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ANYA KOZLOVA AND THE DRAGON (UMG fantasy) -- Pitch Madness

Fiction Fantasy Middle Grade

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#1 SRPasternack

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Posted 19 February 2017 - 03:39 AM

Okay, I've got my logline down pretty solid (I think?) and I'm trying to adapt it for Pitch Madness. So far, I have this:

 

Logline

A goatherd’s daughter must kill a dragon to save her farm, but when she discovers he's not a monster, she must choose between her family and her conscience. (28 words)

 

Pitch Madness

Twelve-year-old Anya must kill a dragon to prevent seizure of her family's farm, but when she discovers he's not a monster, she must choose between her family and her conscience. (32 words)

 

And for fun... a #PitMad Pitch!

12yo Anya must kill a dragon to save her family's farm; when the dragon is nice, she must choose between family & conscience #PitMad #MGF (137 characters)


My Pitch--My Query--My Synopsis--My 250

 

"There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are." W. Somerset Maugham


#2 EllieFirestone1

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Posted 19 February 2017 - 01:22 PM

I agree -- I think you have it down pretty solid. The one thing I'm not quite sure about is whether the dragon is the one threatening the farm, or if the people threatening the farm want Anya to kill the dragon in return for a rebate. It probably doesn't matter, though, since the pitch does the job of conveying the main conflict (Anya's moral dilemma) succinctly.



#3 SRPasternack

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Posted 19 February 2017 - 05:19 PM

The one thing I'm not quite sure about is whether the dragon is the one threatening the farm, or if the people threatening the farm want Anya to kill the dragon in return for a rebate.

 

Hey, thanks for the reply! I was struggling with this same issue when I was creating these. I ended up deciding to just post them here and see what other people thought. :)

 

The latter is the accurate situation, sort of: Anya's father got conscripted and is fighting in a far-away place, and the local tax authority managed to negotiate a tax exemption for families who sent someone to war. However, several months later, a new tax authority has been assigned to the town, and his first order of business is to cut the tax exemption and charge people back taxes for the period they had been exempt. He's actively trying to sell Anya's farm to some well-to-do associates of the Tsar. The old tax authority informs Anya that if she can get half the owed sum within 30 days, she can prevent seizure of the farm. The problem is, the amount of money she needs is astronomical for a rural peasant farmer (the new tax collector is trying to force them out, so he's inflated what they owe), and all hope seems lost until an imperial herald rides by and and announces that a dragon (very rare) has been spotted in the area, and the bounty offered by the Tsar is more than enough for Anya to pay off the tax collector. As capturing this dragon is Anya's only way to get the money she needs, she hinges all of her effort into it. But then, the dragon is not only nice, but vulnerable and lost and in need of help, and she knows if she turns it over to the Tsar, he'll kill it.

 

But I can't put all that into a logline. :P


My Pitch--My Query--My Synopsis--My 250

 

"There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are." W. Somerset Maugham


#4 Nonicks

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Posted 20 February 2017 - 08:51 AM

I don't think it's really important if the dragon threatens the farm because the MC and her stakes are clear. So, yes, it's a good pitch!

 

Can you take a look at my pitch please?



#5 Cez

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Posted 21 February 2017 - 08:03 AM

Okay, I've got my logline down pretty solid (I think?) and I'm trying to adapt it for Pitch Madness. So far, I have this:

 

Logline

A goatherd’s daughter must kill a dragon to save her farm, but when she discovers he's not a monster, she must choose between her family and her conscience. (28 words)

 

Pitch Madness

Twelve-year-old Anya must kill a dragon to prevent seizure of her family's farm, but when she discovers he's not a monster, she must choose between her family and her conscience. (32 30 words)

 

And for fun... a #PitMad Pitch!

12yo Anya must kill a dragon to save her family's farm; when the dragon is nice, she must choose between family & conscience #PitMad #MGF (137 characters)

 

All these are good, though I have a few suggestions for your pitch madness blurb, to make it clear that the dragon isn't the one threatening her farm: 

 

Twelve-year-old Anya must kill a dragon for money to pay the debts of her family's farm, but when she discovers he's not a monster, she must choose between her family and her conscience.

(33 words)



#6 dmsimone

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Posted 21 February 2017 - 12:38 PM

OK, looking at this one:

 

Pitch Madness

Twelve-year-old Anya must kill a dragon to prevent seizure of her family's farm, but when she discovers he's not a monster, she must choose between her family and her conscience. (32 30 words)

 

Can you add a descriptor for the dragon? Harmless? Unassuming? Innocent? When I first read the pitch, I thought of Dragonslayer...but I read your query so I know that's not accurate :)

If you break the sentence into two sentences, you can save words...this is 34 words:

 

 

Twelve-year-old Anya must kill a harmless dragon to earn the reward and prevent seizure of her family's farm. When she discovers he's not a monster, she must choose between her family and her conscience. 


My twitter pitch: http://agentquerycon...itmad/?p=326900

My query: http://agentquerycon...ntasy/?p=325180

My synopsis: http://agentquerycon...ntasy/?p=326911

 

I will happily return a critique, and feel free to send me a note if you would like me to critique your work.


#7 SRPasternack

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Posted 21 February 2017 - 04:28 PM

Twelve-year-old Anya must kill a dragon for money to pay the debts of her family's farm, but when she discovers he's not a monster, she must choose between her family and her conscience.

(33 words)

 

 

I like this one a lot!!


My Pitch--My Query--My Synopsis--My 250

 

"There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are." W. Somerset Maugham


#8 SRPasternack

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Posted 21 February 2017 - 04:31 PM

OK, looking at this one:

 

Pitch Madness

Twelve-year-old Anya must kill a dragon to prevent seizure of her family's farm, but when she discovers he's not a monster, she must choose between her family and her conscience. (32 30 words)

 

Can you add a descriptor for the dragon? Harmless? Unassuming? Innocent? When I first read the pitch, I thought of Dragonslayer...but I read your query so I know that's not accurate :)

If you break the sentence into two sentences, you can save words...this is 34 words:

 

 

Twelve-year-old Anya must kill a harmless dragon to earn the reward and prevent seizure of her family's farm. When she discovers he's not a monster, she must choose between her family and her conscience. 

 

I think adding a descriptor for the dragon would be redundant, wouldn't it? Because adding in "harmless" at the beginning would suggest she knew he was harmless off the bat, which she didn't. She's been told her whole life how horrible and fearsome dragons are. And then later she learns he isn't fearsome at all. He's not exactly harmless... he could do lots of damage if he wanted to. But he has manners. ^_^


My Pitch--My Query--My Synopsis--My 250

 

"There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are." W. Somerset Maugham


#9 dmsimone

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Posted 21 February 2017 - 04:51 PM

A mannerly dragon :)


My twitter pitch: http://agentquerycon...itmad/?p=326900

My query: http://agentquerycon...ntasy/?p=325180

My synopsis: http://agentquerycon...ntasy/?p=326911

 

I will happily return a critique, and feel free to send me a note if you would like me to critique your work.


#10 punitrastogi

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Posted 21 February 2017 - 10:17 PM

Twelve-year-old Anya must capture a dragon for money to pay the debts of her family's farm, but when she discovers he's not an enemy, she must choose between her family and her conscience.


She needs the dragon alive.
He is a monster, just not the evil kind. Kind of like Casper :biggrin:

#11 SRPasternack

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Posted 22 February 2017 - 12:02 AM

A mannerly dragon :)

 

Absolutely! Polite little stinker. Momma didn't raise no hellion.


My Pitch--My Query--My Synopsis--My 250

 

"There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are." W. Somerset Maugham


#12 SRPasternack

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Posted 22 February 2017 - 12:05 AM

Twelve-year-old Anya must capture a dragon for money to pay the debts of her family's farm, but when she discovers he's not an enemy, she must choose between her family and her conscience.


She needs the dragon alive.
He is a monster, just not the evil kind. Kind of like Casper :biggrin:

 

So tell me what you think here. I had "capture" in my original pitch, but I changed it to "kill" because even though Anya isn't doing the actual killing, she's more than aware that after she turns the dragon over, it's going to be killed. She's not directly participating in his death, but she's making it possible. And capturing something doesn't require as great a compromise of conscience as killing something does. Modifying the pitch to "kill" was a way of preventing someone from reading it and thinking the dilemma wasn't a big enough deal if her only choice was whether to capture it or not. *shrug* I dunno.


My Pitch--My Query--My Synopsis--My 250

 

"There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are." W. Somerset Maugham


#13 punitrastogi

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Posted 22 February 2017 - 02:11 AM

I guess then "hunt" becomes a better word :wacko:



#14 Cez

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Posted 22 February 2017 - 09:14 AM

I agree, hunt sounds good.



#15 SRPasternack

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Posted 22 February 2017 - 12:41 PM

Okay, how does this sound:

 

Twelve-year-old Anya must hunt a dragon for money to pay her family's debts, but when the dragon saves her life, she must choose between her family and her conscience. (29 words)


My Pitch--My Query--My Synopsis--My 250

 

"There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are." W. Somerset Maugham


#16 punitrastogi

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Posted 22 February 2017 - 02:05 PM

Okay, how does this sound:

 

Twelve-year-old Anya must hunt a dragon for money to pay her family's debts. But when the dragon saves her life, she must choose between her family and her conscience. (29 words)

 

 That sounds great :)



#17 anathebookworm

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Posted 23 February 2017 - 05:36 PM

Absolutely! Polite little stinker. Momma didn't raise no hellion.

Hhahahaha - if only I could <3 this...


Okay, how does this sound:

 

Twelve-year-old Anya must hunt a dragon for money to pay her family's debts, but when the dragon saves her life, she must choose between her family and her conscience. (29 words)

 

I like this!



#18 Cez

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Posted 24 February 2017 - 12:02 AM

Okay, how does this sound:

 

Twelve-year-old Anya must hunt a dragon for money to pay her family's debts, but when the dragon saves her life, she must choose between her family and her conscience. (29 words)

Yup, this will work, and you've done it in only 29 words! 

Good luck!







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