Dear agent -
When seventeen year old Taylor meets Sara, she's trying to figure out how to get the hell out of her stupid Midwestern town. Sara introduces her to a world of pansexuals, gender fluidity, polyamory, and every other identify in the LGBTQIA rainbow, Now Taylor has figured at least one thing out - she's in love with Sara.
Taylor learns there's nothing like coming out to show you who your true friends are. She also discovers the heaven and hell of falling deeply in love for the first time. Together, with their ever growing group of queer friends, Taylor and Sara have to solve the mystery behind their friend Christian's strange behavior before it's too late. Ultimately, Taylor's not sure where she fits in the alphabet soup of identities, and her insecurities might cost her the first real love she's ever found.
NEVER ENOUGH WORDS is complete at 55,000 words, and will appeal to lovers of ANNIE ON MY MIND and SISTER MISCHIEF. This coming of age story is told through journal entries and poems by Taylor, alternating character perspectives, and social media/text messages.
As an English teacher, I've always wished there were more LGBTQIA novels for my students to read. I decided to write one myself drawing from my experience growing up in Indiana wondering if all the other girls were just as attracted to women as I was.
Per your submissions guidelines, the first ten pages of the manuscript are included below. Thank you for your time!
I applaud your goal of wanting to create more literature for the LGBT community.
I’m part of the LGBT community myself, but when I read this I felt like I didn’t really see what the deeper story was about. It feels like something I’ve heard a hundred times before.
Also, some people, myself included, find the Q-word (in your second paragraph), which is a slur, to be insulting. Some of the younger generation don’t, of course, and some use it politically to contradict its power as a political project, but using it runs the risk of insulting some people. It’s up to you, but something to consider if you haven’t already.
Also, please try to be very careful with the words you use. I think, for example, that you mean “identity” rather than “identify” in the first paragraph. Some might overlook that, but many may read that as being careless, and an indicator of what to expect throughout your work, and pass you over.
The bigger problem you face is that you do a lot of telling, very little showing.
I also couldn’t really get a sense of what the story was about. You mention the main character learning about her identity a couple of times, but it seems like the real story is solving the mystery behind Christian’s behavior. That seems to be the only thing in here that suggests something that could be new, but it’s something you’ve told us very little about. But up to that point we didn’t hear anything about Christian to have a context in which to understand what strange behavior it is you’re referring to. Does Taylor’s identity have anything to do with that? You mention her identity again after referring to Christian’s behavior, but the two don’t appear connected.
I’d do away with your author bio because it doesn’t really sell you as an author. Your bio should focus on giving evidence of your amazing skill as a writer. It's okay to leave this out if you don't have publication credits.
In your query, they’re really going to be looking for a big choice facing the main character as well as the stakes involved (e.g., what happens if they take Choice A, what about Choice B, and what are the big and deeply conflicted stakes involved in each?) Without this, many would say it reads as a list of events with no plot. That big choice defines the character, gives the story shape and direction, and reveals deeper conflicts and meaning, and more.
I really do support the work you’re doing and wish you the best of luck! Keep going, you’ll get there!