Thanks! If you want me to critique yours, please comment. I'm having trouble with the messenger (old computer).
MADE UPDATE; SEE BELOW AT #14:
Hi there! First posting here.
I struggle with brevity in this query. It's a really complicated story, and I've left so much out, but I hope this makes sense. Does it flow well? Sound good? Are there things that don't make sense to somebody who hasn't been working on this project for three years? Thanks for any advice you might provide. I'll return the favor!
Dear [AGENT NAME],
There are two types of people in the city of Rykon: the free citizen Pures, and the enslaved Branded, who are infused with magical energy and forced to toil at the whims of their Pure masters. Magic bestows great skills, but for the Branded, magic is no blessing—it’s a curse.
After slavers abduct Astara DiRel from her primitive village and force magic upon her, she’s sold as a bodyguard to a noble Rykonian house on the brink of ruin. There she meets the celebrated dancer, Dahlia Vessa, an imaginative young woman enslaved since childhood.
But Dahlia is not exactly who she seems—she’s also a spy for a secret organization, and her infatuation with her handsome handler may lead to dangerous consequences.
Then Dahlia is accused of murder and thrown in an impenetrable prison, and Astara sets out on a rescue mission that leads her to the fringes of Rykonian society. Soon both women are caught in the middle of the underground war between two secret organizations: the Circle, which seeks to free the Branded and avoid civil war, and the Revenants, which will stop at nothing to exterminate the Pures—no matter the cost.
Bound to each other by their connection to the mysterious, parallel world they draw their magic, Astara and Dahlia hover on the brink of divergent paths—hope and revenge. Should they save the city or aid in its destruction? After all it has done to them, does Rykon truly deserve redemption? Whatever the answer, it will irrevocably change them, and ultimately, the world.
[OF GOLD AND FIRE is an accessible, epic fantasy adventure. Character-driven, the story features two powerful female protagonists as they struggle to survive in a volatile world. It is the first in a series, has been professionally edited, and is complete at 128,000 words.
In seeing your interest in X/Y/Z genre or In seeing works like X and Y on your book list, we felt OF GOLD AND FIRE would be a great fit for your genre specialization/interests. (This and the preceding paragraph would be moved around and tailored depending on agent research.)]
Thanks in advance!