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Moonhunter (YA xenofiction)


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#1 Ireth

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Posted 25 April 2014 - 05:51 PM

Thought I'd try poking at a hook for a new-ish project that's swimming around my head. I haven't made much progress with the actual writing, but I came up with a preliminary query to get a feel for the main plot and conflict. It's here for those who're interested: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

 

Here's my first try at a hook: Vádas wants only to preserve his people's way of life, not to ignite a war between wolves and gods.


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#2 buford4

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Posted 23 May 2014 - 05:44 PM

Vádas (Who is this? Does he have a title or lineage?) wants only to preserve his people's way of life, not to ignite a war between wolves (Are they werewolves, shape-shifters?) and gods. (This is intriguing so far. I feel it might benefit from a bit more setup; what does he do to ignite the war? Which gods are they? I don't know that you need to add all of this, but they're just questions that come up when I read this.) 

 

Overall, a good start, I'd say. 



#3 Ireth

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Posted 23 May 2014 - 05:54 PM

Thanks for your input, buford4!

 

(Who is this? Does he have a title or lineage?) He's one of the wolves. He's the eldest son of his pack's alpha (or as much as that really counts in a litter of pups), but the wolves don't have too much of a sense of ancestry, at least as far as I've developed the story yet.

 

(Are they werewolves, shape-shifters?) Nope, they're just wolves blessed with sentience by a goddess. There are no humans or otherwise humanoid beings in their world.

 

(This is intriguing so far. I feel it might benefit from a bit more setup; what does he do to ignite the war? Which gods are they? I don't know that you need to add all of this, but they're just questions that come up when I read this.) Long story short, the goddess who blessed the wolves was killed by the other gods, and now the wolves are gradually losing sentience. Vadas and his companions are on a quest to bring Her back to life. This angers the other gods, who try to stop the wolves out of jealousy and fear that the resurrected goddess would usurp them.


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#4 Dottie D.

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Posted 24 May 2014 - 07:28 PM

I'm afraid this didn't grab me, it just left me with "okay, so what?"

 

he doesn't want to start a war. who does? it feels like the real punch of the query is hanging, waiting to come out.

 

Vádas wants only to preserve his people's (if he's a wolf, they aren't people. this was very confusing) way of life, not to ignite a war between wolves and gods. Maybe add something at the ends like: But the gods have other ideas.  or: But the gods won't back down. you see what i mean?

 

would you mind taking a peek at my revised hook for Ratman's Revenge? I'm really struggling with it.



#5 Ireth

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Posted 24 May 2014 - 08:24 PM

I'm afraid this didn't grab me, it just left me with "okay, so what?"

 

he doesn't want to start a war. who does? it feels like the real punch of the query is hanging, waiting to come out. Fair enough.

 

(if he's a wolf, they aren't people. this was very confusing) Depends on how you define "people". The wolves are sentient, so I'd classify them as such, since there are no humans in the setting.

 

Maybe add something at the ends like: But the gods have other ideas.  or: But the gods won't back down. you see what i mean? I do. :)

 

would you mind taking a peek at my revised hook for Ratman's Revenge? I'm really struggling with it. Sure!


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#6 Ireth

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Posted 24 May 2014 - 09:35 PM

How's this for a revision?

 

To save all wolves from reverting to beasts, Vádas must find and resurrect the Moon who gave them sentience. In doing so, he defies the gods themselves.


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#7 Dottie D.

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Posted 24 May 2014 - 09:41 PM

this is just me -- so please take other comments with more importance.  i don't actually understand this new one. it's not my normal genre, so that's a big factor.  i actually liked the old one, just needed one more line at the end to give it the punch.  IMO



#8 spoons214

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Posted 26 May 2014 - 08:42 PM

The second version is much better. It is still not immediately obvious that Vadas is a wolf, but I'm not sure how to tweek it (or it if is really necessary).



#9 Gee

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Posted 10 March 2015 - 09:37 AM

How's this for a revision?

 

To save all wolves from reverting to beasts, Vádas must find and resurrect the Moon who gave them sentience. In doing so, he defies the gods themselves.

I like this. We have major conflict in defying the Gods, and a quest to save the wolves from a terrible fate. 

perhaps finish with ...but in doing so he must defy the Gods.

 

Just a suggestion, but good either way.


Please check out my 250 word book blurb http://agentquerycon...avour/?p=329994


#10 Ireth

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Posted 10 March 2015 - 09:38 AM

I like that a lot better than what I had. ^^


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#11 MZM

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Posted 10 March 2015 - 10:07 PM

Ireth I love this last hook. I'd look up your book for sure. BUT! I'd maybe say werewolves, because "To save all wolves from reverting to beasts"--wolves by definition are beasts, so you may want to put in there something that makes it clear that they aren't just the animal wolf at the moment.

 

Maria



#12 Ireth

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Posted 10 March 2015 - 10:10 PM

Ireth I love this last hook. I'd look up your book for sure. BUT! I'd maybe say werewolves, because "To save all wolves from reverting to beasts"--wolves by definition are beasts, so you may want to put in there something that makes it clear that they aren't just the animal wolf at the moment.

 

Maria

 

They are indeed actual wolves, but made sapient by a goddess. The story takes place on a world that is not Earth, where (so far) wolves are the only sapient beings -- no humans or humanoids exist. The closest thing would be monkeys or apes. I might add bears as another sapient species, but the story focuses on the wolves.


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#13 MZM

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Posted 11 March 2015 - 12:45 AM

Ohh, I see, I see. Perhaps you could call them that Sapient/Intelligent wolves then or add something to the beast part (raging/thoughtless beasts, etc etc). Just for the clarity. I do think the hook is pretty good!

 

Maria






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