Hi :) I haven't been on here for that long but I already have 1 finished book plus I have stories up on the internet. I found this topic interesting because as a concise writer I like to get to the point of things but I also want it to be interesting so here's a POSSIBLE hook for my book
The day his daughter was born was the greatest of his life until 2 years later when his wife leaves him to care for her on his own. As she gets older he realizes that caring for a daughter might be overwhelming especially if you're still depressed about the breakup of your marriage. How will he react when he discovers that she's harboring cold feelings towards him and other men?
I know its not a sentence but there's actually more to the story than that but I don't like to give away the good parts.
Pardon if I'm misunderstanding the identity of 'she' in the last sentence, but it seems like you're repeating yourself in sentence two. This might be simpler:
When he (insert MC's name) became a single father, his lingering depression over his divorce might be the reason his daughter's heart is frozen toward men.
Use your own words, of course. Just make it quick and snappy. You don't have to lead up to the good part with a hook. Give it bluntly to make it pop.
Hrm... I guess I can play along, although I'm a long way from writing my query.
For my WIP:
On his eighteenth birthday, Devlin drops out of school and leaves home in search of freedom, but home doesn't seem so bad after he gets stuck in a world where carnivorous unicorns eat virgins, baristas need a university degree in Alchemy, and every magician in the Magical Mafia thinks he's a thieving elf.