Jump to content

Disclaimer



Photo

#pitmatch next week


  • Please log in to reply
46 replies to this topic

#41 Bill in Memphis

Bill in Memphis

    Veteran Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 563 posts
  • Literary Status:published, in-between agents
  • LocationUS South
  • Publishing Experience:First novel release date is August 17th, 2016, from Dingbat Publishing.

Posted 25 February 2016 - 12:15 AM

Bill is this supposed to be 35 words including the #pitmad, #YA #Fantasy? No. The link I posted to Brenda Drake's blog will have a form that you fill out, so you don't waste words on hashtags. She has a very successful book out right now called 'Thief of Lies.'

 

Here is a couple :

 

Wandering Is this the best word to describe what she's doing? I don't know, but wandering implies she is aimless the Astral Plane, Arose finds her soul mate, you might want to put 'soul mate' in italics. Maybe, your call. But a true soul mate wouldn't betray her would he?  but he betrays her by stealing the source of her powers. Now she must find it before the Netherworld’s demons are unleashed on the world. Overall, quite good. Better than mine at this point. I think from 'Netherworld's demons' could be juiced up some more, but nothing comes to mind.

 

A seer searches the Astral Plane for her soul mate, what she can’t see is that he will steal the mystic Fire Opal, and unleash Netherworld’s demons on the world. I don't like this as much.

 

 

Arose has a choice, either give up the mystic fire opal and allow demons to take over the world or keep it and fight a curse that will destroy a port town. 

 This one doesn't do much, either. I think #1 is what you lead with.

 

Go to #pitchmadness, introduce yourself and ask some folks to give you their thoughts.


Follow me on twitter @jointhebrigade1

 

Please visit my website and blog at: http://thelastbrigade.com/

 


#42 Andrea Roche

Andrea Roche

    Veteran Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 350 posts
  • Literary Status:published, unagented
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:Solstice Publishing Nov 28, 2016

Posted 25 February 2016 - 01:57 PM

A) A beautiful seer and a nefarious pirate must conspire to save the Jamaican port town from a dreadful voodoo curse.

 

B) A dashing pirate has stolen the sources of Arose’s power, now she must find it before demons are unleashed on the world.

 

C) Arose has the ability to see spirits in the Astral Plane, a voodoo priestess wants that power in order to free the Netherworlds demons and will hold the port town ransom to get it.

 

D) Arose stands guard between the Netherworld demons and the living, when the source of her power is stolen she must race to save the hostage people of her home town.

 

E) Arose must find the thief who has stolen the mystic fire opal before it falls into the hands of a voodoo priestess who would use it to open the gates of the Netherworld.


Andrea Roche

Author: Nights Arose on Amazon

www.Facebook/NightsArose.com

Twitter: @Rose121562


#43 Bill in Memphis

Bill in Memphis

    Veteran Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 563 posts
  • Literary Status:published, in-between agents
  • LocationUS South
  • Publishing Experience:First novel release date is August 17th, 2016, from Dingbat Publishing.

Posted 25 February 2016 - 02:19 PM

A) A beautiful seer and a nefarious pirate must conspire to save the Jamaican port town from a dreadful voodoo curse.

 

B) A dashing pirate has stolen the sources of Arose’s power, now she must find it before demons are unleashed on the world.

 

C) Arose has the ability to see spirits in the Astral Plane, a voodoo priestess wants that power in order to free the Netherworlds demons and will hold the port town ransom to get it.

 

D) Arose stands guard between the Netherworld demons and the living, when the source of her power is stolen she must race to save the hostage people of her home town.

 

E) Arose must find the thief who has stolen the mystic fire opal before it falls into the hands of a voodoo priestess who would use it to open the gates of the Netherworld.

 

 

D. Without a doubt. Mainly because the beginning is almost identical to the one I'm working on! Seriously, I think it's concise, lays out the stakes and is a damned good hook.

 

Curious to see what others have to say.


Follow me on twitter @jointhebrigade1

 

Please visit my website and blog at: http://thelastbrigade.com/

 


#44 Andrea Roche

Andrea Roche

    Veteran Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 350 posts
  • Literary Status:published, unagented
  • LocationUS Northeast
  • Publishing Experience:Solstice Publishing Nov 28, 2016

Posted 25 February 2016 - 02:54 PM

Great minds think alike...

 

I am going to use it.


Andrea Roche

Author: Nights Arose on Amazon

www.Facebook/NightsArose.com

Twitter: @Rose121562


#45 Bill in Memphis

Bill in Memphis

    Veteran Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 563 posts
  • Literary Status:published, in-between agents
  • LocationUS South
  • Publishing Experience:First novel release date is August 17th, 2016, from Dingbat Publishing.

Posted 25 February 2016 - 03:00 PM

Great minds think alike...

 

I am going to use it.

I think you'll do well.


Follow me on twitter @jointhebrigade1

 

Please visit my website and blog at: http://thelastbrigade.com/

 


#46 ViviMont

ViviMont

    Vanessa V.

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 332 posts
  • Literary Status:published
  • LocationUS Southeast

Posted 25 February 2016 - 05:34 PM

D. Without a doubt. Mainly because the beginning is almost identical to the one I'm working on! Seriously, I think it's concise, lays out the stakes and is a damned good hook.

 

Curious to see what others have to say.

 

I agree with Bill, definitely D. 


I hope I've been helpful in some way. If you have the chance, I'm currently looking for all the help I can get on my first 250 of Elementalist. Thanks so much and may the words be with you!
 
Look for me on twitter. :) @@AuthorVV_Mont
 
 
Beyond The North Star: First 250
Beyond The North Star: First 250 of 2nd Ch. (Different POV)

[topic='Beyond the North Star Query']http://agentquerycon...ar-revision-15/[/topic]

 


#47 Bill in Memphis

Bill in Memphis

    Veteran Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 563 posts
  • Literary Status:published, in-between agents
  • LocationUS South
  • Publishing Experience:First novel release date is August 17th, 2016, from Dingbat Publishing.

Posted 26 February 2016 - 10:44 PM

Well #sonapitch. I thought I'd missed out on Round 3 and yet, there's my title in the moving on list. What do I do now? I'm supposed ot improve it and I don't really know how. Got a few days, I guess I'll get to it.


Follow me on twitter @jointhebrigade1

 

Please visit my website and blog at: http://thelastbrigade.com/

 





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users