I Hope these comments are useful to you! Good luck with your project!
Twenty-four year old Raez,
is an emissary for the southern king, is a man of peace with a dark secret: his answer to the world’s violence is murder. I see how that's a dark secret, but Raez doesn't really sound like a "man of peace"
For as long as he can remember (why doesn't Raez remember his past?), Raez
has been the Southern King’s emissary (already have this info from the first line, only need it once delivering messages of peace to the ever-warring Eastern and Western kingdoms (this line feels like a better open than the first line, I get what "man of peace" means now) When night falls, But each night, Raez mounts Lyza, a legendary, humanity-hating, lionesque spirit and brandishes a dagger (is the dagger significant? feels like quite a tiny detail next to Lyza, secretly and mercilessly assassinating anyone he believes to be a threat to a peaceful world , whether a wealthy king, or a powerful spellcaster.
Upon returning home after the assassination of a world-renowned general and an expert lightning magician (this sentence is unnecessary to describe the meat of the plot, I think) Raez comes face-to-face with a master-level spellcaster he has never seen or heard of before, an unwitting (unwitting in what sense?) and suspicious man named Dane. A brief conversation is all he needs to decide that Dane could be a threat and must be eliminated. Unfortunately, not everything goes as planned and Dane walks away unscathed.
Just when Dane’s existence begins to complicate matters, Raez is apprehended and jailed the next morning with news that the Southern King has been murdered and he’s the prime suspect. The late king’s guards know he’s been sneaking out at night, and their suspicion alone is enough to have the kingdom’s officials demand his execution. To make matters worse, Dane, the only one who knew his whereabouts the night of the king’s murder is apprehended by the Northern King’s guards for suspicious activity and taken to the North. (this plot sounds quite compelling! I wonder if we could get here faster than the third paragraph?)
With Lyza’s help, escaping captivity will be easy enough, but as Raez escapes the South in an attempt to clear his name and find his king’s killer he will uncover a plot that won’t just put his and Lyza’s lives in danger, but the lives of everyone in his country.
CLOAKS AND DAGGERS is a standalone high fantasy novel with series potential.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Overall, It feels like you're running into something that I struggled with, which is that this query is full of so many details that I don't feel like I have the context to make any of them truly gripping.
I would love it if you've give my query a read and let me know what you think of it! You can find it here:
(goes for anyone else too, always happy to reciprocate!)