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Synopsis: The Personal Account of Darius Carlyle


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#21 Monks

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Posted 23 June 2017 - 01:26 PM

I think this is much improved over your earlier versions. I only have a few minor edits, which I've noted in blue below. Otherwise, I think this is all tightened up and ready to go. Nice work!

 

Dammit I hate this stupid iPad. Anyway...

Perhaps...?


SYNOPSIS: THE PERSONAL ACCOUNT OF DARIUS CARLYLE

[The following has been extracted and novelized from DARIUS CARLYLE's personal journal, dated 1875-1889]

When Darius returns to Wolfstone Manor following his grandfather's death, he finds himself inheriting the house, estate, and—most importantly—the library, and its hoard of esoteric lore. After a century and a half steeped in slaughter, Darius is grateful for a home of his own at last. But he continues covertly hunting werewolves, lest complacency get the better of him. I think you should combine this paragraph and the following one, as well as cut the sentence about Darius continuing to hunt werewolves. I would set it up basically like this: Darius is grateful for a home, he meets Kate, they get married, get pregnant, Darius is ready to settle down." Then jump immediately into Darius being pulled into the Jack the Ripper case. This construction sets up a good emotional conflict, in my opinion, for Darius. Family and a normal life vs. his calling to hunt werewolves. Plus I think it would just flow a bit better if this were one paragraph instead of two. It's a bit choppy as is.

Then Darius happens upon the eucatastrophic Is eucatastrophic a word or a typo? Legitimately asking, as I've never heard it before and couldn't find anything in the dictionary. KATHERINE HARROW.

By the autumn of 1888 I think you can remove the date here and below, when Tobias is born. You have the date listed at the beginning, and including more dates just makes it seem like the reader needs to keep track of them for some purpose, but they don't really need to in the synopsis., Darius and Kate are married and expecting their first child. Meanwhile, Jack the Ripper has London choking on its own terror. Then the inspector in charge of the case writes Darius. He isn't even close to finding his man (if man he be at all), and is in need of Darius's particular expertise. Though at first unwilling, Kate encourages Darius to take the case, and even follows him to Whitechapel in London. Though dismayed, Darius cannot help but be in awe of Kate's innate talent for subversion This sentence feels superfluous. When Darius uncovers that the 'Ripper' is a conspiracy manipulated by CAIN–a so-called 'True Ancient' werewolf with an incomprehensibly personal vendetta against Darius's family–the unthinkable happens. Cain kidnaps Kate. Though the Ripper is slain and Darius manages to save her, Darius is shocked to discover that the werewolf has cursed his dearest Kate with an arcane form of lycanthropy.

With each full moon Kate's condition grows progressively worse. Curiously, however, her pregnancy is not affected in the slightest, even when she undergoes the Change. On 20 April 1889 Kate literally rips their firstborn son from her womb, torn between the pangs of labor and grotesque convulsions of metamorphosis. After countless failed attempts to cure Kate–including a Catholic exorcism–Darius finds an ancient Wolven ritual that may save her. But it requires the blood of the werewolf that turned Kate.

Darius manages to snare Cain, but the ritual fails, and Kate helps Cain escape through the library. Unhinged, Darius tortures any werewolf he can find for information–while torturing himself for his failures. Eventually he locates Cain, and his dearest Kate. The only other possible cure he has found requires Darius to kill Cain. Certain he is going to his own death, Darius sorrowfully leaves his son in the care of his last trusted friend in this world.

Then Darius meets Cain at Stonehenge.

The final entry of the journal is a letter Darius writes to his dearest Kate, in which he grievously recounts his final stand against Cain, and his beloved. Cain goads Darius's bloodlust as the Wolven cuts through the pack of werewolves, each kill swifter than the last, until it is intimately instinctive. But Darius only just restrains himself when his dearest Kate is the last left. She attacks Darius at Cain's command. Torn between love and bloodlust, Darius pleads with Kate to hold on to her indomitable humanity. Darius, using mystical tactics, manages to subdue Kate, and turn his rage towards Cain. But at the sound of a sudden snarl behind him Darius, on instinct, turns and strikes–driving his blade through Kate's heart. As silvery fire consumes her before Darius's eyes he is completely, utterly broken. And as a final taunt, Cain reveals to Darius that he stole a book from Darius's library when he was captured for the ritual, which Darius had never known of: a book of profane werewolf magick, that contains the actual cure for lycanthropy. Darius lashes out at Cain but the werewolf stays his hand, telling the Wolven to savor his vengeance a while longer. Cain then vanishes, leaving Darius alone amid the ashes of his dearest Kate. Wracked with grief and blame, Darius ends this final letter to the love that he killed, writing, "I'm sorry that I loved you," and vowing to right his wrongs. The journal ends here, Darius's fate after writing this letter unknown.

Some time later the journal finds its way into the hands of Darius's son. On the inside cover an inscription reads:

"TOBIAS,

If you ever read this, I hope you can understand; even if you can't forgive me.
Your father."

 


Would greatly appreciate critiques of my synopsis!

#22 JeffJustWrites

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Posted 23 June 2017 - 03:10 PM

Thanks Monks!! :)

Haha...well, "eucatastrophe" is a word coined by J. R. R. Tolkien to describe LOTR...it is a sudden, unpredictable yet *good* event that changes everything–basically the opposite of catastrophe. It's my nod to he whom inspired this whole crazy werewolf mythology thing haha

So no, it is not a typo.

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#23 Monks

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Posted 23 June 2017 - 06:04 PM

Gotcha, just figured I'd check. Good luck with your continuing querying!

 

Thanks Monks!! :)

Haha...well, "eucatastrophe" is a word coined by J. R. R. Tolkien to describe LOTR...it is a sudden, unpredictable yet *good* event that changes everything–basically the opposite of catastrophe. It's my nod to he whom inspired this whole crazy werewolf mythology thing haha

So no, it is not a typo.


Would greatly appreciate critiques of my synopsis!

#24 lionspaws

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Posted 07 July 2017 - 11:13 AM

I am just entering the world of synopsis writing so I cannot guarantee the accuracy of my opinions! 
 
SYNOPSIS: THE PERSONAL ACCOUNT OF DARIUS CARLYLE
 
I liked your previous paragraph beginning with an explanation of werewolves/wolven. 

[The following has been extracted and novelized from DARIUS CARLYLE's personal journal, dated 1875-1889]

When Darius returns to Wolfstone Manor following his grandfather's death, he finds himself inheriting the house, estate, and—most importantly—the library, and its hoard of esoteric lore. After an exhausting century and a half hunting werewolves, steeped in slaughter, Darius is grateful for a home of his own at last. But he continues covertly hunting werewolves, lest complacency get the better of him.  Just a thought :) 

Then Darius happens upon the eucatastrophic KATHERINE HARROW. Where do they meet? Also while it demonstrates your clearly expansive vocabulary (and of Tolkien), I wouldn't recommend eucatastrophic... totally lost me there haha. 

By the autumn of 1888, Darius and Kate are married and expecting their first child. Is he still hunting, or enjoying the good life? Meanwhile, Jack the Ripper has London choking on its own terror. Nice turn of phrase! Then the inspector in charge of the case writes Darius. He isn't even close to finding his man (if man he be at all if he even is a man), and is in need of Darius's particular expertise. Though at first unwilling, Kate encourages Darius to take the case, and even follows him to Whitechapel in London. Though dismayed, Darius cannot help but be in awe of Kate's innate talent for subversion. When Darius uncovers that the 'Ripper' is a conspiracy manipulated by CAIN–a so-called 'True Ancient' werewolf with an incomprehensibly personal vendetta against Darius's family–the unthinkable happens. Cain kidnaps Kate. Though the Ripper is slain and Darius manages to save her, Darius is shocked to discover that the werewolf has cursed his dearest Kate with an arcane form of lycanthropy. This seems to be the crux of your plot, in which I think you could expand this over a few paragraphs. You're skimming on some pretty important things. How does he uncover this plot? How is the Ripper slain and how does Darius rescue Kate? My understanding is that while agents don't want every single detail, the synopsis should still be a play-by-play of significant events. 

With each full moon Kate's condition grows progressively worse. Curiously, however, her pregnancy is not affected in the slightest, even when she undergoes the Change. On 20 April 1889 Kate literally rips their firstborn son from her womb, torn between the pangs of labor and grotesque convulsions of metamorphosis. Oh my! After countless failed attempts to cure Kate–including a Catholic exorcism–Darius finds an ancient Wolven ritual that may save her. But it requires the blood of the werewolf that turned Kate. 

Darius manages to snare Cain how?, but the ritual fails why?, and Kate helps Cain escape through the library. Unhinged, Darius tortures any werewolf he can find for information–while torturing himself for his failures. Eventually he locates Cain, and his dearest Kate. The only other possible cure he has found requires Darius to kill Cain. Certain he is going to his own death, Darius sorrowfully leaves his son in the care of his last trusted friend in this world. 

Then Darius meets Cain at Stonehenge. 

The final entry of the journal is a letter Darius writes to his dearest Kate, in which he grievously recounts his final stand against Cain, and his beloved. Cain goads Darius's bloodlust as the Wolven cuts through the pack of werewolves, each kill swifter than the last, until it is intimately instinctive. But Darius only just restrains himself when his dearest Kate is the last left. She attacks Darius at Cain's command. Torn between love and bloodlust, Darius pleads with Kate to hold on to her indomitable humanity. Darius, using mystical tactics, manages to subdue Kate, and turn his rage towards Cain. But at the sound of a sudden snarl behind him Darius, on instinct, turns and strikes–driving his blade through Kate's heart. As silvery fire consumes her before Darius's eyes he is completely, utterly broken. And as a final taunt, Cain reveals to Darius that he stole a book from Darius's library when he was captured for the ritual, which Darius had never known of: a book of profane werewolf magick, that contains the actual cure for lycanthropy. Darius lashes out at Cain but the werewolf stays his hand, telling the Wolven to savor his vengeance a while longer. Cain then vanishes, leaving Darius alone amid the ashes of his dearest Kate. Wracked with grief and blame, Darius ends this final letter to the love that he killed, writing, "I'm sorry that I loved you," and vowing to right his wrongs. The journal ends here, Darius's fate after writing this letter unknown.  
I think this could be cleaned up a lot, basically focusing on the fact that Darius ends up in a duel with Kate and emphasizing where Darius is going to go from here -- his vow. 

Some time later the journal finds its way into the hands of Darius's son. On the inside cover an inscription reads:

"TOBIAS,

If you ever read this, I hope you can understand; even if you can't forgive me. 
Your father." So I take it this is leading into a sequel? Perhaps hint if he's expecting his son to take up the cross, etc?? 
 
I'd appreciate your thoughts on my synopsis for TO SAIL THE STARS! 

http://agentquerycon...sail-the-stars/

http://agentquerycon...ique-in-return/

 

"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." - Mark Twain 

"There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds." - G.K. Chesterton 


#25 JeffJustWrites

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Posted 07 July 2017 - 04:17 PM

Actually, that's where the story ends, with the inscription to Tobias. All in the name of authenticity ;) haha but Tobias being a triumvirate being (part human, part Wolven, possibly part Werewolf) will have a domino effect in the sequel. This story is about Darius's broken heart; the sequel will focus on how he deals with that, and his son. 


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#26 lionspaws

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Posted 07 July 2017 - 04:21 PM

Oh cool. I wonder if there's a way you can hint that Darius will come back. Also randomly, is Cain a Biblical reference? Made me think of Cain who killed his own brother. 


http://agentquerycon...sail-the-stars/

http://agentquerycon...ique-in-return/

 

"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." - Mark Twain 

"There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds." - G.K. Chesterton 


#27 JeffJustWrites

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Posted 07 July 2017 - 04:48 PM

Haha, ironically no. Cain has been stuck in my head for years, and I make a stronger correlation between Cain/Canine (or canis)...same thing with Kânai/Kânín (werewolf/werewolves)


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#28 Sreid

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Posted 08 July 2017 - 07:54 AM

Hi Jeff,

 

I'll comment on this as I read it the first time so you get my first impressions.

Dammit I hate this stupid iPad. Anyway... Don't we all!

Perhaps...?


SYNOPSIS: THE PERSONAL ACCOUNT OF DARIUS CARLYLE

[The following has been extracted and novelized from DARIUS CARLYLE's personal journal, dated 1875-1889] This seems an odd way to start a synopsis, and I'm not sure how an agent would react to it. I found it a little jarring, since I expected to read some of the story rather than an editorialization of its [fictitious] origins. I'm sure there are more narrative ways of opening your synopsis.

When Werewolf hunter, Darius(,) returns to Wolfstone Manor following his grandfather's death, he finds himself to inheriting the house, estate, and—most importantly—the library, and its hoard of esoteric lore. After a century and a half steeped in slaughter, Darius is grateful for a home of his own at last. But he continues covertly hunting werewolves, lest complacency get the better of himI don't see this having much bearing on the story, as long as you just tell us somewhere that he's a werewolf hunter (like I did right at the start).

Then Darius happens upon the eucatastrophic I have no idea what this word means, or if it even is a word. I imagine this might be very off-putting for an agent of like mind. KATHERINE HARROW.

By the autumn of 1888, Darius and Kate are married and expecting their first child. Meanwhile, Jack the Ripper has London choking on its own terror. Then the inspector in charge of the case writes Darius. He isn't even close to finding his man (if man he be at all), and is in need of Darius's particular expertise. Though at first unwilling, Kate encourages This seems a bit too quick for a 180 degree change of heart. I'd expect to see her relent first before encouraging. Darius to take the case, and even follows him to Whitechapel in London. Though dismayed, Darius cannot help but be in awe of Kate's innate talent for subversion I wonder if you perhaps mean subterfuge? Otherwise, I see on evidence of Kate undermining the authority of any sort of establishment. . When Darius uncovers that the 'Ripper' is a conspiracy manipulated by CAIN–a so-called 'True Ancient' werewolf I like this. with an incomprehensibly personal vendetta against Darius's family–the unthinkable happens. Cain kidnaps Kate  It seems to me something like that would be very "thinkable" under the circumstances, even probable.. Though the Ripper is slain and Darius manages to save her, Darius is shocked to discover that the werewolf has cursed his dearest Kate with an arcane form of lycanthropy. Does he notice this right away, or do the first signs come with the following full moon?

With each full moon Kate's condition grows progressively worse. Curiously, however, her pregnancy is not affected in the slightest, even when she undergoes the Change. On 20 April 1889 Kate literally rips their firstborn son from her womb, torn between the pangs of labor and grotesque convulsions of metamorphosis. After countless failed attempts to cure Kate–including a Catholic exorcism–Darius finds an ancient Wolven ritual that may save her. But it requires the blood of the werewolf that turned Kate. Exciting.

Darius manages to snare Cain, but the ritual fails, and Kate helps Cain escape through the library. Unhinged, Darius tortures any werewolf he can find for information–while torturing You just used "tortures" so perhaps chastising instead? himself for his failures. Eventually he locates Cain, and his dearest Kate. The only other possible cure he has found requires Darius to kill Cain. Certain he is going to his own death, Darius sorrowfully leaves his son in the care of his last trusted friend in this world.

Then Darius meets Cain at Stonehenge. I think it would read better if you work this into the final section instead.

The final entry of the journal is a letter Darius writes to his dearest Kate, in which he grievously recounts his final stand against Cain, and his beloved. Cain goads Darius's bloodlust as the Wolven cuts through the pack of werewolves, each kill swifter than the last, until it is intimately instinctive. But Darius only just restrains himself when his dearest Kate is the last left. She attacks Darius at Cain's command. Torn between love and bloodlust, Darius pleads with Kate to hold on to her indomitable humanity. Darius, using mystical tactics, manages to subdue Kate, and turn his rage towards Cain. But at the sound of a sudden snarl behind him Darius, on instinct, turns and strikes–driving his blade through Kate's heart. As silvery fire consumes her before Darius's eyes he is completely, utterly broken. And as a final taunt, Cain reveals to Darius that he stole a book from Darius's library when he was captured for the ritual, which Darius had never known of: a book of profane werewolf magick, that contains the actual cure for lycanthropy. Darius lashes out at Cain but the werewolf stays his hand, telling the Wolven to savor his vengeance a while longer. Cain then vanishes, leaving Darius alone amid the ashes of his dearest Kate. Wracked with grief and blame, Darius ends this final letter to the love that he killed, writing, "I'm sorry that I loved you," and vowing to right his wrongs. The journal ends here, Darius's fate after writing this letter unknown. That's not the usual ending, or the one I would most expect to find, and it's quite refreshing. Well done. This is, however, a fairly big chunk of words. I wonder if you might be able to break it into at least two more manageable paragraphs?

Some time later the journal finds its way into the hands of Darius's son. On the inside cover an inscription reads:

"TOBIAS,

If you ever read this, I hope you can understand; even if you can't forgive me.
Your father." I don't particularly like the beginning or end of this, and I have a suggestion for a cure. I understand I'm taking great liberties here, since my suggested changes will most likely affect the beginning and end of your story.

 

Start with something along the lines of: Seven year old TOBIAS CARLYLE opened the package the postman delivered and found a handwritten leather-bound book, the personal diary of his dead father. He opens the cover and a note addressed to him falls out.

 

"Tobias, if you ever read this, I hope you can understand; even if you can't forgive me. Your father."

 

End with Tobias either forgiving his father, or vowing to avenge his dead mother.

 

I hope my comments were helpful, and I look forward to reading your thoughts on the latest version of my synopsis.



#29 JeffJustWrites

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Posted 08 July 2017 - 10:57 AM

Thanks Sreid, I've been meaning to touch this up, and you bring up some great points.

 

SUBTERFUGE! Doi! That's the word I was looking for haha


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#30 JeffJustWrites

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Posted 08 July 2017 - 11:13 AM

A few touch-ups. But I'm using 'eucatastrophe' in the book, mark my words! *shakes fist*

 

SYNOPSIS: THE PERSONAL ACCOUNT OF DARIUS CARLYLE

 

The Wolven are a race of mystical werewolf hunters that predate antiquity. Wolven hunt the werewolves, this is the way of it. And though DARIUS CARLYLE is only half-Wolven, he has killed more werewolves than any Wolven in centuries.

 

When Darius returns to Wolfstone Manor following his grandfather's death, he finds himself inheriting the house, estate, and—most importantly—the library, and its hoard of esoteric lore. After a century and a half steeped in slaughter, Darius is grateful for a home of his own at last. But he continues covertly hunting werewolves, lest complacency get the better of him.

Then Darius happens upon the enigmatic KATHERINE HARROW, and for the first time in his life he is thrust headlong into the perilous joy of love.

By the autumn of 1888, Darius and Kate are married and expecting their first child. Meanwhile, Jack the Ripper has London choking on its own terror. Then the inspector in charge of the case writes Darius. He isn't even close to finding his man (if man he be at all), and is in need of Darius's particular expertise. Though at first unwilling, Kate encourages Darius to take the case, and even follows him to Whitechapel in London. Though dismayed, Darius cannot help but be in awe of Kate's innate talent for subterfuge. When Darius uncovers that the 'Ripper' is a conspiracy manipulated by CAIN–a so-called 'True Ancient' werewolf with an incomprehensibly personal vendetta against Darius's family–Kate is taken, unleashing Darius's wrath. Though the Ripper is slain and Darius manages to save her, Darius is shocked to discover that the werewolf has cursed his dearest Kate with an arcane form of lycanthropy.

With each full moon Kate's condition grows progressively worse. Curiously, however, her pregnancy is not affected in the slightest, even when she undergoes the Change. On 20 April 1889 Kate literally rips their firstborn son from her womb, torn between the pangs of labor and grotesque convulsions of metamorphosis. After countless failed attempts to cure Kate–including a Catholic exorcism–Darius finds an ancient Wolven ritual that may save her. But it requires the blood of the werewolf that turned Kate.

Darius manages to snare Cain, but the ritual fails, and Kate helps Cain escape through the library. Unhinged, Darius tortures any werewolf he can find for information–while torturing himself for his failures. Eventually he locates Cain, and his dearest Kate. The only other possible cure he has found requires Darius to kill Cain. Certain he is going to his own death, Darius sorrowfully leaves his son in the care of his last trusted friend in this world.

The final entry of the journal is a letter to his dearest Kate. Darius grievously recounts his final stand against Cain, and his beloved, at the ancient site of Stonehenge. Cain goads Darius's bloodlust as the Wolven cuts through the pack of werewolves, each kill swifter than the last, until it is intimately instinctive. But Darius only just restrains himself when his dearest Kate is the last left. She attacks Darius at Cain's command. Torn between love and bloodlust, Darius pleads with Kate to hold on to her indomitable humanity. Darius, using mystical tactics, manages to subdue Kate, and turn his rage towards Cain. But at the sound of a sudden snarl behind him Darius, on instinct, turns and strikes–driving his blade through Kate's heart. As silvery fire consumes her before Darius's eyes he is completely, utterly broken. And as a final taunt, Cain reveals to Darius that he stole a book from Darius's library when he was captured for the ritual, which Darius had never known of: a book of profane werewolf magick, that contains the actual cure for lycanthropy. Darius lashes out at Cain but the werewolf stays his hand, advising the disconsolate Wolven to savor his vengeance a while longer. Cain then vanishes, leaving Darius alone amid the ashes of his dearest Kate. Wracked with grief and shame, Darius ends this final letter, writing, "I'm sorry that I loved you," while vowing to right his wrongs. The journal ends here, Darius's fate after writing this letter unknown.

On the inside cover an inscription reads:

"TOBIAS,

If you ever read this, I hope you can understand; even if you can't forgive me.
Your father."


My Perpetually Metamorphosing Query

 

At vahrai u ihlókéon. At u Atavithion. 


#31 lionspaws

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Posted 09 July 2017 - 11:26 AM

When DARIUS CARLYLE returns to Wolfstone Manor following his grandfather's death, he finds himself inheriting the house, estate, and—most importantly—the library, and its hoard of esoteric lore. After a century and a half steeped in slaughter, Darius is grateful for a home of his own at last. But he continues covertly hunting werewolves, lest complacency get the better of him.

Then Darius happens upon the enigmatic KATHERINE HARROW, and for the first time in his life he is thrust headlong into the perilous joy of love. Much better :) 

By the autumn of 1888, Darius and Kate are married and expecting their first child. Meanwhile, Jack the Ripper has London choking on its own terror. Then the inspector in charge of the case writes Darius. He isn't even close to finding his man (if man he be at all), and is in need of Darius's particular expertise in werewolves. Though at first unwilling, Kate encourages Darius to take the case, and even follows him to Whitechapel in London. Though dismayed, different word? Darius cannot help but be in awe of Kate's innate talent for subterfuge. When Darius uncovers that the 'Ripper' is a conspiracy manipulated by CAIN–a so-called 'True Ancient' werewolf with an incomprehensibly personal vendetta against Darius's family–Kate is taken, unleashing Darius's wrath. Though the Ripper is slain and Darius manages to save her, Darius is shocked to discover that the werewolf has cursed infected? his dearest Kate with an arcane form of lycanthropy. So what's the connection between Cain's vendetta and the crimes in London that he's orchestrating--he was hoping to flush Darius out? 

With each full moon Kate's condition grows progressively worse. Curiously, however, her pregnancy is not affected in the slightest, even when she undergoes the Change. On 20 April 1889 Kate literally rips their firstborn son from her womb, torn between the pangs of labor and grotesque convulsions of metamorphosis. After countless failed attempts to cure Kate–including a Catholic exorcism–Darius finds an ancient Wolven ritual that may save her. But it requires the blood of the werewolf that turned Kate. I don't think you've previously explained wolven in this synopsis so that might be good. 

Darius manages to snare Cain, but the ritual fails, and Kate helps Cain escape through the library. Unhinged, Darius tortures any werewolf he can find for information–while torturing himself for his failures. Eventually he locates Cain, and his dearest Kate. The only other possible cure he has found requires Darius to kill Cain. Certain he is going to his own death, Darius sorrowfully leaves his son in the care of his last trusted friend in this world. 

The final entry of the journal is a letter to his dearest Kate. Darius grievously recounts his final stand against Cain, and his beloved, maybe just say against them both at the ancient site of Stonehenge. Cain goads Darius's bloodlust as the Wolven cuts through the pack of werewolves, each kill swifter than the last, until it is intimately instinctive. But Darius only just restrains himself when his dearest Kate is the last left. So she's not the last one left, since Cain is, right? She attacks Darius at Cain's command. Torn between love and bloodlust, Darius pleads with Kate to hold on to her indomitable humanity. Darius, using mystical tactics, manages to subdue Kate, and turn his rage towards Cain. But at the sound of a sudden snarl behind him Darius, on instinct, turns and strikes–driving his blade through Kate's heart. As silvery fire consumes her before Darius's eyes he is completely, utterly broken. And as a final taunt, Cain reveals to Darius that he stole a book from Darius's library when he was captured for the ritual, which Darius had never known of: a book of profane werewolf magick, that contains the actual cure for lycanthropy. Darius lashes out at Cain but the werewolf stays his hand, advising the disconsolate Wolven to savor his vengeance a while longer. Cain then vanishes, leaving Darius alone amid the ashes of his dearest Kate. Wracked with grief and shame, Darius ends this final letter, writing, "I'm sorry that I loved you," while vowing to right his wrongs. The journal ends here, Darius's fate after writing this letter unknown. Poor Darius :( I feel for him. 

On the inside cover an inscription reads:

 

"TOBIAS,

If you ever read this, I hope you can understand; even if you can't forgive me.
Your father."

 

This is really clear and flows well! As always I'd appreciate any more thoughts on my updated synopsis... it's still about two pages (mine) but I read that's typically okay... 


http://agentquerycon...sail-the-stars/

http://agentquerycon...ique-in-return/

 

"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." - Mark Twain 

"There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds." - G.K. Chesterton 





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