RosieSkype I went over your suggestions and I hope this makes it more clear:
You need a hook here. The first two sentences is the hook
DOUBLE SPACE BETWEEN PARAGRAPHS (again, it seems when I copy here it removes the formatting, it is doubled spaced between paragraphs)
Ciara Montgomery is free to live and worship without fear (this makes me think one of two things - either your story takes place several centuries in the past, or Ciara lives in some oppressive Middle Eastern country)(Even today in America there are problems with living and worshiping without fear)...until she becomes the prime suspect in a murder. The investigation is opening up her past and a time she'd rather forget.
(What happened in her past?) (this is a suspense, how much do I need to tell in a query?)
Detective Yair McCormac is sure this case will be closed soon. He even finds incriminating evidence against Ciara, including an expunged criminal record. Yet Yair feels she is innocent when her home is broken into and then later she is shot at…twice.
(You mean there were two separate instances when someone broke into her house and shot at her, right?
As written, it sounds like they guy broke in once and fired a gun twice.) (I added the word “later”)
A Jewish widower, father, and brother-in-law to the deceased, Yair doesn’t understand his family’s belief in Yeshua as the Messiah.
(This sort of comes out of nowhere.
You're talking all about the murder case, and suddenly you start talking about his religious beliefs.
Also, I had to Google "Yeshua.") (Considering this is a new paragraph, I am describing his character in a little more detail)
His fear of commitment, since the loss of his wife, is tested as his feelings for Ciara deepens, and he is challenged by her biblical allegiance.
(I'm not sure what this means.) (More or less means his faith is challenged by her faith)
As Ciara attempts to avoid a relationship, the case throws her together with Yair; (comma, not semicolon) opening her wounds for the healing she needs (generally opening wounds is the opposite of healing them)(I have contacted a friend who is a nurse and waiting on her reply, because I have had wound I had to open in order for it to heal) and his eyes to the truth of his Messiah.
(Not sure what this truth is.
More religious detail needed.) (In Judaism, they don't believe The Messiah has come yet)
I’m currently majoring in creative writing. Reality Check (So, nothing about my education?) REALITY CHECK is a romance (suspense, inspirational) (hmm, maybe "inspirational romance with elements of suspense?")
(I put it that way because agents only accept one genre, which is why the “suspense, inspirational” words are in parenthesis) novel of 79,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
I like what you've got going on here, and it's understandably difficult to mesh a romance, a murder plot, and faith elements.
You're missing what's at stake for the characters, what choice they ultimately have to make.
Also, as someone not well-versed in Judaism, that whole side of the story left me scratching my head. (I had to comment here, even one who is steeped in Judaism would be confused as well as a Christian. Either that or highly offended.)
I think you need to include more details about that to appeal to a broader audience.
Just a thought: maybe start your query with Yair and his religious beliefs, and then introduce Ciara and the problems he faces by being attracted to her and her different views.
(At least I think they're different - I can't exactly tell by your query.)
Then the murder case can sit in the background until the stakes are raised for the characters on that front. (So you're saying to focus on the faith part rather than the romance or suspense?)