Hi everyone! So I joined this site probably in October or November of 2015 with my first attempt at querying my novel. I've had LOTS of mixed reviews with my query and after a while I just decided to send out my latest version and the results have thus far been good. It's still early, but I'll continually update to see if anything happens. This is also my first manuscript written. It's obviously not the best query out there, but it is short and to the point.
If you want to see what it originally looked like, check out my blog post on What-Not-To-Do! :) http://deebazargarpu...n-of-query.html
Good luck to everyone on their journey!
Dear *insert agent name*
When Liam realizes that saving his little sister, Octavia, means killing their parents, becoming a monster is an outcome he accepts.
Seventeen-year-old Liam is a Time Slave, indentured to a society hidden beneath modern-day Manhattan. Bred to serve, Liam obeys the leader’s every command to keep Octavia safe until the day she disappears. Liam’s focus shifts from fulfilling his duties to finding her. Convinced of foul play, he plots to get her back in a hostage trade: Sahar— the society's estranged heiress—for Octavia.
Holding his leader’s daughter captive, Liam discovers an unsettling truth about the heiress—she is kind and unaware of her father’s wrongdoings. What’s even more unsettling is her ability to quell the anger inside of him. With his sister’s rescue hanging in the balance, Liam fights against his growing feelings for Sahar and sticking to his plan. If Liam chooses incorrectly, he’ll lose more than his sister—he’ll lose his heart too.
THE TIME SLAVE is a YA light sci-fi novel, complete at 80,000 words. If the movie, IN TIME, and AN EMBER IN THE ASHES had an unexpected tryst, the end result would be this book. I have included the first 5 pages.
Thank you for your time and consideration,