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Tenth Realm hook (Epic Fantasy)


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#1 Ireth

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 11:10 AM

Here's what I've come up with so far:

 

When Cadell allies his people with their foes against a threat to the world they cohabit, he sparks a revolution. #EpicFantasy

 

For anyone interested in reading the query, check out my signature for the link. :)


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#2 KL Sanchez

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 04:16 PM

Hmmm, a little heavy with the explanations... I might flip it backwards and punctuate it a bit to make it read smoother.  "Cadell starts a revolution when ... forms an alliance with the enemy against a common foe..."

 

Something like that, maybe.


~ It may look like I know what I'm doing, but by no means do I know what the hell I'm talking about. ~

 

~ The only Operations Director Furry Fiesta has ever known (since 2014) ~

~ ACFI Ops, Theme & Narrative Development, and Performance lead since 2017 ~

 

WIP Stories:

Michelle (WIP - Chapter 10 as of June 2017)


#3 Ireth

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 04:21 PM

Hmmm, a little heavy with the explanations... I might flip it backwards and punctuate it a bit to make it read smoother.  "Cadell starts a revolution when ... forms an alliance with the enemy against a common foe..."

 

Something like that, maybe.

 

I'll keep tinkering with it to see what works. Thanks!


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#4 paladinpeter

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 06:17 PM

Maybe something along the lines of...

 

Negotiating a truce with the Fae was suppose to bring peace, not start a revolution.



#5 Ireth

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 06:20 PM

Maybe something along the lines of...

 

Negotiating a truce with the Fae was suppose to bring peace, not start a revolution.

 

That could work with some tweaking. Cadell IS one of the Fae, so I'd have to change it to "a truce with humans". All in all, I like it. :) Thanks!


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#6 paladinpeter

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 06:29 PM

That's even better as showing that your MC is not human in the first line, immediately establishes the fantasy theme.



#7 continuum9

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Posted 17 April 2014 - 10:36 PM

That could work with some tweaking. Cadell IS one of the Fae, so I'd have to change it to "a truce with humans". All in all, I like it. :) Thanks!

 

I like that too. It immediately makes me wonder what other race is at war with the humans and makes me want to know more.



#8 Ireth

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Posted 27 April 2014 - 11:09 AM

Okay, here we go again:

 

Cadell's truce with the humans was meant to bring peace, not start a revolution.


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#9 maybo

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Posted 03 May 2014 - 10:59 AM

Better!



#10 TheAuthorPhoenix

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Posted 03 May 2014 - 10:26 PM

I like it. :) Immediately sets up that the main character isn't human, which immediately makes me more interested, and then the fact that getting a truce with us sets off a revolution? Now I have to read more!


My Query: The Demon Within (YA Urban Fantasy)
http://agentquerycon...-urban-fantasy/
 


#11 KL Sanchez

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Posted 04 May 2014 - 04:14 PM

+1

 

Without looking at your latest query version of synopsis, that looks like your best one yet for this work. :smile:


~ It may look like I know what I'm doing, but by no means do I know what the hell I'm talking about. ~

 

~ The only Operations Director Furry Fiesta has ever known (since 2014) ~

~ ACFI Ops, Theme & Narrative Development, and Performance lead since 2017 ~

 

WIP Stories:

Michelle (WIP - Chapter 10 as of June 2017)


#12 buford4

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Posted 23 May 2014 - 11:01 AM

Good latest revision. I feel it might be beneficial to briefly mention the setting for this story. For example: Cadell's truce with the humans (of _______) was meant to bring peace, not start a revolution.



#13 Dottie D.

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Posted 25 May 2014 - 12:51 PM

I think it's great the way it is. if you add any more, it becomes bogged down, not a quick glimpse to tickle the eyes.






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