Eight months. That’s how long Lucy’s gone without adding another scar on her arms. She might get used to it, so long as she stays positive. So long as nothing more? breaks her spirit.
Lucy tries not to bother her best friend Auden about her depression, about how often she’s slipped into it since her parents died. But no matter what,
Despite that, they always stick by each other, so it’s easy for Lucy to go? with Auden when his hijinks prompt their school to condemn him to the Jargon Monkeys Club—its Alcoholics Anonymous-style project for treating “antisocial behaviour.” I like the AA description. Like other people, I think the name of the club is really strange, but it also doesn't make sense to try and explain that in your query.
I think it makes more sense to say Lucy goes with Auden, since I assume they are both leaving (going?) somewhere together. Or maybe I have that wrong.
At the club’s first summer meeting no comma Lucy develops a crush on the cute new girl, Ella. The conservative town they live in isn’t exactly a bastion of gay rights, and as much as Auden tries to convince her otherwise, Lucy is blind to the fact that Ella is straight. So, when Ella gets a boyfriend, it doesn’t take long for Lucy’s eight months to disappear.
Lucy knows that Auden notices her warning signs. The last thing she wants people to see
know (used know in previous sentence) is that her depression is back period But while with she and Ella work together and her making an original song for the club’s next concert, it ’s becomes harder and harder to hide her feelings. This time, Auden’s more insistent on helping her, but Lucy 's spirals downward faster than ever before, and Auden's friendship may not be enough to save her.
THE JARGON MONKEYS CLUB is a young adult novel, complete at 84,000 words, that is told from the perspectives of Auden and Lucy. The manuscript is available upon request.
My short stories have been published in  and . Thanks for your time and consideration.
Your query is clear to me now, a big improvement from the start. I made some suggestions, but they are mostly related to making it flow better, to me. Such issues are always subjective. I think it's good that you added that he was condemned to the club, indicating that being sent to the club is a bad thing. I also think the AA comparison works really well.
If you get a chance, could you please take a look at my query again? Thanks! http://agentquerycon...rade-critiques/