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Winter's Queen (YA fantasy) - hook help


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#41 dkorngold

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Posted 04 December 2015 - 02:11 AM

Hey Ireth the problem I see here is that there is not enough background to set the stakes properly. Every hook you wrote, and some where awesome lines and a lot of them are hilarious and very entertaining, but they seem to either hook with the surprise that she doesn't want to marry a prince because he happens to be a fae or that she doesn't want to get married and he happens to be fae. And yeah we get it that if she defies him he'll get pissed and hurt her but all we know from that is that the girl is in trouble, not that we want to read about why. In order to relate to her I would want to know how she got into this position in the first place

How about something like

 

When a Fae Prince meets Ariel he becomes obsessed with her and if she doesn't find a way to break his spell she will be lost forever.

 

I know you could do better but this gives a little more background on what she's doing there and why she needs to get away from him



#42 ViviMont

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Posted 28 February 2016 - 05:54 PM

16-y/o Ariel's getting the fairytale wedding she never wanted, complete with Prince Charmless--it's escape or lose her humanity. #YAFantasy #PitMad

 

This is definitely my fave. Just added some extra seasoned stakes at the end. I checked it with twitter and it fits.


I hope I've been helpful in some way. If you have the chance, I'm currently looking for all the help I can get on my first 250 of Elementalist. Thanks so much and may the words be with you!
 
Look for me on twitter. :) @@AuthorVV_Mont
 
 
Beyond The North Star: First 250
Beyond The North Star: First 250 of 2nd Ch. (Different POV)

[topic='Beyond the North Star Query']http://agentquerycon...ar-revision-15/[/topic]

 


#43 Ireth

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Posted 06 September 2017 - 01:45 PM

*blows dust off thread* Here's my latest try at a Twitter pitch for PitMad:

 

16 y/o Ariel, kidnapped to wed a regicidal Fae prince, must escape his realm to save herself and the king—or die trying. #YA #F #PitMad


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#44 kathleenq

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Posted 13 September 2017 - 11:04 PM

*blows dust off thread* Here's my latest try at a Twitter pitch for PitMad:

 

16 y/o Ariel, kidnapped to wed a regicidal Fae prince, must escape his realm to save herself and the king—or die trying. #YA #F #PitMad

I don't think you need to mention the king in this, saving herself is stakes enough for something so short. I also agree with ViviMont that mentioning her age in this isn't absolutely necessary.


Synopsis: Glass Domes





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