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My Timeless Miracle- Synopsis (Magical Realism) (Will critique those who critique mine)


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#1 Zach67

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Posted 26 January 2017 - 12:22 AM

On January 28, 1944, after months of living in Auschwitz, Joseph Frank, a former Jewish elementary school principal and father of two, fails the selection and marches to his death. The Nazis force him and other prisoners to enter a gas chamber.

Before the door to the gas chamber closer, time stops and a letter from God materializes out of thin air. “Joseph, this miracle I am giving you reverses time for one year. I will help you and your family avoid the tragic life you were meant to encounter”. After Joseph reads the letter, time reverses for 1 year.

It is now January 28, 1944. . Joseph and his family are hiding in an attic in Warsaw. In a few months, the Nazi will find the attic and arrest him and his family. Before he was sent to the gas chambers, rumors spread through Auschwitz that the Germans could not survive much longer and they would soon be freed. With that knowledge, Joseph predicts the Nazis will not make it to 1946, meaning he has two options. He can stay in attic and delay their capture by authorities by another two years when the war will end, or leave the attic and head out to a safe haven. 

            Joseph decides to leave the attic with his family (son named Isaac, daughter named Annabelle (or Anna), and a wife named Rebecca) so a smuggler named Adam agrees to smuggle him to Palestine. But the smuggler also brought with him a Black Muslim family (one daughter, a feminist named Adiva) and Joseph is convinced the Muslim father was his best friend in Auschwitz and knows that his best friend should be Auschwitz, not escaping to Palestine also  

The first half of the book covers the family’s daring journey being smuggled to Palestine. First they leave Poland to Soviet Union, then travel down to a port at the Black Sea to Turkey, through Turkey, to the Mediterranean sea, and then to Palestine. Throughout the trip, the two families, especially Adiva and Anna, grow very close. During the boat ride from Soviet Union to Turkey, Muhammad reveals that he received the same miracle that Joseph did, and he thinks that God saved both of them because their children are going to do great things in the world one day. They are simply the parents who are needed to raise to their children to be good people. While on the boat from Turkey to Palestine, God freezes time again, and sends Joseph and Muhammad letters that confirm Muhammad’s belief.

After getting to Palestine, though with a few close calls, the book shifts to 1999, now written from Anna’s perspective (essentially a long epilogue). By this point, Joseph, Rebecca, Muhammad, and Fatima all did of old age. Anna and Adiva are best friends. After the Israeli war, Anna reveals Adiva’s family moved to Jordan and then Adiva goes to college in America, becoming an American citizen and the first female secretary of state (similar to Madeline Albright). Anna is a school principle in Israel and her diary that she left behind while escaping chronicling her life becomes a world wide best seller. Isaac is serving as the Israeli ambassador to U.N. Isaac and Adiva both head to Camp David, where the U.S. president hosts a summit for Palestinian and Israeli governments. With Adiva’s negotiation, a two state solution is agreed upon.

After the peace deal, Adiva, Anna, and Isaac continue their tradition. Once a year, the three children go together, but now with their own children, to Israel and Jordan to visit their parents graves, and the book ends as all of them place rocks on Adiva's parents' graves in Jordan. 


My timeless miracle query: http://agentquerycon...e-2?hl=timeless

 

My timeless miracle synopsis: http://agentquerycon...meless +miracle

 

 


#2 Zach67

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Posted 27 January 2017 - 04:05 PM

anyone


My timeless miracle query: http://agentquerycon...e-2?hl=timeless

 

My timeless miracle synopsis: http://agentquerycon...meless +miracle

 

 


#3 Zach67

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Posted 27 January 2017 - 11:33 PM

I will critique those who critique mine.


My timeless miracle query: http://agentquerycon...e-2?hl=timeless

 

My timeless miracle synopsis: http://agentquerycon...meless +miracle

 

 


#4 jphollis

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Posted 28 January 2017 - 11:21 AM

On January 28, 1944, after months of living in Auschwitz, Joseph Frank, a former Jewish elementary school principal and father of two, fails the selection and marches to his death. The Nazis force him and other prisoners to enter a gas chamber. Before the door to the gas chamber closers, time stops and a letter from God materializes out of thin air: “Joseph, this miracle I am giving you reverses time for one year. I will help you and your family avoid the tragic life you were meant to encounter”. After Joseph reads the letter, time reverses for 1 year. ( I would try to avoid quotation marks in a synopsis. Instead, you could say: ...time stops and a letter from God materializes out of thin air. God's mercy is granting him a second chance. When he opens his eyes again it is one year earlier.

 

 

It is now January 28, 1944. . Joseph and his family are hiding in an attic in Warsaw. In a few months, the Nazis will drag them away. the attic and arrest him and his family. Before he was sent to the gas chambers, rumors spread through Auschwitz that the Germans could not survive much longer and they would soon be freed. With that knowledge from the future, Joseph predicts the Nazis will not make it to 1946, meaning he has two options. He can stay in attic and delay their capture by authorities by another two years when the war will end, or leave the attic and head out to a safe haven.  (Saying your character has two choices works at the end of a query letter when you don't want to give away the ending, but it doesn't work too well in the middle of a synopsis. It's a bit like answering your own question. Why even ask the question in the first place? Just get on with it.)

 

Joseph decides to leave the attic with his family (son named Isaac, daughter named Annabelle (or Anna), and a wife named Rebecca) (This sentence is a bit of a mess. Just say it plainly: ...with his son, Isaac, his daugher, Annabelle, and his wife, Rebecca.) so a smuggler named Adam transports them to Palestine, but Adam also brought with him a Black Muslim family (one daughter, a feminist named Adiva) and Joseph is convinced the Muslim father was his best friend in Auschwitz and knows that his best friend should be Auschwitz, not escaping to Palestine also (The rest of this paragraph is also quite messy. Do we really need to know the smuggler's name? Also, try to rewrite this, condensing it down to the barest facts the reader needs to know. I don't know what's super important. Only you can do this.)

 

The first half of the book covers the family’s daring journey being smuggled to Palestine. (This is 100% telling. Don't say 'the first half of the book'. As I said before, just get on with it) First they leave Poland to Soviet Union, then travel down to a port at the Black Sea to Turkey, through Turkey, to the Mediterranean sea, and then to Palestine. (Wow. I really don't need to know their itinerary. Lose this whole sentence. It adds nothing) Throughout the trip, the two families, especially Adiva and Anna, grow very close. During the boat ride from Soviet Union to Turkey, Muhammad reveals that he received the same miracle that Joseph did, and he thinks that God saved both of them because their children are going to do great things in the world one day. They are simply the parents who are needed to raise to their children to be good people. While on the boat from Turkey to Palestine, God freezes time again, and sends Joseph and Muhammad letters that confirm Muhammad’s belief.

 

 

After getting to Palestine, though with a few close calls, the book shifts to 1999 (more telling), now written from Anna’s perspective (essentially a long epilogue) (Stop telling me and just show me what's happening). By this point, Joseph, Rebecca, Muhammad, and Fatima all did of old age. Anna and Adiva are best friends. After the Israeli war, Anna reveals Adiva’s family moved to Jordan and then Adiva goes to college in America, becoming an American citizen and the first female secretary of state (similar to Madeline Albright). Anna is a school principle in Israel and her diary that she left behind while escaping chronicling her life becomes a world wide best seller. Isaac is serving as the Israeli ambassador to U.N. Isaac and Adiva both head to Camp David, where the U.S. president hosts a summit for Palestinian and Israeli governments. With Adiva’s negotiation, a two state solution is agreed upon. (And you lost me in this paragraph. Too many names to keep up with.)

 

 

After the peace deal, Adiva, Anna, and Isaac continue their tradition. Once a year, the three children go together, but now with their own children, to Israel and Jordan to visit their parents graves, and the book ends as all of them place rocks on Adiva's parents' graves in Jordan. 

I'm going to be honest. I'm tired. It's past midnight in this part of the world but I saw your pleas to have someone look at your synopsis and wanted to help out. All in all, I would advise having a look at this article. Read that, rewrite and post your next draft. I'll try to have a closer look at that.


My Synopsis: House of Ashes

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My Blog: jphollis.com


#5 Patomac

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Posted 03 February 2017 - 09:31 PM

Okay, so I'm super intrigued by your concept here, but I'm not sure it's really in a traditional synopsis format. (Also, it's kind of a strangely structured plot in general, which I realize makes things hard, but you should not be telling us stuff like "this is an extended epilogue" and so on and so forth.)

 

For me, I see great potential in that first paragraph. On death's door, God reverses a man's fate. Cool. Awesome. It asks the eternal question, "if I could do things again, how would I do them differently?" But then you go off in what I would call a different direction. I get the sense that God saves these people and that's it. Full stop. Their lives continue, but their story-- their agency-- means nada. So instead of having Joseph suddenly wake up the next day in his hiding place in Poland, he's suddenly traveling down the river with some other people. We don't get to see him agonize over how to avert his fate. We don't even know what Joseph did wrong the first time to end up in Auschwitz (not that he did anything wrong morally, obviously-- just that, at some point he was either betrayed to the Nazi's or he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, etc., etc.) 

 

I realize I've fallen into plot critique far more than synopsis critique, so feel free to tell me to ignore me (or write an awesome synopsis that proves me wrong), but it seems like we have a time travel story here without all the elements that make time travel stories cool. Rather than an awesome metaphysical/not-quite scifi story, you seem to have an extended saga about a family told through 60+ years, and there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of conflict running through it. 






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