Hi Guys. I would love some help on my query. I've already revised this quite a lot and received feedback from people with industry experience, but I never get any kind of full or partial request after sending it out to a few agents and I'm getting really frustrated. What am I missing here? Please don't hesitate to give me the cold, hard truth. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Dear (Insert Agent name),
Seventeen-year-old archaeology fanatic Stephie has stumbled upon a priceless artifact that could save what’s left of her broken family—or destroy it.
Struggling to cope with her mom’s recent death, Stephie can only watch as depression slowly steals her dad away and a mountain of unpaid hospital bills sees her childhood home repossessed. But when a valuable seventeenth century Vatican coin and the journals of a disgraced archaeologist are mysteriously dumped at the junkyard where she works, Stephie believes her luck might finally be changing for the better.
She’s sorely mistaken.
A notorious black market kingpin also wants the items, and he’s hired a private army to wipe out anyone aware of their existence.
Moments from being gunned down, Stephie is rescued by a wily old smuggler and her hot, but eccentric grandson, and discovers the truth about the items. They’re clues to the location of Paititi—the rumored hiding place of the last Inca gold—and if she can help them find it, they’ll gladly split the fortune with her.
For Stephie, the gold represents a chance at a fresh start. But to get her dad the help he needs and take her home back, she’ll have to travel to the world’s most treacherous corners, trust two strangers with questionable motives and outsmart the private army at every turn. All for something that might not even be real. Stephie must decide whether that chance is worth any price—maybe even her own life.
A YA Thriller complete at 86,000 words and taking place in several exotic locations including Rome, Peru and Tibet, THE CURSE OF THE BLOODSTAINED GOLD revolves around the true story of Paititi—the location where the Incas were said to have moved a temple made of gold to save it from being ransacked by the Spanish during the 1600’s. I believe it will appeal to fans of Maggie Hall’s THE CONSPIRACY OF US, who might be looking for a heroine in the mold of Indiana Jones/UNCHARTED’S Nathan Drake. It’s a standalone novel with series potential.
I am a former copy editor at Disney Interactive in London, where I was primarily responsible for creating the marketing copy for apps including Mittens and Where’s my Water: Allie.
Thank you for your time and consideration,