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BENEATH THE MADDENING MOON (Newest Post 4)


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#1 Ashlyn

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 06:57 PM

Dear Agent,

 

If you go far enough in any direction, you’re sure to find the woods. / Sometimes running away leads you to the place you truly belong.

 

Fleeing a disastrous party, seventeen-year-old Zoe loses her way in a dark woods. Injured and exhausted, she stumbles across an isolated mansion. Injured and exhausted, she stumbles across an isolated mansion stumbles across an isolated mansion and Isabella—a cloaked girl who’s had no human contact in years. Isabella is a rough around the edges. She nurses Zoe back to health, but it’s easy for Zoe to mistrust her considering she’s less than eager to escort her back to civilization.

 

Zoe’s curious about what’s beneath her rescuer’s hood, but nothing could have prepared her for horns, fangs, fur, and pitch black eyes. Fortunately, Isabella’s kindness outweighs her beastly exterior. As they grow closer, Isabella opens up. She was human once, until she was kidnapped by the town’s urban legend, a creature who has been abducting children for over a century, and he is most certainly not human. Her attempts to free herself backfired, resulting in her cursed form. Zoe makes it her mission to cure and reunite Isabella with her family.

But the thing that kidnapped Isabella isn’t finished with her, and this beauty could be cursed along with her beast unless they can defeat this malevolent entity.

 

BENEATH THE MADDENING MOON is a 68,000 word young adult contemporary fantasy retelling of Beauty and the Beast with series potential. Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

(I'm not sure which of those first two lines, if any, are better.



#2 Testome

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 07:11 PM

Dear Agent,

 

If you go far enough in any direction, you’re sure to find the woods. / Sometimes running away leads you to the place you truly belong. Both are too vague for a hook.

 

Fleeing a disastrous party, seventeen-year-old Zoe loses her way in a dark woods. Injured and exhausted, she stumbles across an isolated mansion. Injured and exhausted, she stumbles across an isolated mansion stumbles across an isolated mansion and Isabella—a cloaked girl who’s had no human contact in years. Isabella is a rough around the edges. I would try showing us this instead.She nurses Zoe back to health, but it’s easy for Zoe to mistrust her considering she’s less than eager to escort her back to civilization. I would condense this paragraph. and these sentences feel like you're crossing things off a list.

 

Zoe’s curious about what’s beneath her rescuer’s hood, but nothing could have prepared her for horns, fangs, fur, and pitch black eyes. Fortunately, Isabella’s kindness outweighs her beastly exterior. As they grow closer, Isabella opens up. She was human once, until she was kidnapped by the town’s urban legend, a creature who has been abducting children for over a century, and he is most certainly not human. Her attempts to free herself backfired, resulting in her cursed form. Zoe makes it her mission to cure and reunite Isabella with her family. We should have known what Zoe wanted from the start. And is the creature that turned her at the center of this conflict? does the creature stand in their way? It's not really clear.

 

But the thing that kidnapped Isabella isn’t finished with her, and this beauty could be cursed along with her beast unless they can defeat this malevolent entity. You've abandoned the conflict until the end and it should be the meat of the query.

 

BENEATH THE MADDENING MOON is a 68,000 word young adult contemporary fantasy retelling of Beauty and the Beast with series potential. Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

(I'm not sure which of those first two lines, if any, are better.



#3 e.korley

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 07:28 PM

Dear Agent,

 

If you go far enough in any direction, you’re sure to find (mention something that has to do with Zoe) the woods. / Sometimes running away leads you to the place you truly belong.

 

Fleeing a disastrous party, seventeen-year-old Zoe loses her way in a dark woods and  Injured and exhausted, she stumbles across an isolated mansion. Injured and exhausted, she stumbles across an isolated mansion stumbles across an isolated mansion and Isabella—a cloaked girl who’s had no human contact in years. Isabella is a rough around the edges. She nurses Zoe back to health.  but it’s easy for Zoe to mistrust her considering she’s less than eager to escort her back to civilization.

 

Zoe’s curious about what’s beneath her rescuer’s hood, but nothing could have prepared her for horns, fangs, fur, and pitch black eyes. Fortunately, But Isabella’s kindness outweighs her beastly exterior, and as they grow closer, Isabella opens up. She was human once, until she was kidnapped by the town’s urban legend, a creature who has been abducting children for over a century. , and he is most certainly not human. Her attempts to free herself backfired, resulting in her cursed form. Zoe makes it her mission to cure and reunite Isabella with her family.

The thing that kidnapped Isabella isn’t finished with her, and this beauty (you mean Zoe right?) could be cursed along with her beast unless they can defeat this malevolent entity.

 

BENEATH THE MADDENING MOON is a 68,000 word young adult contemporary fantasy retelling of Beauty and the Beast with series potential. Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

(I'm not sure which of those first two lines, if any, are better.

 

 

 

Just my thoughts. 



#4 Ashlyn

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 10:34 PM

Fleeing a disastrous party, seventeen-year-old Zoe loses her way in a dark woods. Injured and exhausted, she stumbles across an isolated mansion and Isabella—a cloaked girl who’s had no human contact in years. Although Isabella nurses Zoe back to health, she draws the line at escorting her back to civilization.

 

Zoe’s curious about what’s beneath her rescuer’s hood, but isn’t prepared for horns, fangs, fur, and pitch black eyes. But Isabella’s kindness outweighs her beastly exterior, and as they grow closer she opens her heart to Zoe. Cursed by the town’s urban legend, a creature who has been abducting children for over a century, Isabella longs to be cured and returned to her family...and Zoe, falling in love with this gentle beast, vows to do whatever she can to help.

 

But the creature that kidnapped Isabella isn’t finished with her. Unless Zoe and Isabella can defeat this malevolent entity, this beauty will be cursed along with her beast.


Queries and such:

 

YA fantasy: ALL IS DARK

 

Query: http://agentqueryconnect.com/index.php?/topic/36542-all-is-dark-newest-on-post-17

 

YA Contemporary Fantasy: BENEATH THE MADDENING MOON

 

Query: http://agentquerycon...addening-moon/


#5 perpetual

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 09:06 AM

Fleeing a disastrous party, seventeen-year-old Zoe loses her way in a dark woods. Injured and exhausted, she stumbles across an isolated mansion and Isabella—a cloaked girl who’s had no human contact in years. Although Isabella nurses Zoe back to health, she draws the line at escorting her back to civilization.

 

Zoe’s curious about what’s beneath her rescuer’s hood, but isn’t prepared for horns, fangs, fur, and pitch black eyes. But Isabella’s kindness outweighs her beastly exterior, and as they grow closer she opens her heart to Zoe. Cursed by the town’s urban legend, a creature who has been abducting children for over a century, Isabella longs to be cured and returned to her family...and Zoe, falling in love with this gentle beast, vows to do whatever she can to help.

 

But the creature that kidnapped Isabella isn’t finished with her. Unless Zoe and Isabella can defeat this malevolent entity, this beauty will be cursed along with her beast.

 

I really like this. Like, A LOT. No suggestions stand out to me. I know the basics, I know what the stakes are, and I'm intrigued. I'd say it's a home run. :)


Query: Click here.

 





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