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The Secret King - Lethao - SciFi/Fantasy

Science Fiction Fantasy

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#1 kanundra

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Posted 31 August 2014 - 06:34 AM

Hi everyone, so I've been getting crits on another site and trying to polish my query so it shines. Someone there, pointed me here thinking you have more of an idea on how to maximise what I've written so far. 

 

So here it is. -------- 

 

 

 

I am seeking representation for my novel The Secret King--Lethao, a space fantasy, complete at 102,000 words.

 

I am a script writer with success in co-writing a web series, Best Friends, and short film, Irobe, for production company - Nandar Entertainment. In the last few years I’ve also been working with producers and directors in the United States and Australia to build my portfolio of writing, consulting, and publishing.

 

The Secret King is a transmedia project, which includes a 13 episode TV series, pilot script received well in the UK and graphic novel in development.

 

 

With their sun about to go supernova and their ancient enemy, the Zefron, close on their tail, Kendro, king of the Aonise, fights to save his species from total annihilation.

 

Using the last remaining strength and energy he has, Kendro must power their four spacecraft for lift off, a task which leaves him weak and vulnerable. Dalamaar, an Aonise traitor, makes an attempt on the King’s life, seeking the throne for himself and putting all their lives at risk.

Even as Kendro regains his strength, the Zefron strike hard and fast. Destroying one of the Aonise ships, and leading the Aonise into an ambush.

In a wild bid to thwart his visions of their annihilation Kendro orders them to retaliate. They jump into the enemy midst, fighting till the bitter end. Their losses are tremendous and the fleet crippled, resting outside the solar system of a planet called Earth.

 

 

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

Dawn Chapman

 

---------------------

 

Have at it! :) I'm no softie when it comes to crits. Thanks so much. 


Please help me with my query :) thanks 

 

http://agentquerycon...o-scififantasy/


#2 A.M.Rose

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Posted 31 August 2014 - 10:46 AM

My comments below in green...

 

Dear Agent/Publisher (to suit) 

With their sun about to go Super Nova, and an ancient enemy on their tail. Kendro, King of The Aonise fights to save his people from total annihilation. 
- Nice hook.

 

Using the last remaining strength and croex he has, Kendro must power four Aonise Spacecraft for lift off. Handing the task of shielding his people from the deadly rays of their dying sun, to his brother. Nax struggles to comply, sacrificing himself hoping their species will survive, away from their solar system and their pursuing enemy the Zefron. - Nice

 

Once in space, Kendro’s weakened state encourages warring factions, and their leader, Dalamaar to up his assassination attempts, seeking the throne for himself. Captain Hadi and Taliri, Kendro’s unborn son, relinquish some of their life force, bringing the king, almost to full strength.

The Zefron strike, then pull back flanking the Aonise fleet into a massive ambush. In a wild bid to thwart Kendro’s vision of annihilation, the Aonise retaliate, jumping into their enemy midst, fighting them till the bitter end. Losses are tremendous, but they survive, their crippled fleet resting just outside the solar system of a possible new home. - Wow this is a lot of information here. Without any world building I find it a little hard to follow. And do you give us the end of the story here? Finding a new home? If so I would take it out. Just give the stakes. What the obstacles are and what will happen if they fail. 

 

THE SECRET KING - Letháo is an epic (adult?) Space Fantasy, a stand alone novel, complete at 102.000 words.

 

I am a script writer with success in co-writing a web series, Best Friends, and short film, Irobe, for Nandar Entertainment. In the last few years I’ve been working with producers and directors in the United States and Australia to build my portfolio of writing, consulting, and publishing.

 

The Secret King is a transmedia project, which includes a trilogy, a 13 episode TV series, (pilot script received well in the UK) and graphic novel (also in development.) - So what are you asking for? That someone publish your trilogy? This sentence is a little unclear in my opinion. I think you will have a hard sell if you are trying to sell this as a trilogy... or at least that is what I have heard. 

I think you have a good story here with extensive world building... I think we just need a little more understanding of that world so we can feel for the characters you have created. 

I hope this helps in some way! Good luck to you!


A.M. Rose

Author of Road to Eugenica - Available 2018 from Entangled Teen 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


#3 kanundra

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Posted 31 August 2014 - 03:07 PM

Thanks, I'll take a look see what I can un-compliacate, but it's so hard! lol 


Please help me with my query :) thanks 

 

http://agentquerycon...o-scififantasy/


#4 Jinsune

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Posted 01 September 2014 - 10:55 AM

Hi everyone, so I've been getting crits on another site and trying to polish my query so it shines. Someone there, pointed me here thinking you have more of an idea on how to maximise what I've written so far. 

 

So here it is. -------- 

 

Dear Agent/Publisher (to suit) 

With their sun about to go Super Nova, and an ancient enemy on their tail. Kendro, King of The Aonise fights to save his people from total annihilation.

 

Using the last remaining strength and croex he has, Kendro must power four Aonise Spacecraft for lift off. Handing the task of shielding his people from the deadly rays of their dying sun, to his brother. This sounds incomplete. Nax struggles to comply, sacrificing himself hoping their species This drew me in, becuase I wasn't expecting the charcters to be aliens or nonhuman. will survive, away from their solar system and their pursuing enemy the Zefron.

Once in space, Kendro’s weakened state encourages warring factions, and their leader, Dalamaar If there's warring factions, they wouldn't all be under one leader, there would be multiple who are opposing each other. If the protagonist's society is different from those of Earth when it comes to this, you might have to clarify that. to up his assassination attempts, seeking the throne for himself. Captain Hadi and Taliri, Kendro’s unborn son, relinquish some of their life force, bringing the king, almost to full strength.

The Zefron strike, then pull back flanking the Aonise fleet into a massive ambush. In a wild bid to thwart Kendro’s vision of annihilation, the Aonise retaliate, jumping into their enemy midst, fighting them till the bitter end. Losses are tremendous, but they survive, their crippled fleet resting just outside the solar system of a possible new home. This is more of a synopsis-like summary. Don't give away the ending in your query.

 

THE SECRET KING - Letháo is an epic Space Fantasy, a stand alone novel, complete at 102.000 words.

 

I am a script writer with success in co-writing a web series, Best Friends, and short film, Irobe, for Nandar Entertainment. In the last few years I’ve been working with producers and directors in the United States and Australia to build my portfolio of writing, consulting, and publishing.

 

The Secret King is a transmedia project, which includes a trilogy, a 13 episode TV series, (pilot script received well in the UK) and graphic novel (also in development.)I have to agree with A. M. Rose that this is confusing. If there is already a TV show and a manga/graphic novel in development, I' m not quite sure what it is you're looking for. This is just my take on things, but I would think that the same publisher who's in charge of the comic might have a regular novel printing department you could send this to. I'm thinking of places like Yenpress when I say this, though. Not all graphic novel publishers have this type of department, so make sure you look into that.

 

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

The many characters that were mentioned bogged the query down. I suggest only naming those that are essential to the overall plot of the book. I also thinkt hat the motives of the antagonists need to be fleshed out more. I wasn't sure if they were the warring factions, or another group entirely.



#5 kanundra

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    Published 'Winds of Avala' with Bob Bello and Sci Fi Almanac 2010.

    Optioned 'Irobe' co-written with Melvin Johnson to Stone Cold Pictures.

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Posted 01 September 2014 - 11:15 AM

Thanks very much for the input. 

 

The book follows 4 Main Characters, and I really tried to keep it as close as possible. I'll defo have another play with it. 

 

As for the TV show, it's a script which has received good feedback in the UK, it's only the graphic novel I'm working on with an animator. There are no publishers or Agents attached to this, and I'm looking specifically at a couple of agents which handle all avenues, I.E the transmedia. 

 

I will try and word it so it's not as confusing. Thanks. 


Please help me with my query :) thanks 

 

http://agentquerycon...o-scififantasy/


#6 kanundra

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    Published 'Winds of Avala' with Bob Bello and Sci Fi Almanac 2010.

    Optioned 'Irobe' co-written with Melvin Johnson to Stone Cold Pictures.

    Co screen writer on 'The Pandoran Chronicles', currently in underwriting.

Posted 01 September 2014 - 12:16 PM

Trying to make it clearer. 

 

-------

 

Dear (to suit)

 

With their sun about to go Super Nova, and an ancient enemy on their tail. Kendro, King of The Aonise fights to save his people from total annihilation.

 

Using the last remaining strength and croex he has, Kendro must power four Aonise Spacecraft for lift off. Handing the task of shielding his people from the deadly rays of their dying sun, to his brother. Nax struggles to comply, sacrificing himself hoping their species will survive, away from their solar system and their pursuing enemy the Zefron.

 

Once in space, Kendro’s weakened state encourages traitor, Dalamaar to up his assassination attempts, seeking the throne for himself and putting all their lives at risk.

 

As Kendro regains some of his strength, The Zefron strike, wiping out one of their ships. Pulling back they flank the Aonise into a massive ambush. In a wild bid to thwart visions of their annihilation, Kendro orders them in to retaliate, jumping into the enemy midst, fighting till the bitter end.

 

I am seeking representation for — THE SECRET KING - Letháo. An epic adult Space Fantasy, complete at 102.000 words.

 

I am a script writer with success in co-writing a web series, Best Friends, and short film, Irobe, for Nandar Entertainment. In the last few years I’ve been working with producers and directors in the United States and Australia to build my portfolio of writing, consulting, and publishing.

The Secret King is a transmedia project, which includes a 13 episode TV series, (pilot script received well in the UK) and graphic novel (in development.)

 

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

Dawn Chapman


Please help me with my query :) thanks 

 

http://agentquerycon...o-scififantasy/


#7 anah+theshadowaccomplice

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Posted 01 September 2014 - 03:05 PM

Thanks for critiquing my query! More than happy to return the favor! 

Dear Agent/Publisher (to suit) 

 

With their sun about to go Super Nova (supernova), and an ancient enemy on their tail., Kendro, King of The Aonise fights to save his people from total annihilation.

 

Using the last remaining strength and croex he has, Kendro must power four Aonise Spacecraft for lift off. Handing the task of shielding his people from the deadly rays of their dying sun, to his brother Sentence fragment?. Nax (his brother?) struggles to comply, sacrificing himself hoping their species will survive, away from their solar system and their pursuing enemy the Zefron. So Kendro isn't able to protect the people while he is using his power to get the ships in flight again? It might be helpful to say that he is handing the task to his brother before explaining why. 

 

Once in space, Kendro’s weakened state encourages traitor, Dalamaar, to up his assassination attempts, seeking the throne for himself and putting all their lives at risk.

 

As Kendro regains some of his strength, The Zefron Wait... who are the Zefron? I thought we were dealing with Dalamaar here... or is he a Zefron? strike, wiping out one of their ships (And?). Pulling back they flank the Aonise into a massive ambush. In a wild bid to thwart visions visions as in seer-type or just something he fears? of their annihilation, Kendro orders them in to retaliate, jumping into the enemy midst, fighting till the bitter end. Losses are tremendous, but they survive, their crippled fleet resting just outside the solar system of a possible new home.

 

I am seeking representation for — THE SECRET KING - Letháo. An epic adult Space Fantasy, complete at 102.000 words.

 

I am a script writer with success in co-writing a web series, Best Friends, and short film, Irobe, for Nandar Entertainment. In the last few years I’ve been working with producers and directors in the United States and Australia to build my portfolio of writing, consulting, and publishing.

The Secret King is a transmedia project, which includes a 13 episode TV series, (pilot script received well in the UK) and graphic novel (in development.)

There is a lot of information in this query that is very gripping, especially to someone who likes this genre. The world building itself sounds like it will be alluring. It might help to streamline some of your sentences by either combining them, or cutting out some that aren't necessary. There are too many that don't include both a subject and a verb, it makes reading it somewhat difficult. 

 

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

Dawn Chapman


My Query Letter: Killing Crow

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#8 ACMC

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Posted 01 September 2014 - 07:17 PM

I feel like there are a lot of names to absorb here and that detracts from being able to know what is actually going on in the query. Also, it feels more like a synopsis - i.e. I don't have a sense of the main protagonist, what the stakes are for him - aside from the bigger picture that he's the king and wants to protect his people. 

 

I made notes about initial caps that you used and I see that you are in the UK, so maybe they are correct usage there? Good luck, I love a rollicking space tale. This reminds me a lot of Anne McCaffrey's work. 

 

Trying to make it clearer. 

 

-------

 

Dear (to suit)

 

With their sun about to go Super Nova, (should this be initial capped?) and an ancient enemy on their tail. (should the two sentences be linked? This seems like a fragment) Kendro, King of The Aonise (should The be initial capped?) fights to save his people from total annihilation.

 

Using the last remaining strength and croex he has, Kendro must powers four Aonise Spacecraft for lift off. Handing the task of shielding his people from the deadly rays of their dying sun, to his brother, Nax, who struggles to comply, sacrificing himself hoping their species will survive, away from their solar system and their pursuing enemy the Zefron. (Who is sacrificing himself? Kendro or Nax?)

 

Once in space, Kendro’s weakened state encourages traitor, Dalamaar to up his assassination attempts, seeking the throne for himself and putting all their lives at risk. You could simplify this. Like: Once in space, Kendro is weakened and finds himself fending off assassination attempts from a traitor who puts the entire crew at risk. 

 

As Kendro regains some of his strength, The Zefron (if this is the ancient enemy, maybe name them earlier? And also, should The be initial capped?) strike, wiping out one of their ships. Pulling back they flank the Aonise into a massive ambush. In a wild bid to thwart visions of their annihilation, Kendro orders them in to retaliate, jumping into the enemy midst, fighting till the bitter end. 

 

I am seeking representation for — THE SECRET KING - Letháo. An epic adult Space Fantasy, complete at 102.000 words.

 

I am a script writer with success in co-writing a web series, Best Friends, and short film, Irobe, for Nandar Entertainment. In the last few years I’ve been working with producers and directors in the United States and Australia to build my portfolio of writing, consulting, and publishing.

The Secret King is a transmedia project, which includes a 13 episode TV series, (pilot script received well in the UK) and graphic novel (in development.)

 

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

Dawn Chapman



#9 Jinsune

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Posted 01 September 2014 - 09:35 PM

Trying to make it clearer. 

 

-------

 

Dear (to suit)

 

With their sun about to go Super Nova, and an ancient enemy on their tail. Kendro, King of The Aonise fights to save his people from total annihilation.

 

Using the last remaining strength and croex he has, Kendro must power four Aonise Spacecraft for lift off. Handing the task of shielding his people from the deadly rays of their dying sun, to his brother. Nax Mention that this is the main character's brother, otherwise this can confuse readers. struggles to comply, sacrificing himself hoping their species will survive, away from their solar system and their pursuing enemy the Zefron. In reading this revision, I don't think this sentence adds to the query. I think you can take it out and combine the first one int his paragraph with the following one.

 

Once in space, Kendro’s weakened state encourages traitor, Dalamaar to up his assassination attempts, seeking the throne for himself and putting all their lives at risk.

 

As Kendro regains some of his strength, The Zefron Tell who they are since this is the first time they're mentioned. strike, wiping out one of their ships. Pulling back they flank the Aonise into a massive ambush. This sounds awkward. Why not just say they ambus the Aonise, or something along those lines? In a wild bid to thwart visions of their annihilation, Kendro orders them in to retaliate, jumping into the enemy midst, fighting till the bitter end.

 

I am seeking representation for — THE SECRET KING - Letháo. An epic adult Space Fantasy, complete at 102.000 words.

 

I am a script writer with success in co-writing a web series, Best Friends, and short film, Irobe, for Nandar Entertainment. In the last few years I’ve been working with producers and directors in the United States and Australia to build my portfolio of writing, consulting, and publishing.

The Secret King is a transmedia project, which includes a 13 episode TV series, (pilot script received well in the UK) and graphic novel (in development.)

 

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

Dawn Chapman

 

I think you're getting there with your query. there's a few things that could use tweaking, but for the most part everything is starting to work. Do you think you can check out my latest revision of my query?

 

http://agentquerycon...marshs-banquet/



#10 SciFiGuy

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Posted 02 September 2014 - 12:11 AM

Trying to make it clearer. 

 

-------

 

Dear (to suit)

 

With their sun about to go Super Nova (supernova is one word, not capitalized; also delete the comma that follows), and an ancient enemy on their tail., Kendro, King of The Aonise, fights to save his people from total annihilation.

 

Using the last remaining strength and croex he has, Kendro must power four Aonise Spacecraft for lift off.  Handing the task of shielding his people from the deadly rays of their dying sun, to his brother. (<--this is a sentence fragment.  Aside from that, I don't understand why he's handing off that task) Nax struggles to comply, sacrificing himself hoping their species will survive, away from their solar system and their pursuing enemy the Zefron. (several commas are missing and the absence, along with the flow, makes this sentence awkward to read)

 

Once in space, Kendro’s weakened state encourages traitor, Dalamaar to up his assassination attempts, seeking the throne for himself and putting all their lives at risk.

 

As Kendro regains some of his strength, The Zefron strike, wiping out one of their ships. Pulling back they flank the Aonise into a massive ambush. In a wild bid to thwart visions of their annihilation, Kendro orders them in to retaliate, jumping into the enemy midst, fighting till the bitter end.

 

I am seeking representation for — (this goes without saying) THE SECRET KING - Letháo is a 102,000 word science fiction novel. An epic adult Space Fantasy, complete at 102.000 words.

 

I am a script writer with success in co-writing a web series, Best Friends, and short film, Irobe, for Nandar Entertainment. In the last few years I’ve been working with producers and directors in the United States and Australia to build my portfolio of writing, consulting, and publishing.

The Secret King is a transmedia project, which includes a 13 episode TV series, (pilot script received well in the UK) and graphic novel (in development.)

 

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

Dawn Chapman

 

In general, you've got too much going on in the body, and it doesn't give a clear sense of the story.  There are too many names to get used to in such a short space; narrow it to the main character, possibly his brother, and the antagonist or antagonistic species.  It's unclear if the Anoise and Zefron are human or alien or what, and I don't know why the two are enemies, or where the Anoise are trying to go, presuming they're able to leave their solar system.



#11 kanundra

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Posted 02 September 2014 - 10:39 AM

Attempt 3 

 

Dear Ms.

 

 

 

With their sun about to go supernova and their ancient enemy, the Zefron, close on their tail. Kendro, King of The Aonise fights to save his species from total annihilation.

 

Using the last remaining strength and croex he has, Kendro must power their four spacecraft for lift off, a task which leaves him weak and vulnerable. Dalamaar, an Aonise traitor, makes an attempt on the King’s life, seeking the throne for himself and putting all their lives at risk.

As Kendro regains his strength, the Zefron strike hard and fast. Destroying one of the Aonise ships, and leading the Aonise into an ambush.

In a wild bid to thwart his most recent visions of their annihilation, Kendro orders them to retaliate, jumping into the enemy midst, fighting till the bitter end. Losses are tremendous, but they survive, their crippled fleet resting just outside the solar system of a possible new home.

 

THE SECRET KING - Letháo is an adult Space Fantasy, complete at 102.000 words.

 

I am a script writer with success in co-writing a web series, Best Friends, and short film, Irobe, for Nandar Entertainment. In the last few years I’ve been working with producers and directors in the United States and Australia to build my portfolio of writing, consulting, and publishing.

The Secret King is a transmedia project, which includes a 13 episode TV series, (pilot script received well in the UK) and graphic novel (in development.)

 

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

Dawn Chapman


Please help me with my query :) thanks 

 

http://agentquerycon...o-scififantasy/


#12 LanaAS

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Posted 03 September 2014 - 12:06 PM

Attempt 3 

 

Dear Ms.

 

 

 

With their sun about to go supernova and their ancient enemy, the Zefron, close on their tail. Why is there a period here? There should be a comma.  Kendro, King of The Aonise fights to save his species from total annihilation. Nice beginning, I like it. 

 

Using the His last remaining strength and croex he has, Kendro must power their four spacecraft for lift off, a task which leaves him weak and vulnerable. Dalamaar, an Aonise traitor, makes an attempt on the King’s life, seeking the throne for himself and putting all their lives at risk. I feel like these two sentences could flow/connect better. For example, instead,  "At the King's weakest point, Dalamaar, an Aonise traitor, makes ...." 

As Kendro regains his strength, the Zefron strike hard and fast. Destroying one of the Aonise ships, and leading the Aonise into an ambush. This is an incomplete sentence. It should be: They/the Zefron destroy one of the Aonise ships and lead them into an ambush"

In a wild bid to thwart his most recent visions of their annihilation, Kendro orders them to retaliate, jumping into the enemy midst. You have too many "ing" words in this sentence so I would say "They fight till the bitter end" fighting till the bitter end. Losses are tremendous, but they survive, their crippled fleet resting just outside the solar system of a possible new home.

 

THE SECRET KING - Letháo is an adult Space Fantasy, complete at 102.000 words.

 

I am a script writer with success in co-writing a web series, Best Friends, and short film, Irobe, for Nandar Entertainment. In the last few years I’ve been working with producers and directors in the United States and Australia to build my portfolio of writing, consulting, and publishing.

 

The Secret King is a transmedia project, which includes a 13 episode TV series, (pilot script received well in the UK) and graphic novel (in development.)

 

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

Dawn Chapman


Help me with my query! http://agentquerycon...urban-fantasy/ 


#13 Colateralwar

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Posted 04 September 2014 - 12:25 AM

Attempt 3 

 

Dear Ms.

 

 

 

With their sun about to go supernova and their ancient enemy, the Zefron, close on their tail, Kendro, King of the Aonise fights to save his species(Are these people not human? Something to think about, it is usually harder to make readers sympathize with non-human characters. Not always, and not if it is done well, but it is something to consider as you develop the characters in the story.) from total annihilation.

 

Using the last remaining strength and croex (beware the use of invented terms in queries. I know they are essential for SCI FI and Fantasy, but you need to use them in a way that they become almost implicitly understood so they don't distract the agent) he has, Kendro must power their four spacecraft for lift off, a task which leaves him weak and vulnerable. Dalamaar, an Aonise traitor, makes an attempt on the King’s life, seeking the throne for himself and putting all their lives at risk.(This last sentence is very disconnected from the rest of the paragraph and needs to be tied in so it doesn't stick out so much. I would break the sentence before it in two and combine this sentence with the one before it for continuity and flow.)

Even as Kendro regains his strength, the Zefron strike hard and fast, destroying one of the Aonise ships, and leading the Aonise into an ambush.

In a wild bid to thwart his most recent visions(are these literal visions? or figurative? If literal, this is the first time they are being mentioned and you might want to do so earlier) of their annihilation, Kendro orders them to retaliate, jumping into the enemy midst, fighting till the bitter end.( I would rework this sentence, it takes up a lot of space and could be more succinct) Losses are tremendous, but they survive, their crippled fleet resting just outside the solar system of a possible new home.(Cut this last line and write one that is more ambiguous about whether or not they will succeed, calling into question the soundness of Kendro's judgement perhaps. I think that a touch of suspense at the end is a much better way to get an agent interested than a flat out resolution. If they want to read the resolution, they will ask for a synopsis, but a query is about a sales pitch and sales pitches need to be enticing.)

 

THE SECRET KING - Letháo is an adult Space Fantasy, complete at 102.000 words.(Wait, so the title of the book is "The Secret King" or "The Secret King -- Lethao"? Either way, most queries I have read from successful ones have the title italicized not capitalized.)

 

I am a script writer with success in co-writing a web series, Best Friends, and short film, Irobe, for Nandar Entertainment.(italicize titles and read this part out loud. It sounds strange to my ears.) In the last few years I’ve been working with producers and directors in the United States and Australia to build my portfolio of writing, consulting, and publishing. (These are some great bonafides to have. Congratulations.

The Secret King is a transmedia project, which includes a 13 episode TV series, (pilot script received well in the UK) and graphic novel (in development.) (Why is this at the end!? Lead with this, something like, "I am seeking representation for my novel The Secret King--Lethao, a part of an ongoing multimedia project including a television show in the United Kingdom and a graphic novel." This shows them, immediately, that this has a much more likely chance of being "the real deal" and will instantly grab their attention.)

 

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

Dawn Chapman



#14 kanundra

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    Producer of 'Jim' 2009 with EDH Productions.

    Published 'Winds of Avala' with Bob Bello and Sci Fi Almanac 2010.

    Optioned 'Irobe' co-written with Melvin Johnson to Stone Cold Pictures.

    Co screen writer on 'The Pandoran Chronicles', currently in underwriting.

Posted 05 September 2014 - 01:57 PM

Thanks so much. A good few people want me to lead in with my experience first. So, to flip it around. It would read something like.... 

 

 

Dear Agent - to suit

 

I am seeking representation for my novel The Secret King--Lethao, a space fantasy, complete at 102,000 words.

 

I am a script writer with success in co-writing a web series, Best Friends, and short film, Irobe, for production company - Nandar Entertainment. In the last few years I’ve also been working with producers and directors in the United States and Australia to build my portfolio of writing, consulting, and publishing.

 

The Secret King is a transmedia project, which includes a 13 episode TV series, pilot script received well in the UK and graphic novel in development.

 

 

With their sun about to go supernova and their ancient enemy, the Zefron, close on their tail, Kendro, king of the Aonise, fights to save his species from total annihilation.

 

Using the last remaining strength and energy he has, Kendro must power four spacecraft for lift off, a task which leaves him weak and vulnerable. Dalamaar, an Aonise traitor, makes an attempt on the King’s life, seeking the throne for himself and putting all their lives at risk.

Even as Kendro regains his strength, the Zefron strike hard and fast. Destroying one of the Aonise ships, and leading the Aonise into an ambush.

In a wild bid to thwart his visions of their annihilation Kendro orders them to retaliate. They jump into the enemy midst, fighting till the bitter end. Their losses are tremendous and the fleet crippled, resting outside the solar system of a planet called Earth.

 

 

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

Dawn Chapman


Please help me with my query :) thanks 

 

http://agentquerycon...o-scififantasy/


#15 JLPhillips

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Posted 07 September 2014 - 11:53 PM

Many thanks for helping me with my query! Please take my notes with a grain of salt, as I am very new to this whole thing. Hope I can still help in some way.

 

Dear Agent - to suit

 

 

I am seeking representation for my novel The Secret King--Lethao, a space fantasy, complete at 102,000 words.

 

I am a script writer with success in co-writing a web series, Best Friends, and short film, Irobe, for production company - Nandar Entertainment. In the last few years I’ve also been working with producers and directors in the United States and Australia to build my portfolio of writing, consulting, and publishing.

 

The Secret King is a transmedia project, which includes a 13 episode TV series, pilot script received well in the UK and graphic novel in development. Very cool!

 

 

With their sun about to go supernova and their ancient enemy, the Zefron, close on their tail, Kendro, king of the Aonise, fights to save his species from total annihilation.

 

Using the last remaining strength and energy he has, Kendro must power four spacecraft for lift off, a task which leaves him weak and vulnerable. Dalamaar, an Aonise traitor, makes an attempt on the King’s life, seeking the throne for himself and putting all their lives at risk. I'm a sucker for switching parts of sentences like these. "Seeking the throne for himself and putting all their lives at risk, Dalamaar, an Aonise traitor, makes an attempt on the King's life." That's just me, and I'm often wrong.

 

Even as Kendro regains his strength, the Zefron strike hard and fast, destroying one of the Aonise ships, and leading the Aonise into an ambush.

 

 

In a wild bid to thwart his visions of their annihilation, Kendro orders them to retaliate as they jump into the enemy midst, fighting till the bitter end. Their losses are tremendous and the fleet crippled, resting outside the solar system of a planet called Earth. Wasn't expecting that!

 

 

 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

Dawn Chapman



#16 kanundra

kanundra

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  • Publishing Experience:Writer for 'Lost Innocence' 2005 by LSD films. Scriptwriting with First Take run by the British Film Council.

    Assistant Producer on 'Mothers know best' 2006 with First Take as part of their DVDL course in Liverpool.

    Producer of 'Jim' 2009 with EDH Productions.

    Published 'Winds of Avala' with Bob Bello and Sci Fi Almanac 2010.

    Optioned 'Irobe' co-written with Melvin Johnson to Stone Cold Pictures.

    Co screen writer on 'The Pandoran Chronicles', currently in underwriting.

Posted 09 September 2014 - 11:04 AM

Thanks, JL. I think it's very helpful. I'm quite happy with it, but then again someone came along and read it on a different site and they kinda blew it out the water. :( So I am guessing that I just have to give it a shot and email the gent I am writing it for. 


Please help me with my query :) thanks 

 

http://agentquerycon...o-scififantasy/






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