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Supra/Normal (YA Sci-fi)


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#1 asmcdermott

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Posted 01 December 2016 - 10:25 PM

JULIE JACKSON has grown up in a world without heroes. Two decades ago, war broke out between rival groups of genetically altered humans known as SUPRAS. Some used their special powers to protect humankind, others to conquer. Hundreds of thousands of innocent people died in the conflict.

The war ended when one man discovered the supras’ weakness. Victorious, he elected himself the SUPREME PRESIDENT of America, using his ruthless NORMALIZER police force to maintain order and search for any surviving enemies. The public is happy to live in peace and forget the war. For the few supras left, discovery of their powers is an instant life sentence, or worse.

Julie acts like an average sixteen-year-old, but what no one knows is that she is a supra, too. She can punch through brick walls, shrug off knives and bullets, and heal almost instantly. Her secret is revealed when she impulsively saves her high school crush, STEVE PETERSON, from an accident. Julie races home to find the normalizers waiting for her. They neutralize her powers and Julie flees, heartbroken at abandoning her family.

She is soon found by an old lady called DR. DALTON, a telepath who supposedly died in the war. She tells Julie the truth: the Supreme President was the instigator of the war and is a former supra himself. Dr. Dalton takes Julie to an abandoned hospital where she lives in hiding with the other young supras she has rescued.

Julie meets her new roommates: PENNY—a twelve-year-old with a genius intellect for making gadgets, MONICA—a confrontational teen who can start fires with just a thought, and LEON—a sensitive young man with the power of flight. After they get to know each other, Dr. Dalton warns Julie not to leave or try to contact her family or she will endanger them all. Julie finds solace in her friendship with Leon and Penny, even while she butts heads with Monica at every turn.

Penny tests Julie’s blood and learns how she escaped detection all those years—her supra gene hides so it doesn’t show up on any standard tests. Just as Julie is settling into her new life she sees a news report about a new supra being arrested—Steve. Realizing he might face a life sentence or even death, Julie tries to convince Dr. Dalton to rescue him, to no avail. Julie, Leon and, surprisingly, Monica end up going against Dr. Dalton’s wishes and break Steve out of the local jail, though Penny refuses to go with them.

They return with a freaked-out Steve to their hideout before the normalizers can catch them. Steve insists he is normal, and even Dr. Dalton’s abilities cannot detect his supra power. She chastises the others for being so reckless and invites Steve to join them.

Steve settles in to the group and attracts the lustful eye of Monica, much to Julie’s annoyance. A few days later, Dr. Dalton leaves to investigate a new supra she has sensed in the area. She never returns.

That night, a squad of normalizers arrive at the hospital, led by two turned supras unaffected by the police force’s dampening powers. SCYTHE can cut through anything with her mind, even Julie’s dense skin, while SNIFFER can track down others supras wherever they hide. Leon flies Penny to safety, but the other three are trapped. Only then does Steve discover his power—he’s a teleporter!

He transports them far away, his supra gene somehow unaffected by the normalizers. Scythe’s blades badly injure Julie and she passes out. They find shelter at the home of Dr. Dalton’s old friend, another supra who she instructed to seek them out if anything happened to her. They have barely recovered before Sniffer leads Scythe and the normalizers to them again. The man sheltering them is captured, but Steve teleports himself, Monica, and Julie away.

While on the run, Monica and Steve become increasingly close. Julie is upset, but realizes she has more important things to worry about when she receives a telepathic message from an imprisoned Dr. Dalton. She warns Julie not to come looking for her. Instead, the three of them are instructed to go back to the hospital, where they find Penny and Leon alive and well.

Julie still wants to rescue Dr. Dalton, and this time they all agree to help her, even Penny. Their mission is to break into Base 21—the secret facility where supra prisoners are kept. Steve will be their inside man. As the only one immune to the normalizers, he can get in and teleport the guards out so the others won’t be affected.

Steve is turned in and taken to Base 21. Once night falls, Monica and Julie break in to the outer perimeter. Leon keeps watch from above while Penny monitors everything from afar, using her incredible gadgets to get them past all the Base’s defenses. Julie and Monica reach the prison area, to find Scythe waiting for them.

The woman reveals that Julie and Steve are both the result of a failed experiment to remove the supra gene when they were babies. Instead, it altered their DNA to allow them to better hide in society. She knew they would try to rescue Dr. Dalton and offers them an opportunity—replace the normalizers and join her in hunting down other supras who pose a threat.

Julie responds the only way she can—beating Scythe to a pulp before the other supra can use her deadly blades on her friends. Leon arrives and helps Julie and Monica free the young supra prisoners in the cells beyond. They find Steve with a comatose Dr. Dalton. Julie is too late to save her—the experiments performed by the Base’s scientists have broken her mind. She mentally tells Julie to lead the other supras out of here before she dies.

After they evacuate the building, Monica burns the whole place down so it can never be used against them again. They leave with the kids that are now in their care. Penny soon finds them a new home—an abandoned superhero theme park. There they will hide and plan their next attack against the Supreme President's remaining forces.



#2 bookgirl_kt

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Posted 12 December 2016 - 05:04 PM

Here are my thoughts:

 

JULIE JACKSON has grown up in a world without heroes. Two decades ago, war broke out between rival groups of genetically altered humans known as SUPRAS. Some used their special powers to protect humankind, (then the world ISN'T without heroes? Sorry, nit-picking, but it did give me a double-take. Maybe you mean a world after heroes, a world where heroes are dead) others to conquer. Hundreds of thousands of innocent people died in the conflict.

 

The war ended when one man discovered the supras’ weakness. Victorious, he elected appointed himself the SUPREME PRESIDENT of America, using his ruthless NORMALIZER police force to maintain order and search for any surviving enemies. The public is happy to live in peace and forget the war. For the few supras left, discovery of their powers is an instant life sentence, or worse. Nice set-up.

 

Julie acts like pretends to be an average sixteen-year-old, but what no one knows is that she is a supra, too. She can punch through brick walls, shrug off knives and bullets, and heal almost instantly. Her secret is revealed when she impulsively saves her high school crush, STEVE PETERSON, from an accident. Julie races home to find the normalizers waiting for her. They neutralize her powers and Julie flees, heartbroken at abandoning her family.

 

She is soon found by an old lady called DR. DALTON, a telepath who supposedly died in the war. She tells Julie the truth: the Supreme President was the instigator of the war and is a former (is it possible to be a former supra? Do you mean he lost his powers, or just that he abandoned the group?) supra himself. Dr. Dalton takes Julie to an abandoned hospital where she lives in hiding with the other young supras she has rescued.

 

Julie meets her new roommates: PENNY—a twelve-year-old with a genius intellect for making gadgets, MONICA—a confrontational teen who can start fires with just a thought, and LEON—a sensitive young man with the power of flight. After they get to know each other, Dr. Dalton warns Julie not to leave or try to contact her family or she will endanger them all. Julie finds solace in her friendship with Leon and Penny, even while she butts heads with Monica at every turn.

 

Penny tests Julie’s blood and learns how she escaped detection all those years—her supra gene hides so it doesn’t show up on any standard tests. That's cool. Just as Julie is settling into her new life she sees a news report about a new supra being arrested—Steve. Realizing he might face a life sentence or even death, Julie tries to convince Dr. Dalton to rescue him, to no avail. Julie, Leon and, surprisingly, Monica end up going against Dr. Dalton’s wishes and break Steve out of the local jail, though Penny refuses to go with them.

 

They return with a freaked-out Steve to their hideout before the normalizers can catch them. Steve insists he is normal, and even Dr. Dalton’s abilities cannot detect his supra power. She chastises the others for being so reckless and invites Steve to join them.

 

Steve settles in to the group and attracts the lustful eye of Monica, much to Julie’s annoyance. A few days later, Dr. Dalton leaves to investigate a new supra she has sensed in the area. She never returns.

 

That night, a squad of normalizers arrive at the hospital, led by two turned supras unaffected by the police force’s dampening powers. SCYTHE can cut through anything with her mind, even Julie’s dense skin, while SNIFFER can track down others supras wherever they hide. My suggestion is to not name the villains. You have a big cast of character's already (I once read only 3 named characters should be in a synopsis, though that seems like an exaggeration) and I think the villains could just be called "the normalizers." Leon flies Penny to safety, but the other three are trapped. Only then does Steve discover his power—he’s a teleporter!

 

He transports them far away, his supra gene somehow unaffected by the normalizers. Scythe’s blades badly injure Julie and she passes out. They find shelter at the home of Dr. Dalton’s old friend, another supra who she instructed to seek them out if anything happened to her. They have barely recovered before Sniffer leads Scythe and the normalizers to them again. The man sheltering them is captured, but Steve teleports himself, Monica, and Julie away.

 

While on the run, Monica and Steve become increasingly close. Julie is upset, but realizes she has more important things to worry (now that's refreshing in a YA heroine, most of them aren't capable of putting aside the personal) about when she receives a telepathic message from an imprisoned Dr. Dalton. She warns Julie not to come looking for her. Instead, the three of them are instructed to go back to the hospital, where they find Penny and Leon alive and well.

 

Julie still wants to rescue Dr. Dalton, and this time they all agree to help her, even Penny. Their mission is to break into Base 21—the secret facility where supra prisoners are kept. Steve will be their inside man. As the only one immune to the normalizers, he can get in and teleport the guards out so the others won’t be affected.

 

Steve is turned in (by his friends, right? a bit unclear) and taken to Base 21. Once night falls, Monica and Julie break in to the outer perimeter. Leon keeps watch from above while Penny monitors everything from afar, using her incredible gadgets to get them past all the Base’s defenses. Julie and Monica reach the prison area, to find Scythe waiting for them.

 

The woman reveals that Julie and Steve are both the result of a failed experiment to remove the supra gene when they were babies. Instead, it altered their DNA to allow them to better hide in society. She knew they would try to rescue Dr. Dalton and offers them an opportunity—replace join the normalizers and join her in hunting down other supras who pose a threat.

 

Julie responds the only way she can—beating Scythe to a pulp before the other supra can use her deadly blades on her friends. Nice. Leon arrives and helps Julie and Monica free the young supra prisoners in the cells beyond. They find Steve with a comatose Dr. Dalton. Julie is too late to save her—the experiments performed by the Base’s scientists have broken her mind. She mentally tells Julie to lead the other supras out of here before she dies.

 

After they evacuate the building, Monica burns the whole place down so it can never be used against them again. They leave with the kids that are now in their care. Penny soon finds them a new home—an abandoned superhero theme park. There they will hide and plan their next attack against the Supreme President's remaining   (I cut because it doesn't seem like they've made more than a dent in his forces at this point) forces.

 

Overall, I think this is a great synopsis. I like your heroine. My biggest suggestion is that it seems too long. Is there a way you can cut it down to a few plot threads? Maybe limit the number of characters.

 

Hope I've helped! Mine is here if you'd like to return the favor.



#3 asmcdermott

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Posted 13 December 2016 - 10:29 AM

Thanks for the helpful comments! I'll definitely take a look at yours.



#4 ViviMont

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Posted 13 December 2016 - 04:06 PM

JULIE JACKSON has grown up in a world without heroes. Two decades ago, war broke out between rival groups of genetically altered humans known as SUPRAS. Some used their special powers to protect humankind, others to conquer. Hundreds of thousands of innocent people died in the conflict. (Can this info be interspersed throughout the synopsis? I think you should dive right into your character because although this is an interesting concept and part of your story, it sounds too much like an info dump right at the beginning.)

The war ended when one man discovered the supras’ weakness. Victorious, he elected himself the SUPREME PRESIDENT of America, using his ruthless NORMALIZER police force to maintain order and search for any surviving enemies. The public is happy to live in peace and forget the war. For the few supras left, discovery of their powers is an instant life sentence, or worse.

Julie acts like an average sixteen-year-old, but what no one knows is that she is a supra (a genetically altered human hunted by the government), too. She can punch through brick walls, shrug off knives and bullets, and heal almost instantly. Her secret is revealed when she impulsively saves her high school crush, STEVE PETERSON, from an accident. Julie races home to find the normalizers ( a government task force dedicated to eradicating Supras. *these are just examples on how you can add the above info into your synopsis, you can always use your own words ;)*)  waiting for her. They neutralize her powers (Here would be a good place to go into specifics on how they neutralize her powers) and Julie flees, heartbroken at abandoning her family.

She is soon found by an old lady(a ___elderly woman *Give us some idea what these characters are like with creative adjectives.) called DR. DALTON, a telepath who supposedly died in the war (Ex: between the good supras and the bad...) . She tells Julie the truth: the(their) Supreme President was the instigator of the war and is a former supra himself. Dr. Dalton takes Julie to an abandoned hospital where she lives in hiding with the other young supras she has rescued.

Julie meets her new roommates: PENNY—a twelve-year-old with a genius intellect for making gadgets, MONICA—a confrontational teen who can start fires with just a thought, and LEON—a sensitive young man with the power of flight (Cool, reminds me of Maximum Ride). After they get to know each other, Dr. Dalton warns Julie not to leave or try to contact her family or she will endanger them all. Julie finds solace in her friendship with Leon and Penny, even while she butts heads with Monica at every turn. (Try to keep the introduction of characters to three, or four at most)

Penny tests Julie’s blood and learns how she escaped detection all those years—her supra gene hides so it doesn’t show up on any standard tests (Can you explain why that happens?). Just as Julie is settling into her new life she sees a news report about a new supra being arrested—Steve. Realizing he might face a life sentence or even death, Julie tries to convince Dr. Dalton to rescue him, to no avail. Julie, Leon and, surprisingly, Monica end up going against Dr. Dalton’s wishes and break Steve out of the local jail, though Penny refuses to go with them.

They return with a freaked-out Steve to their hideout before the normalizers can catch them. Steve insists he is normal, and even Dr. Dalton’s abilities cannot detect his supra power. She chastises the others for being so reckless and invites Steve to join them. (See here I have to scroll up to figure out who's who. Keep MC/love interest/ antagonist and maybe one friend only if their role is super important.)

Steve settles in to the group and attracts the lustful eye of Monica, much to Julie’s annoyance. A few days later, Dr. Dalton leaves to investigate a new supra she has sensed in the area. She never returns.

That night, a squad of normalizers arrive at the hospital, led by two turned supras unaffected by the police force’s dampening powers. SCYTHE can cut through anything with her mind, even Julie’s dense skin, while SNIFFER can track down others supras wherever they hide. Leon flies Penny to safety, but the other three are trapped. Only then does Steve discover his power—he’s a teleporter!

He transports them far away, his supra gene somehow unaffected by the normalizers. Scythe’s blades (Give some details to grab the Agent's attention. Blades cut into her abdomen, etc.) badly injure Julie and she passes out. They find shelter at the home of Dr. Dalton’s old friend, another supra who she instructed to seek them out if anything happened to her. They have barely recovered before Sniffer leads Scythe and the normalizers to them again. The man sheltering them is captured, but Steve teleports himself, Monica, and Julie away.

While on the run, Monica and Steve become increasingly close. Julie is upset, but realizes she has more important things to worry about when she receives a telepathic message from an imprisoned Dr. Dalton. She warns Julie not to come looking for her. Instead, the three of them are instructed to go back to the hospital, where they find Penny and Leon alive and well.

Julie still wants to rescue Dr. Dalton, and this time they all agree to help her, even Penny. Their mission is to break into Base 21—the secret facility where supra prisoners are kept. Steve will be their inside man. As the only one immune to the normalizers, he can get in and teleport the guards out so the others won’t be affected.

Steve is turned in and taken to Base 21. Once night falls, Monica and Julie break in to the outer perimeter. Leon keeps watch from above while Penny monitors everything from afar, using her incredible gadgets to get them past all the Base’s defenses. Julie and Monica reach the prison area, to find Scythe waiting for them.

The woman reveals that Julie and Steve are both the result of a failed experiment to remove the supra gene when they were babies. Instead, it altered their DNA to allow them to better hide in society. She knew they would try to rescue Dr. Dalton and offers them an opportunity—replace the normalizers and join her in hunting down other supras who pose a threat.

Julie responds the only way she can—beating Scythe to a pulp before the other supra can use her deadly blades on her friends. Leon arrives and helps Julie and Monica free the young supra prisoners in the cells beyond. They find Steve with a comatose Dr. Dalton. Julie is too late to save her—the experiments performed by the Base’s scientists have broken her mind. She mentally tells Julie to lead the other supras out of here before she dies.

After they evacuate the building, Monica burns the whole place down so it can never be used against them again. They leave with the kids that are now in their care. Penny soon finds them a new home—an abandoned superhero theme park. There they will hide and plan their next attack against the Supreme President's remaining forces.

 

This sounds cool, and I wish you the best of luck. I think the synopsis can use some trimming and simplifying. Cut out characters and names that wouldn't make sense to someone who doesn't know your story. You can keep supras but the rest can be simplified to police/scouts/ etc. Hope I've been helpful! And thank you for your suggestions on my synopsis! :)


I hope I've been helpful in some way. If you have the chance, I'm currently looking for all the help I can get on my first 250 of Elementalist. Thanks so much and may the words be with you!
 
Look for me on twitter. :) @@AuthorVV_Mont
 
 
Beyond The North Star: First 250
Beyond The North Star: First 250 of 2nd Ch. (Different POV)

[topic='Beyond the North Star Query']http://agentquerycon...ar-revision-15/[/topic]

 





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