I really appreciate the criticism! Thank you everyone.
Here is another revised version. Hopefully, it has improved.
Revision in post #30
Dear (agent's name),
How many secrets are enough to keep the story of the servant and the prince from being told?
There are secrets of ashes. The kind of secrets that are dark and terrible and are found in the minds of wicked people. But there are also secrets of glass. Those are the secrets that are fragile and beautiful and are held close and are protected.
Arella Marceau, a lowly servant with nothing to her name, finds herself entangled in secrets of both ashes and glass. A mysterious debt owed by her deceased father arises and if she can’t pay it, she will be subjected to the mercy of her creditor, Lord DiFortunato. But with his bottomless black eyes and unsettling demeanor, Lord DiFortunato seems to be more than he pretends to be. Then there is also murder. The murder of the king. But no one seems able to decipher the motives of the Royal Physician; that is, if he even is the murderer. But among the ashes, there is glittering glass. After meeting Freddie in the market and discovering his identity as Prince Friederic , Arella soon realizes that Prince Charming has captured her heart. Yet, Arella is a servant in Freddie’s very own palace and if the nobles discover their relationship they would leap at the chance to ruin them both by making Arella out to be the prince’s lover. Without a choice, Arella and Freddie keep their meeting place, their letters, and their love a secret.
With hidden truths of love, murder, and debt threatening them, Freddie and Arella cling to the assurance they have in God’s sovereign plan and to the love that blossoms between them.
I am submitting for your consideration a completed, 94,600-word inspirational romance, Secrets of Ashes and Glass. While it may begin as a typical Cinderella story, plot twists such as murder, debt, and a secret love create elements of mystery and suspense.
A selection of my poetry has been published in the book, A Work of Art, which is a compilation of works from international writers. The purpose of this book is to raise money for United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF). I have also had short stories and poems published in local newsletters.