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Beacon of Hope -- 35-word pitch

Fiction Fantasy

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#1 Judy Mohr

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Posted 30 January 2017 - 04:11 PM

Many contests are wanting a 35-word pitch and I must admit that 35 words seems a perfect length for a promo too, so I'd thought I'd put one together. Any thoughts on the following:

 

****

Drezel can stave off death, frightening it away when it comes knocking. She can bring back the dead. Of course, that's assuming the ones who hunger for the dead's magic don't find her first.



#2 Testome

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Posted 30 January 2017 - 05:23 PM

I'm not really seeing the goal of the mc or the stakes here.  Perhaps a vague hint of the conflict.  I think you've spent too much time focused on her powers.



#3 Sassalota

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Posted 30 January 2017 - 08:26 PM

Yeah I think it would be better if you would consolidate it into one thought. What's the main goal?



#4 Niambi

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Posted 03 February 2017 - 05:09 PM

Indeed, and 35 words isn't so bad.  There's a lot of fat to trim even with what you have, and that leaves space for adding in more information about the story.

 

Many contests are wanting a 35-word pitch and I must admit that 35 words seems a perfect length for a promo too, so I'd thought I'd put one together. Any thoughts on the following:

 

****

Drezel can stave off death, frightening it away when it comes knocking. She can bring back the dead. Of course, that's assuming the ones who hunger for the dead's magic don't find her first.

 

Drezel can stave off death, frightening it away when it comes knocking. She [AND] bring back the dead. Of course, that's [A]ssuming the ones who hunger for the dead's magic don't find her first.

 

That's 23 words.



#5 Judy Mohr

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 01:13 PM

Thank you all for your comments. It'll take some time to work out how best to use them.

 

Judy L Mohr







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