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CLOAKS AND DAGGERS (High Fantasy) Synopsis


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#1 SAVE

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Posted 16 March 2017 - 01:11 AM

So, this is my second time writing a synopsis. I stuck to the rules and tried to keep everything about the story's plot. I'm hoping this helps a little, but I could use a little extra advice on naming characters.

 

RAEZ - True Main Character

LYZA - Main Character

DANE - Main Character

 

Vaudez is the main villain and mostly mentioned after chapter 7 or so. (Should he be in all caps?)
Emily "Captain of the king's guard" Mentioned throughout the novel and has a fairly big part with the main character. (Should she be in all caps?)
 

If anyone has some tips on this, I'd be MORE than grateful for them, and as always, I'll do my best to return critiques. Thanks :)

 

 

RAEZ is a man with good intentions that believes that if death were the punishment for causing war and violence the world would be peaceful. During the day he works as an emissary to the southern king, but during the night he assassinates those that disrupt the peace. The day before an ambush on the Eastern Capital by the West’s army, Raez, joined by a lionesque spirit, LYZA, assassinate the  General of the Western army, forcing them to turn away. He returns to his home in the south and meets DANE, a master-level spellcaster he believes could be a spy.

 

After returning to the capital to lie to his king about accomplishing his strictly peaceful mission, he disappears into the night to kill Dane. His attempt to ambush and question Dane is thwarted by a harpy spirit who nearly takes his life. Dane saves Raez’s life and is apprehended the next day by northern soldiers under false charges and taken to the north. Hours later Raez is apprehended with news that his king was murdered and he’s the prime suspect. The Captain of the King’s guard is given the late king’s will, which says Raez is to be king, so she speaks with him. After being brought before a council to prove his innocence, Raez escapes the south and races to the north, knowing that Dane is the

only one who knows of his innocence and can prove it.

 

In the north Dane is brought before King VAUDEZ, who questions him about his involvement with the three spirits of the world. After Dane refuses to acknowledge his vendetta against Lyza, who killed his fiancé long ago, or be bribed with a power Vaudez claims he’d use to rule the kingdoms, Vaudez nearly kills him. After being taken to his cell, he begins to use his unique magic to begin to control the minds of Vaudez’s soldiers.

 

Meanwhile, Raez fends off a pair of trackers sent to capture him and the Captain of the king’s guard speaks with the harpy spirit to prove Raez’s innocence. As she leaves for the North as Raez and Lyza are captured while Dane escapes from the last soldiers who aren’t mind controlled, meeting with a dragon spirit to prepare for an attack on the castle.

 

Vaudez tortures Lyza and Raez as revenge for his late fiancé but refuses to kill Lyza. While imprisoned, the southern king’s advisor appears before Raez revealing that he framed Raez in an attempt to force Raez to act so that he and Lyza could be captured by Vaudez. Moments later, the dragon spirit attacks, knocking the advisor unconscious before rescuing Raez as Dane rescues Lyza and the captain of the king’s guard who is captured shortly afterward.

 

Raez, Dane, the captain, and the spirits return to the castle for a raid. Raez and Lyza battle against Vaudez, who calls for his guards. Dane shows up alongside an entire army of mind-controlled northern soldiers. Lyza catches Vaudez’s throat in her jaws and executes him at Raez’s command.

After Vaudez’s death, Raez accepts his role as the new king and hosts a celebration of unity between the four kingdoms where a new king of the north is named.

[536 Words]

 



#2 hannahb712

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Posted 30 April 2017 - 05:59 PM

From my understanding, you have to caps a character name, whenever they're mentioned for the first time. That's regardless of them being a major or minor character in your story. Hope this was helpful! I'm actually writing a synopsis myself, and could definitely use some help if you want to check it out!? http://agentqueryconnect.com/index.php?/topic/37151-synopsis-firsts-looking-for-some-help/ Here's the link. Thank you!  :smile:



#3 Phaust

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Posted 02 May 2017 - 05:46 PM

First time critiquing a synopsis. 

 

 

RAEZ is a man with good intentions that believes that if death were the punishment for causing war and violence the world would be peaceful. During the day he works as an emissary to the southern king, but during the night he assassinates those that disrupt the peace. The day before an ambush on the Eastern Capital by the West’s army, Raez, joined by a lionesque spirit is there a way to tell who by what she is rather than how she is? , LYZA, assassinate the  General of the Western army, forcing them to turn away. He returns to his home in the south and meets DANE, a master-level spellcaster he believes could be a spy. How does this forward the plot?

 

After returning to the capital to lie to his king about accomplishing his strictly peaceful mission, he disappears into the night to kill Dane, a master-level spell caster he believes could be a spy. His attempt to ambush and question Dane is thwarted by a harpy spirit who nearly takes his life. Dane saves Raez’s life and is apprehended the next day by northern soldiers under false charges and taken to the north. Hours later Raez is apprehended with news that his king was murdered and he’s the prime suspect. The Captain of the King’s guard is given the late king’s will, which says Raez is to be king, so she speaks with him. After being brought before a council to prove his innocence, Raez escapes the south and races to the north, knowing that Dane is the only one who knows of his innocence and can prove it. Do this paragraph again. So much info. Anyway to smooth it out? Doesn't have to exactly track the way it is presented in the book... I don't think.

 

In the north Dane is brought before King VAUDEZ, who questions him about his involvement with the three spirits of the world. What? Why? Who are the 3 spirits? After Dane refuses to acknowledge his vendetta against Lyza feel like we should hear about this earlier, who killed his fiancé long ago, or be bribed with a power Vaudez claims he’d use to rule the kingdoms this sentence is quite confusing Vaudez nearly kills him. After being taken to his cell, he begins to use his unique magic to begin to control the minds of Vaudez’s soldiers.

 

Meanwhile, Raez fends off a pair of trackers sent to capture him and the Captain of the king’s guard speaks with the harpy spirit to prove Raez’s innocence. As she leaves for the North as Raez and Lyza are captured while Dane escapes from the last soldiers who aren’t mind controlled, meeting with a dragon spirit to prepare for an attack on the castle. What is a dragon spirit as opposed to a dragon?

 

Vaudez tortures Lyza and Raez as revenge for his late fiancé but refuses to kill Lyza. But didn't he save Raez earlier? While imprisoned, the southern king’s advisor appears before Raez revealing that he framed Raez in an attempt to force Raez to act so that he and Lyza could be captured by Vaudez. Moments later, the dragon spirit attacks, knocking the advisor unconscious before rescuing Raez as Dane rescues Lyza and the captain of the king’s guard who is captured shortly afterward. So confused by the changing alliances and their motivations. 

 

Raez, Dane, the captain, and the spirits return to the castle for a raid. Raez and Lyza battle against Vaudez, who calls for his guards. Dane shows up alongside an entire army of mind-controlled northern soldiers. Lyza catches Vaudez’s throat in her jaws and executes him at Raez’s command.

After Vaudez’s death, Raez accepts his role as the new king and hosts a celebration of unity between the four kingdoms where a new king of the north is named.

 

Lots going on in your story. Complex. You really need to make the synopsis more simple. 

 

 

I know its hard. In fact, you can tear mine apart here: http://agentquerycon...opsis/?p=337438



#4 Beth Kerring

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Posted 21 May 2017 - 11:43 AM

I'm still fairly new to this myself, and I'm not very familiar with high fantasy, but here's my best go!

 

 

RAEZ is a man with good intentions that believes that if death were the punishment for causing war and violence the world would be peaceful. During the day he works as an emissary to the southern king, but during the night he assassinates those that disrupt the peace. The day before an ambush on the Eastern Capital by the West’s army, Raez, joined by a lionesque spirit, LYZA, assassinate the  General of the Western army, forcing them to turn away. He returns to his home in the south and meets DANE, a master-level spellcaster he believes could be a spy.

 

After returning to the capital to lie to his king about accomplishing his strictly peaceful mission, he disappears into the night to kill DANE, a master-level spellcaster he believes could be a spy (I agree with Phaust, this helps shorten the synopsis while still getting the information across). His attempt to ambush and question Dane is thwarted by a harpy spirit who nearly takes his life. Dane saves Raez’s life and is apprehended the next day by northern soldiers under false charges and taken to the north. Hours later, Raez is apprehended with news that his king was murdered and he’s the prime suspect. The Captain of the Kking’s guard is given the late king’s will, which says Raez is to be king, so she speaks with him. (Is this essential to the plot?) After being brought before a council to prove his innocence, Raez escapes the south and races to the north, knowing that Dane is the

only one who knows of his innocence and can prove it.

 

In the north, Dane is brought before King VAUDEZ, who questions him about his involvement with the three spirits of the world. (Is this relevant to the main plot?) After Dane refuses to acknowledge his vendetta against Lyza, who killed his fiancé long ago, or be bribed with a power Vaudez claims he’d use to rule the kingdoms, Vaudez nearly kills him. After being taken to his cell, he begins to use his unique magic to begin to control the minds of Vaudez’s soldiers.

 

Meanwhile, Raez fends off a pair of trackers sent to capture him and the Captain of the king’s guard speaks with the harpy spirit to prove Raez’s innocence. As she leaves for the North as Raez and Lyza are captured while Dane escapes from the last soldiers who aren’t mind controlled, meeting with a dragon spirit to prepare for an attack on the castle. (I would reword this - I feel a little confused as to what's going on.)

 

Vaudez tortures Lyza and Raez as revenge for his late fiancé but refuses to kill Lyza. While imprisoned, the southern king’s advisor appears before Raez revealing that he framed Raez in an attempt to force Raez to act so that he and Lyza could be captured by Vaudez. Moments later, the dragon spirit attacks, knocking the advisor unconscious before rescuing Raez as Dane rescues Lyza and the captain of the king’s guard who is captured shortly afterward. (Recommend rewording - there is a lot going on and I feel a bit confused.)

 

Raez, Dane, the captain, and the spirits return to the castle for a raid. Raez and Lyza battle against Vaudez, who calls for his guards. Dane shows up alongside an entire army of mind-controlled northern soldiers. Lyza catches Vaudez’s throat in her jaws and executes him at Raez’s command.

After Vaudez’s death, Raez accepts his role as the new king and hosts a celebration of unity between the four kingdoms where a new king of the north is named.

 

Again, I'm not a huge fantasy person, but this sounds really interesting! For a general comment, I'd recommend going through and removing anything that isn't absolutely essential to the flow of the main plot. It is a bit difficult to keep track of all the different characters and subplots, and while they seem like they would work well in the story itself, it's a bit confusing for the synopsis.

 

Great story, and best of luck! :)



#5 dmsimone

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Posted 20 June 2017 - 11:52 AM

My comments below in blue. Note that I had a decent synopsis but agents told me it's not enough to have a clear outline. You need to incorporate theme and character arc...so I'll be looking for that :)  Can you take a look at mine as well?

1. Watch out for your use of the word "that". You can remove 3 "that's" in the first 2 sentences.

2. Adding a few words here and there will really help with establishing context.

3. I made a lot of suggestions to tighten your phrasing. Use what you like or none at all :) You have a lot of filtering words in here that I suggest to delete. You may want to also go through your MS and likewise delete them.

4. I was following it pretty well until the end. Then things started getting confusing for me. I think you were giving too many details...I didn't catch the theme, either. What is Raez's character arc? The ending paragraph about Raez should show him in a changed state compared to the opening paragraph.

 

RAEZ is a man with good intentions that  and believes that if death were  was the punishment for causing war and violence, the world would be peaceful. During the day he works as is an emissary to the southern king, but during the night he assassinates those that who disrupt the peace. I would start a new paragraph here, because this paragraph is his "current state" and the next paragraph starts the action. Up here, I would designate what "side" Raez is on. Does he live in the Eastern Capital? Is he part of the Western Army? Knowing his alliances up front will help me to better understand the action in the next paragraph.

 

The day before an ambush on the Eastern Capital by the West’s army Right here you mention two new things that I haven't been introduced to yet (Easter Capital, West's army) and don't know Raez's connection to - it's a little disjointing, Raez, joined by a lionesque spirit, LYZA, assassinate the  General of the Western army (for consistency's sake, call it either West's army or Western army - not one or the other - or it will be confusing), forcing them to turn away. Why? Because it leaves the army leaderless? Lost? Confused? Rattled? He returns to his home in the south (this confuses, because so far you've mentioned an east and a west...and now there's a south) and meets DANE, a master-level spellcaster he believes could be a spy. 

 

After returning to the capital to lie to his king about accomplishing his strictly peaceful mission (what mission is this?), he disappears into the night to kill Dane. His attempt to ambush and question Dane (so he wants to question him, not kill him, as previously stated?) is thwarted by a harpy spirit who nearly takes his life (second mention of spirits - can you give just a few words to describe what these beings are?). Dane saves Raez’s life, and   but is apprehended the next day under false charges (I rearranged this for flow) by northern soldiers  and taken to the north (understood since northern soldiers took him. also, sounds redundant). Hours later, Raez is apprehended with news that his king was murdered and he’s the prime suspect. The Captain of the King’s guard is given the late king’s will, which says Raez is to be king, so she speaks with him. I think you can uplevel this and tighten the wording: The late King's will declares Raez as his successor, who is brought before a council to prove his innocence. After being brought before a council to prove his innocence, Now we need some transition between going to the council and escaping. Raez escapes the south and races to the north, knowing that Dane is the only one who knows of can prove his innocence and can prove it.

 

Meanwhile in the north, Dane is brought before King VAUDEZ, who questions him about his involvement with the three spirits of the world (yes really need some information about these spirits). After Dane refuses to acknowledge his vendetta against Lyza (I didn't even know Dane and Lyza knew each other - you will want to establish that earlier on), who killed his fiancé long ago, or be bribed with a power Vaudez claims he’d use to rule the kingdoms, Vaudez nearly kills him. This sentence is confusing. It sounds like Dane needs to make a choice but there is only one option described here. After being taken to his cell, he begins to uses his unique magic to begin to control the minds of Vaudez’s soldiers.

 

Meanwhile,  After his escape, Raez fends off a pair of trackers sent to capture him and the Captain of the king’s (above you capitalized this word - be consistent and choose one way) guard speaks with the harpy spirit to prove Raez’s innocence. As she leaves for the North as Raez and Lyza are captured while Dane escapes from the last soldiers who aren’t mind controlled, meeting with a dragon spirit to prepare for an attack on the castle. A whole lot of information in here that I found confusing - mainly, everything in red. 

 

Vaudez tortures Lyza and Raez as  to exact revenge for his late fiancé, but refuses to kill Lyza (is this detail needed?). While imprisoned, the southern king’s advisor (grammatically, you are saying that the king's advisor is likewise imprisoned) appears before Raez revealing that he (the advisor) framed Raez in an attempt to force Raez to act so that he and Lyza could be captured by Vaudez. Very confusing and I'm lost now  :sad: Moments later, the dragon spirit attacks, knocking the advisor unconscious before rescuing Raez as Dane rescues Lyza and the captain of the king’s guard who is captured shortly afterward.

 

Raez, Dane, the captain, and the spirits return to the castle for a raid. Raez and Lyza battle against Vaudez, who calls for his guards. Dane shows up alongside an entire army of mind-controlled northern soldiers. Lyza catches Vaudez’s throat in her jaws and executes him at Raez’s command. A lot of scene by scene detail here - you probably need to up level everything.

After Vaudez’s death, Raez accepts his role as the new king and hosts a celebration of unity between the four kingdoms where a new king of the north is named. 

[536 Words]






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