are fine and then suddenly dip into a depression of sorts where they upset easily.

 

It's a pervasive sadness you can't run from.


I love connecting with and helping other AQCers outside this forum as well. You can find me all over the place!

If you are looking for more about writing, you may find my blog helpful, as well as my Twitter feed:

*The Helpful Writer *Twitter

If you are a parent, you might be interested in my ideas on growing happy, healthy kids who'll thrive in this ever changing world (includes crafts, activities, games, articles, and fun!):
*Twitter *Blog *Pinterest *Facebook

 

I write stuff (www.jeanoram.com)

 





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users