Jump to content

Disclaimer



Photo

Brainstorming Hooks


  • Please log in to reply
144 replies to this topic

#21 Peter Burton

Peter Burton

    Court Jester and Wanna Be Author

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,818 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, published, self-published, unagented
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:Self Published

Posted 16 April 2011 - 09:46 AM

A coven of witches wants the Goddess to appear to them and grant them renewed youth just as she does every ten years. But, they require a shining life-force to make it happen.

Tom McManus has one.


How about something like this, PL?

Every ten years a coven of witches can draw down the Goddess to grant them renewed youth. But, the coven requires a shining life-force to make it happen. Tom McManus has one.

"But that's OK. There's treasure children always seek to find.

And just like us, you must have had, a Once Upon A Time."

~Elton John


#22 PLGreen

PLGreen

    "Don't make me get my flying monkeys"

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 216 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, published, unagented
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:I have been published once before in the Quiet Time Report.

Posted 16 April 2011 - 09:53 AM

Thanks to all for the great ideas! I came up with something completely different, let me know what yo think.

After being entranced by a beautiful enchanted muse, Tom McManus writes the death of his family…six years later the story comes true. Now he is running for his life with the help of his muse and his dead wife.
P. L. Green

#23 PLGreen

PLGreen

    "Don't make me get my flying monkeys"

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 216 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting, published, unagented
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:I have been published once before in the Quiet Time Report.

Posted 16 April 2011 - 10:04 AM

Hi :) I haven't been on here for that long but I already have 1 finished book plus I have stories up on the internet. I found this topic interesting because as a concise writer I like to get to the point of things but I also want it to be interesting so here's a POSSIBLE hook for my book

The day his daughter was born was the greatest of his life until 2 years later when his wife leaves him to care for her on his own. As she gets older he realizes that caring for a daughter might be overwhelming especially if you're still depressed about the breakup of your marriage. How will he react when he discovers that she's harboring cold feelings towards him and other men?

I know its not a sentence but there's actually more to the story than that but I don't like to give away the good parts.


Hi JLeshay,

Here's a possible option that might flow smoother. Remember I am new to this too. :smile:

Excited by the birth of his daughter his world is shattered two years later when his wife leaves him. Now he is left to fend for himself and his daughter while struggling with depression from the divorce. Unexpectedly he finds out that his daughter is now harboring cold feelings towards him, and men in general, after being raised without a mom.

Just curious, why did his wife leave him? Did he do that bad raising his daughter? Did something bad happen during her childhood other than her mother leaving?
P. L. Green

#24 TansyRagwort

TansyRagwort

    Guppy Graduate

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 812 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, published, unagented
  • LocationUS Northwest
  • Publishing Experience:One short story in Beyond Centauri, novel coming December 2013 from Immortal Ink Publishing

Posted 16 April 2011 - 03:38 PM

JLeshay: My quick comment: What is "his" name? Throw that in your hook.

PL: Comma after story. Also after beautiful.

I only have little things to add today. I'm sorry.

http://www.immortali...ify.php?book=25

http://www.immortali...books.php?id=25

 

THE IMPENDING DEMISE OF THE GIRL WITH BROWN EYES coming Dec 2013 from Immortal Ink Publishing.


#25 Eli Ashpence

Eli Ashpence

    (Penny Avatar Inserted)

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,674 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, self-published, unagented
  • LocationUS South
  • Publishing Experience:Self-published "Genocide to Genesis"

Posted 16 April 2011 - 04:16 PM

Hi :) I haven't been on here for that long but I already have 1 finished book plus I have stories up on the internet. I found this topic interesting because as a concise writer I like to get to the point of things but I also want it to be interesting so here's a POSSIBLE hook for my book

The day his daughter was born was the greatest of his life until 2 years later when his wife leaves him to care for her on his own. As she gets older he realizes that caring for a daughter might be overwhelming especially if you're still depressed about the breakup of your marriage. How will he react when he discovers that she's harboring cold feelings towards him and other men?

I know its not a sentence but there's actually more to the story than that but I don't like to give away the good parts.


Pardon if I'm misunderstanding the identity of 'she' in the last sentence, but it seems like you're repeating yourself in sentence two. This might be simpler:

When he (insert MC's name) became a single father, his lingering depression over his divorce might be the reason his daughter's heart is frozen toward men.

Use your own words, of course. Just make it quick and snappy. You don't have to lead up to the good part with a hook. Give it bluntly to make it pop.

Hrm... I guess I can play along, although I'm a long way from writing my query.

For my WIP:

On his eighteenth birthday, Devlin drops out of school and leaves home in search of freedom, but home doesn't seem so bad after he gets stuck in a world where carnivorous unicorns eat virgins, baristas need a university degree in Alchemy, and every magician in the Magical Mafia thinks he's a thieving elf.
g2g.jpg

Author of Genocide to Genesis
 


#26 EMDelaney

EMDelaney

    Senor' Da Lima

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 388 posts
  • Literary Status:unagented
  • LocationUS Southeast
  • Publishing Experience:Self-publishing my work by choice

Posted 17 April 2011 - 10:55 AM

TITLE: ONE WRONG TURN

After making one wrong turn while following some directions, Phil Murphy's car is hijacked in a strange neighborhood. Disappointing, but nowhere near as bad as the series of disasterous events that unfurl as a result, leading to his being sentenced to life in prison for killing a police officer.


If you continue to think the way you've always thought, you will continue to get what you've always got!

#27 TansyRagwort

TansyRagwort

    Guppy Graduate

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 812 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, published, unagented
  • LocationUS Northwest
  • Publishing Experience:One short story in Beyond Centauri, novel coming December 2013 from Immortal Ink Publishing

Posted 29 April 2011 - 06:14 PM

To EM:
being sentenced to life in prison seems awkward. First of all because where else would a life sentence be? I'd only specify if it was not prison. I'm going to suggest "leading to a life-sentence for killing a police officer." What say you?


To Eli:

every magician in the Magical Mafia thinks he's a thieving elf.


Do the magicians think they are thieving elves or do they think Devlin is one? Rather confusing. I had to reread it to try and guess which it was.

http://www.immortali...ify.php?book=25

http://www.immortali...books.php?id=25

 

THE IMPENDING DEMISE OF THE GIRL WITH BROWN EYES coming Dec 2013 from Immortal Ink Publishing.


#28 KC Rivers

KC Rivers

    Official fangirl since Ocarina of Time

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 774 posts
  • Literary Status:self-published
  • LocationUS Northwest
  • Publishing Experience:My first novel, "Prince of Light," is now available through Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Posted 05 May 2011 - 07:01 PM

I always have the hardest time coming up with a good hook, particularly for my first novel. In the end, this was the best I could do:

"Seventeen-year-old Ebony expected to live the ordinary life of any farmer’s daughter. Falling in love with a rogue Elfin prince in an enchanted land full of shapeshifters, mages, dragon-men and oracles certainly wasn’t part of it."


Kind of blah, but better than some of the other ideas that I had originally come up with. I have a pretty decent query letter for my new WIP (which isn't complete yet) but this book has been extremely difficult to promote. It's just so difficult to wrap everything up in a simple sentence ...
Thumbnail2_zps36e993fa.jpg
Now available!

Web Site
Twitter
Facebook

#29 M_Simkins

M_Simkins

    Successfully avoiding housework since 1974

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 319 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Northwest

Posted 07 May 2011 - 01:34 PM

P.L., as soon as I heard your scenario I thought about Tom's situation, how normally guys are pretty excited to have sex but in this case . . . um . . . well. So I thought something like:

"Tom McManus would be thrilled about going to bed with (insert sexy witch name or description here)--if she didn't plan to kill him when she was done with him."

That's not structured very well but . . . you get the idea . . .

And I suppose it's a little goofy but I'm a little goofy so . . . I can't help myself. :biggrin:

#30 M_Simkins

M_Simkins

    Successfully avoiding housework since 1974

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 319 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Northwest

Posted 07 May 2011 - 01:42 PM

TITLE: ONE WRONG TURN

After making one wrong turn while following some directions, Phil Murphy's car is hijacked in a strange neighborhood. Disappointing, but nowhere near as bad as the series of disasterous events that unfurl as a result, leading to his being sentenced to life in prison for killing a police officer.



EM you have a terrible, terrible problem. Phil is a man. And he is following directions.

:laugh:

#31 TansyRagwort

TansyRagwort

    Guppy Graduate

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 812 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, published, unagented
  • LocationUS Northwest
  • Publishing Experience:One short story in Beyond Centauri, novel coming December 2013 from Immortal Ink Publishing

Posted 07 May 2011 - 04:04 PM

I always have the hardest time coming up with a good hook, particularly for my first novel. In the end, this was the best I could do:

"Seventeen-year-old Ebony expected to live the ordinary life of any farmer’s daughter. Falling in love with a rogue Elfin prince in an enchanted land full of shapeshifters, mages, dragon-men and oracles certainly wasn’t part of it."


Kind of blah, but better than some of the other ideas that I had originally come up with. I have a pretty decent query letter for my new WIP (which isn't complete yet) but this book has been extremely difficult to promote. It's just so difficult to wrap everything up in a simple sentence ...



What does falling in love do for her? Does it take her away from home? Is she normally in that land of enchanted peoples? Give us some more info and maybe we can help with a better hook. Right now its kind of generic.

http://www.immortali...ify.php?book=25

http://www.immortali...books.php?id=25

 

THE IMPENDING DEMISE OF THE GIRL WITH BROWN EYES coming Dec 2013 from Immortal Ink Publishing.


#32 KC Rivers

KC Rivers

    Official fangirl since Ocarina of Time

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 774 posts
  • Literary Status:self-published
  • LocationUS Northwest
  • Publishing Experience:My first novel, "Prince of Light," is now available through Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Posted 08 May 2011 - 10:19 PM

What does falling in love do for her? Does it take her away from home? Is she normally in that land of enchanted peoples? Give us some more info and maybe we can help with a better hook. Right now its kind of generic.



That's been my big dilemma. How do I sum up everything in one little sentence and make it unique at the same time? Yes, this is an entirely new adventure for Ebony. I suppose I would classify this as a medieval fantasy, because I picture Ebony living in either the 1500s or 1600s. Plus, the world that she is transported to deals with magical/mythical beings, castles, dragons, etc. The thing is, the story begins with her waking up in the underground room of an unknown castle with no idea of how she got there. The only time she's in her own world is in the prologue, where she is running from men who have attacked her village. She is actually transported to another realm, though details aren't really revealed until a later time. In the new realm, she is befriended by a young mage, who keeps her hidden from the Elfin prince and those who would cause her harm. When she finally meets the prince face-to-face, however, she realizes that he's not a threat to her and actually ends up falling in love with him. So there is a love triangle, a pending war between the prince and his half-brother as well as the threat of the Eagles, a tribe of shapeshifters who have sided with the darker prince. I've been told by those who have read the full book that it's a very unique story, but I don't know how to convey that. :(
Thumbnail2_zps36e993fa.jpg
Now available!

Web Site
Twitter
Facebook

#33 TansyRagwort

TansyRagwort

    Guppy Graduate

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 812 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, published, unagented
  • LocationUS Northwest
  • Publishing Experience:One short story in Beyond Centauri, novel coming December 2013 from Immortal Ink Publishing

Posted 09 May 2011 - 05:33 PM

What about starting where your story starts?

When Ebony wakes up in a castle, the last thing she can remember is fleeing bandits and she wonders if this magical realm is the afterlife. Wherever she is, it sure ain't heaven.

Or maybe not. Is she even trying to go home?

http://www.immortali...ify.php?book=25

http://www.immortali...books.php?id=25

 

THE IMPENDING DEMISE OF THE GIRL WITH BROWN EYES coming Dec 2013 from Immortal Ink Publishing.


#34 tibby

tibby

    That's MS. Horror Writer to you!

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 966 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Southeast
  • Publishing Experience:unpublished, but we'll see for how much longer

Posted 09 May 2011 - 06:12 PM

INFECTIOUS: (formerly, THE WOODS)

When Cherie Mitchell tries to escape her pain, she encounters something she can’t run away from-- a parasite that attempts to take over her body and mind.

THE GREEN ONES (book 2 in the story)

Christopher Scott Denton is an extraordinary child not to mention the object of a 'green ones' prophesy to take over the world.

Well there ya go *chuckles*
Nor could I ever after see the world as I had known it. Mixed with the present scene was always a little of the past and a little of the future, and every once-familiar object loomed alien in the new perspective brought by my widened sight. --Lovecraft "The Book"

#35 TansyRagwort

TansyRagwort

    Guppy Graduate

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 812 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, published, unagented
  • LocationUS Northwest
  • Publishing Experience:One short story in Beyond Centauri, novel coming December 2013 from Immortal Ink Publishing

Posted 09 May 2011 - 06:40 PM

I'd switch escape and run away. She runs from her pain and encounters something she can't escape.

Extraordinary how?

Love ya BFF!

http://www.immortali...ify.php?book=25

http://www.immortali...books.php?id=25

 

THE IMPENDING DEMISE OF THE GIRL WITH BROWN EYES coming Dec 2013 from Immortal Ink Publishing.


#36 tibby

tibby

    That's MS. Horror Writer to you!

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 966 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Southeast
  • Publishing Experience:unpublished, but we'll see for how much longer

Posted 10 May 2011 - 06:28 AM

I'd switch escape and run away. She runs from her pain and encounters something she can't escape.like it like it!

Extraordinary how? *LOL* He IS part green one....

Love ya BFF!

Back at ya darlin!
Nor could I ever after see the world as I had known it. Mixed with the present scene was always a little of the past and a little of the future, and every once-familiar object loomed alien in the new perspective brought by my widened sight. --Lovecraft "The Book"

#37 TansyRagwort

TansyRagwort

    Guppy Graduate

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 812 posts
  • Literary Status:emerging, published, unagented
  • LocationUS Northwest
  • Publishing Experience:One short story in Beyond Centauri, novel coming December 2013 from Immortal Ink Publishing

Posted 10 May 2011 - 02:10 PM

Well yes, but the person reading your hook might not know what the means silly head. I do obviously. I just think you can spice it up a bit with some details not a generic description. Do yourself a favor and let them see how awesome your book is from the first sentence!

http://www.immortali...ify.php?book=25

http://www.immortali...books.php?id=25

 

THE IMPENDING DEMISE OF THE GIRL WITH BROWN EYES coming Dec 2013 from Immortal Ink Publishing.


#38 tibby

tibby

    That's MS. Horror Writer to you!

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 966 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Southeast
  • Publishing Experience:unpublished, but we'll see for how much longer

Posted 10 May 2011 - 04:05 PM

Well yes, but the person reading your hook might not know what the means silly head. I do obviously. I just think you can spice it up a bit with some details not a generic description. Do yourself a favor and let them see how awesome your book is from the first sentence!

*LOL* Will do sweetie. It was my very first even thought of a hook for the second novel *LOL*
Let me try it again.

Christopher Scott Denton is a genious at two, able to compel others to do his bidding, and far too at home in the woods, not to mention the object of a 'green ones' prophesy to take over the world.

A little better anyway. *LOL* I just need towrite the book to get his character nailed down a wee bit more. Hard on a 2 year old that acts like an adult, but it will be an awesome journey!
Nor could I ever after see the world as I had known it. Mixed with the present scene was always a little of the past and a little of the future, and every once-familiar object loomed alien in the new perspective brought by my widened sight. --Lovecraft "The Book"

#39 tibby

tibby

    That's MS. Horror Writer to you!

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 966 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS Southeast
  • Publishing Experience:unpublished, but we'll see for how much longer

Posted 10 May 2011 - 04:07 PM

I'd switch escape and run away. She runs from her pain and encounters something she can't escape.

INFECTIOUS: (formerly, THE WOODS)

When Cherie Mitchell tries to run away from her pain, she encounters something she can’t escape-- a parasite that attempts to take over her body and mind.

Here's how it looks rearranged!
Nor could I ever after see the world as I had known it. Mixed with the present scene was always a little of the past and a little of the future, and every once-familiar object loomed alien in the new perspective brought by my widened sight. --Lovecraft "The Book"

#40 ravage

ravage

    Moo ha ha!

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 249 posts
  • Literary Status:just starting
  • LocationUS South
  • Publishing Experience:None

Posted 11 May 2011 - 08:47 AM

OHhhh. It's a tense thing! I'd just use the first and say, "Hailam is destined to be the greatest hero of all time, but before he can become the champion he was meant to be, his mother is going to have to slit a few throats." =]

My hook - I have sort of a hook paragraph rather than just one sentence:

Maya knows it's a terrible idea to sneak into the Glass City. Firstly, there's about a 50% chance she'll fall to her death climbing up. Secondly, the police there don't hold back when they punish trespassers. And thirdly, the wealthy City-livers hate the lower classes and don't ever hesitate to call the police.

Kill the adverbs, Frly Suckly and Lumply...They give it an off voice. Other than that, I love it.
The aim of any fiction writer is the same as the satirist. Without satire, we are stuck with the bland truth.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users