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The Change (YA paranormal)


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#1 divinebird

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Posted 24 May 2011 - 11:38 PM

Ugh! Please help!
Thanks,
DB


Synopsis
The Change

FINLEY “FIN” LIGHTFOOT is a 16 year old unchanged werewolf whose father, Logan, is battling his own father, Roark, for rights as Alpha. They all live on a Compound Fin’s great grandfather King established during the Great Depression. Fin’s family is the Direct Line of the Lightfoot Pack, and in the Direct Line the alpha role is passed from father to son. The current alpha, King, is ready to retire and the role would automatically fall to Fin’s grandfather. The problem is he is a psychotic degenerate that will lead the pack to ruin. He believes the alpha should cleanse the pack of anomalies, and he wants to start with his own granddaughter. The majority of the Lightfoot Pack want Logan to take over as Alpha. In order for this to happen he must defeat his father in battle.
Most werewolves experience their first change once they hit puberty. Fin, at 16, is afraid her change may never come. Her grandfather believes she is defective and not capable of changing. He wants to prove to the pack that his own son bred a family of weak and abnormal pups and is not strong enough to lead the Lightfoot Pack. Roark believes the pack is his right and will anything to win including bringing in rogue werewolves to attack his own family.
Fin leads a normal life for a werewolf. She has a voracious appetite that her family loves to tease her about. Her best friend Becca Stewart is a witch, the daughter of the Lightfoot Pack’s Magic Keepers. They attend a normal high school, play softball, and scope out the school for potential boyfriends. On the first day of school Fin encounters Cody, who fumbles all over himself when he sniffs her for the first time. He weirds Fin out until finally Fin catches his scent and experiences the same overwhelming emotions that werewolves feel when they have found their mate. That is when they are attacked for the first time.
Fearful that her lack of change is bringing attacks upon her, Fin, with the help of Becca and the Stewart family, is doing everything she can to bring out her wolf. She must attend meditation classes, take supplements, and continue her martial arts training.
One evening, while searching for the perfect outfit, Becca informs Fin that Jake Lewis, Fin’s former crush, has appeared that the Stewart house. Older, extremely good-looking and suave, Jake makes Fin nervous and awkward. Jake moved away a year ago and was living in New York working as a Tracker. Fin wonders what would bring a Tracker back all the way across country.
After the first football game of the season Cody and Fin go out on their first date. He takes her into the city for dinner and a walk along the river. Finding a dark spot beneath a tree for their first kiss they are lost in one another until the roar of a motorcycle and hysteric fit of Fin’s high school friend interrupt them. Clarys, the head cheerleader, hurtles insults and accusations at Fin while sitting on the back of a motorcycle. Cody, eager to get Fin away from Clarys and the driver, pulls Fin away. Shocked and confused Fin questions Cody and finds out the erratic behavior of Clarys’s they just witnessed was due to the fact the driver was a vampire. The last time Cody encounter Clarys the overwhelming stench that emanated from her confused him. Seeing her with the vampire clears everything up. She is under the influence of vampire blood. A vampire sighting is not usual, so they instantly bring this to the attention of the Pack, but are told to stand down until there is more information.
Unable to run with the Pack under the full moon each month, Fin dances with the Stewart family. This time, wanting to absorb the full power from the moonlight to aid in her change, Becca and Fin decide to dance naked in the light. It is a night of bonding as Cody and Knox’s wolves join in the dance. The morning after the dance, Fin encounters Jake in her kitchen eating the chocolate caramel bundt cake Mrs. Stewart made for her. Grabbing her own piece of cake and running out the door Fin doesn’t think too much of the encounter. That morning at school another vampire sighting and an attack on high school students confirms that there are bigger problems that just the Alpha Battle.
Thanksgiving brings the Lightfoot family together and brings to light another missing person. Kieran, Fin’s brother, has discovered the werewolf he just started dating has disappeared. They are not clear if the disappearance is related to the rogue werewolves that have been spotted in the Portland area or the vampires. Fin finds out the first attack upon her and Cody was designed by King to induce her change.
Having been locked inside for weeks due to rain Fin finally flees the house in order to escape the strain and stress of the upcoming Alpha Battle. Cody catches up with her and they begin to walk in the woods behind her house. Out of nowhere 4 rogue werewolves, hired by her grandfather, surround them and attack. Cody is critically injured and this is the catalyst that finally brings out Fin’s wolf. She is a massive beast, unprecedented for a female wolf, and easily rips her opponents to shreds.
Rogue werewolves attack Fin’s oldest brother, Harrison, a week after her own attack. Fin’s mom sends her to check on him at his own apartment. She discovers that he is gay and is bonded to Jake. This clears up Fin’s confusion over Jake, but she realizes this is more ammunition for Fin’s grandfather if he ever found out. This is something that the old-fashioned Pack finds unacceptable and Fin fears even more for Harrison’s life.
Fin’s incredible fighting abilities lead King to offer her a position as Pack specialist with Cody as her co-captain. They recruit a team of operators and form a Special Forces team. They begin intense training, and start scoping out the venue for the Alpha Battle.
The Alpha Battle finally arrives and is composed of a series of interviews, intense physical challenges, and finally the life or death battle. Someone poisons Logan Lightfoot’s water bowl on the running portion of the Half Ironman triathlon that is a part of the physical challenge. The colloidal silver that is used to poison him is enough to make him physically ill. With Fin’s support Logan is able to finish the race, but is severely weakened. He makes it through the rest of the trials, but takes a serious hit in the final battle. With his shoulder torn open to the bone he lays back in defeat. Confident of his success, Fin’s grandfather Roark boast to the crowd and demands respect. When he finally goes to deliver the deathblow Logan, having had time to heal slightly, rips out Roark’s throat and is the victor.
Victory is short lived as the vampires chose this moment to attack. Kieran’s girlfriend, Rose, shows up and alerts the Lightfoot Pack to the attack. They have moments to prepare, and Fin leads her Special Forces team in the fight. Harrison, defending King, is bitten by a vampire and is on the verge of death when Jake saves him. Only focused on saving his mate, Jake comes out to King.
Once the werewolves get an upper hand in the battle the vampires instantly clear out and leave everyone wondering what will happen next.
The next night King holds a meeting to debrief everyone. Rose explains how she found out about the attack and was able to alert the Lightfoot Pack. She is offered a position on the Special Forces team and is taken in as a new Pack member. King announces that he is changing pack law to accept same sex couples so Jake and Harrison are able to remain with the Lightfoot Pack.
After all she has been through, Fin has discovered her strength and purpose—the wolf that was in her all along. She is a born leader, and with Cody by her side she is confident that they can lead their Special Forces team and protect their Pack against whatever is coming next.

#2 divinebird

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Posted 26 May 2011 - 03:11 PM

I feel like I'm trying to squeeze everything in and not getting the emotion of the story through. I don't want to bore the reader. Any advice?
Thanks,
DB


Ugh! Please help!
Thanks,
DB


Synopsis
The Change

FINLEY “FIN” LIGHTFOOT is a 16 year old unchanged werewolf whose father, Logan, is battling his own father, Roark, for rights as Alpha. They all live on a Compound Fin’s great grandfather King established during the Great Depression. Fin’s family is the Direct Line of the Lightfoot Pack, and in the Direct Line the alpha role is passed from father to son. The current alpha, King, is ready to retire and the role would automatically fall to Fin’s grandfather. The problem is he is a psychotic degenerate that will lead the pack to ruin. He believes the alpha should cleanse the pack of anomalies, and he wants to start with his own granddaughter. The majority of the Lightfoot Pack want Logan to take over as Alpha. In order for this to happen he must defeat his father in battle.
Most werewolves experience their first change once they hit puberty. Fin, at 16, is afraid her change may never come. Her grandfather believes she is defective and not capable of changing. He wants to prove to the pack that his own son bred a family of weak and abnormal pups and is not strong enough to lead the Lightfoot Pack. Roark believes the pack is his right and will anything to win including bringing in rogue werewolves to attack his own family.
Fin leads a normal life for a werewolf. She has a voracious appetite that her family loves to tease her about. Her best friend Becca Stewart is a witch, the daughter of the Lightfoot Pack’s Magic Keepers. They attend a normal high school, play softball, and scope out the school for potential boyfriends. On the first day of school Fin encounters Cody, who fumbles all over himself when he sniffs her for the first time. He weirds Fin out until finally Fin catches his scent and experiences the same overwhelming emotions that werewolves feel when they have found their mate. That is when they are attacked for the first time.
Fearful that her lack of change is bringing attacks upon her, Fin, with the help of Becca and the Stewart family, is doing everything she can to bring out her wolf. She must attend meditation classes, take supplements, and continue her martial arts training.
One evening, while searching for the perfect outfit, Becca informs Fin that Jake Lewis, Fin’s former crush, has appeared that the Stewart house. Older, extremely good-looking and suave, Jake makes Fin nervous and awkward. Jake moved away a year ago and was living in New York working as a Tracker. Fin wonders what would bring a Tracker back all the way across country.
After the first football game of the season Cody and Fin go out on their first date. He takes her into the city for dinner and a walk along the river. Finding a dark spot beneath a tree for their first kiss they are lost in one another until the roar of a motorcycle and hysteric fit of Fin’s high school friend interrupt them. Clarys, the head cheerleader, hurtles insults and accusations at Fin while sitting on the back of a motorcycle. Cody, eager to get Fin away from Clarys and the driver, pulls Fin away. Shocked and confused Fin questions Cody and finds out the erratic behavior of Clarys’s they just witnessed was due to the fact the driver was a vampire. The last time Cody encounter Clarys the overwhelming stench that emanated from her confused him. Seeing her with the vampire clears everything up. She is under the influence of vampire blood. A vampire sighting is not usual, so they instantly bring this to the attention of the Pack, but are told to stand down until there is more information.
Unable to run with the Pack under the full moon each month, Fin dances with the Stewart family. This time, wanting to absorb the full power from the moonlight to aid in her change, Becca and Fin decide to dance naked in the light. It is a night of bonding as Cody and Knox’s wolves join in the dance. The morning after the dance, Fin encounters Jake in her kitchen eating the chocolate caramel bundt cake Mrs. Stewart made for her. Grabbing her own piece of cake and running out the door Fin doesn’t think too much of the encounter. That morning at school another vampire sighting and an attack on high school students confirms that there are bigger problems that just the Alpha Battle.
Thanksgiving brings the Lightfoot family together and brings to light another missing person. Kieran, Fin’s brother, has discovered the werewolf he just started dating has disappeared. They are not clear if the disappearance is related to the rogue werewolves that have been spotted in the Portland area or the vampires. Fin finds out the first attack upon her and Cody was designed by King to induce her change.
Having been locked inside for weeks due to rain Fin finally flees the house in order to escape the strain and stress of the upcoming Alpha Battle. Cody catches up with her and they begin to walk in the woods behind her house. Out of nowhere 4 rogue werewolves, hired by her grandfather, surround them and attack. Cody is critically injured and this is the catalyst that finally brings out Fin’s wolf. She is a massive beast, unprecedented for a female wolf, and easily rips her opponents to shreds.
Rogue werewolves attack Fin’s oldest brother, Harrison, a week after her own attack. Fin’s mom sends her to check on him at his own apartment. She discovers that he is gay and is bonded to Jake. This clears up Fin’s confusion over Jake, but she realizes this is more ammunition for Fin’s grandfather if he ever found out. This is something that the old-fashioned Pack finds unacceptable and Fin fears even more for Harrison’s life.
Fin’s incredible fighting abilities lead King to offer her a position as Pack specialist with Cody as her co-captain. They recruit a team of operators and form a Special Forces team. They begin intense training, and start scoping out the venue for the Alpha Battle.
The Alpha Battle finally arrives and is composed of a series of interviews, intense physical challenges, and finally the life or death battle. Someone poisons Logan Lightfoot’s water bowl on the running portion of the Half Ironman triathlon that is a part of the physical challenge. The colloidal silver that is used to poison him is enough to make him physically ill. With Fin’s support Logan is able to finish the race, but is severely weakened. He makes it through the rest of the trials, but takes a serious hit in the final battle. With his shoulder torn open to the bone he lays back in defeat. Confident of his success, Fin’s grandfather Roark boast to the crowd and demands respect. When he finally goes to deliver the deathblow Logan, having had time to heal slightly, rips out Roark’s throat and is the victor.
Victory is short lived as the vampires chose this moment to attack. Kieran’s girlfriend, Rose, shows up and alerts the Lightfoot Pack to the attack. They have moments to prepare, and Fin leads her Special Forces team in the fight. Harrison, defending King, is bitten by a vampire and is on the verge of death when Jake saves him. Only focused on saving his mate, Jake comes out to King.
Once the werewolves get an upper hand in the battle the vampires instantly clear out and leave everyone wondering what will happen next.
The next night King holds a meeting to debrief everyone. Rose explains how she found out about the attack and was able to alert the Lightfoot Pack. She is offered a position on the Special Forces team and is taken in as a new Pack member. King announces that he is changing pack law to accept same sex couples so Jake and Harrison are able to remain with the Lightfoot Pack.
After all she has been through, Fin has discovered her strength and purpose—the wolf that was in her all along. She is a born leader, and with Cody by her side she is confident that they can lead their Special Forces team and protect their Pack against whatever is coming next.



#3 Akiko

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Posted 28 May 2011 - 01:04 PM

This isn't a synopsis, this is a summary!
It's too concentrate, just a list of facts. In a synopsis you should underline the strong points of your work, such as style, peculiar characters, originality of plot, etc...
The agent doesn't want to know all the happenings of your book as a mere narration of things, so impersonal and cold. You have to communicate something...
I suggest you rewrite it with a scheme like this:
- explanation of places
- general description of plot setting
- description of personality of main characters
- short explanation of the plot, in general!
- particularity of your writing style
Chiara
My blog

#4 divinebird

divinebird

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Posted 31 May 2011 - 12:50 PM

Thank you!

This isn't a synopsis, this is a summary!
It's too concentrate, just a list of facts. In a synopsis you should underline the strong points of your work, such as style, peculiar characters, originality of plot, etc...
The agent doesn't want to know all the happenings of your book as a mere narration of things, so impersonal and cold. You have to communicate something...
I suggest you rewrite it with a scheme like this:
- explanation of places
- general description of plot setting
- description of personality of main characters
- short explanation of the plot, in general!
- particularity of your writing style



#5 Akiko

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Posted 01 June 2011 - 07:23 AM

Thank you!

yw!
You should take a look to all posts in this blog: http://queryshark.blogspot.com
It's very helpful!
Chiara
My blog




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