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The Thief of Ages - YA Fantasy

Fantasy Romance Young Adult Adventure

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#21 yawriter


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Posted 15 October 2018 - 10:07 PM

I appreciate any and all critiques for my query! If any of you would like my voice on your query, please let me know and I'll make it a priority to help you in return :)



Dear [AGENT]:


I have read about your interest in young adult fantasy stories that contain [WHATEVER]. I am pleased to tell you my first novel, THE THIEF OF AGES  has precisely these elements.


To Beth Hawthorne, the legend of the Wayfarer is only a bedtime story. Like most humans, she believes the tale of the thief who snatched an all-powerful weapon from the eyes of history is too fantastical to be anything but a myth. And, like all other thirteen-year-olds, she has bigger things to worry about; the tyrannical fairy kingdom threatening genocide on her own, for instance, or being sent as a servant to her stepsisters’ boarding school. I feel like that was a lot of information and by the time I got to the genocide, I was struggling to remember what Wayfarer is and the weapon


But, the Royal Academy I feel like this was not introduced...what is the Royal Academy? Wayfarer? has its secrets, and it takes a forbidden trip into the forest for Beth to realize she is one of them. At precisely the wrong witching hour, she comes face-to-face with Darks - demonic entities with murderous tendencies. They seem to know Beth, and they seem to like her. So much so, they refuse to harm her. But, can the Darks be believed when they declare her to be the Wayfarer?


Beth doesn’t think so. The rest of the world, however, does. Especially the fairies, who invade her kingdom and instigate a war just to find her. Realizing the only way to stop them is proving she isn’t a mythical thief in possession of an all-powerful weapon, Beth ventures to do so. And, she knows her efforts will be worth it, especially to protect the people she loves. She knows the truth will always prevail. At least, she hopes. But her destiny might have something else to say. I loved the last three sentences here.


THE THIEF OF AGES is complete at 136,000 words. People who loved the fairy tale reimaginings of Marissa Meyer’s THE LUNAR CHRONICLES and the stark characterization of Maggie Stiefvater’s RAVEN CYCLE will enjoy THE THIEF OF AGES. When I am not writing, I am a graduate student with a BA in English Education and pursuing a Multiple Subject Credential to teach elementary. Per your agency's submission guidelines, I have included the [WHATEVER] pasted below.


Thank you for your time and consideration


I feel like a lot was going on and it was hard to keep track...anything you can thin out? KEEP GOING :D We can do this if we work together! 


I"m not sure if everything I wrote turned red...

Query- The City's Whispers: http://agentquerycon...critique-back/ 

Query-TOOWCHM: http://agentquerycon...-critique-back/

Synopsis- The City's Whispers: http://agentquerycon...-critique-back/

First 250 words: http://agentquerycon...-critique-back/


#22 Dollophead


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Posted 15 October 2018 - 10:20 PM

Oops, it looks like you got my old query...not sure how that happened?? XD Sorry.


If you have time and patience, could you take a look at the newer one? http://agentquerycon...thief-of-ages/ 

Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Fantasy, Romance, Young Adult, Adventure

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