2 votes
I Have Many Skills.
Posted 04 January 2017 - 09:45 PM
Page 1 line 1 from a WIP called "Twist"
An astute reader may notice that this story begins some years ago, which should be no surprise, as one may never know how much time passes between when words are set on the page and when they might be gobbled up by the reader.
hmmmm... needs work.
From Elephant's Bookshelf Press
"WOW. That is the first word that comes to mind when I think about how I felt reading this book - WOW. I was so pleasantly surprised - oh, let's be honest, it was more like blown away!" -- Holy B. In NC, Amazon Review.
New Member
Posted 05 January 2017 - 08:34 PM
Page 1, line 1:
The memo stank of barrel-printing ink and bad news.
New Member
Posted 10 January 2017 - 12:30 PM
And from the first short story I've written in ten years:
I was somebody's firstborn child.
I Have Many Skills.
Posted 10 January 2017 - 12:40 PM
And from the first short story I've written in ten years:
I was somebody's firstborn child.
That's an awesome opening line.
From Elephant's Bookshelf Press
"WOW. That is the first word that comes to mind when I think about how I felt reading this book - WOW. I was so pleasantly surprised - oh, let's be honest, it was more like blown away!" -- Holy B. In NC, Amazon Review.
New Member
Posted 10 January 2017 - 04:14 PM
woot! It's not often I hit a good one so early in the process. thanks!
Veteran Member
Posted 11 January 2017 - 10:14 AM
clpolk: I like both of them, but there's something wonderfully pessimistic about the "stank of ink and bad news" that I adore.
Here's mine (for now):
The dogs are missing.
New Member
Posted 11 January 2017 - 03:44 PM
I want to know why they're missing.
Hal ethrimi! (Keep writing!)
Posted 12 January 2017 - 12:39 PM
Veteran Member
Posted 14 January 2017 - 09:12 PM
Page 1 line 1 from a WIP called "Twist"
An astute reader may notice thatthis story begins some years ago, which should be no surprise, asone may never know how muchtime passes between when words are set on the page and when they might be gobbled up gobbled? Going for a comic tone?by the reader.
hmmmm... needs work.
I think the conceit to the reader makes this a bit wordy, and could be subtext. With the cuts I did above, it's still obvious the author is speaking directly to the reader.
I Have Many Skills.
Posted 14 January 2017 - 09:33 PM
Thanks, Thrash. This is actually based on a Dickens story, so there is the challenge of capturing his feel, if not his voice, in a modern piece.
From Elephant's Bookshelf Press
"WOW. That is the first word that comes to mind when I think about how I felt reading this book - WOW. I was so pleasantly surprised - oh, let's be honest, it was more like blown away!" -- Holy B. In NC, Amazon Review.
I Have Many Skills.
Posted 13 February 2017 - 09:09 PM
Okay... let's do another one...
It's 2017, so how about page 20 line 17:
From my current - maybe a new WIP:
"That is sweet!"
From Elephant's Bookshelf Press
"WOW. That is the first word that comes to mind when I think about how I felt reading this book - WOW. I was so pleasantly surprised - oh, let's be honest, it was more like blown away!" -- Holy B. In NC, Amazon Review.
Veteran Member
Posted 14 February 2017 - 10:16 PM
I want to play. From my current book.
“You’re going to burn down the place?”
Veteran Member
Posted 15 February 2017 - 01:49 PM
"Go to hell"
I Have Many Skills.
Posted 15 February 2017 - 02:25 PM
From Elephant's Bookshelf Press
"WOW. That is the first word that comes to mind when I think about how I felt reading this book - WOW. I was so pleasantly surprised - oh, let's be honest, it was more like blown away!" -- Holy B. In NC, Amazon Review.
New Member
Posted 16 February 2017 - 04:19 PM
Not without a cure, or even confirmation of what I hardly dared think: that the veterans in my hospital unit and Cpl. James Barclay had more in common than their combat service.
I Have Many Skills.
Posted 10 April 2018 - 07:54 PM
I was talking about this game the other day, and much it can help with editing, even though it's just one sentence... So let's bring it back:
The most important sentence of any manuscript is on page 10, line 10. Here's mine from my current WIP.
"They're fighting for the Angel of the Apocalypse."
See... told ya! :)
What sentence is on your page 10, line 10?
From Elephant's Bookshelf Press
"WOW. That is the first word that comes to mind when I think about how I felt reading this book - WOW. I was so pleasantly surprised - oh, let's be honest, it was more like blown away!" -- Holy B. In NC, Amazon Review.
LNLOFT
Posted 10 April 2018 - 09:31 PM
"She's being mean to me," Ross complained.
Actually, this already helped me. I was just reflecting that if you'd picked one line up it would have been a more fun out-of-context sentence, which then made me notice that said sentence could be streamlined slightly, so, yay, edits.
Please note I'm also posting on behalf of people who can't sign up, so if I provide a link in the main body of the post, make sure to reciprocate on that thread.
I Have Many Skills.
Posted 13 April 2018 - 03:22 PM
"She's being mean to me," Ross complained.
Actually, this already helped me. I was just reflecting that if you'd picked one line up it would have been a more fun out-of-context sentence, which then made me notice that said sentence could be streamlined slightly, so, yay, edits.
That's awesome!
I don't know why more people don't play this game. We used to do it all the time here back in the day. Now, most of the people who used to play have agents and/or been published. Coincidence? I don't think s... okay, yeah, probably.
From Elephant's Bookshelf Press
"WOW. That is the first word that comes to mind when I think about how I felt reading this book - WOW. I was so pleasantly surprised - oh, let's be honest, it was more like blown away!" -- Holy B. In NC, Amazon Review.
Veteran Member
Posted 14 April 2018 - 04:55 PM
“Well, good. I guess it’s all a roll of the dice, hey Jack? Apples and oranges.”
Yup, I see a word I can delete.
Probably Drinking Coffee
Posted 04 May 2018 - 11:37 PM
She savored the stitch in her side as she collected her breath, a familiar pain that evoked midnight raids and cannon duels, tavern brawls and clashing steel.
My style does tend toward the slightly lyrical, so I'm okay with the uncommon structure of this one -- and I liked writing this line because it's a good exposition on the sorts of things my MC does as a pirate. And it also reflects a lot of things to come later in the manuscript: stealing back a map from the enemy, brawling in a tavern, sword fights, and sea battles as well.
"I am a fire escape. My spine is made of iron, my heart pumps out old red paint."
— Foster the People
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