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Hook: The Personal Account of Darius Carlyle


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#21 JeffJustWrites

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Posted 24 March 2017 - 11:14 PM

When his dearest Kate is turned into his darkest fear, Darius Carlyle must confront the ancient werewolf responsible and make an impossible choice between saving his love or savoring his vengeance.

Or:

When Darius Carlyle's greatest love is turned into his darkest fear, he must confront the ancient werewolf responsible and make an impossible choice between saving his heart and soul or savoring his vengeance.

#22 SylvanStyle

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Posted 27 March 2017 - 11:04 AM

OR....

"While investigating the Jack the Ripper murders, Victorian-era werewolf hunter Darius Carlyle crosses paths with an ancient werewolf and his wife is afflicted with lycanthropy; these journals record his desperate search for a cure that may not exist."

 

I like it. The very first post gave us more of the story, but the others are right, it is too long. The kicker is that when you appropriately shorten it, it is no longer as intriguing, so the challenge is to make it exciting in only one sentence.

 

"200 year old werewolf hunter, Darius Carlyle finds his self on the opposite side of the battle he has waged his whole life when his wife gets infected by a werewolf and he must find it within him to turn his passions from hunting them to saving them."

 

OR

"When a 200 year old werewolf hunter's precious wife gets infected by a werewolf, his world gets turned upside down and he must learn empathy for the creatures he once hunted with extreme passion"


Thanks!

Sylvia Davis

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Twitter- @sedavis2014


#23 SylvanStyle

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Posted 27 March 2017 - 11:05 AM

When his dearest Kate is turned into his darkest fear, Darius Carlyle must confront the ancient werewolf responsible and make an impossible choice between saving his love or savoring his vengeance.

Or:

When Darius Carlyle's greatest love is turned into his darkest fear, he must confront the ancient werewolf responsible and make an impossible choice between saving his heart and soul or savoring his vengeance.

The first one is really good, too!


Thanks!

Sylvia Davis

Website- WritersHell.net

Twitter- @sedavis2014


#24 kaznats

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Posted Yesterday, 07:39 AM

A Victorian-era sleuth is forced to seek a cure from an unlikely source after his wife becomes a werewolf. But, the cure may be worse than the disease.

I am new at this too but here is my idea, but it is 29 words so needs more trimming



#25 newb

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Posted Today, 03:39 AM

I'm new at this, but I liked the version in post 7 more than the latest ones. I also love the line in the first version about the heart. It made me get pretty excited. Don't know if you could mix in post 1 and 7's versions somehow?






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