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35 word pitch for THE HEIRESS AND THE TIME SLAVE.


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#1 Deeba

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Posted 21 October 2015 - 01:13 PM

Woah, so I had NO IDEA how hard it is to write 35 words that accurately summarize my plot. I've got a few pitches, and I'll list them, but I feel like NONE of them are good enough.

 

 

Option 1: Sahar Ihsan questioned the universe’s goodness when she was held for ransom. Rattled by the truths she discovers about her captor, Sahar vows to find the link between her past and his freedom.

 

Option 2: Sahar questioned the universe’s goodness when she was held for ransom. Rattled by the truths she discovers about her captor, Sahar must find the link between them before her family becomes his next target.

 

Option 3: From the first night Sahar was abducted, she questioned the universe’s goodness. Then rattled by her captor’s half-truths, Sahar vows to find an answer before her family becomes his next target.

 

Option 4: Sahar never expected to be held for ransom. Or the heiress to NYC’s most terrifying secret. But when both happen, Sahar fears the link between them will uncover a darker secret than simple abduction. 


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#2 Sassalota

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Posted 23 October 2015 - 05:20 PM

I need more detail. Why was SHE held for ransom/what makes her unique?  Can you tell me something about the captures or something to make your story unique.



#3 xtymorgan

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Posted 01 November 2015 - 05:27 PM

I think I would like a combination of #3 and #4.  In #4, you tell us a bit more - about her being heiress to NYC's secret.  And I think you've done a good job of giving us the stakes, which a lot of people fail to do, but what about this:

 

When Sahar was abducted by (say who kidnapped her, at least in general), she questioned the universe's plan for her, but she quickly realizes her purpose in life is to protect her family, all while protecting (who?)'s secret from falling into the wrong hands.

 

Mine's not any better than yours, but my point is that there's info missing that we need to know.  Who abducted her (at least in general)?  Why did they abduct her?  What is she protecting her family from?  What will happen to her family if she doesn't succeed?

 

Best of luck!


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#4 jphollis

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Posted 02 November 2015 - 03:44 AM

I think #4 is the closest. Perhaps consider combining it with #2 and reordering it to be something like this: 

 

After Sahar is revealed to be the heiress to NYC’s most terrifying secret and subsequently held for ransom, she must find the the link between her and her captor before her family becomes his next target.

 

Still too many 'hers' in this example, but I hope it inspires you.


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