To answer your question about the hook, yes, he's important to the story. This book is kind of a story within a story, in the sense that you (the reader) is reading this journal along with this access character.
I love the idea of this! But you've got waaaaay too much details in this query. It's bogging it down so much. Best of luck and I hope I've helped!
A young man receives a mysterious journal purportedly belonging to his father, a mystical werewolf hunter. In Victorian England, ancient werewolves, black magick, and Jack the Ripper ebb and flow around a harrowing personal account of damned love; sins are confessed, and secrets that should remain buried are unearthed. This book is that journal.
Born in 1687, Darius Carlyle is half-human and half-Wolven–a race of mystical werewolf hunters as ancient as the werewolves, embroiled in a blood-feud that predates Antiquity. Though raised in the ancient ways of Wolven, Darius has also learned from samurai warriors and Shaolin monks alike—and personally dealt more death to the werewolves than any Wolven in centuries.
Returning home after a century-long spiritual sojourn, Darius takes up his inheritance as Lord of Wolfstone Manor, and begins setting down his memoirs. Happening upon the indomitably alluring Katherine Harrow, he is smitten for the first time in his long life. Darius spends days with his 'dearest Kate,' now his expecting wife; by moonlight, Darius hunts down the werewolves that persist in the shadows. Then, in the autumn of 1888, Darius receives an unexpected letter from an old friend that brings him to the bloody streets of Whitechapel. Unwittingly incurring the malice of an ancient werewolf with a personal vendetta, Kate is captured and turned into Darius's darkest fear. Now forced into a frenetic search for a cure that might not even exist, Darius must resist his own nature that compels the Wolven within him to kill the monster his dearest Kate has become. And in his most desperate hour, Darius Carlyle will have to learn if he has the strength to break his own heart.
Illuminated with illustrations facsimiled from Darius's own handwritten journal, and with potential for sequels, THE PERSONAL ACCOUNT OF DARIUS CARLYLE aspires to tell the 'quintessential' werewolf tale through an epistolary dark fantasy/horror thriller of 92,000 words.
I appreciate you taking the opportunity to evaluate my query; to better assist you I have included the opening pages of my novel. The following would be my traditional publishing debut; I thank you in advance for your time and consideration.