Sorry Nat, I'm just getting to this now. I've been so busy with queries that I've forgotten to check the hook I posted. I'm about ready to put up a new one - one that's drastically shifted focus - so if you have a minute to review, it would be greatly appreciated.
For your hook:
Kal was sent to Earth from a sunless realm to hunt down an ancient and powerful spirit in order to steal its magical secrets, but he did not expect that soul to be hiding inside the body of a 19-year-old human girl.
It reads like telling, rather than showing, but I think all the elements are here.
I don't suggest you use this as is, but it gives you an idea about bringing the readers into the story: Sent to Earth from a sunless realm, Kal's mission is to hunt down and steal the secrets of an ancient spirit. What he doesn't expect, is to find the ancient soul (hiding?) inside the body of a 19-year-old human girl.
I understand your frustration with trying to get that perfect hook - I hope this helps.