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Mathilda Whitfox hook

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#1 theboldfox


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Posted 30 January 2017 - 11:50 AM

When the revolution targets her family, Mathilda's best weapon is between her ears, though a lock pick doesn't hurt either. 



Note: I'm having a lot of trouble with the very last bit of the sentence. ugh. 


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#2 ViviMont


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Posted 30 January 2017 - 12:43 PM

I'm really not sure what your story is about. The revolution targeted her family, she's smart, and she knows how to use a lock pick-- but these things don't seem to connect. Tell us your character's dilemma and give us what's at stake if she doesn't solve it. Easier said than done, I know. ;) Best of luck!

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#3 Niambi


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Posted 03 February 2017 - 05:28 PM

Agreed, and since the "what's at stake" issue may not always apply, (I had the same issue since my story was a bit outside of the Western world's approach to story), tell us what your character wants, what's in their way, and what must they do to obtain it.

#4 e.korley


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Posted 04 February 2017 - 06:35 PM

Okay, I didn't get the goal, but I like the words. E.g. '...best weapon is between her ears' is interesting because I feel like you meant more. 

#5 Kat_A_Turner


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Posted 14 February 2017 - 01:02 PM

Yeah I agree that stakes and dilemma need to be clearer. 


Unarmed and outmanned, Matilda's family appears doomed to fall to the revolutionary army. Matilda's got smarts and can pick locks--can her weapons save her loved ones? 


That doesn't fit your story, but hopefully some of it helps!

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