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Who's doing Pitch Madness Mario Kart edition tomorrow?


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#1 ViviMont

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Posted 25 February 2016 - 02:56 PM

So I just saw on Brenda Drake's website that there's going to be a 35-word pitch and first 250 of first chapter contest starting tonight. Anyone joining? If so, any idea how it works?

 

Here are my 35-words :/ 

 

Karina's discovered powers lead to exile, under the brutal eye of a king, and into the heart of a weather manipulator. With loved ones in peril and questionable rebel allies, she needs to fight back.


I hope I've been helpful in some way. If you have the chance, I'm currently looking for all the help I can get on my first 250 of Elementalist. Thanks so much and may the words be with you!
 
Look for me on twitter. :) @@AuthorVV_Mont
 
 
Beyond The North Star: First 250
Beyond The North Star: First 250 of 2nd Ch. (Different POV)

[topic='Beyond the North Star Query']http://agentquerycon...ar-revision-15/[/topic]

 


#2 C-man

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Posted 25 February 2016 - 07:47 PM

ViviMont,

                I haven't looked at the website, but this sounded interesting. Recently I've been working on a query, so I thought I'd see if I could come up with something here. Admittedly, I'm very green at this — so I don't know if this is better or worse (or even correct story-wise!), but it is different. That more than anything has helped me in the past, and I hope it does the same for you. Anyway, a not-so-quick alternative 35 word narrative:

 

Exiled for her newfound powers, Karina finds salvation in the arms of a weather manipulator. But when the king threatens her family, she must dig deep for her courage — and deeper yet for true allies.

 

Good Luck!

 

C-man



#3 ViviMont

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Posted 25 February 2016 - 08:48 PM

ViviMont,

                I haven't looked at the website, but this sounded interesting. Recently I've been working on a query, so I thought I'd see if I could come up with something here. Admittedly, I'm very green at this — so I don't know if this is better or worse (or even correct story-wise!), but it is different. That more than anything has helped me in the past, and I hope it does the same for you. Anyway, a not-so-quick alternative 35 word narrative:

 

Exiled for her newfound powers, Karina finds salvation in the arms of a weather manipulator. But when the king threatens her family, she must dig deep for her courage — and deeper yet for true allies.

 

Good Luck!

 

C-man

Oh I love that one! Thanks so much. The pitch madness starts tonight at 12. Here's the link incase you want to check it out: http://www.brenda-dr...o-kart-edition/


I hope I've been helpful in some way. If you have the chance, I'm currently looking for all the help I can get on my first 250 of Elementalist. Thanks so much and may the words be with you!
 
Look for me on twitter. :) @@AuthorVV_Mont
 
 
Beyond The North Star: First 250
Beyond The North Star: First 250 of 2nd Ch. (Different POV)

[topic='Beyond the North Star Query']http://agentquerycon...ar-revision-15/[/topic]

 


#4 Bill in Memphis

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Posted 25 February 2016 - 08:51 PM

ViviMont,

                I haven't looked at the website, but this sounded interesting. Recently I've been working on a query, so I thought I'd see if I could come up with something here. Admittedly, I'm very green at this — so I don't know if this is better or worse (or even correct story-wise!), but it is different. That more than anything has helped me in the past, and I hope it does the same for you. Anyway, a not-so-quick alternative 35 word narrative:

 

Exiled for her newfound powers, Karina finds salvation in the arms of a weather manipulator. But when the king threatens her family, she must dig deep for her courage — and deeper yet for true allies.

 

Good Luck!

 

C-man

This is the basis for a good one, and there's no reason not to send it in. But if you want to tinker, come up with better action words. For  example, 'hewfound' powers is okay, and probably accurate, but to me a word like 'dangerous' ups the ante.


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#5 Andrea Roche

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Posted 25 February 2016 - 09:23 PM

Hey I just put in my entry, they opened early! Good luck Vivi and all!

 

I need a drink now LOL


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#6 ViviMont

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Posted 25 February 2016 - 09:24 PM

I was thinking volatile powers. What do you think? 

 

Are you doing the pitch madness, and do you know how it works? Well, I think it says instructions will be posted at 12. So I guess I just have to stay tuned. 

 

Exiled for her (volatile, deadly, dangerous) powers, Karina finds salvation in the arms of a weather manipulator. But when the king threatens her friends, she must dig deep for her courage — and deeper yet for true allies.

 or

 

Exiled for deadly powers, Karina falls into the controlling hands of a King, and into the heart of a weather manipulator. With rebel allies and friends in danger, she must find the strength to fight.  

 

or

 

 Discovered gifts can make Karina a perfect weapon or threat for the King. Her heart pulls her to a questionable Sergeant yet her friends are in danger, along with rebel allies she must fight back.


Hey I just put in my entry, they opened early! Good luck Vivi and all!

 

I need a drink now LOL

Ahhh, they did? I'll go check it out now. I was just asking my husband to buy me a bottle of wine. lol

 

#drunkpitching


I hope I've been helpful in some way. If you have the chance, I'm currently looking for all the help I can get on my first 250 of Elementalist. Thanks so much and may the words be with you!
 
Look for me on twitter. :) @@AuthorVV_Mont
 
 
Beyond The North Star: First 250
Beyond The North Star: First 250 of 2nd Ch. (Different POV)

[topic='Beyond the North Star Query']http://agentquerycon...ar-revision-15/[/topic]

 


#7 Bill in Memphis

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Posted 25 February 2016 - 10:38 PM

I was thinking volatile powers. What do you think? 

 

Are you doing the pitch madness, and do you know how it works? Well, I think it says instructions will be posted at 12. So I guess I just have to stay tuned. 

 

Exiled for her (volatile, deadly, dangerous) powers, Karina finds salvation in the arms of a weather manipulator. But when the king threatens her friends, she must dig deep for her courage — and deeper yet for true allies.

 or

 

Exiled for deadly powers, Karina falls into the controlling hands of a King, and into the heart of a weather manipulator I wish there was one word to use here, this seems slightly clumsy. With  allies and friends in danger, she must find the strength to fight.  I would do this one. I just saved you four words, I think. We needs the stakes, so, "she must fight..." or what?

 

or

 

 Discovered gifts can make Karina a perfect weapon or threat for the King. Her heart pulls her to a questionable Sergeant yet her friends are in danger, along with rebel allies she must fight back.


Ahhh, they did? I'll go check it out now. I was just asking my husband to buy me a bottle of wine. lol

 

#drunkpitching


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#8 ViviMont

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Posted 25 February 2016 - 11:15 PM

I ended up submitting already and had gotten it down to a pitch I loved. BUT, I accidently didn't save it. :(

 

It went something like this:

 

Exiled for deadly powers, Karina falls into the controlling hands of a King, and into the heart of a weather-wielding Sergeant. With friends in danger and rebel allies, she must fight or be killed.


I hope I've been helpful in some way. If you have the chance, I'm currently looking for all the help I can get on my first 250 of Elementalist. Thanks so much and may the words be with you!
 
Look for me on twitter. :) @@AuthorVV_Mont
 
 
Beyond The North Star: First 250
Beyond The North Star: First 250 of 2nd Ch. (Different POV)

[topic='Beyond the North Star Query']http://agentquerycon...ar-revision-15/[/topic]

 


#9 Bill in Memphis

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Posted 25 February 2016 - 11:30 PM

I ended up submitting already and had gotten it down to a pitch I loved. BUT, I accidently didn't save it. :(

 

It went something like this:

 

Exiled for deadly powers, Karina falls into the controlling hands of a King, and into the heart of a weather-wielding Sergeant. With friends in danger and rebel allies, she must fight or be killed.

Quite good! So now let's see what happens.


Follow me on twitter @jointhebrigade1

 

Please visit my website and blog at: http://thelastbrigade.com/

 


#10 C-man

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Posted 26 February 2016 - 12:58 AM

I really like the latest version! I love seeing all the input, it's amazing how much it helps.

C-man

#11 ViviMont

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Posted 26 February 2016 - 01:14 AM

I really like the latest version! I love seeing all the input, it's amazing how much it helps.

C-man

 

Thanks C-man, yeah this group is amazing.


I hope I've been helpful in some way. If you have the chance, I'm currently looking for all the help I can get on my first 250 of Elementalist. Thanks so much and may the words be with you!
 
Look for me on twitter. :) @@AuthorVV_Mont
 
 
Beyond The North Star: First 250
Beyond The North Star: First 250 of 2nd Ch. (Different POV)

[topic='Beyond the North Star Query']http://agentquerycon...ar-revision-15/[/topic]

 


#12 Andrea Roche

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Posted 26 February 2016 - 09:54 AM

I ended up submitting already and had gotten it down to a pitch I loved. BUT, I accidently didn't save it. :(

 

It went something like this:

 

Exiled for deadly powers, Karina falls into the controlling hands of a King, and into the heart of a weather-wielding Sergeant. With friends in danger and rebel allies, With friends and allies in danger she must fight or be killed .is "killed or be killed" too hokey for you?  It is over used but it sort of fits,

Sounds really good first part came out perfect. Second part could have used a bit of a clean up,  


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#13 C-man

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Posted 26 February 2016 - 12:50 PM

So due to the great support here, I've been inspired to jump into the game as well. I think I have my 35 words (man that's hard!) and will submit tonight. Good luck everyone!

C-man

#14 ViviMont

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Posted 26 February 2016 - 02:00 PM

So due to the great support here, I've been inspired to jump into the game as well. I think I have my 35 words (man that's hard!) and will submit tonight. Good luck everyone!

C-man

Let's hear it C-man. What's your 35 words?

 

Sounds really good first part came out perfect. Second part could have used a bit of a clean up,  

I agree Janelle, I know for certain I didn't end it with killed, but I just can't remember. I do know that I liked what I submitted, but like a dummy, I didn't save it. :/


I hope I've been helpful in some way. If you have the chance, I'm currently looking for all the help I can get on my first 250 of Elementalist. Thanks so much and may the words be with you!
 
Look for me on twitter. :) @@AuthorVV_Mont
 
 
Beyond The North Star: First 250
Beyond The North Star: First 250 of 2nd Ch. (Different POV)

[topic='Beyond the North Star Query']http://agentquerycon...ar-revision-15/[/topic]

 


#15 D. Thomas Clark

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Posted 26 February 2016 - 02:53 PM

If Mario Kart edition means they knock the top pitch out and let everyone else catch up, then that won't be fun at all. :tongue:



#16 ViviMont

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Posted 26 February 2016 - 03:02 PM

Or just hit them with a few turtle shells.

Is that right? I haven't played that in so long. My household are more of a Rock and Roll racing kind of gang.

I hope I've been helpful in some way. If you have the chance, I'm currently looking for all the help I can get on my first 250 of Elementalist. Thanks so much and may the words be with you!
 
Look for me on twitter. :) @@AuthorVV_Mont
 
 
Beyond The North Star: First 250
Beyond The North Star: First 250 of 2nd Ch. (Different POV)

[topic='Beyond the North Star Query']http://agentquerycon...ar-revision-15/[/topic]

 


#17 C-man

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Posted 26 February 2016 - 03:44 PM

Here's what I came up with for my 35:

Sixteen-year-old Reed died only to see that his life had been a lie. Reborn superhuman and bloodthirsty, he'll discover his vampire past - and future... and have to decide if either's worth living, or dying for.

I even changed that as I copied it from my notes!
Let me know what you think.

Thanks,

C-man

#18 Andrea Roche

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Posted 26 February 2016 - 03:45 PM

Gee I wonder what they mean by Mario Cart?


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#19 ViviMont

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Posted 26 February 2016 - 04:18 PM

Here's what I came up with for my 35:

Sixteen-year-old Reed died only to see that his life had been a lie. Reborn superhuman and bloodthirsty, he'll discover his vampire past - and future... and have to decide if either's worth living, or dying for.

I even changed that as I copied it from my notes!
Let me know what you think.

Thanks,

C-man

 

The only part I'm unclear about is his vampire past and future. Obviously you can't go into detail in a 35-word pitch but I think it should have been worded like: once he discovers his vampire past-life, xx happens, and he must xx before xx LOL And if that's not confusing...

 

What I mean to say is the stakes need to be laid out clearer, the catalyst (his discovery of vampire past), his resolution and the stakes (must do this or not this happens).

 

Gee I wonder what they mean by Mario Cart?

 

I think they're just saying it's a race/contest, hehe


I hope I've been helpful in some way. If you have the chance, I'm currently looking for all the help I can get on my first 250 of Elementalist. Thanks so much and may the words be with you!
 
Look for me on twitter. :) @@AuthorVV_Mont
 
 
Beyond The North Star: First 250
Beyond The North Star: First 250 of 2nd Ch. (Different POV)

[topic='Beyond the North Star Query']http://agentquerycon...ar-revision-15/[/topic]

 


#20 C-man

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Posted 26 February 2016 - 07:16 PM

Yeah, I was wondering about the jump I was making there. It's tough with the word limit. But it wouldn't be any fun if it was easy :) I'll work on it. Hopefully I can get something together in time. I wrote a query for it in Query Critique if you'd like to know more about the story. The first one is all sorts of wrong, but the second (post #5) feels much better.

 

Thanks,

 

C-man






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