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Any Horror But This (Psychological Thriller)


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#1 Thrash

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Posted 31 May 2016 - 03:08 PM

Any Horror But This

ANDI is desperate to find a treatment for sleep paralysis, a condition that renders her unable to move and sends her horrifying hallucinations of the shadowman, who tries to press the life out of her. He can’t be real, she assures herself, but that doesn’t make his visits stop.

 

At the urging of her adoptive brother, NICK, she enrolls in an experimental sleep study, where she finds comfort in new friends who understand her fear, but suspects RAMONA, the lead researcher, is more interested in studying them than curing them. The medication they’re given has no name, and it’s difficult to sleep with dozens of electrodes attached to her head. At least, with individual soundproofed rooms, they are shielded from each other’s screams as the paralysis finally releases them each morning.

 

One of the other subjects in the study is intelligent and charming BRANDON. After discovering Andi’s profession as an art conservationist, Brandon hires Andi for the project of a lifetime: restoring Fuseli’s The Nightmare. Thrilled to get her hands on a centuries-old masterpiece, Andi is dismayed by signs that the painting has been altered with modern day paints. With the help of photographer Nick, Andi orders x-rays, determined to discover what lies hidden in the paint. As she uncovers more about the painting’s past, Andi discovers some dark history of Brandon’s childhood, including a comatose mother and abusive father.

 

Strained and exhausted from the stress of the clinic, Andi cuts herself badly while working on the painting. After getting stitches across the back of her hand, she asks Brandon for a ride back to her home so she can change from her bloody clothes. As they share their stories of hallucinations and how they cope with them, Andi makes the impulsive decision to share with Brandon what she’s never told another soul: her fear that the shadowman is trying to impregnate her. She knows this is impossible, but it is her greatest fear all the same.

 

As she struggles to balance day to day life with nights at the clinic, Andi is unaware that Brandon has his own version of the shadowman, one he believes is real, and is willing to kill to learn the shadowman’s true name. In search for his answers, he repeatedly drowns and resuscitates those in mourning, hoping to replicate a near death experience of his own, but so far all of his attempts have yielded nothing but bodies.

 

When Nick finds him to deliver x-rays of the painting, showing an echo of the very shadowman that haunts him, Nick becomes Brandon’s next victim, and when Andi reveals her true fears to Brandon, she becomes his next target.

 

That night at the clinic, Andi’s medication has changed and the resulting paralysis is the longest and most visceral she’s ever experienced. When Ramona discovers Andi’s dose had changed, she tries to account for the mistake, but is forced to disband the study. Brandon tries to discover more about Andi’s experience, but she avoids him, unwilling to relive the experience.

 

Devastated by the discovery of Nick’s body, Andi withdraws from work and friends in her grief and shock. Brandon kidnaps both Ramona and Andi and forces them at gunpoint to continue trials, using medication to induce longer and more intense episodes for Andi. Andi sees much in these trials, but cannot satisfy Brandon’s need for answers. Andi attempts to escape, but Brandon catches her and tries to drown her. In his preoccupation with Andi, Ramona is able to turn his own gun against him and ends his life.

 

As Andi buries and mourns Nick, she works with Ramona to reconcile her traumas, both real and in hallucination. Always curious, Ramona asks how close it came, in the fountain. “Close enough to hinge on a single breath,” Andi tells her. “But every moment is that close.”



#2 JenPeters

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Posted 05 June 2016 - 04:45 PM

 

Any Horror But This

ANDI is desperate to find a treatment for sleep paralysis, a condition that renders her unable to move and sends her horrifying hallucinations of the shadowman, who tries to press the life out of her. He can’t be real, she assures herself, but that doesn’t make his visits stop. I'd reword for flow: She assures herself he can't be real, but that doesn't make his visits stop.

 

At the urging of her adoptive brother, NICK, she enrolls in an experimental sleep study, where she finds comfort in new friends who understand her fear, but suspects RAMONA, the lead researcher, is more interested in studying them than curing them. The medication they’re given has no name, and it’s difficult to sleep with dozens of electrodes attached to her head. At least, with individual soundproofed rooms, they are shielded from each other’s screams as the paralysis finally releases them each morning.

 

One of the other subjects in the study is intelligent and charming BRANDON. After discovering Andi’s profession as an art conservationist, Brandon hires Andi for the project of a lifetime: restoring Fuseli’s The Nightmare. Thrilled to get her hands on a centuries-old masterpiece, Andi is dismayed by signs that the painting has been altered with modern day paints. With the help of photographer Nick, Andi orders x-rays, determined to discover what lies hidden in the paint. As she uncovers more about the painting’s past, Andi discovers some dark history of Brandon’s childhood, including a comatose mother and abusive father.

 

Strained and exhausted from the stress of the clinic, Andi cuts herself badly while working on the painting. After getting stitches across the back of her hand, she asks Brandon for a ride back to her home so she can change from her bloody clothes. As they share their stories of hallucinations and how they cope with them, Andi makes the impulsive decision to share with Brandon what she’s never told another soul: her fear that the shadowman is trying to impregnate her. She knows this is impossible, but it is her greatest fear all the same.

 

As she struggles to balance day to day life with nights at the clinic, Andi is unaware that Brandon has his own version of the shadowman, one he believes is real, and is willing to kill to learn the shadowman’s true name. In search for his answers, he repeatedly drowns and resuscitates those in mourning, hoping to replicate a near death experience of his own, but so far all of his attempts have yielded nothing but bodies.

 

When Nick finds him to deliver x-rays of the painting, showing an echo of the very shadowman that haunts him, Nick becomes Brandon’s next victim, and when Andi reveals her true fears to Brandon, she becomes his next target. What are her "true" fears? I thought she already told him about the shadowman at this point.

 

That night at the clinic, Andi’s medication has changed and the resulting paralysis is the longest and most visceral she’s ever experienced. When Ramona discovers Andi’s dose had changed, she tries to account for the mistake, but is forced to disband the study. Brandon tries to discover more about Andi’s experience, but she avoids him, unwilling to relive the experienceI marked "experience" because you repeat it so close together.

 

Devastated by the discovery of Nick’s body, Andi withdraws from work and friends in her grief and shock. Brandon kidnaps both Ramona and Andi and forces them at gunpoint to continue trials, using medication to induce longer and more intense episodes for Andi. Andi sees much in these trials, but cannot satisfy Brandon’s need for answers. Andi attempts to escape, but Brandon catches her and tries to drown her. In his preoccupation with Andi, Ramona is able to turn his own gun against him and ends his life. You may want to supply more information than "sees much in these trials". What does she see, specifically?

 

As Andi buries and mourns Nick, she works with Ramona to reconcile her traumas, both real and in hallucination. Always curious, Ramona asks how close it came, in the fountain. “Close enough to hinge on a single breath,” Andi tells her. “But every moment is that close.”

 

There seems to be no resolution with the shadow man. Was he real or a hallucination? Otherwise, this seems like a really interesting story! Grammar is great. Premise is great. I feel for the characters and I haven't read the book, so that's awesome. Good job.

 

If you have a moment, please take a look at my synopsis. Any information is helpful. Thank you!


Please take a look at my query for THE BEAST here

And my synopsis here


#3 pchris

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Posted 19 June 2016 - 09:04 AM

Any Horror But This

ANDI is desperate to find a treatment for sleep paralysis, a condition that renders her unable to move and sends her horrifying hallucinations of the Shadowman, who tries to press the life out of her (allow reader to form his/her own scary picture of this creature). He can’t be real, she assures herself, but that doesn’t make his visits stop.

 

At the urging of her adoptive brother, NICK, she enrolls in an experimental sleep study, where she finds comfort in new friends who understand her fear, but suspects RAMONA, the lead researcher, is more interested in studying them their problems than curing them. The medication they’re she's given has no name, and it’s difficult to sleep with dozens of electrodes attached to her head. At least, with individual soundproofed rooms, they are she's shielded from the other patients' screams each other’s screams as the paralysis finally releases them each morning. Keep the focus on your main character.

 

One of the other subjects in the study is intelligent and charming BRANDON. After discovering Andi’s profession as an art conservationist, Brandon hires Andi for the project of a lifetime: restoring Fuseli’s The Nightmare. Thrilled to get her hands on a centuries-old masterpiece, Andi is dismayed by signs that the painting has been altered with modern day paints. With the help of her brother, an amateur photographer, Andi orders x-rays, determined to discover what lies hidden in the paint. As she uncovers more about the painting’s past, Andi discovers some dark history of Brandon’s childhood, including a comatose mother and abusive father.

 

Strained and exhausted from the stress of the clinic, Andi cuts herself badly while working on the painting. After getting stitches across the back of her hand, she asks Brandon for a ride back to her home so she can change from her bloody clothes. As While driving, they share their stories of hallucinations and how they cope with them, Andi makes the impulsive decision to share with Brandon what she’s never told another soul: her fear that the Shadowman is trying to impregnate her. She knows this is impossible, but it is her greatest fear all the same.

 

As she struggles to balance day to day life with nights at the clinic, Andi is unaware that Brandon has his own version of the Shadowman, one he believes is real, and is willing to kill to learn the Shadowman’s true name. In search for his answers, he repeatedly drowns and resuscitates those in mourning, hoping to replicate a near death experience of his own, but so far all of his attempts have yielded nothing but bodies. (I'm confused...if he's left with nothing but bodies, then he hasn't resuscitated anyone)

 

When Nick finds him to deliver x-rays of the painting, showing an echo of the very shadowman that haunts him, Nick becomes Brandon’s next victim, and when Andi reveals her true fears to Brandon, she becomes his next target. This sentence is too long and convoluted. I'd break up the ideas into at least a couple of sentences because the information is important enough to merit its own sentencing.

 

That night at the clinic, Andi’s medication has changed (why? what's the motive and how does she find out?) and the resulting paralysis is the longest and most visceral she’s ever experienced. When Ramona discovers Andi’s dose (dose or medication? two different things) had changed, she tries to account for the mistake but is forced to disband the study (why? did all this happen in one night? the medicine change, the subsequent investigation, and the shutdown of the study?). Brandon tries to discover more about Andi’s experience, but she avoids him, unwilling to relive the experience (after sharing with him something she's never told a soul, this sentence doesn't sound believable).

 

Devastated by the discovery of Nick’s body, Andi withdraws from work and friends in her grief and shock. Brandon kidnaps both Ramona and Andi and forces them at gunpoint to continue trials, using medication to induce longer and more intense episodes for Andi. Andi sees much in these trials, but cannot satisfy Brandon’s need for answers. Andi attempts to escape, but Brandon catches her and tries to drown her. In his preoccupation with Andi, Ramona is able to turn his own gun against him and ends his life. (I'd reword this last sentence for dramatic brevity otherwise it sounds like the gun has suddenly turned alive. Ramona wrestles the gun away from Brandon and kills him...or something like that.)

 

As Andi buries and mourns Nick, she works with Ramona to reconcile her traumas, both real and in hallucination. Always curious, Ramona asks how close it came, in the fountain (what fountain? You never mentioned a fountain before)“Close enough to hinge on a single breath,” Andi tells her. “But every moment is that close.”



#4 Preston Copeland.Biz

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Posted 27 July 2016 - 08:32 PM

Returning Favor!

 

 

Any Horror But This

ANDI is desperate to find a treatment for sleep paralysis, a condition that renders her unable to move and sends her horrifying hallucinations of the shadowman, who tries to press the life out of her. He can’t be real, she assures herself, but that doesn’t make his visits stop. That's pretty cool. :) 

 

At the urging of her adoptive brother, NICK, she enrolls in an experimental sleep study, where she finds comfort in new friends who understand her fear, but suspects RAMONA, the lead researcher, is more interested in studying them than curing them. The medication they’re given has no name, and it’s difficult to sleep with dozens of electrodes attached to her head. At least, with individual soundproofed rooms, they are shielded from each other’s screams as the paralysis finally releases them each morning. So they are screaming because they feel pain again? Why did they get put under the paralysis? 

 

One of the other subjects in the study is the intelligent and charming BRANDON. After discovering Andi’s profession as an art conservationist, Brandon hires Andi for the project of a lifetime: restoring Fuseli’s The Nightmare. Thrilled to get her hands on a centuries-old masterpiece, Andi is dismayed by signs that the painting has been altered with modern day paints. With the help of photographer Nick, Andi orders x-rays, determined to discover what lies hidden in the paint. As she uncovers more about the painting’s past, Andi discovers some dark history of Brandon’s childhood, including a comatose mother and abusive father.

 

Strained and exhausted from the stress of the clinic, Andi cuts herself badly while working on the painting. After getting stitches across the back of her hand, she asks Brandon for a ride back to her home so she can change from her bloody clothes. As they share their stories of hallucinations and how they cope with them, Andi makes the impulsive decision to share with Brandon what she’s never told another soul: her fear that the shadowman is trying to impregnate her. She knows this is impossible, but it is her greatest fear all the same.

 

As she struggles to balance day to day life with nights at the clinic, Andi is unaware that Brandon has his own version of the shadowman (His own version? Be more specific here, or it is confusing. What are the chances that he would have one too?) , one he believes is real, and is willing to kill to learn the shadowman’s true name. In search for his answers, he repeatedly drowns and (I don't understand what this sentence means) resuscitates those in mourning, hoping to replicate a near death experience of his own, but so far all of his attempts have yielded nothing but bodies.

 

When Nick comes to deliver finds him to deliver x-rays of the painting, that eerily display images showing an echo of the very shadowman that haunts him, Nick becomes Brandon’s (I'm confused, when did Brandon become bad? If it's from the paragraph before this, make that more clear) next victim, and when Andi reveals her true fears to Brandon, she becomes his next target.

 

That night at the clinic, Andi’s medication has changed and the resulting paralysis is the longest and most visceral she’s ever experienced. When Ramona discovers Andi’s dose had changed, she tries to account for the mistake, but is forced to disband the study. Brandon tries to discover more about Andi’s experience, but she avoids him, unwilling to relive the experience. What are their motivations for joining such a study? Maybe mention them again briefly. 

 

Devastated by the discovery of Nick’s body, Andi withdraws from work and friends in her grief and shock. Brandon why? Motive? kidnaps both Ramona and Andi and forces them at gunpoint to continue trials, using medication to induce longer and more intense episodes for Andi. Andi sees much in these trials, but cannot satisfy Brandon’s need for answers. Andi attempts to escape, but Brandon catches her and tries to drown her. In his preoccupation with Andi, Ramona is able to turn his own gun against him and ends his life.

 

As Andi buries and mourns Nick, she works with Ramona to reconcile her traumas, both real and in hallucination. Always curious, Ramona asks how close it came, in the fountain. “Close enough to hinge on a single breath,” Andi tells her. “But every moment is that close.”

 

I think you have a pretty good synopsis. Just a few details near the ending paragraphs weren't clear too me. 

Also, I don't think you should use dialogue in a synopsis. 

Great JOB! :)

 


Preston Copeland

Website: prestoncopeland.biz

Twitter: @pcopeland2345

Email: pcopeland2345@gmail.com





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