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Hook for "My Blood Runs Cold" -- neo-noir Western


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#1 Castlewriter

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Posted 10 February 2017 - 12:35 AM

Former lawman turned gun-for-hire Rock Dylan is a man haunted by a terrible past and troubled by a bleak future. But when the most unusual customer he's encountered yet gives him her business, the investigation of one man's murder may lead to all out war -- and the loss of everyone Rock has ever cared about.



#2 D.v.T

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 05:47 AM

Former lawman turned gun-for-hire Rock Dylan is a man haunted by a terrible past and troubled by a bleak future. [I would like to know exactly what makes his past so terrible and his future so bleak? It would raise the stakes of the protagonist if we would know exactly what is haunting him/awaiting him in the future. Unless they are not important to the plot, but otherwise, I would suggest that you explain in greater detail what his terrible past and troubled future exactly are.] But when the most unusual customer [What makes this customer so unusual and why is it important to the plot?] he's encountered yet gives him her business [What exactly is this business?], the investigation of one man's murder may lead to all out war [How come?] -- and the loss of everyone Rock has ever cared about [Why is everyone that Rock has ever cared for at stake?]

 

This sounds like a promising action/thriller/suspence and crime novel but I'm afraid it's too vague for me to understand what goal the protagonist must achieve and why the things that are at stake are at stake. Hope this could help and good luck ^-^



#3 Castlewriter

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 04:24 PM

Actually, those are exactly the questions I was hoping the hook would raise in the reader's mind.  :cool:



#4 texastea89

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Posted 13 February 2017 - 07:22 PM

IMHO the above has all the makings of a great pitch. I'm intrigued by your character and I clearly know the stakes. Check mine out!

 

http://agentquerycon...h-madness-help/






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