Jump to content

Disclaimer



Photo
* * * * - 1 votes

PURSUED


  • Please log in to reply
23 replies to this topic

#1 arielle99

arielle99

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 58 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS West Coast

Posted 31 December 2014 - 12:40 AM

CHECK POST #24 Updated Query 2017 version 

 

 

Hello! So It's been a year since I took a break from my query. After editing my MS I finally changed up my query letter. It might not be the best, but I've been improving lately and would really appreciate the feedback (: THANKS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

 

 

Senior year in high school was already a challenge for Arielle when the love of her life tried to rape her, but out of the unordinary a young unknown charming guy saved her life. He also helped her by sending her to a new state and giving her a new identity. Just when she finally had her life together with an amazing job, someone from her past interrupted it, putting her life in danger. 

 

Now, the person whom she loathes the most, Jason Hampton who was a jock at her high school, is the only one who can save her from the people who want her dead. To make matters worse, not only must she learn the difference between shooting and reloading, but she must help Jason on his own taunting mission. The deeper Arielle dives into Jason’s mission which involves retrieving a secret code, she unwraps bits of secret about all the criminals around her.

While they both attempt to defeat enemies, regain Arielle’s old life back, and finish Jason’s mission, they awaken the deadliest and darkest human on earth; the Mafia leader. Although he is after Jason, he manages to kidnap Arielle and use her as bait. The Mafia Leader tells Arielle about his relationship with Jason, but he manages to leave an important piece out. Which builds awful questions, Arielle wants answers for. 

Arielle now has to think of a plan in order to escape from someone who kills people for a living while trying to figure out the last bit of information. 


Mysterious Book Query : http://agentquerycon...nonymous/page-2

 

Thriller Book Query : http://agentquerycon...uery-undecided/

 

Mysterious Book Synopsis : http://agentquerycon...h-mr-anonymous/


#2 EliQuinn

EliQuinn

    "that guy"

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 83 posts
  • Literary Status:unagented
  • LocationAustralia/New Zealand

Posted 31 December 2014 - 05:12 AM

Hello! So It's been a year since I took a break from my query. After editing my MS I finally changed up my query letter. It might not be the best, but I've been improving lately and would really appreciate the feedback (: THANKS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

 

(INSERT a hook here; a single sentence designed to capture the reader’s (agent’s) attention and build tension)

 

Senior year in high school was already a challenge for Arielle when the love of her life tried to rape her (traumatizing! and attention getting. + ), but out of the unordinary[?] (ordinary? Wording confuses, especially with ‘unknown’ following three words later) a young unknown charming guy saved her life. He also helped her by sending her to a new state and giving her a new identity. Just when she finally had her life together with an amazing job, someone from her past interrupted it, putting her life in danger. 

 

Now, the person whom she loathes the most, Jason Hampton, who was a jock at from her high school, is the only one who can save her from the people who want her dead. To make matters worse, not only must she learn the difference between shooting and reloading, but she must help Jason on his own taunting (<daunting?) mission. The deeper Arielle dives into Jason’s mission (maybe try a different word here. ‘Jason’s personal life/quest/past’, mission feels like a flow-breaker) which involves retrieving a secret code, she unwraps(unravels?) bits of secrets about all the criminals and villains (not essential, just a bit of flair. Might be unnecessary) around her.

While they both attempt to defeat their enemies, regain Arielle’s old life back, and finish Jason’s mission, they awaken the deadliest and darkest human on earth; the Mafia leader (I would suggest a different name or at least title, something more threatening. My mind, however, is blank for examples. If I think of one, I’ll post it J). Although he is after Jason, he manages to kidnaps Arielle and use uses her as bait. The Mafia Leader tells Arielle about his relationship with Jason, but he manages to leave an important piece out leaves out the most important piece; raising awful questions to which Arielle craves answers. Which builds awful questions, Arielle wants answers for. 

Arielle now has to think of a plan in order to escape from someone who kills people for a living while trying to figure out the last bit of information. 

 

(INSERT the title of the book here, the complete word count and what genre it is)

 

(INSERT a one or two sentences about yourself and your writing)

 

Thank you for taking the time to read and consider my novel/<NOVEL TITLE> (a little appreciation to the agent goes a long way)

 

Sincerely,

<NAME>

 

Welcome back to the writing scene! I've provided some edits for your query letter. You've got the basics down and, overall, it's well written. Everything I've changed is just a suggestion so take it or leave it, I hope it helps. All the best with your submissions!

 

- EQ


If you have the time, I would love your opinion on my query and or synopsis:

 

Synopsis > http://agentquerycon...sy/#entry268693

 

Query > http://agentquerycon...ntasy/?p=267170


#3 CaterpillarStar

CaterpillarStar

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 32 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:I'm an unpaid eighteen year old editorial intern for a small, local company.

Posted 31 December 2014 - 02:21 PM

Hello! So It's been a year since I took a break from my query. After editing my MS I finally changed up my query letter. It might not be the best, but I've been improving lately and would really appreciate the feedback (: THANKS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

 

 

Senior year in high school was already a challenge for Arielle when the love of her life tried to rape her, but out of the unordinary a young unknown charming guy saved her life. This is your first sentence and it has thirty four words.  Trim it down to give it punch. He also helped her by sending her to a new state and giving her a new identity. Pretty sure rape survivors don't normally do that. Sounds like she's got other problems and the reader doesn't know what they are. Was she on the run from the law?  Just when she finally had her life together with an amazing job, If it's important, than what kind of job? How much time has passed since the high school-rape-new identity drama? someone from her past Who? The wannabe rapist? The rescuer? Someone else? interrupteds it, putting her life in danger. 

 

Now, the person whom she loathes the most, Jason Hampton is this the rapist boyfriend? who was a jock at her high school, is the only one who can save her from the people who want her dead. To make matters worse, not only must she learn the difference between shooting and reloading, I have never shot a gun in my life and even I know the difference. but she must help Jason on his own taunting mission. What kind of mission? Is he a criminal? Cop? Government agent? The deeper Arielle dives into Jason’s mission which involves retrieving a secret code, she unwraps bits of secret about all the criminals around her. Okay, now I'm guessing government agent. 

While they both attempt to defeat enemies, regain Arielle’s old life back, and finish Jason’s mission, they awaken the deadliest and darkest human on earth; the Mafia leader. "Awaken" and "darkest" put me in mind of some sort of magic villain. I don't think that's your genre. Although he is after Jason, he manages to kidnap Arielle and use her as bait. Yeah, speaking of that, why does Jason care about Arielle? He's obviously providing some sort of protection, but if she doesn't know the difference between shooting and reloading, what is she doing to aid him? The Mafia Leader tells Arielle about his relationship What kind of relationship? A family relationship? A business relationship? A romantic relationship? with Jason, but he manages to leave an important piece out. Which builds awful questions, Arielle wants answers for. This is too vague to intrigue the reader.

Arielle now has to think of a plan in order to escape from someone who kills people for a living So...an assassin? A hit man? while trying to figure out the last bit of information. 

What this query needs is more specifics. I know who your main character and her ally are, but I don't know much about the odds they're facing. Try: "Arielle thought she put her past behind her when she changed her name and moved to STATE NAME senior year. (Or after graduation because I really can't tell) Then Jason Hampton, (insert whatever Jason was to her in high school) turns (whatever specific kind of government agent he is) up needing her help for (specifics about his mission).

Good luck! 



#4 arielle99

arielle99

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 58 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS West Coast

Posted 31 December 2014 - 04:49 PM

Thank You for your feedback, and yes I'm still working on it. I'll repost my edit version later on in the day. THANK YOU AGAIN! MEANS A LOT TO ME !!!!


Mysterious Book Query : http://agentquerycon...nonymous/page-2

 

Thriller Book Query : http://agentquerycon...uery-undecided/

 

Mysterious Book Synopsis : http://agentquerycon...h-mr-anonymous/


#5 arielle99

arielle99

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 58 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS West Coast

Posted 31 December 2014 - 05:35 PM

Six years later, after a horrible night at her senior prom, Arielle Platinum led the perfect upper-class life with a new identity in Virginia. However, a simple reunion with an old classmate takes it all away, leaving her with a new identity as a criminal and a gun she doesn't know how to use.  

 

After witnessing the murder of a go-go dancer by a former classmate, Jason Hampton, a jock from her high school, Arielle is now a part of a bad ass gang(changing later). To make matters worse, her resemblance to a former mob boss' wife doesn't help her case at all, instead it awakens the creature himself. In order, to keep her own life and regain the title she worked hard for, she must tag along with Jason and complete his quest.

 

While they both attempt to defeat their enemies, regain Arielle’s old life, and finish Jason’s quest, a unknown romantic spark appears between them, but who would ever fall in love with a criminal? Through the final steps of retrieving a secret code, the mob boss kidnaps Arielle and uses her as bait. He tells Arielle about his relationship with Jason, but he leaves out the most important piece; raising awful questions to which Arielle craves answers.


Arielle now has to think of a plan in order to escape from someone who kills people for a living while trying to figure out the last bit of information.


Mysterious Book Query : http://agentquerycon...nonymous/page-2

 

Thriller Book Query : http://agentquerycon...uery-undecided/

 

Mysterious Book Synopsis : http://agentquerycon...h-mr-anonymous/


#6 arielle99

arielle99

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 58 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS West Coast

Posted 05 January 2015 - 03:59 PM

Yes I have written this novel for the millionth time. Thank you for your feedback, I'll keep that in mind! @JCWRITES


Mysterious Book Query : http://agentquerycon...nonymous/page-2

 

Thriller Book Query : http://agentquerycon...uery-undecided/

 

Mysterious Book Synopsis : http://agentquerycon...h-mr-anonymous/


#7 arielle99

arielle99

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 58 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS West Coast

Posted 05 January 2015 - 07:33 PM

Arielle Platinum, CEO of Gregory Industry, has everything she ever asked for--until she reunites with an old classmate who replaces her accomplishments with a new identity and a gun she doesn't know how to use.

 

When Jason Hampton, a  jock from her high school, demanding and mysterious murder suspect comes into Arielle's life, normal life activities vanish.To make matters worse, she must help Jason on his own quest to retrieve a secret code. 

 

While they both attempt to defeat enemies, regain Arielle’s title and finish Jason’s ultimate mission, neither can continue to disregard the attraction that is uniting them together, until a Mob Boss kidnaps Arielle.

 

The Mafia Leader tells Arielle about his relationship with Jason, but he leaves out the most important piece; raising awful questions to which Arielle craves answers. Arielle now has to think of a plan in order to escape from someone who kills people for a living while trying to figure out the last bit of information. 

 

( change to; Arielle never expected Jason to save her life. And neither of them ever expected to feel anything more than hostility for each other, until the Mob Boss tells Arielle, Jason is not a criminal. If Jason’s not a criminal then what is he? Now, it’s all up to Arielle to find out the last piece of the puzzle.)  ​I don't know which one would be a good ending? GOOD SO FAR... Hopefully :) 


Mysterious Book Query : http://agentquerycon...nonymous/page-2

 

Thriller Book Query : http://agentquerycon...uery-undecided/

 

Mysterious Book Synopsis : http://agentquerycon...h-mr-anonymous/


#8 maybo

maybo

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 111 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, unagented
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:I won an award for a letter to the editor of the local newspaper called the Hartford Courant. Had a short screen play produced and some publishing’s in magazines.

Posted 05 January 2015 - 08:48 PM

Hi, the query is coming along.  The hook is better.  

 

I am not sure how some one from the past can just show up and replace another persons choices in their life.  Jason could not do that to Arielle unless Jason had some strong power over her.  What is the power Jason has over Arielle?



#9 aperson

aperson

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 116 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:Cricket Magazine published my story, The Blanket (1990). CTB
    Macmillan/McGraw/Hill later published the story for reading
    comprehensive tests used by the State of Maryland. The
    Friend published Merlin's Appointment (1985).

    Our children are now adults I am now writing again.

Posted 06 January 2015 - 12:19 AM

 

Arielle Platinum, CEO of Gregory Industry, has everything she ever asked for--until she reunites with an old classmate who replaces her accomplishments with a new identity and a gun she doesn't know how to use.   Why?  How does the classmate do this? For what reason?

 

When Jason Hampton, a  jock from her high school, demanding and mysterious murder suspect comes into Arielle's life, normal life activities vanish.To make matters worse, she must help Jason on his own quest to retrieve a secret code.  The old classmate is Jason, correct? Again I want to know why she needs to help Jason with a retrieval of a secert code that he benefits from. He gave/forced? her into new identity so he has a reason. I believe more information is needed.

 

While they both attempt to defeat enemies, regain Arielle’s title and finish Jason’s ultimate mission, neither can continue to disregard the attraction that is uniting them together, until a Mob Boss kidnaps Arielle.

 

The Mafia Leader tells Arielle about his relationship with Jason, but he leaves out the most important piece; raising awful questions to which Arielle craves answers. Arielle now has to think of a plan in order to escape from someone who kills people for a living while trying to figure out the last bit of information. 

 

( change to; Arielle never expected Jason to save her life. And neither of them ever expected to feel anything more than hostility for each other, until the Mob Boss tells Arielle, Jason is not a criminal. If Jason’s not a criminal then what is he? Now, it’s all up to Arielle to find out the last piece of the puzzle.)  ​I don't know which one would be a good ending? GOOD SO FAR... Hopefully :) 

 

I like the second ending better.  Although I am mad at Jason for involving Arielle and taking her CEO title from her in the first place.    ~karen

 



#10 arielle99

arielle99

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 58 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS West Coast

Posted 09 January 2015 - 01:48 AM

Thank you for your feedback... Im still working on it,probably get it on by saturday morning or afternoon. THANKS a million, I really  appreciate it (::::


Mysterious Book Query : http://agentquerycon...nonymous/page-2

 

Thriller Book Query : http://agentquerycon...uery-undecided/

 

Mysterious Book Synopsis : http://agentquerycon...h-mr-anonymous/


#11 arielle99

arielle99

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 58 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS West Coast

Posted 11 January 2015 - 09:17 PM

Arielle Platinum, CEO of Gregory Industry, has everything she ever asked for--until she witness the death of a go-go dancer by an old classmate, normal life activities vanish.  

 

When Jason Hampton, a  jock from her high school, demanding and mysterious murder suspect comes into Arielle's life, he replaces her accomplishments with a new identity and a gun she doesn't know how to use, in return for her to keep quiet. To make matters worse, if Arielle wants to stay alive from the people who want her dead, one being a mob boss, she must help Jason on his own quest to retrieve a secret code before it lands in the wrong hands. The secret code can perhaps destroy the world. 

 

While they both attempt to defeat enemies, regain Arielle’s title and finish Jason’s ultimate mission, neither can continue to disregard the attraction that is uniting them together, until the Mob Boss kidnaps Arielle.

 

 Arielle never expected Jason to save her life. And neither of them ever expected to feel anything more than hostility for each other, until the Mob Boss tells Arielle, Jason is not a criminal. If Jason’s not a criminal then what is he? Now, it’s all up to Arielle to find out the last piece of the puzzle.

 

 

 

​STILL WORKING.... But what i got. 


Mysterious Book Query : http://agentquerycon...nonymous/page-2

 

Thriller Book Query : http://agentquerycon...uery-undecided/

 

Mysterious Book Synopsis : http://agentquerycon...h-mr-anonymous/


#12 Ireth

Ireth

    Veteran Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,801 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationCanada

Posted 11 January 2015 - 09:23 PM

 

Arielle Platinum, CEO of Gregory Industry, has everything she ever asked for--until she witness the death of a go-go dancer by an old classmate, and her normal life activities vanish.  

 

When former high school jock Jason Hampton, a  jock from her high school, demanding and mysterious murder suspect comes back into Arielle's life as a demanding and mysterious murder suspect, he replaces her accomplishments with a new identity and a gun she doesn't know how to use, in return for her silence. To make matters worse, if Arielle wants to evade the mob boss and others who want her dead, one being a mob boss, she must help Jason on his own quest to retrieve a secret code before it lands in the wrong hands. The secret code can perhaps destroy the world. 

 

While they both attempt to defeat enemies, regain Arielle’s title and finish Jason’s ultimate mission, neither can continue to disregard the attraction that unites them together, until the Mob Boss (why is this capitalized? It wasn't the first time.) kidnaps Arielle.

 

 Arielle never expected Jason to save her life. And neither of them ever expected to feel anything more than hostility for each other, until the Mob Boss tells Arielle(no comma) that Jason is not a criminal. If Jason’s not a criminal then what is he? Now, it’s all up to Arielle to find out the last piece of the puzzle. (Or what? Will she die? Will Jason?)

 

 

 

​STILL WORKING.... But what i got. 

 


There's too much blood in my tea system. Time to put the kettle on.

 

~~~

 

All projects except WINTER'S QUEEN are currently on hiatus until further notice. Thank you!

 

Queries:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...e-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...orical-fantasy/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...sea-ya-fantasy/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing On Edges: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Bellringer: http://agentquerycon...ringer-fantasy/

 

Hooks:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...tasy-hook-help/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...k-epic-fantasy/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

Moonhunter: http://agentquerycon...ya-xenofiction/

Song of the Sea: http://agentquerycon...ong-of-the-sea/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/

Dancing on Edges: http://agentquerycon...asy-query-hook/

 

Synopses:

Winter's Queen: http://agentquerycon...een-ya-fantasy/

Tenth Realm: http://agentquerycon...ntasy-synopsis/

Low Road: http://agentquerycon...fantasyvampire/

My Soul to Keep: http://agentquerycon...porary-fantasy/


#13 aperson

aperson

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 116 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:Cricket Magazine published my story, The Blanket (1990). CTB
    Macmillan/McGraw/Hill later published the story for reading
    comprehensive tests used by the State of Maryland. The
    Friend published Merlin's Appointment (1985).

    Our children are now adults I am now writing again.

Posted 12 January 2015 - 07:22 PM

I think you have it.  I'm not an expert but I think this is compelling. 

 

Arielle Platinum, CEO of Gregory Industry, has everything she ever asked for--until she witness the death of a go-go dancer by an old classmate, normal life activities vanish.  (now this makes a big difference-it has bones)

 

When Jason Hampton, a  jock from her high school, demanding and mysterious murder suspect comes into Arielle's life, he replaces her accomplishments with a new identity and a gun she doesn't know how to use, in return for her to keep quiet. To make matters worse, if Arielle wants to stay alive from the people who want her dead, one being a including? a/the  mob boss, she must help Jason on his own quest to retrieve a secret code before it lands in the wrong hands. The secret code can perhaps destroy the world. (good)

 

While they both attempt to defeat enemies, regain Arielle’s title and finish Jason’s ultimate mission, neither can continue to disregard the attraction that is uniting them together, until the Mob Boss kidnaps Arielle.

 

 Arielle never expected Jason to save her life. And neither of them ever expected to feel anything more than hostility for each other, until the Mob Boss tells Arielle, Jason is not a criminal. If Jason’s not a criminal then what is he? Now, it’s all up to Arielle to find out the last piece of the puzzle.

 

 

 

​STILL WORKING.... But what i got. 

 



#14 arielle99

arielle99

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 58 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS West Coast

Posted 22 January 2015 - 02:29 AM

Thank you both for your help!!!! I really appreciate it . sorry for the late adding, been busy with college lol. 


Mysterious Book Query : http://agentquerycon...nonymous/page-2

 

Thriller Book Query : http://agentquerycon...uery-undecided/

 

Mysterious Book Synopsis : http://agentquerycon...h-mr-anonymous/


#15 arielle99

arielle99

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 58 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS West Coast

Posted 22 January 2015 - 02:40 AM

BETTER HOPEFULLY! Everyone is so amazing, you all really helped me put together a very good query. Now hopefully I get some representation.  I did receive partials from my first query, but after reviewing it, that may not be my best work lol. Thanks again,, and I hope this query is BETTER.

 

Arielle Platinum, CEO of Gregory Industry, has everything she ever asked for--until she witness the death of a go-go dancer by an old classmate, and her normal life activities vanish.  

 

When former high school jock Jason Hampton, comes back into Arielle's life as a demanding and mysterious murder suspect, he replaces her accomplishments with a new identity and a gun she doesn't know how to use, in return for her silence. To make matters worse, if Arielle wants to evade the mob boss and others who want her dead, she must help Jason on his own quest to retrieve a secret code before it lands in the wrong hands. The secret code can perhaps destroy the world.

 

While they both attempt to defeat enemies, regain Arielle’s title and finish Jason’s ultimate mission, neither can continue to disregard the attraction that unites them together, until the mob boss kidnaps Arielle.

 

Arielle never expected Jason to save her life. And neither of them ever expected to feel anything more than hostility for each other, until the mob boss tells Arielle that Jason is not a criminal. If Jason’s not a criminal then what is he? Now, it’s all up to Arielle to find out the last piece of the puzzle before someone gets hurt.



Mysterious Book Query : http://agentquerycon...nonymous/page-2

 

Thriller Book Query : http://agentquerycon...uery-undecided/

 

Mysterious Book Synopsis : http://agentquerycon...h-mr-anonymous/


#16 BlueRose280

BlueRose280

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 29 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Northwest

Posted 22 January 2015 - 11:18 AM

Are you suggesting that the guy who saved Arielle after she was raped was part of the mafia, seeing as how he knew how to relocate and rename her witness-protection style? If so, bravo on the twist. However, if that was your intention and a moron like me could see right through it, you need to cut it and skip to the “Now, the person whom she loathes the most” line.

 

Also, I’m confused. Was Arielle hiding from the Mafioso when she and Jason saw each other and she decided to help him with his mission, or was she on the run from one group of people, then joined Jason in his mission, and has now been captured by an unrelated mafia leader who wants her dead?  



#17 arielle99

arielle99

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 58 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS West Coast

Posted 23 January 2015 - 12:03 AM

I changed my query to a totally different one? I don't have that line " Now, the person whom she loathes the most" anymore, so idk what you're talking about?


Mysterious Book Query : http://agentquerycon...nonymous/page-2

 

Thriller Book Query : http://agentquerycon...uery-undecided/

 

Mysterious Book Synopsis : http://agentquerycon...h-mr-anonymous/


#18 BlueRose280

BlueRose280

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 29 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Northwest

Posted 23 January 2015 - 03:55 AM

Sorry. Guess I missed one of your rewrites. 



#19 Jeffrey

Jeffrey

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 194 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, unagented
  • LocationUS Southeast

Posted 23 January 2015 - 12:13 PM

This may be trivial, but I don't think we say "go-go dancer anymore. A more updated term would be: exotic dancer or stripper. I think the premise of your story is great. Good luck!

#20 arielle99

arielle99

    New Member

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 58 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS West Coast

Posted 25 January 2015 - 09:26 PM

Thanks @Jeffrey. Lol  I completely forgot about exotic dance. But will change "go-go dancer to exotic dancer." Sounds better!  and @bluerose280, you're fine. No need to apologize (: 


Mysterious Book Query : http://agentquerycon...nonymous/page-2

 

Thriller Book Query : http://agentquerycon...uery-undecided/

 

Mysterious Book Synopsis : http://agentquerycon...h-mr-anonymous/





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users