Once, Cyril Kol was a disciple of The Order of Eye and Cloud, a sect of warrior-monks whose hyper-sensate mindfulness secured a millennia of peace. [Good opening! Fancy being so zen that you chill out the entire world :) ]
That’s all gone. Kol broke it. Civilization collapsed when he led a coup that exposed a lie at the Order’s center. Now the exiled monk has only one goal–to find the wife and child that he thought had perished in the cataclysm.
Returning to a wasted, war-torn land cripples Kol with guilt. [Yeah, I can imagine it would...!] His only relief: a steady stream of moonshine distilled in the back of his shingle-roofed, wind-up wagon.
His search takes a detour when he rescues a runaway courtesan-in-training, Veepa, from a nefarious highwayman. Unable to abandon another innocent to the wicked twists of the world he made, Kol takes her on as apprentice. [These two sentences feel a bit pantomine-y in comparison to the rest of the query. It sounded like quite a tough, melancholic quest, but adjectives like 'nefarious' and 'wicked' are a bit vintage and silly. It's not necessarily a problem, but it does feel like a different tone to the rest of the query]He does so in full knowledge that her master’s bounty makes Veepa a potentially dangerous distraction from his one, true aim.
Yet the partnership softens their world-weary[hyphenate this] hearts, and soon Kol comes to see in Veepa the child he lost. Likewise, she finds, in Kol, some semblance of the father she never had.
But both their mission and their relationship are jeopardized when the spited ['spited' is a strange word to use here. Maybe 'wronged' or 'jilted' or 'maligned'?]highwayman brings word of Kol’s return to The Silence, a fanatical warband bent on avenging the collapse of civilization on the fool who caused it.
As The Silence close in, Kol realizes he's made a terrible mistake: that helping Veepa has not only endangered his search for his family, but put his now beloved student in the line of fire intended for him. [oo, good moral dilemma]
Of Eye And Cloud is a 123,000 word low-fi epic fantasy [you probably already know this is on the long side, even for fantasy, and that shaving some off the word count would help your chances with an agent. However, that's your decision and you probably have already had this pointed out to you] that would appeal to fans of R. Scott Bakker, Brian McClellan, and Joe Ambercrombe.
I really like the arrangement for this one, just pairs of short descriptive sentences. You describe the plot events and the stakes well. This seems pretty close to being ready :)