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The Cloven King (fantasy) Synopsis


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#1 lsprochnow

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Posted 01 March 2017 - 05:30 PM

Hey everyone,

 

This is my first synopsis and I'm not sure if I'm going in the right direction with it. Any feedback is appreciated! Let me know if you have anything you would like feedback on as well.

 

Thanks!

 

Years ago, the Cloven King landed on the shores of Rashka and, with an army of slaves, conquered a northern city. He erected a spire that spits and moans, terrifying the citizens, breaking them into submission. Asher, a new father and husband, hatches an escape plan with his wife. Born during winter, their child is marked for death. A prophecy made many years before foretold a winter child would end the king’s reign. The spire, a manifestation of the Cloven King, senses their escape. Asher sacrifices himself so his wife and child can flee into the woods.

 

The following day, two elves find a murdered woman on the outskirts of their village. They also find a baby hidden in the brush. They rescue the baby and bury the woman.

 

Seventeen years later, Verth, the child who escaped the king, lives as the only human in an elven village. Most elves distrust him, and some despise him due to past wars between elves and humans. Verth knows little of his past, and unloads his troubles on his mother’s grave. Verth’s adoptive elven father, a chemist specializing in water, receives an invitation from the Lord of the Wastes to aid them during a drought. Verth and his adoptive father depart for the Wastes.

 

Along the way, Verth and his adoptive father stop at an inn. While checking the horses at night, a blind witch gives Verth an emerald dagger. She explains that with the dagger Verth must destroy the Heart of the Spire. Tell no one about the dagger, she warns before vanishing.

 

During their stay in the Wastes, Verth meets Saepeon, the captain of the guard. Secretly, the Cloven King contacts Saepeon. Tired of war, Saepeon plans on murdering the Lord of the Wastes to bring peace and claim the Wastes as his own.

 

Upon returning home from the Wastes, Verth discovers his village in flames, the elves scattered. Raiders from the king kill Verth’s adoptive father and kidnap his mother, taking her to the king’s stronghold. Devastated over his adoptive father’s death, Verth departs for the king’s city to rescue his mother.

 

Just before Verth can rescue his mother in the king’s stronghold, slavers injure and kidnap Verth, dragging him away for auction. During Verth’s escape, he meets an ageless witch named Catilla. Beautiful and dangerous, she discovers Verth’s emerald dagger. She explains the dagger is a spawn blade, made for one person and one purpose.

 

By summoning a demon, Verth learns that the blade is not meant for the Cloven King: it is meant for the king’s mother, Catilla. She is the Heart of the Spire. The blade must be plunged into her heart atop the king’s spire to banish the Cloven King.

 

To save her son, Catilla flees for the king’s stronghold to warn him about the spawn blade. She doesn’t know that the blade is meant for her.

 

Verth reunites with Saepeon. Saepeon murdered the Lord of the Wastes, but the Cloven King betrayed him, beating him near death and driving him from the city. Imps visible only to Saepeon torture the once powerful warlord. With nothing to lose, Saepeon accompanies Verth to the king’s stronghold.

 

With the aid of unlikely friends, Verth and Saepeon reach the king’s spire. Saepeon guards the entrance, surrounded by enemies, while Verth enters the spire to confront the king and Catilla. In the spire’s topmost story, Verth confronts the king who prematurely manifests his physical body. He drips blood with every step, his sinewy muscles visible beneath his skin. During the fight, Catilla realizes her son is monstrous, someone who will break the world rather than heal it. She helps Verth. Together, they plunge the dagger into her heart, banishing the Cloven King from their realm.

 

Outside the crumbled spire, Verth sits with Saepeon on his deathbed. The dying warlord expresses regret for past deeds though he dies proud of what he helped Verth accomplish.

 

With the spire destroyed and the king banished, Verth rescues his adoptive mother. Verth feels hollow after seeing so much needless death. He pities Saepeon and Catilla, and misses his adoptive father. His adoptive mother remains strong, encouraging him to return with her to their village to rebuild. Verth agrees, and together they depart from the wreckage of the king’s smoldering city.  



#2 KitCampbell

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Posted 20 March 2017 - 05:55 PM

Hey everyone,

 

This is my first synopsis and I'm not sure if I'm going in the right direction with it. Any feedback is appreciated! Let me know if you have anything you would like feedback on as well.

 

Thanks!

 

Years ago, the Cloven King landed on the shores of Rashka and, with an army of slaves, conquered a northern city. He erected a spire that spits and moans, terrifying the citizens, breaking them into submission. Asher, a new father and husband, hatches an escape plan with his wife. Born during winter, their child is marked for death. A prophecy made many years before foretold a winter child would end the king’s reign. The spire, a manifestation of the Cloven King, senses their escape. Asher sacrifices himself so his wife and child can flee into the woods.

 

The following day, two elves find a murdered woman on the outskirts of their village. They also find a baby hidden in the brush. They rescue the baby and bury the woman.

 

Seventeen years later, Verth, the child who escaped the king, lives as the only human in an elven village. Most elves distrust him, and some despise him due to past wars between elves and humans. Verth knows little of his past, and unloads his troubles on his mother’s grave. Verth’s adoptive elven father, a chemist specializing in water, receives an invitation from the Lord of the Wastes to aid them during a drought. Verth and his adoptive father depart for the Wastes.

 

Along the way, Verth and his adoptive father stop at an inn. While checking the horses at night, a blind witch gives Verth an emerald dagger. She explains that with the dagger Verth must destroy the Heart of the Spire. Tell no one about the dagger, she warns before vanishing.

 

During their stay in the Wastes, Verth meets Saepeon, the captain of the guard. Secretly, the Cloven King contacts Saepeon. Tired of war, Saepeon plans on murdering the Lord of the Wastes to bring peace and claim the Wastes as his own. (This seems somewhat out of place because it doesn't flow well into the next part of the story.)

 

Upon returning home from the Wastes, Verth discovers his village in flames, the elves scattered. Raiders from the king kill Verth’s adoptive father and kidnap his mother, taking her to the king’s stronghold. Devastated over his adoptive father’s death, Verth departs for the king’s city to rescue his mother.

 

Just before Verth can rescue his mother in the king’s stronghold, slavers injure and kidnap Verth, dragging him away for auction. During Verth’s escape, he meets an ageless witch named Catilla. Beautiful and dangerous, she discovers Verth’s emerald dagger. She explains the dagger is a spawn blade, made for one person and one purpose.

 

By summoning a demon, Verth learns that the blade is not meant for the Cloven King: it is meant for the king’s mother, Catilla. She is the Heart of the Spire. The blade must be plunged into her heart atop the king’s spire to banish the Cloven King.

 

To save her son, Catilla flees for the king’s stronghold to warn him about the spawn blade. She doesn’t know that the blade is meant for her.

 

Verth reunites with Saepeon. Saepeon murdered the Lord of the Wastes, (See, since you have this here I don't know that you need the above information where it is.) but the Cloven King betrayed him, beating him near death and driving him from the city. Imps visible only to Saepeon torture the once powerful warlord. With nothing to lose, Saepeon accompanies Verth to the king’s stronghold.

 

With the aid of unlikely friends, Verth and Saepeon reach the king’s spire. Saepeon guards the entrance, surrounded by enemies, while Verth enters the spire to confront the king and Catilla. In the spire’s topmost story, Verth confronts the king who prematurely manifests his physical body. He drips blood with every step, his sinewy muscles visible beneath his skin. During the fight, Catilla realizes her son is monstrous, someone who will break the world rather than heal it. She helps Verth. Together, they plunge the dagger into her heart, banishing the Cloven King from their realm.

 

Outside the crumbled spire, Verth sits with Saepeon on his deathbed. The dying warlord expresses regret for past deeds though he dies proud of what he helped Verth accomplish.

 

With the spire destroyed and the king banished, Verth rescues his adoptive mother. Verth feels hollow after seeing so much needless death. He pities Saepeon and Catilla, and misses his adoptive father. His adoptive mother remains strong, encouraging him to return with her to their village to rebuild. Verth agrees, and together they depart from the wreckage of the king’s smoldering city.  

Overall, I like it!



#3 npstanford

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Posted 26 March 2017 - 02:07 PM

Years ago, the Cloven King landed on the shores of Rashka and, with an army of slaves, conquered a northern city. He erected a spire that spits and moans, terrifying the citizens, breaking them into submission. Asher, a new father and husband, hatches an escape plan with his wife. Born during winter, their child is marked for death. A prophecy made many years before foretold a winter child would end the king’s reign. The spire, a manifestation of the Cloven King, senses their escape. Asher sacrifices himself so his wife and child can flee into the woods.

 

The following day, two elves find a murdered woman on the outskirts of their village. They also find a baby hidden in the brush. They rescue the baby and bury the woman.

 

Seventeen years later, Verth, the child who escaped the king, lives as the only human in an elven village. Most elves distrust him, and some despise him due to past wars between elves and humans. Verth knows little of his past, and unloads his troubles on his mother’s grave. Verth’s adoptive elven father, a chemist specializing in water, receives an invitation from the Lord of the Wastes to aid them during a drought. Verth and his adoptive father depart for the Wastes.

 

Along the way, Verth and his adoptive father stop at an inn. While checking the horses at night, a blind witch gives Verth an emerald dagger. She explains that with the dagger Verth must destroy the Heart of the Spire. Tell no one about the dagger, she warns before vanishing. //is the spire near wherever Verth is headed? 

 

During their stay in the Wastes, Verth meets Saepeon, the captain of the guard. Secretly, the Cloven King contacts Saepeon. Tired of war, Saepeon plans on murdering the Lord of the Wastes to bring peace and claim the Wastes as his own. //I felt like I was following along until this paragraph but this really confused me. Why did the cloven king contact Saepeon? What is Verth's relationship to Saepeon (like is it hostile or friendly or does he literally just say hi to this guy not know all the other stuff going on)

 

Upon returning home from the Wastes, Verth discovers his village in flames, the elves scattered. Raiders from the king kill Verth’s adoptive father and kidnap his mother, taking her to the king’s stronghold. Devastated over his adoptive father’s death, Verth departs for the king’s city to rescue his mother. Might want to give an indication of how he plans to do it or if it is even feasible

 

Just before Verth can rescue his mother in the king’s stronghold, slavers injure and kidnap Verth, dragging him away for auction. During Verth’s escape, he meets an ageless witch named Catilla. Beautiful and dangerous, she discovers Verth’s emerald dagger. She explains the dagger is a spawn blade, made for one person and one purpose.

 

By summoning a demon, Verth learns that the blade is not meant for the Cloven King: it is meant for the king’s mother, Catilla. She is the Heart of the Spire. The blade must be plunged into her heart atop the king’s spire to banish the Cloven King. //this is an interesting twist... I was a little confused though because the demon summoning seemed to come out of nowhere. Does Verth know that Catilla is the king's mother or does he learn that from the demon?

 

To save her son, Catilla flees for the king’s stronghold to warn him about the spawn blade. She doesn’t know that the blade is meant for her.

 

Verth reunites with Saepeon. Saepeon murdered the Lord of the Wastes, but the Cloven King betrayed him, beating him near death and driving him from the city. Imps visible only to Saepeon torture the once powerful warlord. With nothing to lose, Saepeon accompanies Verth to the king’s stronghold.

 

With the aid of unlikely friends, Verth and Saepeon reach the king’s spire. Saepeon guards the entrance, surrounded by enemies, while Verth enters the spire to confront the king and Catilla. In the spire’s topmost story, Verth confronts the king who prematurely manifests his physical body. He drips blood with every step, his sinewy muscles visible beneath his skin. During the fight, Catilla realizes her son is monstrous, someone who will break the world rather than heal it. She helps Verth. Together, they plunge the dagger into her heart, banishing the Cloven King from their realm. 

 

Outside the crumbled spire, Verth sits with Saepeon on his deathbed. The dying warlord expresses regret for past deeds though he dies proud of what he helped Verth accomplish.

 

With the spire destroyed and the king banished, Verth rescues his adoptive mother. Verth feels hollow after seeing so much needless death. He pities Saepeon and Catilla, and misses his adoptive father. His adoptive mother remains strong, encouraging him to return with her to their village to rebuild. Verth agrees, and together they depart from the wreckage of the king’s smoldering city. //nice ending to the synopsis

 

 

 

***

I think this is pretty good. It's hard for me to say how to make it better other than tightening it up and adding more punch and verve to the sentences (maybe with more key, illustrative details). One thing that might be more useful though is to give a better understanding of Verth's character. Having read the synopsis, I couldn't tell you his personality at all. Additionally, I have no idea if he changes or learns any lessons over the course of the book. 

 

More point criticisms

- The introduction of Sapeon doesn't fit with the rest of the narrative. Maybe save the introduction until he and Verth unite?

- Likewise, the introduction of Catillia and the revelation the dagger is for her comes as a surprise

- Might want to mention in the end who the witch was that gave him the dagger and why (this currently seems like an open thread that has been left hanging)

 

If you've got some time, I'd appreciate you looking at my synopsis here: http://agentquerycon...-urban-fantasy/






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