Dear agent -When seventeen year old Taylor meets Sara, she's trying to figure out a lot of things as anxiety overcomes her, like a stranger in her chest trying to steal half her breath. Just a suggestion, maybe not the perfect turn of phrase, lol, but something to shorten the sentence and make it nicer to read as a hook.Self-assured and super-cool Sara introduces her to a world of pansexuality, gender fluidity, polyamory, and every other identity in the LGBTQIA rainbow. (I agree that this sounds like a general list and it’s not very evocative. The acronym is too vague and not very nice to read in a query. Maybe you could evoke pansexuality or polyamory with Taylor’s words, so that the reader could get a better glimpse of the rainbow and relate easier). Now Taylor has figured at least one thing out - she's in love with Sara. I like the way this line echoes with your hook. But I agree with Heynowyou: maybe you could bring out a particular trait of Sara to better show the reader why Taylor fell for her (although we guess that part of why Taylor fell for her is Sara’s self-assured, super-cool and “experienced” side). When they start dating, Taylor has to navigate her insecurities about Sara's old life (does this mean Sara has been dating mainly boys before or something like that, and Taylor worries that she will turn away from her? I don’t really get it), the overwhelming emotions of falling in love for the first time, and the art of coming out. There's nothing like announcing you have a girlfriend to show you who your true friends are. Good point. When Sara and Taylor's mutual friend, Christian, faces a crisis based on her identity as a transgirl, they all realize that it's not how we identify, but what we do about it that matters.NEVER ENOUGH WORDS is complete at 55,000 words, and will appeal to lovers of ANNIE ON MY MIND and SISTER MISCHIEF. This Young Adult/New Adult coming-of-age story is told through journal entries and poems by Taylor, alternating character perspectives, and social media/text messages. Interesting! I would be really curious to read it.As an English teacher, I've always wished there were more LGBTQIA novels for my students to read. I decided to write one myself drawing from my experience growing up in Indiana wondering if all the other girls were just as attracted to women as I was.Per your submissions guidelines, the first ten pages of the manuscript are included below. Thank you for your time!I'm keeping the bio even though it doesn't sell me as a writer because it's a way of making sure the agent knows that this is an #ownvoices book - gay YA written by a gay. You’re right. I often read from agents the “tell me why you’re the right person to write this precise story” line. I think your bio does the job very well.
Heynowyou pointed out that there was no villain or force to overcome. The force to overcome could actually be Taylor’s anxiety and her insecurities about Sara’s love for her, but I admit I was wondering at the end of your query, whether the conflict would center on Taylor and Sara or Christian’s identity and the way Taylor and Sara relate to it.