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Logline: Outlanders - The Red Eyed Demon

Fiction New Adult Mystery Fantasy

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#1 e.korley

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 06:52 PM

This is a nine-book series I am working on. It was sent as a 30 page excerpt to an MFA program. I have decided to not do the MFA (financial reasons) and work on this project alone. 

 

Here is the logline I want to use for the first book - Outlanders: The Red Eyed Demon

 

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After a television host attempts to assassinate a dictator, an illegal immigrant, a former rebel leader and a fallen princess, cross paths to uncover their country's involvement in a sorcerer queen's suicide bombing.



#2 perpetual

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 02:26 PM

This is a nine-book series I am working on. It was sent as a 30 page excerpt to an MFA program. I have decided to not do the MFA (financial reasons) and work on this project alone. 

 

Here is the logline I want to use for the first book - Outlanders: The Red Eyed Demon

 

-

 

After a television host attempts to assassinate a dictator, an illegal immigrant, a former rebel leader and a fallen princess, cross paths to uncover their country's involvement in a sorcerer queen's suicide bombing.

  

So my main issue is that the way it was phrased, I thought your TV host assassinated a dictator, an illegal immigrant, a former rebel, and a fallen princess. Also, you use a lot of words to describe the main players, but I'd much rather know what the stakes are. 

 

Hope this helps in future revisions. Cheers! :)


Query: Click here.

Synopsis: Click here.


#3 e.korley

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 09:05 PM

Yes it does! Thanks

#4 Niambi

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 09:38 PM

If there are any "stakes" then definitely mention them, but as far as hooks and queries, readers need to know the central conflict.  

 

From the very beginning, I'd ask who the MC is.  Focus on his/her story even if there are seven other leading players.  There is a TON going on the hook, and that tends to confuse people that are asking one question: "what's your story about?"

 

The second issue and the one that is silently asked by everyone: "Why should I care?"







Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Fiction, New Adult, Mystery, Fantasy

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