Latest revision at #48.
If you post a critique, I'll definitely try to return the favor on your query, synopsis or 250 words. If yours isn't on the first two pages or in your signature, please let me know where to find it!
Finally brave enough to post my query on here. My book isn't finished revising yet, but it was 135,000 before. I'm hoping to get it down to at least the 115,000 below, possibly 110,000. So, tear it apart guys!
When Jamie deVries disobeys the wishes of his father, he discovers a world filled with brutality and oppression beneath his lavish lifestyle.
At the home of his classmate, Jamie, heir to the most influential political family on the planet Philomela, meets tough and practical Jess, a slave. He can't deny his interest in her, but the treatment she receives from her master appalls him. After she saves his life from a forest tiger, Jess shows Jamie what life on their planet looks like from the bottom. However, their growing love coincides with the rumblings of a political revolution on Philomela. The people of Philomela have grown tired of authoritarian rule by the planet's tiny group of elite families. Jamie's father, the harshest opponent of the revolution, sees Jess and her ideals as a threat to the supremacy of the deVries family. When he orders Jamie to cast her aside, Jamie promises to protect Jess from his father's wrath, but cannot save her.
Jamie's thirst for revenge propels him into the nucleus of a revolution to overthrow his father as Philomela's ruler. Jamie must decide if he will sacrifice his comfortable way of life for the freedom of others.
THE CENTER OF THIS EDEN is a science fiction novel, complete at 115,000 words.
Thank you for your consideration.
Some things I have been wondering about:
My novel is actually three novellas, which have two year timeskips between them. The query covers the first novel to the end and the premise of the second two. Should I indicate the three novellas in the query, or just go with 'novel'? (It's the reason for the length, of course)
It's quite short, at 220 words (only 198 for the summary). Is it too short?
When I plugged this into a few web analyzers, the summary is apparently written on a 9th or 10th grade reading level. Are my words and sentences too long and complex? (It went up to 11th grade when I added the word "authoritarian' and removed the last sentence )