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The Witch and the Demon--synopsis


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#1 bookgirl_kt

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Posted 12 December 2016 - 05:05 PM

Thanks for any feedback! I'll return the favor.

 

Latest version HERE.

 

THE WITCH AND THE DEMON—SYNOPSIS

 

After being falsely accused of witchcraft, eighteen-year-old EBBA flees her village. She stumbles upon a demon named KRYPTOS in the forest, left for dead with his heart ripped out. He promises her power if she gives her heart to replace his. Although Ebba knows better than to trust a demon with a pretty face, she’s already fatally injured. Out of a desire to make her death mean something, she gives Kryptos her heart.

 

Ebba wakes up with nothing beating inside her chest. Kryptos has conscripted her into a death match. She’s been gifted with blood made of fire, and a deadline—a week to kill the eleven other champions of Hell or she’ll die. The twelve demonic gods are competing for the right to invade her world. Ebba only cooperates because Kryptos can kill her at any time by severing their magical link.

 

With little time to prepare, Ebba faces the god who nearly killed Kryptos and his champion, a knight who can turn into shadows. Her survival comes down to luck and a pit trap. The knight’s dying pain sends her into a state of shock because her missing heart lets her feel other’s emotions.

 

Next, Kryptos drags Ebba off to ambush another champion. She rescues two imprisoned slave children, but her fight goes poorly. After escaping, Kryptos takes her to another world, where time moves slower, to teach her sword-fighting. This is the first she learns of the existence of parallel worlds, including alternate versions of herself on each one.

 

Next fight she fares better, but the champion still manages to stab her through her missing heart. When Kryptos gives up on winning, Ebba is enraged enough to get up and kill the champion. She tosses the severed head at Kryptos before collapsing.

 

Once Ebba wakes up in her defeated opponent’s cabin, Kryptos has become much friendlier—cooking her a hot meal and inviting her to visit his castle for more training. The real surprise is that he’s hung the severed head on the wall. It turns out that her angry gesture was interpreted as a courtship present. Charmed by the demon’s shy side, she lets the mistake stand.

 

Her next target is a witch who controls ice—who terrorized her village for years and killed her mother. Kryptos is horrified when Ebba almost dies in the fight, and they grow closer. In demonic tradition, Kryptos promises Ebba a kiss if she wins against the last remaining champion—the God-King of Sama, subject of the King of Hell.

 

Ebba’s planned strategy to cancel out the God-King’s magic fails. She drags out the fight as long as she can despite being sorely outmatched. Before the champion can behead her, Kryptos jumps between them. He’s seriously injured, but she manages to kill the champion.

 

Because cheating among demons doesn’t count if no one notices, Kryptos is still the winner. After recovering, he cheerfully details his plans to lead a demonic army into Ebba’s world and install her as queen. Ebba is stricken with guilt. Even though she’s fallen in love with Kryptos, she tricks him into a banishing circle with one last kiss. Although Kryptos has the opportunity to kill her for betraying him, he doesn’t.

 

Ebba ends the story sadder, wiser, and with renewed confidence in her abilities to survive alone in the world. With all demons locked out of her world, she’ll never see Kryptos again. But she made one last request of him—to find a parallel world version of her so they can meet again. The story ends with Kryptos seeking out different Ebba on a distant, demon-ruled world.



#2 lsprochnow

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Posted 13 December 2016 - 12:46 PM

Thanks for the feedback on my query. Before starting, let me say that I'm no synopsis expert, but I'll definitely give you my two cents

 

THE WITCH AND THE DEMON—SYNOPSIS

 

After being falsely accused of witchcraft, eighteen-year-old EBBA flees her village. She stumbles upon a demon named KRYPTOS in the forest, left for dead with his heart ripped out. He promises her power if she gives her heart to replace his. Although Ebba knows better than to trust a demon with a pretty face, she’s already fatally injured. This sentence raises a couple questions. Did she get injured during her escape or were the townsfolk hurting her and she managed to escape during that? A demon with a pretty face is a bit hard to imagine. Does he look like an attractive human or is he an attractive demon? Out of a desire to make her death mean something, she gives Kryptos her heart. Overall, I think this is a strong opener. It's got a great hook and high stakes right off the bat

 

Ebba wakes up with nothing beating inside her chest. Kryptos has conscripted her into a death match. Did she know this was going to happen? If not, maybe add a line like "Without her knowledge, ..." She’s been gifted with blood made of fire, and a deadline—a week to kill the eleven other champions of Hell or she’ll die. The twelve demonic gods are competing for the right to invade her world. Ebba only cooperates because Kryptos can kill her at any time by severing their magical link. After reading this section, I think you may want to give Ebba a better reason to give her heart to Kryptos in the first paragraph. Being wounded and him having a pretty face don't seem good enough, considering she's in a much, much worse situation now

 

With little time to prepare, Ebba faces the god who nearly killed Kryptos and his champion, a knight who can turn into shadows. Her survival comes down to luck and a pit trap. The knight’s dying pain sends her into a state of shock because her missing heart lets her feel other’s emotions. Nice

 

Next, Kryptos drags Ebba off to ambush another champion. She rescues two imprisoned slave children, but her fight goes poorly. How does she rescue the slaves? This seems like an odd thing to include without telling us how she did it or why it's important After escaping, What do they escape from? Kryptos takes her to another world, where time moves slower, to teach her sword-fighting. This is the first she learns of the existence of parallel worlds, including alternate versions of herself on each one. Love the ending to this. I would recommend giving more details in the beginning of the paragraph, though

 

Next fight she fares better Maybe reword this? It reads a little awkwardly, but the champion still manages to stab her through her missing heart. When Kryptos gives up on winning, Ebba is enraged enough to get up and kill the champion. She tosses the severed head at Kryptos before collapsing. haha well, she's definitely got some fight in her

 

Once Ebba wakes up in her defeated opponent’s cabin, Kryptos has become much friendlier—cooking her a hot meal and inviting her to visit his castle for more training. The real surprise is that he’s hung the severed head on the wall. It turns out that her angry gesture was interpreted as a courtship present. That's great Charmed by the demon’s shy side, she lets the mistake stand.

 

Her next target is a witch who controls ice—who terrorized her village for years and killed her mother. Kryptos is horrified when Ebba almost dies in the fight, and they grow closer. In demonic tradition, Kryptos promises Ebba a kiss if she wins against the last remaining champion—the God-King of Sama, subject of the King of Hell. Subject might not be the best word here. Slave?

 

Ebba’s planned strategy to cancel out the God-King’s magic fails. She drags out the fight as long as she can despite being sorely outmatched. Before the champion can behead her, Kryptos jumps between them. He’s seriously injured, I would clarify that he gets seriously injured in the fight. At first, I read it like he was already injured when he jumped in but she manages to kill the champion.

 

Because cheating among demons doesn’t count if no one notices, Kryptos is still the winner. After recovering, he cheerfully details his plans to lead a demonic army into Ebba’s world and install her as queen. Ebba is stricken with guilt. Even though she’s fallen in love with Kryptos, she tricks him into a banishing circle with one last kiss. Although Kryptos has the opportunity to kill her for betraying him, he doesn’t. Wow, this is actually pretty sad. I really like it. Didn't Ebba know what she was fighting for, though?

 

Ebba ends the story sadder, wiser, and with renewed confidence in her abilities to survive alone in the world. With all demons locked out of her world how do they get locked out?, she’ll never see Kryptos again. But she made one last request of him—to find a parallel world version of her so they can meet again. The story ends with Kryptos seeking out a different Ebba on a distant, demon-ruled world. I love the ending to your story. It makes me want to read it. I think you've got an awesome foundation here. I would recommend adding more detail in the confusing parts and taking out some of the less crucial parts. Hope some of this helps! Good luck



#3 asmcdermott

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Posted 13 December 2016 - 04:02 PM

Thanks for any feedback! I'll return the favor.

 

THE WITCH AND THE DEMON—SYNOPSIS

 

After being falsely accused of witchcraft, eighteen-year-old EBBA flees her village (nice opener). She stumbles upon a demon named KRYPTOS in the forest, left for dead with his heart ripped out. He promises her power if she gives her heart to replace his. Although Ebba knows better than to trust a demon with a pretty face, she’s already fatally injured (how did she get fatally injured? was it before or after she fled? I'd be more specific). Out of a desire to make her death mean something, she gives Kryptos her heart. (I'd give her a stronger reason to offer her heart. wanting her death to mean something is a little vague)

 

Ebba wakes up with nothing beating inside her chest. Kryptos has conscripted her into a death match. She’s been gifted with blood made of fire, and a deadline—a week to kill the eleven other champions of Hell or she’ll die (since she was dying already that doesn't seem like much of an ultimatum). The twelve demonic gods are competing for the right to invade her world. Ebba only cooperates because Kryptos can kill her at any time by severing their magical link. (it seems like death would almost be a relief at this point. I think there needs to be something he can reward/threaten her with to cooperate) 

 

With little time to prepare, Ebba faces the god who nearly killed Kryptos (is this god one of the demons? If not, where did he come from?) and his champion, a knight who can turn into shadows. Her survival comes down to luck and a pit trap. The knight’s dying pain sends her into a state of shock because her missing heart lets her feel other’s emotions. (isn't her heart in Kryptos? How does she feel emotions from that?)

 

Next, Kryptos drags Ebba off to ambush another champion. She rescues two imprisoned slave children, but her fight goes poorly. After escaping, Kryptos takes her to another world, where time moves slower, to teach her sword-fighting. This is the first she learns of the existence of parallel worlds, including alternate versions of herself on each one. (I think this might be too big a concept to drop in here, since we're already dealing with demons, hell and special powers)

 

Next fight she fares better ('She fares better in the next fight' might sound better), but the champion still manages to stab her through her missing heart. When Kryptos gives up on winning (how does he give up?), Ebba is enraged enough to get up and kill the champion. She tosses the severed head at Kryptos before collapsing.

 

Once Ebba wakes up in her defeated opponent’s cabin, Kryptos has become much friendlier (I'd start a new sentence here)—cooking her a hot meal and inviting her to visit his castle for more training. The real surprise is that he’s hung the severed head on the wall. It turns out that her angry gesture was interpreted as a courtship present. Charmed by the demon’s shy side, she lets the mistake stand.

 

Her next target is a witch who controls ice—who (I'd reword this so you don't have 'who' twice) terrorized her village for years and killed her mother. Kryptos is horrified when Ebba almost dies in the fight, and they grow closer. In demonic tradition, Kryptos promises Ebba a kiss if she wins against the last remaining champion—the God-King of Sama, subject of the King of Hell. (is God-King a lower rank than King? the titles are a little confusing)

 

Ebba’s planned strategy to cancel out the God-King’s magic fails. She drags out the fight as long as she can despite being sorely outmatched. Before the champion can behead her, Kryptos jumps between them. He’s seriously injured, but she manages to kill the champion.

 

Because cheating among demons doesn’t count if no one notices, Kryptos is still the winner. After recovering, he cheerfully details his plans to lead a demonic army into Ebba’s world and install her as queen. Ebba is stricken with guilt. Even though she’s fallen in love with Kryptos, she tricks him into a banishing circle with one last kiss. Although Kryptos has the opportunity to kill her for betraying him, he doesn’t.

 

Ebba ends the story sadder, wiser, and with renewed confidence in her abilities to survive alone in the world. With all demons locked out of her world, she’ll never see Kryptos again. But she made one last request of him (when did she make this request?)—to find a parallel world version of her so they can meet again. The story ends with Kryptos seeking out a different Ebba on a distant, demon-ruled world.

Very cool premise. Ebba is a strong protagonist and the relationship between her and Kryptos sounds pretty unique. The only thing I would suggest is to add more stakes - yes the demons want to invade Ebba's world, but since she was driven out of her village and killed there don't seem to be any personal stakes for her. I would give her someone or something she wants to return home for. Also, the parallel world subplot is intriguing, but I don't really see how it fits in with the current story. Maybe you're setting it up for future installments, but I would just focus on what is important for this story. Good luck with this!



#4 bookgirl_kt

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Posted 13 December 2016 - 04:27 PM

Thanks for the help! LATEST VERSION HERE.

 

THE WITCH AND THE DEMON—SYNOPSIS

 

After being falsely accused of witchcraft, eighteen-year-old EBBA flees her village. She stumbles upon a demon named KRYPTOS in the forest, left for dead with his heart ripped out. He promises her power if she surrenders her heart to replace his. Although Ebba knows better than to trust a demon with a pretty face, she’s already fatally injured from torture at the hands of the witchfinder. Out of pity and a desire to make her death mean something, she gives Kryptos her heart.

 

Ebba wakes up with nothing beating inside her chest. Without her consent, Kryptos has conscripted her into a death match. She’s been gifted with blood made of fire, and a deadline—a week to kill the eleven other champions of Hell or she’ll die. The demonic gods are competing for the right to invade her world, to her horror. She only cooperates because Kryptos can kill her at any time by severing their magical link.

 

With little time to prepare, Ebba faces the god who nearly killed Kryptos and his champion, a knight who can turn into shadows. Her survival comes down to luck and a pit trap. The knight’s dying pain sends her into a state of shock because her lack of a heart allows her to feel other’s emotions.

 

Next, Kryptos drags Ebba off to ambush another champion. Though she manages to rescue two imprisoned slave children, her fight goes poorly. After they run away, Kryptos takes her to another world, where time moves slower, to teach her sword-fighting. This is the first she learns of the existence of parallel worlds, including alternate versions of herself on each one.

 

She fares better in the next fight, but the champion still manages to stab her through her heartless chest. When Kryptos gives up on winning, Ebba is enraged enough to get up and kill the champion. She tosses the severed head at Kryptos before collapsing.

 

Once Ebba wakes up in her defeated opponent’s cabin, she finds Kryptos has bandaged her up. He becomes much friendlier—cooking her a hot meal and inviting her to visit his castle for more training. The real surprise is that he’s hung the severed head on the wall. It turns out that her angry gesture was interpreted as a courtship present. Charmed by the demon’s shy side, she lets the mistake stand.

 

Her next target is a witch with the power to control ice—who terrorized her village for years and killed her mother. Kryptos is horrified when Ebba almost dies in the fight, and they grow closer. In demonic tradition, he promises her a kiss if she wins against the last remaining champion—the God-King of Sama, subject of the King of Hell.

 

Ebba’s planned strategy to cancel out the God-King’s magic fails. She drags out the fight as long as she can despite being sorely outmatched. Before the champion can behead her, Kryptos jumps between them, taking a serious injury. But she manages to kill the champion during the distraction.

 

Because cheating among demons doesn’t count if no one notices, Kryptos is still the winner. After recovering, he cheerfully details his plans to lead a demonic army into her world and install her as queen. Ebba is stricken with guilt. Even though she’s fallen in love with Kryptos, she tricks him into a banishing circle with one last kiss. Although Kryptos has the opportunity to kill her for betraying him, he doesn’t.

 

Ebba ends the story sadder, wiser, and with renewed confidence in her abilities to survive alone in the world. With all demons locked out of her world, she’ll never see Kryptos again. But she previously made one last request of him—to find a parallel world version of her so they can meet again. The story ends with Kryptos seeking out a different Ebba on a distant, demon-ruled world.



#5 Sahira

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 03:10 AM

Thanks for the help! Here's my second draft:

 

THE WITCH AND THE DEMON—SYNOPSIS

 

After being falsely accused of witchcraft, eighteen-year-old EBBA flees her village. (That's a great opener.)  She stumbles upon a demon named KRYPTOS in the forest, left for dead with his heart ripped out. He promises her power if she surrenders her heart to replace his. Although Ebba knows better than to trust a demon with a pretty face, she’s already fatally injured from torture at the hands of the witchfinder. Out of pity and a desire to make her death mean something, she gives Kryptos her heart.

 

Ebba wakes up with nothing beating inside her chest. Without her consent, Kryptos has conscripted her into a death match. (What a turn of events!)  She’s been gifted with blood made of fire, and a deadline—a week to kill the eleven other champions of Hell or she’ll die. The demonic gods are competing for the right to invade her world, to her horror. ( (Hmm, to me, this reads kind of strange. Maybe word it like: To her horror, the demonic gods are competing for the right to invade her world. )She only cooperates because Kryptos can kill her at any time by severing their magical link.

 

With little time to prepare, Ebba faces the god who nearly killed Kryptos and his champion, a knight who can turn into shadows. Her survival comes down to luck and a pit trap. The knight’s dying pain sends her into a state of shock because her lack of a heart allows her to feel other’s emotions.

 

Next, Kryptos drags Ebba off to ambush another champion. Though she manages to rescue two imprisoned slave children, her fight goes poorly. After they run away, Kryptos takes her to another world, where time moves slower, to teach her sword-fighting. This is the first (Perhaps remove, 'this is the first' ) she learns of the existence of parallel worlds, including alternate versions of herself on each one.

 

She fares better in the next fight, but the champion still manages to stab her through her heartless chest. When Kryptos gives up on winning, Ebba is enraged enough to get up and kill the champion. She tosses the severed head at Kryptos before collapsing.

 

Once Ebba wakes up in her defeated opponent’s cabin, she finds Kryptos has bandaged her up. He becomes much friendlier—cooking her a hot meal and inviting her to visit his castle for more training. The real surprise is that he’s hung the severed head on the wall. It turns out that her angry gesture was interpreted as a courtship present. Charmed by the demon’s shy side, she lets the mistake stand.

 

Her next target is a witch with the power to control ice—who terrorized her village for years and killed her mother. Kryptos is horrified when Ebba almost dies in the fight, and they grow closer. In demonic tradition, he promises her a kiss if she wins against the last remaining champion—the God-King of Sama, subject of the King of Hell.

 

Ebba’s planned strategy to cancel out the God-King’s magic fails. She drags out the fight as long as she can despite being sorely outmatched. Before the champion can behead her, Kryptos jumps between them, taking a serious injury. But she manages to kill the champion during the distraction.

 

Because cheating among demons doesn’t count if no one notices, Kryptos is still the winner. After recovering, he cheerfully details his plans to lead a demonic army into her world and install her as queen. Ebba is stricken with guilt. Even though she’s fallen in love with Kryptos, she tricks him into a banishing circle with one last kiss. Although Kryptos has the opportunity to kill her for betraying him, he doesn’t.

 

Ebba ends the story sadder, wiser, and with renewed confidence in her abilities to survive alone in the world. With all demons locked out of her world, she’ll never see Kryptos again. But she previously made one last request of him—to find a parallel world version of her so they can meet again. The story ends with Kryptos seeking out a different Ebba on a distant, demon-ruled world.

I like how unique their relationship was. It's a bittersweet end for sure. Good job! I hope I helped in some way. : )



#6 9emilylime9

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 02:58 PM

Thanks for the help! Here's my second draft:

 

THE WITCH AND THE DEMON—SYNOPSIS

 

After being falsely accused of witchcraft, eighteen-year-old EBBA flees her village. She stumbles upon a demon named KRYPTOS in the forest, left for dead with his heart ripped out. He promises her power if she surrenders her heart to replace his. Although Ebba knows better than to trust a demon with a pretty face, she’s already fatally injured from torture at the hands of the witchfinder (I would put this information in the first sentence- that she's also mortally wounded. It adds suspense instead of becoming an afterthought). Out of pity and a desire to make her death mean something, she gives Kryptos her heart.

 

Ebba wakes up with nothing beating inside her chest (I'm not sure you need this sentence, since you've already established that she gave him her heart. It also makes the next sentence feels like a nonsequitor-- her having nothing beating in her chest doesn't have much to do with being conscripted). Without her consent, Kryptos has conscripted her into a death match. She’s been gifted with blood made of fire (What is the benefit of this particular power?), and a deadline—a week to kill the eleven other champions of Hell or she’ll die. The demonic gods are competing for the right to invade her world, to her horror (I'm not sure about the wording here). She only cooperates because Kryptos can kill her at any time by severing their magical link.

 

With little time to prepare, Ebba faces the god who nearly killed Kryptos and his champion, a knight who can turn into shadows. Her survival comes down to luck and a pit trap. The knight’s dying pain sends her into a state of shock because her lack of a heart allows her to feel other’s emotions (this is interesting but isn't relevant to the rest of the plot in the synopsis. It might be better to cut).

 

Next, Kryptos drags Ebba off to ambush another champion. Though she manages to rescue two imprisoned slave children, her fight goes poorly. After they run away, Kryptos takes her to another world, where time moves slower, to teach her sword-fighting. This is the first she learns of the existence of parallel worlds, including alternate versions of herself on each one.

 

She fares better in the next fight, but the champion still manages to stab her through her heartless chest. When Kryptos gives up on winning, Ebba is enraged enough to get up and kill the champion. She tosses the severed head at Kryptos before collapsing.

 

Once Ebba wakes up in her defeated opponent’s cabin, she finds Kryptos has bandaged her up. He becomes much friendlier—cooking her a hot meal and inviting her to visit his castle for more training. The real surprise is that he’s hung the severed head on the wall. It turns out that her angry gesture was interpreted as a courtship present. Charmed by the demon’s shy side, she lets the mistake stand.

 

Her next target is a witch with the power to control ice—who terrorized her village for years and killed her mother. Kryptos is horrified when Ebba almost dies in the fight, and they grow closer. In demonic tradition, he promises her a kiss if she wins against the last remaining champion—the God-King of Sama, subject of the King of Hell.

 

Ebba’s planned strategy to cancel out the God-King’s magic fails. She drags out the fight as long as she can despite being sorely outmatched. Before the champion can behead her, Kryptos jumps between them, taking a serious injury. But (I would change the transition between these two sentences. Starting a sentence with "But" is a little awkward) she manages to kill the champion during the distraction.

 

Because cheating among demons doesn’t count if no one notices, Kryptos is still the winner. After recovering, he cheerfully details his plans to lead a demonic army into her world and install her as queen. Ebba is stricken with guilt. Even though she’s fallen in love with Kryptos, she tricks him into a banishing circle with one last kiss. Although Kryptos has the opportunity to kill her for betraying him, he doesn’t.

 

Ebba ends the story sadder, wiser, and with renewed confidence in her abilities to survive alone in the world. With all demons locked out of her world, she’ll never see Kryptos again. But she previously made one last request of him—to find a parallel world version of her so they can meet again. The story ends with Kryptos seeking out a different Ebba on a distant, demon-ruled world.

I really like the end- where Ebba must choose between love and her world, and she chooses to banish Kryptos. Overall, this is really good, there are I think just a few details of subplots that you mention once that could be cut out to streamline the story- just so there's not so much going on, just the main conflict as well as the romantic plot!



#7 bookgirl_kt

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Posted 17 December 2016 - 05:13 PM

Thanks to everyone who helped me polish this! I'm not currently looking for any more critique, but I've incorporated all feedback into my final version.

 

 

THE WITCH AND THE DEMON—SYNOPSIS

 

After being falsely accused of witchcraft, eighteen-year-old EBBA flees her village with fatal injuries from torture. She stumbles upon a demon named KRYPTOS in the forest, left for dead with his heart ripped out. He promises her power if she surrenders her heart to replace his. Although Ebba knows better than to trust a demon with a pretty face, she’s already dying slowly. Out of pity and a desire to make her death mean something, she gives Kryptos her heart.

 

Ebba wakes up with nothing beating inside her chest and a demon who has conscripted her into a death match. She’s been gifted with blood made of fire, and a deadline—a week to kill the eleven other champions of Hell. To her horror, the demonic gods are competing for the right to invade her world. She only cooperates because Kryptos can kill her at any time by severing their magical link.

 

With little time to prepare, Ebba faces the champion of the god who nearly killed Kryptos, a knight who can turn into shadows. Her survival comes down to luck and a pit trap. The knight’s dying pain sends her into a state of shock because her lack of a heart allows her to feel other’s emotions—a side-effect which will eventually drive her to insanity if she can’t learn to control it.

 

Next, Kryptos drags Ebba off to ambush another champion. Though she manages to rescue two imprisoned slave children, her fight goes poorly. After they run away, Kryptos transports her consciousness to another world, where time moves slower, to teach her sword-fighting. She learns of the existence of parallel worlds, including alternate versions of herself on each one.

 

She fares better in the next fight, but the champion still manages to stab her through her heartless chest. When Kryptos gives up on her, a surge of anger gives Ebba the strength to get up and kill her opponent. She tosses the severed head at Kryptos before collapsing.

 

Once Ebba wakes up in her defeated opponent’s cabin, she finds Kryptos has bandaged her up. He becomes much friendlier—cooking her a hot meal and inviting her to visit his castle for more training. The real surprise is that he’s hung the severed head on the wall. It turns out her angry gesture was interpreted as a courtship present. Charmed by the demon’s shy side, she lets the mistake stand.

 

Her next target is a witch with the power to control ice—who terrorized her village for years and killed her mother. Kryptos is horrified when Ebba almost dies in the fight, and they grow closer. In demonic tradition, he promises her a kiss if she wins against the last remaining champion—the God-King of Sama, subject of the King of Hell.

 

The God-King’s power allows him to hurl infinite numbers of weapons at her. Kryptos gave Ebba a sword to cancel out his magic, but he duplicates the weapon to stop her. At this point, a desperate Kryptos attempts to surrender, only to be rebuffed. Ebba drags out the fight as long as she can despite being sorely outmatched. Before the champion can behead her, Kryptos jumps between them, taking a serious injury. Still, the distraction allows her to kill the champion.

 

Because cheating among demons doesn’t count if no one notices, Kryptos is still the winner. After recovering, he cheerfully details his plans to lead a demonic army into her world and install her as queen. Ebba is stricken with guilt. Anger at her village isn’t enough to convince her to go along with a large-scale massacre of the human race. Even though she’s fallen in love with Kryptos, she tricks him into a banishing circle with one last kiss. Although Kryptos has the opportunity to kill her for betraying him, he doesn’t.

 

Ebba ends the story sadder, wiser, and with renewed confidence in her abilities to survive alone in the world. With all demons locked out of her world, she’ll never see Kryptos again. But she made one last request of him before they parted—to find a parallel world version of her so they can meet again. The story ends with Kryptos seeking out a different Ebba on a distant, demon-ruled world.



#8 jphollis

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Posted 18 January 2017 - 06:45 PM

Thanks to everyone who helped me polish this!

 

 

THE WITCH AND THE DEMON—SYNOPSIS

 

After being falsely accused of witchcraft, eighteen-year-old EBBA flees her village with fatal injuries from torture. She stumbles upon a demon named KRYPTOS in the forest, left for dead with his heart ripped out. He promises her power if she surrenders her heart to replace his. Although Ebba knows better than to trust a demon with a pretty face, she’s already dying slowly. Out of pity and a desire to make her death mean something, she gives Kryptos her heart.

 

Ebba wakes up with nothing beating inside her chest and a demon who has conscripted her into a death match. She’s been gifted with blood made of fire, and a deadline—a week to kill the eleven other champions of Hell. To her horror, the demonic gods are competing for the right to invade her world. She only cooperates because Kryptos can kill her at any time by severing their magical link.

 

With little time to prepare, Ebba faces the champion of the god who nearly killed Kryptos, a knight who can turn into shadows. Her survival comes down to luck and a pit trap. The knight’s dying pain sends her into a state of shock because her lack of a heart allows her to feel other’s emotions—a side-effect which will eventually drive her to insanity if she can’t learn to control it.

 

Next, Kryptos drags Ebba off to ambush another champion. Though she manages to rescue two imprisoned slave children, her fight goes poorly. After they run away, Kryptos transports her consciousness to another world, where time moves slower, to teach her sword-fighting. She learns of the existence of parallel worlds, including alternate versions of herself on each one.

 

She fares better in the next fight, but the champion still manages to stab her through her heartless chest. When Kryptos gives up on her, a surge of anger gives Ebba the strength to get up and kill her opponent. She tosses the severed head at Kryptos before collapsing.

 

Once Ebba wakes up in her defeated opponent’s cabin (Why is she here?), she finds Kryptos has bandaged her up. He becomes much friendlier—cooking her a hot meal and inviting her to visit his castle for more training. The real surprise is that he’s hung the severed head on the wall. It turns out her angry gesture was interpreted as a courtship present. Charmed by the demon’s shy side, she lets the mistake stand.

 

Her next target is a witch with the power to control ice—who terrorized her village for years and killed her mother. Kryptos is horrified when Ebba almost dies in the fight, and they grow closer. In demonic tradition, he promises her a kiss if she wins against the last remaining champion—the God-King of Sama, subject of the King of Hell.

 

The God-King’s power allows him to hurl infinite numbers of weapons at her. Kryptos gave Ebba a sword to cancel out his magic, but he duplicates the weapon to stop her. At this point, a desperate Kryptos attempts to surrender, only to be rebuffed. Ebba drags out the fight as long as she can despite being sorely outmatched. Before the champion can behead her, Kryptos jumps between them, taking a serious injury. Still, the distraction allows her to kill the champion.

 

Because cheating among demons doesn’t count if no one notices, Kryptos is still the winner. After recovering, he cheerfully details his plans to lead a demonic army into her world and install her as queen. Ebba is stricken with guilt. Anger at her village isn’t enough to convince her to go along with a large-scale massacre of the human race. Even though she’s fallen in love with Kryptos, she tricks him into a banishing circle with one last kiss. Although Kryptos has the opportunity to kill her for betraying him, he doesn’t.

 

Ebba ends the story sadder, wiser, and with renewed confidence in her abilities to survive alone in the world. With all demons locked out of her world, she’ll never see Kryptos again. But she made one last request of him before they parted—to find a parallel world version of her so they can meet again. The story ends with Kryptos seeking out a different Ebba on a distant, demon-ruled world.

This query is great! I read it twice and besides that one little thing I didn't understand, I would say you have polished this to a high sheen!


My Synopsis: House of Ashes

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