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Prairie Nights (Thriller)


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#1 michaelaguil88

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Posted 26 February 2017 - 08:47 AM

Here is the synopsis for Prairie Nights. Any feedback will greatly appreciated. I am not accustomed to composing synopses, so, I am not sure if I am hitting the mark with this attempt.

 

PRAIRIE NIGHTS SYNOPSIS

19-year-old TIM is at a party thrown by his best friend MITCH on a January night in Fargo. After a few awkward encounters, Tim retreats into the kitchen for a peaceful drink. In the kitchen, he is joined by TAMMY and Mitch. They share a drink together.

CODY bursts into the room and begins shouting at Tim. He challenges Tim to a wrestling match as a throwback to their glory days in the backyard. Tim gladly engages.

As the battle comes to a close, Tim digs in a drawer and pulls out a harmless cake server. He rakes the edge of it across Cody’s neck. Cody’s throat opens in a spray of blood. Mitch and Tammy are stunned. Cody dies after an intense struggle to staunch the bleeding. The party is over.

Mitch clears out the apartment. The police arrive with a knock on the door. A neighbor called in a noise complaint. Unable to breach the locked door absent a warrant, the police move on after they are unable to confirm a disturbance. In the kitchen, PETE, Mitch’s roommate, finds Cody while Tim rocks himself in a corner. They are all a part of it now.

Tim is in hysterics as the group debates. After a short back and forth, Mitch kneels near Tim and gives him three choices, hide the body, turn himself in, or run. Afraid, he runs. Mitch tells Tammy she will be joining him on the run. She protests, but, after Mitch explains to her how the law views the fact that she supplied alcohol to a party that led to the death of a minor, she decides to go. Tim and Tammy strike out for the Canadian border after a short goodbye. After a tense moment with a traffic cruiser and border patrol, the way north is clear.

Not far down the road, they hit a patch of ice and their car rolls end over end into the ditch. Tim is uninjured, but Tammy is badly hurt. The wreckage catches fire and Tim pulls Tammy from the car. She dies in his arms as their car is engulfed in flames. Tim flees the scene.

Tim is far down the road hitchhiking as paramedics and firefighters appear. A truck pulls over. OAK, the driver, picks him up, promising to drive him as far as Winnipeg. He is on to Tim’s situation and takes advantage by extorting money and sexual favors from him at gunpoint.

Once in Winnipeg, Tim is nearly caught as his face is on every television and newspaper. Something must have happened back in Fargo. No one was supposed to know about Cody’s death for hours. Tim quickens his pace, steals a car, and continues traveling north.

After days of traveling, Tim finds himself at his own personal heaven; a truck stop called Polar Mart. While there, he discovers a place he can hide out in the Northwest Territories. He can get a job as an anonymous oilman working the fields there. He only needs the money to contract a plane.

The pleasures of the Polar Mart cause Tim to linger. As he becomes comfortable, Oak reappears to shatter his reality. He corners Tim and tries to take advantage of him again. Tim loses control and kills Oak in a fit. Late in the night, he carries the body out to Oak’s truck and steals it.

After ditching the truck, Tim charters a plane to the Northwest Territories. A winter storm batters the aircraft and drives it to the ground in a violent crash deep in the Canadian wilderness. He and the pilot head for a small outpost, which is a two-day hike from the crash site.

A polar bear begins stalking them. Tim has a shotgun from the plane wreck, but the bear stays out of range. The outpost is soon in sight. The stalking bear charges them as they near the building. They run for it. Tim’s leg plunges through the snow and he falls. He is knocked unconscious by the fall and believes himself dead. By chance, he shot the bear in the head as he fell and fumbled the shotgun.

The pilot drags him to the outpost and calls for help. As he recovers from his fall, the thought crosses his mind that the pilot could be a dangerous loose end. He contemplates murdering the pilot and blaming the bear. After a tense inner conflict, he is unable to commit cold-blooded murder. Their rescuers arrive shortly and offer Tim a job in the fields. His journey is over.

Twenty years later, after a lifetime of living on the fringes of the Earth, Tim phones Mitch. He confesses his sins and disdain for what his life has been. Mitch tries to console him. Tim kills himself with a shot to the head as Mitch listens over the phone.



#2 punitrastogi

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Posted 27 February 2017 - 06:55 AM

Here is the synopsis for Prairie Nights. Any feedback will greatly appreciated. I am not accustomed to composing synopses, so, I am not sure if I am hitting the mark with this attempt.

 

PRAIRIE NIGHTS SYNOPSIS

In Fargo, 19-year-old TIM is at a party thrown by of his best friend MITCH on a January night (Is the time important?) in Fargo. After a few awkward encounters, Tim retreats into the kitchen for a peaceful drink. In the kitchen,  where he is joined by TAMMY and Mitch. They share a drink together.

CODY bursts into the room and begins shouting at Tim. He and challenges Tim to a wrestling match as a throwback to their glory days in the backyard. Tim gladly engages. (Not sure if this is required)

As the battle comes to a close, Tim digs in a drawer and pulls out a harmless cake server. He rakes the edge of it across Cody’s neck. (why? Was he too intoxicated?) Cody’s throat opens in a spray of blood. Mitch and Tammy are stunned. Cody dies after an intense struggle to staunch the bleeding. The party is over.

Mitch clears out the apartment. The police arrive with a knock on the door. A neighbor called in a noise complaint.(Didnt any of the friends call in a murder or a death? Also, this should be before the police's arrival) Unable to breach the locked door absent a warrant, the police move on (this seems too weird after the intense build up in the first 3 paras) after they are unable to confirm a disturbance. In the kitchen, PETE, Mitch’s roommate, finds (?) Cody while Tim rocks himself in a corner. They are all a part of it now.

Tim is in hysterics as the group debates. After a short back and forth, Mitch gives kneels near Tim and gives him three choices: hide the body, turn himself in, or run. Afraid, he runs. Mitch tells Tammy she will be joining him on the run. She protests, but, after Mitch reminds Tammy explains to her how the law views the fact that she supplied alcohol to a party that led to the death of a minor, she decides to go with Time.

Tim and Tammy strike out for the Canadian border after a short goodbye. After a tense moment with a traffic cruiser and border patrol, the way north is clear.

Not far down the road, they hit a patch of ice and their car rolls end over end into the ditch. Tim is uninjured, but Tammy is badly hurt. The wreckage catches fire and Tim pulls Tammy from the car. She dies in his arms as their car is engulfed in flames. Tim flees the scene.

Tim is far down the road hitchhiking before as paramedics and firefighters appear. A truck pulls over. OAK, the a truck driver, picks him up, promising to drive him as far as Winnipeg. He is on to Tim’s situation and takes advantage by extorting money and sexual favors from him at gunpoint.

Once In Winnipeg, Tim is nearly caught as his face is on every television and newspaper. Something must have happened back in Fargo. No one was supposed to know about Cody’s death for hours(Again, did no one at the party saw Cody's death? Also, not being familiar with Fargo's location, how long were Tim and Tammy driving and how long did it take for Tim to reach Winnipeg?). Tim quickens his pace, steals a car, and continues traveling north.

After days of traveling, Tim finds himself at his own personal heaven; a truck stop called Polar Mart. While there, he discovers a place he can hide out in the Northwest Territories. He can gets a job as an anonymous oilman working the fields, there. He only needs the to make enough money to contract a plane to the Northwest Territories.

The pleasures of the Polar Mart cause Tim to linger. As he becomes comfortable, Oak reappears to shatter his reality. He corners Tim and tries to take advantage of him again. Tim loses control and kills Oak in a fit. Late in the night, he carries the body out to Oak’s truck and steals it.

After ditching the truck, Tim charters a plane to the Northwest Territories. A winter storm batters the aircraft and drives it to the ground in a violent (since both of them survive, you might need a different word than "violent") crash deep in the Canadian wilderness. He and the pilot head for a small outpost, which is a two-day hike from the crash site.

A polar bear begins stalking them. Tim has a shotgun from the plane wreck, but the bear stays out of range. The outpost is soon in sight. The stalking bear charges them as they near the outpost. building. They run for it. Tim’s leg plunges through the snow and he falls. He is knocked unconscious by the fall and believes himself dead. By chance Fortunately, he had shot the bear in the head as he fell and fumbled the shotgun.

The pilot drags him to the outpost and calls for help. As he recovers from his fall, the thought crosses his mind that the pilot could be a dangerous loose end. He contemplates murdering the pilot and blaming the bear. After a tense inner conflict, he is unable to commit cold-blooded murder. Their rescuers arrive shortly and offer Tim a job in the fields. His journey is over.

Twenty years later, after a lifetime of living on the fringes of the Earth, Tim phones Mitch. He confesses his sins and disdain for what his life has been. Mitch tries to console him. Tim kills himself with a shot to the head as Mitch listens over the phone.

 

Like I said before, I really like your story.

 

You do need to cut a few sentence to maintain the grip and pace of the synopsis.

Maybe a few consistencies need to be looked into as well.

 

All in all, a great story arc.

 

Hope you could review my synopsis and other posts too. :)

The details are in my signature.



#3 KitCampbell

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Posted 20 March 2017 - 05:50 PM

Here is the synopsis for Prairie Nights. Any feedback will greatly appreciated. I am not accustomed to composing synopses, so, I am not sure if I am hitting the mark with this attempt.

 

PRAIRIE NIGHTS SYNOPSIS

19-year-old TIM is at a party thrown by his best friend MITCH on a January night in Fargo. After a few awkward encounters, Tim retreats into the kitchen for a peaceful drink. In the kitchen, he is joined by TAMMY and Mitch. They share a drink together.

CODY bursts into the room and begins shouting at Tim. He challenges Tim to a wrestling match as a throwback to their glory days in the backyard. Tim gladly engages.

As the battle comes to a close, Tim digs in a drawer and pulls out a harmless cake server. He rakes the edge of it across Cody’s neck. Cody’s throat opens in a spray of blood. Mitch and Tammy are stunned. Cody dies after an intense struggle to staunch the bleeding. The party is over.

Mitch clears out the apartment. The police arrive with a knock on the door. A neighbor called in a noise complaint. Unable to breach the locked door absent a warrant, the police move on after they are unable to confirm a disturbance. In the kitchen, PETE, Mitch’s roommate, finds Cody while Tim rocks himself in a corner. They are all a part of it now.

Tim is in hysterics as the group debates. After a short back and forth, Mitch kneels near Tim and gives him three choices, hide the body, turn himself in, or run. Afraid, he runs. Mitch tells Tammy she will be joining him on the run. She protests, but, after Mitch explains to her how the law views the fact that she supplied alcohol to a party that led to the death of a minor, she decides to go. Tim and Tammy strike out for the Canadian border after a short goodbye. After a tense moment with a traffic cruiser and border patrol, the way north is clear. (This could probably be expanded a bit, since it kind of loses tension at this point.)

Not far down the road, they hit a patch of ice and their car rolls end over end into the ditch. Tim is uninjured, but Tammy is badly hurt. The wreckage catches fire and Tim pulls Tammy from the car. She dies in his arms as their car is engulfed in flames. Tim flees the scene.

Tim is far down the road hitchhiking as paramedics and firefighters appear. (Weird transition) A truck pulls over. OAK, the driver, picks him up, promising to drive him as far as Winnipeg. He is on to Tim’s situation (how?) and takes advantage by extorting money and sexual favors from him at gunpoint.

Once in Winnipeg, Tim is nearly caught as his face is on every television and newspaper. Something must have happened back in Fargo. No one was supposed to know about Cody’s death for hours. Tim quickens his pace, steals a car, and continues traveling north.

After days of traveling, Tim finds himself at his own personal heaven; (semi-colon used incorrectly--a colon would be grammatically correct) a truck stop called Polar Mart. While there, he discovers a place he can hide out in the Northwest Territories. He can get a job as an anonymous oilman working the fields there. He only needs the money to contract a plane.

The pleasures of the Polar Mart cause Tim to linger. As he becomes comfortable, Oak reappears to shatter his reality. He corners Tim and tries to take advantage of him again. Tim loses control and kills Oak in a fit. Late in the night, he carries the body out to Oak’s truck and steals it.

After ditching the truck, Tim charters a plane to the Northwest Territories. A winter storm batters the aircraft and drives it to the ground in a violent crash deep in the Canadian wilderness. He and the pilot head for a small outpost, which is a two-day hike from the crash site.

A polar bear begins stalking them. Tim has a shotgun from the plane wreck, but the bear stays out of range. The outpost is soon in sight. The stalking bear charges them as they near the building. They run for it. Tim’s leg plunges through the snow and he falls. He is knocked unconscious by the fall and believes himself dead. By chance, he shot the bear in the head as he fell and fumbled the shotgun.

The pilot drags him to the outpost and calls for help. As he recovers from his fall, the thought crosses his mind that the pilot could be a dangerous loose end. He contemplates murdering the pilot and blaming the bear. After a tense inner conflict, he is unable to commit cold-blooded murder. Their rescuers arrive shortly and offer Tim a job in the fields. His journey is over.

Twenty years later, after a lifetime of living on the fringes of the Earth, Tim phones Mitch. He confesses his sins and disdain for what his life has been. Mitch tries to console him. Tim kills himself with a shot to the head as Mitch listens over the phone.

Looks pretty good. I think you just need a couple of tweaks to make sure you're maintaining tension throughout.






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