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TENTH REALM (Epic Fantasy) synopsis


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#1 Ireth

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 08:35 PM

Revision #2 in post #13

 

A few notes on this -- it's from multiple POVs, so sticking solely with the MC, Cadell, is difficult if I want to get the full story across. I'm sure there's plenty of room for improvement, so any feedback you can give is appreciated. Thanks in advance!

 

(Also, the Þ symbol is called a thorn, and is pronounced like a hard "th".)

 

- - -

 

CADELL and his friend see a band of black-elves stumble through a rift into Faerie. The black-elves damage the trees, inciting the Fae's anger. When fighting ensues, the black-elves' iron weapons poison Cadell's friend. VIDAR, one of four light-elves who mistakenly followed the black-elves into Faerie, rides to the human settlement of Þorpstein for help. Vidar brings a human mage named EIRÍKR to heal Cadell's friend, but they arrive too late. Cadell kidnaps and tortures Eiríkr in grief-driven revenge. Eiríkr's family, Vidar, and the other light-elves rescue him.

 

When the conflict dies down, Cadell speaks with Vidar via a translator, and learns more about the light- and black-elves. Though the rift has shut on its own, the light-elves fear another may open. Seeing no other option to keep everyone safe, Cadell suggests an alliance between Fae and humans (and light-elves by proxy). To the surprise of all, QUEEN BRÍGH agrees, and negotiates a temporary truce.

 

THE LADY of the black-elves finds a rift leading from Svartálfheimr to Faerie. She seals it open to study it, and sends her half-brother JARL through to learn more. Jarl kidnaps Cadell as a gift for her on his return. When the Lady has Cadell tortured, he sees his cruelty toward Eiríkr mirrored in the black-elves, and resolves to change his ways. The Lady interrogates Cadell and presses him to join her, but he is unwavering in his loyalty to Queen Brígh. Cadell is bound and left for dead in an execution chamber.

 

Eiríkr leads a band of Fae, light-elves and humans through the rift to search for Cadell. They do not find him, and all evidence suggests that he is dead. They return to Faerie in defeat.

 

A black-elf named SIGNÝ finds Cadell and rescues him, then hides him in her home and heals his wounds. When he is well enough, Cadell escapes back to Faerie and brings Signý with him. He tells Queen Brígh of the Lady, and asks Eiríkr's forgiveness. Signý, unwilling to return to the Lady, decides to stay in Þorpstein, much to the dismay of many humans.

 

The Lady discovers Cadell missing, and Jarl goes out to recapture him. He becomes lost in Faerie and is captured by Fae, who hold him captive after he kills one of their own. Jarl is tried for murder and sentenced to die, but he escapes back to Svartálfheimr. Once there, he stands up to the Lady, but is killed when they fight. The Lady is injured, but victorious.

 

The Lady's fight against Jarl causes tremors throughout Svartálfheimr, which endanger the lives of many black-elves. One family decides to rebel against the Lady, and a small band of them escape to Faerie. Queen Brígh is suspicious, but Cadell welcomes their aid. They settle in Þorpstein along with Signý, giving what aid they can to the humans.

 

The allies prepare for war, enlisting the aid of many kiths of Fae for their unique abilities. The Lady musters an army of black-elves and attacks Þorpstein. The allies win, though the suffer heavy losses. Cadell petitions Queen Brígh to extend the truce into peacetime for the benefit of all. Queen Brígh is irritated, but says she will consider it.

 

The Lady grows impatient, and goes through the rift herself. She targets Fae, humans and elves indiscriminately, spreading fear and discord while staying hidden. Cadell continues to push for a permanent truce with the humans, which angers many Fae. One attacks Cadell, and Cadell kills him in self-defense. Queen Brígh exiles Cadell as punishment, and he takes up residence in Þorpstein.

 

The Lady makes one last assault against the mortals, and they finally corner her. Through the combined efforts of Cadell, Vidar, Eiríkr, Signý and others, she is killed. The rift between Faerie and Svartálfheimr closes without her power keeping it open, and the light-elves return to their home world.


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#2 Robin Breyer

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 08:59 PM

Sounds truly epic.

Website, Blog

 

Writing as Scott Seldon:
Website, Blog, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and iTunes

Writing as Robert Courtland:
Website, Blog, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and iTunes

 

 


#3 Ireth

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Posted 19 April 2014 - 09:11 PM

Thanks! Any specific comments about the plot, grammar, etc.?


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#4 humandancer

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Posted 20 April 2014 - 05:03 AM

CADELL (what is Cadell – is he human?) and his friend see a band of black-elves stumble through a (the rift is accidental right? Or not supposed to be there? I think maybe you could mention this here) rift into Faerie. The black-elves damage the trees (why do they damage the trees and why does it matter? Are they important / magical trees?), inciting the Fae's (like with Winter’s Queen, just explain that the Fae’s are who inhabit Faerie) anger. When fighting ensues, the black-elves' iron weapons poison Cadell's friend. VIDAR, one of four light-elves who mistakenly followed the black-elves into Faerie, rides to the human settlement of Þorpstein for help. Vidar brings a human mage named EIRÍKR to heal Cadell's friend, but they arrive too late. Cadell kidnaps and tortures Eiríkr in grief-driven revenge. Eiríkr's family, Vidar, and the other light-elves rescue him (something about this list doesn’t sound quite right. Maybe if you tagged it onto the last sentence and say something like ‘he tortures him but the mage is rescued by his family and the light-elves).

 

When the conflict dies down, Cadell speaks with Vidar via a translator, and learns more about the light- and black-elves. Though the rift has shut on its own, the light-elves fear another may open. Seeing no other option to keep everyone safe (what’s the issue? Why can’t the rift be open and why have Fae and humans been fighting each other up to now. Safe from what?), Cadell suggests an alliance between Fae and humans (and light-elves by proxy). To the surprise of all, QUEEN BRÍGH (of the Fae?) agrees, and negotiates a temporary truce.

 

THE LADY of the black-elves finds a rift leading from Svartálfheimr (a human settlement?) to Faerie. She seals it open to study it (not sure if ‘to seal something open’ might be one of those contradictory terms?), and sends her half-brother JARL through to learn more. Jarl kidnaps Cadell as a gift for her on his return. When the Lady has Cadell tortured, he sees his cruelty toward Eiríkr mirrored in the black-elves, and resolves to change his ways. The Lady interrogates Cadell and presses him to join her (in doing what?), but he is unwavering in his loyalty to Queen Brígh. Cadell is bound and left for dead in an execution chamber.

 

Eiríkr leads a band of Fae, light-elves and humans through the rift to search for Cadell. They do not find him, and all evidence suggests that he is dead. They return to Faerie in defeat.

 

A black-elf named SIGNÝ finds Cadell and rescues him, then hides him in her home and heals his wounds. When he is well enough, Cadell escapes back to Faerie and brings Signý with him. He tells Queen Brígh of the Lady, and asks Eiríkr's forgiveness. Signý, unwilling to return to the Lady, decides to stay in Þorpstein, much to the dismay of many humans.

 

The Lady discovers Cadell missing, and Jarl goes out to recapture him. He becomes lost in Faerie and is captured by Fae, who hold him captive after he kills one of (them) their own. Jarl is tried for murder and sentenced to (death) die, but he escapes back to Svartálfheimr. Once there, he stands up to the Lady, but is killed when they fight. The Lady is injured, but victorious.

 

The Lady's fight against Jarl causes tremors throughout Svartálfheimr, which endanger the lives of many black-elves (this last bit doesn’t quite make sense because it sounds like the place itself endangers their lives I think if you reorganised this paragraph a little you could make it clear that it is actually the rebellion which is the problem). One family (of black-elves? – this is what I thought but I had to try to deduce it) decides to rebel against the Lady, and a small band of them escape to Faerie. Queen Brígh is suspicious, but Cadell welcomes their aid. They settle in Þorpstein along with Signý, giving what aid they can to the humans.

 

The allies prepare for war, enlisting the aid of many kiths (explain)  of Fae for their unique abilities. The Lady musters an army of black-elves and attacks Þorpstein. The allies win, though the suffer heavy losses. Cadell petitions Queen Brígh to extend the truce into peacetime for the benefit of all. Queen Brígh is irritated (why irritated? Does she not trust the humans?), but says she will consider it.

 

The Lady grows impatient (with her army), and goes through the rift herself. She targets Fae, humans and elves indiscriminately, spreading fear and discord while staying hidden. Cadell continues to push for a permanent truce with the humans, which angers many Fae. One attacks Cadell, and Cadell kills him in self-defense. Queen Brígh exiles Cadell as punishment, and he takes up residence in Þorpstein.

 

The Lady makes one last assault against the mortals, and they finally corner her. Through the combined efforts of Cadell, Vidar, Eiríkr, Signý and others, she is killed. The rift between Faerie and Svartálfheimr closes without her power keeping it open, and the light-elves return to their home world.

 

Hi,

As you can see from the comments, there are a few things that need clarifying throughout, just to make sure the reader is clear about who each character is, whose side they are on, and what they are doing.

One little thing about the end though – I know how it ends for the light-elves but not really for the main characters past the fact that they kill the Lady. Maybe you could just add one sentence to let us know.



#5 Ireth

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Posted 20 April 2014 - 11:41 AM

Thanks very much, humandancer!

 

Just editing to respond to one of your comments: (this last bit doesn’t quite make sense because it sounds like the place itself endangers their lives I think if you reorganised this paragraph a little you could make it clear that it is actually the rebellion which is the problem) <- You're right that the place itself endangers the black-elves, what with the tremors bringing the walls down around them. The rebellion isn't the problem for the black-elves themselves, only the collateral damage.


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#6 Ireth

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Posted 20 April 2014 - 12:46 PM

Revision #1:

 

CADELL and his friend, both Fae of Faerie, see a band of black-elves stumble through a random rift into Faerie. The black-elves damage the trees as they run amok, angering the Fae. When fighting ensues, the black-elves' iron weapons poison Cadell's friend. VIDAR, one of four light-elves who mistakenly hunted the black-elves through the rift, rides to the human settlement of Þorpstein for aid. Vidar brings a human mage named EIRÍKR to heal Cadell's friend, but they arrive too late. Cadell kidnaps and tortures Eiríkr in grief-driven revenge. Eiríkr is saved by his family and the light-elves.

 

When the conflict dies down, Cadell speaks with Vidar via a translator, and learns more about the light- and black-elves. Though the rift has shut on its own, the light-elves fear another may open and let more black-elves through. Seeing no other option to keep everyone safe, Cadell suggests an alliance between Fae and humans, who are usually bitter enemies. To the surprise of all, QUEEN BRÍGH, ruler of Faerie's Winter Court, agrees and negotiates a temporary truce.

 

THE LADY of the black-elves finds a rift leading from Svartálfheimr, realm of the black-elves, to Faerie. She seals it open to study it, and sends her half-brother JARL through to learn more. Jarl kidnaps Cadell as a gift for her on his return. When the Lady has Cadell tortured, he sees his cruelty toward Eiríkr mirrored in the black-elves, and resolves to change his ways. The Lady interrogates Cadell and urges him to serve her, but his loyalty to Queen Brígh is steadfast. Cadell is bound and left for dead in an execution chamber.

 

Eiríkr leads a band of Fae, light-elves and humans through the rift to search for Cadell. They do not find him, and all evidence suggests that he is dead. They return to Faerie in defeat.

 

A black-elf named SIGNÝ finds Cadell and rescues him, then hides him in her home and heals his wounds. When he is well enough, Cadell escapes back to Faerie with Signý. He tells Queen Brígh of the Lady, and asks Eiríkr's forgiveness for torturing him. Signý, unwilling to return to the Lady, decides to stay in Þorpstein, to the dismay of many humans.

 

The Lady discovers Cadell missing, and Jarl goes out to recapture him. He becomes lost in Faerie and is found by a pack of Fae, who hold him captive after he kills one of them. Jarl is tried for murder and sentenced to death, but escapes back to Svartálfheimr. Once there, he stands up to the Lady, but is killed when they fight. The Lady is injured, but victorious.

 

The Lady's fight against Jarl causes tremors throughout Svartálfheimr, which damage the black-elves' homes and endanger their lives. One family of black-elves escape the tremors and rebel against the Lady; a small band of them flees to Faerie. Queen Brígh is suspicious, but Cadell welcomes them. They settle in Þorpstein along with Signý, aiding the humans as they can.

 

The allies prepare for war, enlisting the aid of many kinds of Fae, including those of the Summer Court, for their unique abilities. The Lady musters an army of black-elves and attacks Þorpstein. The allies win despite heavy losses. Cadell petitions Queen Brígh to extend the truce into peacetime for the benefit of all. Queen Brígh is irritated, but says she will consider it.

 

The Lady grows impatient with her servants and goes through the rift herself. She targets all the allied races, spreading fear and discord while staying hidden. Cadell continues to push for a permanent truce with the humans, which angers many Fae. One attacks Cadell, and Cadell kills him in self-defense. Queen Brígh exiles Cadell as punishment, and he relocates to Þorpstein.

 

The Lady makes one last assault against the mortals, and they finally corner her. Through the combined efforts of Cadell, Vidar, Eiríkr, Signý and others, she is killed. The rift between Faerie and Svartálfheimr closes without her power keeping it open, and the light-elves return to their home world. The truce ends, but Cadell stays friends with the humans.


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#7 smithgirl

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Posted 21 April 2014 - 04:38 PM

Revision #1:

 

CADELL and his friend, both Fae of Faerie, see a band of black-elves stumble through a random rift into Faerie. The black-elves damage the trees as they run amok, angering the Fae They anger the Fae in general, or just the two Fae ,Cadell, and his friend?. When fighting ensues, the black-elves' iron weapons poison Cadell's friend. VIDAR, one of four light-elves who mistakenly hunted the black-elves through the rift, rides to the human settlement of Þorpstein for aid. I'm not sure where the four light-elves came from. I was thinking the only "people" present were Cadell, his friend, and the band of black elves.Vidar brings a human mage named EIRÍKR to heal Cadell's friend, but they arrive too late. Cadell kidnaps and tortures Eiríkr in grief-driven revenge. Eiríkr is saved by his family and the light-elves.

 

Sorry, but I'm not following the time frame or events in this first paragraph. Cadell and his friend see some black-elves (BEs) stumble through a rift into Faerie. Were Cadell and friend already in Faerie? So the BEs just appear? The BE's immediately run amok and damage trees while Cadell and friend watch? Does fighting ensue immediately, or are there days/hours between?

 

Since the BEs stumble INTO Faerie, I'm confused where they came from since we don't usually have elves in non-Faerie. And how does Thorpstein connect? Human and Faerie settlements are in the same world?

 

Also, are Cadell and friend LEs?

 

 

When the conflict dies down, Cadell speaks with Vidar via a translator, and learns more about the light- and black-elves. Vidar isn't angry with Cadell for kidnapping and torturing the mage he brought? They are on good speaking terms? Also, I'm assuming now that Cadell is not a LE? So what is he?Though the rift has shut on its own, the light-elves fear another may open and let more black-elves through. So the rift was between LE-land and BE-land?Seeing no other option to keep everyone safe, Cadell suggests an alliance between Fae and humans, So Cadell is human? But then what is he doing in Faerie? It says above that Cadell is Fae. And why does he care about the LEs?who are usually bitter enemies. To the surprise of all, QUEEN BRÍGH, ruler of Faerie's Winter Court, agrees and negotiates a temporary truce. Where are the humans in this negotiation? 

 

THE LADY of the black-elves finds a rift leading from Svartálfheimr, realm of the black-elves, to Faerie. OK, so here it seems the rift is between LE (Faerie) and BE (Svar...). I think this needs to be clear early on. Also, is this rift found by the Lady a new rift from before? She seals it open to study it, and sends her half-brother JARL through to learn more. Jarl kidnaps Cadell as a gift for her on his return. When the Lady has Cadell tortured, he sees his cruelty toward Eiríkr mirrored in the black-elves, and resolves to change his ways. Was Cadell in the habit of torturing people? Was he a cruel "person"? The Lady interrogates Cadell and urges him to serve her, but his loyalty to Queen Brígh is steadfast. Cadell is bound and left for dead in an execution chamber. Does the lady interrogate Cadell before or after he is tortured? I would think the sequence of events would be as follows: Cadell is interrogated or interrogated/tortured, then left for dead. The way your paragraph is written makes it sound like Cadell is tortured to the point where he appears to be dead, then interrogated, which doesn't make sense.

 

Eiríkr leads a band of Fae, light-elves and humans through the rift to search for Cadell. They do not find him, and all evidence suggests that he is dead. They return to Faerie in defeat. What? Eirikr leads a band of elves to save Cadell after Cadell tortured him? Tortured him just because he was angry? I'm confused why Eirikr would do this.

 

A black-elf named SIGNÝ finds Cadell and rescues him, then hides him in her home and heals his wounds. When he is well enough, Cadell escapes back to Faerie with Signý. He tells Queen Brígh of the Lady, and asks Eiríkr's forgiveness for torturing him. So here, agian, I wonder why Eirikr would try to help Cadell earlier. Signý, unwilling to return to the Lady, decides to stay in Þorpstein, to the dismay of many humans. Signy is human? I had assumed she was a BE? So why are humans upset? I'm still confused about the relationship between LEs, BEs, and humans.

 

The Lady discovers Cadell missing, and Jarl goes out to recapture him. He becomes lost in Faerie and is found by a pack of Fae, who hold him captive after he kills one of them. Jarl is tried for murder and sentenced to death, but escapes back to Svartálfheimr. Once there, he stands up to the Lady, but is killed when they fight. The Lady is injured, but victorious. Why is Jarl suddenly against The Lady? I thought they worked together.

 

The Lady's fight against Jarl causes tremors throughout Svartálfheimr, which damage the black-elves' homes and endanger their lives. One family of black-elves escape the tremors and rebel against the Lady; a small band of them flees to Faerie. Queen Brígh is suspicious, but Cadell welcomes them. They settle in Þorpstein along with Signý, aiding the humans as they can.

 

The allies prepare for war, enlisting the aid of many kinds of Fae, including those of the Summer Court, for their unique abilities. The Lady musters an army of black-elves and attacks Þorpstein. The allies win despite heavy losses. Cadell petitions Queen Brígh to extend the truce into peacetime for the benefit of all. Queen Brígh is irritated, but says she will consider it.

 

The Lady grows impatient with her servants and goes through the rift herself. She targets all the allied races, spreading fear and discord while staying hidden. Cadell continues to push for a permanent truce with the humans, which angers many Fae. One attacks Cadell, and Cadell kills him in self-defense. Queen Brígh exiles Cadell as punishment, and he relocates to Þorpstein.

 

The Lady makes one last assault against the mortals, and they finally corner her. Through the combined efforts of Cadell, Vidar, Eiríkr, Signý and others, she is killed. The rift between Faerie and Svartálfheimr closes without her power keeping it open, and the light-elves return to their home world. The truce ends, but Cadell stays friends with the humans.

 

 

As you can tell from my comments, I'm confused about some of the details. I think you need to clearly identify Cadell's race (human? LE? Sometimes it seems like he's human, then that he's a LE, and then that he's something else. Also, I'm confused about the relationship between the worlds. Svar and Faerie are usually separated, but then connected with a rift. But Thorpstein seems to be part of Faerie, even though humans live there. So humans and LEs share one world, and BEs come from a second, different world?

 

I'm also confused about the thing with Eirikr, that he is tortured by Cadell, but he still wants to help save him. That doesn't make sense to me, so I'm thinking there must be more to the relationship that's not included in the synopsis.

 

I'm sure your book makes all these things clear, but I'm just not following the synopsis..

 

Good luck.

 



#8 Ireth

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Posted 21 April 2014 - 05:34 PM

Thanks for your comments, smithgirl! Hopefully my responses below (and further revisions to the synopsis!) make things clearer.

 

They anger the Fae in general, or just the two Fae ,Cadell, and his friend? The Fae in general. I'll make that clearer.

 

I'm not sure where the four light-elves came from. I was thinking the only "people" present were Cadell, his friend, and the band of black elves. I'll make it clearer that the LEs were hunting the BEs through Midgard/Earth, and that's where the rift opened to Faerie. The LEs, being in hot pursuit of the BEs, got through the rift moments before it closed behind them.

 

Sorry, but I'm not following the time frame or events in this first paragraph. Cadell and his friend see some black-elves (BEs) stumble through a rift into Faerie. Were Cadell and friend already in Faerie? Yes, they live there. So the BEs just appear? Yup, pretty much. Rift opens, boom, black-elves. The BE's immediately run amok and damage trees while Cadell and friend watch? Does fighting ensue immediately, or are there days/hours between? There's only a few minutes between, during which Cadell and his friend try to figure out what exactly the BEs are.

 

Since the BEs stumble INTO Faerie, I'm confused where they came from since we don't usually have elves in non-Faerie. See my response above.  And how does Thorpstein connect? Human and Faerie settlements are in the same world? Thorpstein is Faerie's one and only human settlement. The other 99.9% of the population are the native Fae.

 

Also, are Cadell and friend LEs? They are Fae, Daoine Sidhe to be precise. This is stated in the first sentence. "CADELL and his friend, both Fae of Faerie, see ... " etc.

 

Vidar isn't angry with Cadell for kidnapping and torturing the mage he brought? They are on good speaking terms? They're being civil, which isn't quite the same as being friendly. Of course Vidar is angry, but he's not the type to kill Cadell once Eirikr is out of harm's way.

 

So Cadell is human? No. It says above that Cadell is Fae. He is. And why does he care about the LEs? They're friends of the humans, and he doesn't know when or how they're going to go back to their own world, so they fall under "allies" for the purposes of the truce.

 

Where are the humans in this negotiation? They're there. I'll add that in.

 

OK, so here it seems the rift is between LE (Faerie) *Technically* the LEs come from Alfheimr, but for the purposes of the plot they're from Midgard. and BE (Svar...). I think this needs to be clear early on. Also, is this rift found by the Lady a new rift from before? It is a new rift, yes.

 

Was Cadell in the habit of torturing people? Was he a cruel "person"? Yes, like many of his kind. The Fae are nasty, nasty people for the most part. Also, why is the word person in quotation marks?

 

Does the lady interrogate Cadell before or after he is tortured? I would think the sequence of events would be as follows: Cadell is interrogated or interrogated/tortured, then left for dead. The way your paragraph is written makes it sound like Cadell is tortured to the point where he appears to be dead, then interrogated, which doesn't make sense. The sequence of events is as I wrote it. Cadell is tortured to "soften him up" for interrogation. Then he's interrogated. Then he's left for dead.

 

What? Eirikr leads a band of elves to save Cadell after Cadell tortured him? Tortured him just because he was angry? I'm confused why Eirikr would do this. It's partly for the sake of the truce, and partly to show Eirikr's inclination toward forgiveness.Guess I should make that clearer.

 

Signy is human? I had assumed she was a BE? She is a BE. Hence, the humans aren't pleased to have her among them. So why are humans upset? I'm still confused about the relationship between LEs, BEs, and humans. To sum up their thinking, in general: "Humans good. LEs good (except Jarl). Fae, some good, some bad. BEs bad."

 

Why is Jarl suddenly against The Lady? I thought they worked together. Good catch. Jarl doesn't serve the Lady willingly; he just got fed up and one day decided to stand up to her. I'll try to make that clearer.

 

 

As you can tell from my comments, I'm confused about some of the details. I think you need to clearly identify Cadell's race (human? LE? Sometimes it seems like he's human, then that he's a LE, and then that he's something else. Also, I'm confused about the relationship between the worlds. Svar and Faerie are usually separated, but then connected with a rift. But Thorpstein seems to be part of Faerie, even though humans live there. So humans and LEs share one world, and BEs come from a second, different world?

 

If I didn't explain it clearly enough above (which there's a chance I didn't), here it is again. Cadell is a Fae, NOT a human or LE. Faerie and Earth (aka Midgard) are connected, and that's okay; Faerie and Svartalfheimr (and by extension the other Realms of Norse cosmology: Alfheimr, Jotunheimr, etc.) are not supposed to be. Thorpstein is a human settlement within Faerie, something which pisses off the Fae to no end. LEs come from Alfheimr, and occasionally wander through Midgard, where the humans are; BEs come from Svartalfheimr.

 

I'm also confused about the thing with Eirikr, that he is tortured by Cadell, but he still wants to help save him. That doesn't make sense to me, so I'm thinking there must be more to the relationship that's not included in the synopsis. Oh, of course. There's only so much detail I can fit in one page, after all. A lot of the little nuances of character motivation just won't fit.

 

I'm sure your book makes all these things clear, but I'm just not following the synopsis..

 

Good luck. Thanks again!


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#9 smithgirl

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Posted 21 April 2014 - 06:15 PM

Thanks for your comments, smithgirl! Hopefully my responses below (and further revisions to the synopsis!) make things clearer.

 

They anger the Fae in general, or just the two Fae ,Cadell, and his friend? The Fae in general. I'll make that clearer.

 

I'm not sure where the four light-elves came from. I was thinking the only "people" present were Cadell, his friend, and the band of black elves. I'll make it clearer that the LEs were hunting the BEs through Midgard/Earth, and that's where the rift opened to Faerie. The LEs, being in hot pursuit of the BEs, got through the rift moments before it closed behind them.

 

Sorry, but I'm not following the time frame or events in this first paragraph. Cadell and his friend see some black-elves (BEs) stumble through a rift into Faerie. Were Cadell and friend already in Faerie? Yes, they live there. So the BEs just appear? Yup, pretty much. Rift opens, boom, black-elves. The BE's immediately run amok and damage trees while Cadell and friend watch? Does fighting ensue immediately, or are there days/hours between? There's only a few minutes between, during which Cadell and his friend try to figure out what exactly the BEs are. 

 

Since the BEs stumble INTO Faerie, I'm confused where they came from since we don't usually have elves in non-Faerie. See my response above.  And how does Thorpstein connect? Human and Faerie settlements are in the same world? Thorpstein is Faerie's one and only human settlement. The other 99.9% of the population are the native Fae.

 

Also, are Cadell and friend LEs? They are Fae, Daoine Sidhe to be precise. This is stated in the first sentence. "CADELL and his friend, both Fae of Faerie, see ... " etc. Yes, I saw the Fae definition in the first paragraph, yet for some reason I got the impression, later in the synopsis, that maybe he was human. I think it would be helpful to say that Cadell and friend are Daoine Sidhe in your synopsis. The whole time I was reading, I was having a difficult time getting any picture in my head of Cadell and what/who he was. But I get a definite image if you says he's Daoine Side: haughty, aristocratic warrior type. That would also make it clearer to me why he might randomly torture some guy just because he's angry. Also, it lets me know that Cadell is a leader, and that it would be easier for him to talk with the queen.

 

Vidar isn't angry with Cadell for kidnapping and torturing the mage he brought? They are on good speaking terms? They're being civil, which isn't quite the same as being friendly. Of course Vidar is angry, but he's not the type to kill Cadell once Eirikr is out of harm's way. I guess it just seems weird to me that Eirikr is tortured and then everyone seems OK. Maybe I'm being too picky.

 

So Cadell is human? No. It says above that Cadell is Fae. He is. And why does he care about the LEs? They're friends of the humans, and he doesn't know when or how they're going to go back to their own world, so they fall under "allies" for the purposes of the truce.

 

Where are the humans in this negotiation? They're there. I'll add that in.

 

OK, so here it seems the rift is between LE (Faerie) *Technically* the LEs come from Alfheimr, but for the purposes of the plot they're from Midgard. and BE (Svar...). I think this needs to be clear early on. Also, is this rift found by the Lady a new rift from before? It is a new rift, yes.

 

Was Cadell in the habit of torturing people? Was he a cruel "person"? Yes, like many of his kind. The Fae are nasty, nasty people for the most part. Also, why is the word person in quotation marks? I put person in quotes because I was unsure about what Cadell is. I guess now I could write that he's a cruel Sidhe.

 

Does the lady interrogate Cadell before or after he is tortured? I would think the sequence of events would be as follows: Cadell is interrogated or interrogated/tortured, then left for dead. The way your paragraph is written makes it sound like Cadell is tortured to the point where he appears to be dead, then interrogated, which doesn't make sense. The sequence of events is as I wrote it. Cadell is tortured to "soften him up" for interrogation. Then he's interrogated. Then he's left for dead. Hmmm. OK. It just seems that if he's so softened up that they can leave him for dead, then he wouldn't be very interrogatable. That's why I was confused.

 

What? Eirikr leads a band of elves to save Cadell after Cadell tortured him? Tortured him just because he was angry? I'm confused why Eirikr would do this. It's partly for the sake of the truce, and partly to show Eirikr's inclination toward forgiveness.Guess I should make that clearer.

 

Signy is human? I had assumed she was a BE? She is a BE. Hence, the humans aren't pleased to have her among them. So why are humans upset? I'm still confused about the relationship between LEs, BEs, and humans. To sum up their thinking, in general: "Humans good. LEs good (except Jarl). Fae, some good, some bad. BEs bad."

 

Why is Jarl suddenly against The Lady? I thought they worked together. Good catch. Jarl doesn't serve the Lady willingly; he just got fed up and one day decided to stand up to her. I'll try to make that clearer.

 

 

As you can tell from my comments, I'm confused about some of the details. I think you need to clearly identify Cadell's race (human? LE? Sometimes it seems like he's human, then that he's a LE, and then that he's something else. Also, I'm confused about the relationship between the worlds. Svar and Faerie are usually separated, but then connected with a rift. But Thorpstein seems to be part of Faerie, even though humans live there. So humans and LEs share one world, and BEs come from a second, different world?

 

If I didn't explain it clearly enough above (which there's a chance I didn't), here it is again. Cadell is a Fae, NOT a human or LE. Faerie and Earth (aka Midgard) are connected, and that's okay; Faerie and Svartalfheimr (and by extension the other Realms of Norse cosmology: Alfheimr, Jotunheimr, etc.) are not supposed to be. Thorpstein is a human settlement within Faerie, something which pisses off the Fae to no end. LEs come from Alfheimr, and occasionally wander through Midgard, where the humans are; BEs come from Svartalfheimr.

 

I'm also confused about the thing with Eirikr, that he is tortured by Cadell, but he still wants to help save him. That doesn't make sense to me, so I'm thinking there must be more to the relationship that's not included in the synopsis. Oh, of course. There's only so much detail I can fit in one page, after all. A lot of the little nuances of character motivation just won't fit. Maybe you could just omit Cadell torturing Eirikr in the synopsis. It doesn't seem essential and, to me, it introduces some confusion you could avoid. 

 

I understand your dilemma. To tell your story, you also have to clarify all these different world/race relationships. It's hard enough trying to tell your story in a few words, even with just one race and one world. I'm struggling with all these issues, also -- why I'm here on agentquery. 

 

 

I'm sure your book makes all these things clear, but I'm just not following the synopsis..

 

Good luck. Thanks again! Hope this was helpful.



#10 Ireth

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Posted 21 April 2014 - 06:36 PM

Yes, I saw the Fae definition in the first paragraph, yet for some reason I got the impression, later in the synopsis, that maybe he was human. I think it would be helpful to say that Cadell and friend are Daoine Sidhe in your synopsis. The whole time I was reading, I was having a difficult time getting any picture in my head of Cadell and what/who he was. But I get a definite image if you says he's Daoine Side: haughty, aristocratic warrior type. That would also make it clearer to me why he might randomly torture some guy just because he's angry. Also, it lets me know that Cadell is a leader, and that it would be easier for him to talk with the queen. I wasn't sure about including their specific kith, since in my synopsis for WINTER'S QUEEN I got a few puzzled responses from reader(s) who don't know about Redcaps, Pooka or Merrow. Said reader(s) (don't recall exactly who, and they may prefer to be unnamed anyway) asked me for an explanation of what each of them are. I'm still debating whether to do that or not. I'm just not sure I'll have room for such explanation as well as important things like, y'know, plot. BUT, that's a whole other book. :)

 

I put person in quotes because I was unsure about what Cadell is. I guess now I could write that he's a cruel Sidhe. Well, being of a sapient race, he still counts as a person, IMO. You get all sorts in fantasy, after all. :)

 

Hmmm. OK. It just seems that if he's so softened up that they can leave him for dead, then he wouldn't be very interrogatable. That's why I was confused. It's not so much that they hope he'll bleed out, and more that they basically leave him to starve/dehydrate to death.

 

Maybe you could just omit Cadell torturing Eirikr in the synopsis. It doesn't seem essential and, to me, it introduces some confusion you could avoid.  I'd rather find a way to keep it if I can. It's the foundation of Cadell's whole character arc. If I leave it out, there's no indication of how cruel he was before his epiphany in the BEs' caverns.


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#11 Robin Breyer

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Posted 21 April 2014 - 07:59 PM

It's hard to comment properly on my phone. I noticed a few places where this kind if jumps. The way it is summarized lacks emphasis on the overall plot. It comes off as episodic. I'm sure it doesn't read that way. It's hard to make a synopsis flow, but it is important to learn how to keep it ad interesting as the story itself. One specific spot is the attempted rescue when they think he is dead. You could delete it and no one would notice. If it is crutial to your story make it crucial in the synopsis.

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#12 smithgirl

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Posted 21 April 2014 - 08:26 PM

Oh, I had no idea the epiphany was such a big deal. If it's really important, then it needs to be more important in the synopsis.



#13 Ireth

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Posted 22 April 2014 - 10:52 AM

Whittled this version down a bit from the last. I hope it's better for it. :)

 

CADELL and his friend, both Daoine Sidhe of Faerie, see several black-elves who have come by accident through a rift into Faerie. Unknown to Cadell and his friend, four light-elves pursue the black-elves, and mistakenly go through the rift after them before it shuts. The black-elves damage the trees as they flee from the light-elves, angering Cadell, his friend and many other Fae. When fighting ensues, the black-elves' iron weapons poison Cadell's friend. A light-elf gets help from a human mage of Þorpstein, Faerie's sole human settlement. Despite the mage's help, Cadell's friend dies.

 

Cadell blames the human mage for his friend's death, and he kidnaps and tortures him in vengeance. The mage's family and the four light-elves arrive and free the mage, then talk Cadell down from his rage. When the conflict dissipates, Cadell learns more of the threat the black-elves pose to Faerie and its people, mortal and immortal alike. He suggests an alliance between Fae and humans, usually bitter enemies themselves. To everyone's surprise, the queen of Cadell's folk agrees.

 

EYDÍS, the Lady of the black-elves, finds a second rift leading from Svartálfheimr to Faerie. She keeps it open with magic and sends her light-elven half-brother through the rift to learn more. He kidnaps Cadell as a gift for her on his return. When the black-elves torture Cadell, he sees his and his people's cruelty to humans, especially the mage he tortured, mirrored in their cruelty to him. He vows to change his ways. Eydís questions Cadell and urges him to serve her, but his loyalty to the queen is steadfast.

 

A sympathetic black-elf finds and frees Cadell, then hides him in her home and heals his wounds. Cadell escapes back to Faerie with her. He tells the queen about Eydís and asks the human mage's forgiveness for torturing him. The sympathetic black-elf decides not to return to Eydís, and stays in Þorpstein, to the dismay of many humans. Soon more black-elves rebel against Eydís, escaping to Faerie and joining the alliance.

 

The allies prepare for war, enlisting the aid of various kinds of Fae for their unique abilities. Eydís musters an army of black-elves and attacks Þorpstein. The allies win despite heavy losses. Cadell petitions his queen to extend the truce into peacetime for the benefit of all. Though the queen hates the humans and thinks the truce is unnatural, she says she will consider it, mainly to placate Cadell.

 

Eydís grows impatient with her servants and goes through the rift herself. She targets the allies without discrimination, spreading fear and discord while staying hidden. Cadell continues to push for a permanent truce with the humans, which angers many Fae. One attacks Cadell, who kills him in self-defense. The queen exiles Cadell from her court as punishment, and he takes refuge in Þorpstein.

 

Eydís makes one last assault against the humans, and they finally corner her. Cadell, the human mage, the light-elves and others combine their efforts and kill her. The rift between Faerie and Svartálfheimr closes without Eydís' power keeping it open. The light-elves return to their home world, while those black-elves who opposed Eydís are allowed to stay in Faerie. The truce between Fae and humans ends, but Cadell remains friends with the humans and the black-elves who have stayed.


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#14 smithgirl

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 01:26 PM

Hi Ireth,

 

I think your new synopsis is MUCH, MUCH clearer. I think you have addressed all my confusions. I did not have any trouble following the course of events, the characters' races, or the world alliances.

 

Good job!



#15 phenomenonsense

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Posted 27 April 2014 - 05:04 PM

Whittled this version down a bit from the last. I hope it's better for it. :)

 

CADELL and his friend, both Daoine Sidhe of Faerie This confuses me, see several black-elves who have come by accident through a rift into Faerie. Unknown to Cadell and his friend, four light-elves pursue the black-elves, and mistakenly go through the rift after them before it shuts. The black-elves damage the trees as they flee from the light-elves, angering Cadell, his friend and many other Fae. When fighting ensues, the black-elves' iron weapons poison Cadell's friend. A light-elf gets help from a human mage of Þorpstein, Faerie's sole human settlement. Despite the mage's help, Cadell's friend dies.

 

Cadell blames the human mage for his friend's death, and he kidnaps and tortures him in vengeance. Why? Like what? The mage's family and the four light-elves arrive and free the mage, then talk Cadell down from his rage. When the conflict dissipates, Cadell learns more of the threat the black-elves pose to Faerie and its people, mortal and immortal alike. He suggests an alliance between Fae and humans, usually bitter enemies themselves. To everyone's surprise, the queen of Cadell's folk agrees.

 

EYDÍS, the Lady of the black-elves, finds a second rift leading from Svartálfheimr to Faerie. She keeps it open with magic and sends her light-elven half-brother through the rift to learn more. He kidnaps Cadell as a gift for her on his return. When the black-elves torture Cadell, he sees his and his people's cruelty to humans, especially the mage he tortured, mirrored in their cruelty to him. He vows to change his ways. Eydís questions Cadell and urges him to serve her, but his loyalty to the queen is steadfast.

 

A sympathetic black-elf finds and frees Cadell, then hides him in her home and heals his wounds. Cadell escapes back to Faerie with her. He tells the queen about Eydís and asks the human mage's forgiveness for torturing him. The sympathetic black-elf decides not to return to Eydís, and stays in Þorpstein, to the dismay of many humans. Soon more black-elves rebel against Eydís, escaping to Faerie and joining the alliance. What is Eydis doing? Like, I feel any ruler that is seen as doing evil things is probably doing it for their people. Why are so many black-elves against her?

 

The allies prepare for war, enlisting the aid of various kinds of Fae for their unique abilities. Eydís musters an army of black-elves and attacks Þorpstein. The allies win despite heavy losses. Cadell petitions his queen to extend the truce into peacetime for the benefit of all. Though the queen hates the humans and thinks the truce is unnatural, she says she will consider it, mainly to placate Cadell. I don't  know if I missed it, but is Cadell important in some way? Why would the queen care to placate him for any reason?

 

Eydís grows impatient with her servants and goes through the rift herself. She targets the allies without discrimination, spreading fear and discord while staying hidden. Cadell continues to push for a permanent truce with the humans, which angers many Fae. One attacks Cadell, who kills him in self-defense. Odd sentence structure The queen exiles Cadell from her court as punishment, and he takes refuge in Þorpstein.

 

Eydís makes one last assault against the humans, and they finally corner her. Cadell, the human mage, the light-elves and others combine their efforts and kill her. The rift between Faerie and Svartálfheimr closes without Eydís' power keeping it open. The light-elves return to their home world, while those black-elves who opposed Eydís are allowed to stay in Faerie. The truce between Fae and humans ends, but Cadell remains friends with the humans and the black-elves who have stayed.


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#16 Ireth

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Posted 27 April 2014 - 06:05 PM

Thanks for your comments, phenom!

 

both Daoine Sidhe of Faerie This confuses me I'm not sure how to remedy that. It's what they are. I can't make it much plainer without expending a lot of words.

 

Why? Like what? Why - because he mistakenly blames the mage for his friend's death. How - the details aren't vital. What matters is that it's torture.

 

What is Eydis doing? Like, I feel any ruler that is seen as doing evil things is probably doing it for their people. Why are so many black-elves against her? At this point, she's endangering all of the black-elves' lives because of one henchman's failures, and they aren't about to put up with it. Especially since it isn't even intentional on her part, but even so she doesn't care. Going into more detail would require me to flesh out more POVs than just my MC, which would clutter the synopsis.

 

I don't  know if I missed it, but is Cadell important in some way? Why would the queen care to placate him for any reason? Cadell is part of the queen's inner circle. She's placating him because he's ticking her off, and it's better just to get him to back off rather than refuse his demands outright and risk him doing something she really won't like. Which he eventually does anyway, which gets him kicked out of her good graces, immediately before the death of the guy who attacks Cadell, which results in Cadell's exile.


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#17 phenomenonsense

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Posted 27 April 2014 - 06:51 PM

Thanks for your comments, phenom!

 

both Daoine Sidhe of Faerie This confuses me I'm not sure how to remedy that. It's what they are. I can't make it much plainer without expending a lot of words.

 

Why? Like what? Why - because he mistakenly blames the mage for his friend's death. How - the details aren't vital. What matters is that it's torture.

 

What is Eydis doing? Like, I feel any ruler that is seen as doing evil things is probably doing it for their people. Why are so many black-elves against her? At this point, she's endangering all of the black-elves' lives because of one henchman's failures, and they aren't about to put up with it. Especially since it isn't even intentional on her part, but even so she doesn't care. Going into more detail would require me to flesh out more POVs than just my MC, which would clutter the synopsis.

 

I don't  know if I missed it, but is Cadell important in some way? Why would the queen care to placate him for any reason? Cadell is part of the queen's inner circle. She's placating him because he's ticking her off, and it's better just to get him to back off rather than refuse his demands outright and risk him doing something she really won't like. Which he eventually does anyway, which gets him kicked out of her good graces, immediately before the death of the guy who attacks Cadell, which results in Cadell's exile.

 Alright thanks. I thought that might be what they were, but I was unsure of too many things to really be of help at that point other than to let you know I was confused by it.

Yeah the Eydis comment is just something I would question in the story and less in the synopsis. Just wanted to point it out.

I don't really agree with the last point. It's a Monarchy. Ticking off/doing something the Queen really doesn't like would probably end in death in my opinion.

 

Also I'd love any feedback about mine!


Currently need help with:

 

Query:

http://agentquerycon...pra-na-fiction/

 

250 Words:
http://agentquerycon...ic/35773-supra/

 


#18 Ireth

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Posted 27 April 2014 - 06:54 PM

I don't really agree with the last point. It's a Monarchy. Ticking off/doing something the Queen really doesn't like would probably end in death in my opinion.

 

Well, Cadell suffers a lot throughout the book, between being tortured by the black-elves and being maimed in the attack on the humans' settlement, so the queen is a little more patient with him than she might otherwise be, until the moment of his exile. And even when exiling him, she gives him a choice: "Get out now or die." He chooses to run.


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#19 phenomenonsense

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Posted 27 April 2014 - 07:06 PM

Well, Cadell suffers a lot throughout the book, between being tortured by the black-elves and being maimed in the attack on the humans' settlement, so the queen is a little more patient with him than she might otherwise be, until the moment of his exile. And even when exiling him, she gives him a choice: "Get out now or die." He chooses to run.

Right. Well You know your story better, and as long as it is in there it will make sense I'm sure.


Currently need help with:

 

Query:

http://agentquerycon...pra-na-fiction/

 

250 Words:
http://agentquerycon...ic/35773-supra/

 





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