Dang, Sreid, that's a lot of red. I see what you're saying though so ok *cracks knuckles*
Let's do this.
"Berserker", while a Norse ("Viking") word, is here used in context with the werewolf theme of the book. I chose it specifically because it stands out, and I would trust an agent to know what a berserker is. That said, you gave me insight into the opening sentence itself, so thank you for that. Also, Darius is no Inspector. He's a two hundred year old mystical werewolf hunter. Why confine yourself to one city? haha
The journal- Actually, this is important. This is the method by which I tell this story, and it's critical the agent knows this up front. As for the final paragraph, I think it'd be important for an agent to know if the book I'm querying contains illustrations.
Darius Carlyle hears whispers of a werewolf in Whitechapel. Victorian London's penny dreadfuls attribute the slew of grisly murders to one 'Jack the Ripper,' and other such nonsense. Darius, however, records the truth: names, dates, and persons crucial to the case are detailed in his personal journal. In his century and a half hunting werewolves, Darius has experienced every conceivable horror. Until his wife Kate follows him to Whitechapel.
Kate refuses to sit idle, bent on aiding the investigation. Hunting the Ripper brings out a resourcefulness and cunning in Kate which Darius had never known, and loves her all the more for. But just as they close in on the Ripper, the thing takes Kate. In tracking and killing it Darius discovers the Ripper is a berserker, the servant of a purebred werewolf with an ancient vendetta. And though Darius rescues Kate, unharmed, the werewolf escapes.
Far too late does Darius realize that the werewolf never intended to kill her, and has cursed his dearest Kate with an arcane form of lycanthropy; one only a so-called 'True Ancient' could inflict. Kate's humanity wanes with each full moon. Darius's despair waxes. He scours every ancient scrap of lore he can decipher for a cure never known to exist, exhausting every esoteric option no matter how extreme. Nothing works. Kate's monstrous affliction begins overwhelming her. If his dearest Kate is truly beyond saving, Darius Carlyle must find the strength to break his own heart.
An adult gothic thriller/romance with fantastical elements, THE PERSONAL ACCOUNT OF DARIUS CARLYLE is complete at 93,000 words. Readers of everything from Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke to Glen Duncan's The Last Werewolf would enjoy this standalone with series potential. Per your submission guidelines, I have provided the first # pages of the manuscript. I greatly appreciate your time and consideration.