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Hook: The Personal Account of Darius Carlyle


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#21 JeffJustWrites

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Posted 24 March 2017 - 11:14 PM

When his dearest Kate is turned into his darkest fear, Darius Carlyle must confront the ancient werewolf responsible and make an impossible choice between saving his love or savoring his vengeance.

Or:

When Darius Carlyle's greatest love is turned into his darkest fear, he must confront the ancient werewolf responsible and make an impossible choice between saving his heart and soul or savoring his vengeance.

My Perpetually Metamorphosing Query

 

At vahrai u ihlókéon. At u Atavithion. 


#22 SylvanStyle

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Posted 27 March 2017 - 11:04 AM

OR....

"While investigating the Jack the Ripper murders, Victorian-era werewolf hunter Darius Carlyle crosses paths with an ancient werewolf and his wife is afflicted with lycanthropy; these journals record his desperate search for a cure that may not exist."

 

I like it. The very first post gave us more of the story, but the others are right, it is too long. The kicker is that when you appropriately shorten it, it is no longer as intriguing, so the challenge is to make it exciting in only one sentence.

 

"200 year old werewolf hunter, Darius Carlyle finds his self on the opposite side of the battle he has waged his whole life when his wife gets infected by a werewolf and he must find it within him to turn his passions from hunting them to saving them."

 

OR

"When a 200 year old werewolf hunter's precious wife gets infected by a werewolf, his world gets turned upside down and he must learn empathy for the creatures he once hunted with extreme passion"


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#23 SylvanStyle

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Posted 27 March 2017 - 11:05 AM

When his dearest Kate is turned into his darkest fear, Darius Carlyle must confront the ancient werewolf responsible and make an impossible choice between saving his love or savoring his vengeance.

Or:

When Darius Carlyle's greatest love is turned into his darkest fear, he must confront the ancient werewolf responsible and make an impossible choice between saving his heart and soul or savoring his vengeance.

The first one is really good, too!


Thanks!

Sylvia Davis

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Twitter- @sedavis2014


#24 kaznats

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Posted 28 March 2017 - 07:39 AM

A Victorian-era sleuth is forced to seek a cure from an unlikely source after his wife becomes a werewolf. But, the cure may be worse than the disease.

I am new at this too but here is my idea, but it is 29 words so needs more trimming



#25 newb

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Posted 29 March 2017 - 03:39 AM

I'm new at this, but I liked the version in post 7 more than the latest ones. I also love the line in the first version about the heart. It made me get pretty excited. Don't know if you could mix in post 1 and 7's versions somehow?



#26 JeffJustWrites

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Posted 05 April 2017 - 06:00 PM

When Darius Carlyle's wife is turned into the thing he hates most, killing an ancient werewolf means choosing between saving his beloved and savoring his bloodlust. 

My Perpetually Metamorphosing Query

 

At vahrai u ihlókéon. At u Atavithion. 


#27 taylor lexi

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Posted 06 April 2017 - 06:05 AM

It's a crucial plot point in the story, yes—and it helps sell the book to layreaders haha

Haha. Too well framed that i just had to quote!



#28 Paulsvault

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Posted 06 April 2017 - 12:41 PM

When Darius Carlyle's wife is turned into the thing he hates most, killing an ancient werewolf means choosing between saving his beloved and savoring his bloodlust. 

 

After reading from the start of this thread, the hook has evolved into a simpler version and still gets the message across (to me at least). I like it.  :smile:


The Warrior's Crown Query: http://agentquerycon...own-ya-fantasy/

The Warrior's Crown Synopsis: http://agentquerycon...own-ya-fantasy/

The Warrior's Crown First 250: http://agentquerycon...warriors-crown/

The Warrior's Crown Hook: http://agentquerycon...ntasy/?p=337108

 

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#29 JeffJustWrites

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Posted 08 April 2017 - 01:03 AM

After reading from the start of this thread, the hook has evolved into a simpler version and still gets the message across (to me at least). I like it. :smile:

Glad to hear it, Paul, and thanks! :smile: I like the play on words between 'beloved' and 'bloodlust'. Haha

*New version by the way

When Darius Carlyle's beloved is turned into the thing he kills, to save her he must confront an ancient werewolf and the bloodlust he has always secretly craved.

JJW

My Perpetually Metamorphosing Query

 

At vahrai u ihlókéon. At u Atavithion. 


#30 JeffJustWrites

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Posted 11 April 2017 - 11:34 PM

When Darius Carlyle's beloved is turned by an ancient werewolf, saving her means confronting the bloodlust he has always secretly craved.

My Perpetually Metamorphosing Query

 

At vahrai u ihlókéon. At u Atavithion. 


#31 JeffJustWrites

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 09:18 PM

When the woman he loves is turned into the thing he kills, no matter what choice he makes, Darius Carlyle will be sorry he fell in love.

Toying with a new hook. Thoughts?

My Perpetually Metamorphosing Query

 

At vahrai u ihlókéon. At u Atavithion. 


#32 JeffJustWrites

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Posted 06 July 2017 - 05:06 PM

Just trying something out. Thoughts?

 

 

All Darius Carlyle desires is someone to love and something to hunt; unfortunately, his dearest Kate becomes one and the same.


My Perpetually Metamorphosing Query

 

At vahrai u ihlókéon. At u Atavithion. 


#33 Sreid

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Posted 17 July 2017 - 03:25 PM

Perhaps you might juxtapose his desires with his needs. Something like:

 

Werewolf hunter, Darius Carlyle, desires someone to love but needs to hunt, and unfortunately, his dearest Kate becomes one and the same.

 

Just a thought.






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