Thanks for your thoughts on my hook.
I'm really struggling with this. Both feel super blah. Would love some help. Thanks in advance!
an Exiled ex-general Aerynn Silveris finds her beloved (if he betrayed/exiled her, why is he beloved?) king murdered and her home city threatened by a daemon horde. She must hunt down the cunning killer who controls the daemons before her home is overrun.
a ex-general Aerynn Silveris is summoned out of exile by the son of the king who betrayed her, she is forced to fight for his crown or watch her home burn. But while she protects the kingdom against a daemon horde, it’s her heart she risks losing and her life she must fight for.
I suggest introducing the name of your MC right away. The majority seems to prefer this (at least in my experience).
I do think that between the two, you have most of the necessary information to make the hook great. The first tells the right points imo, but isn't quite compelling enough to "hook" as I feel it tells more than shows.
This will need to be reworked into your own voice, but this is my (poorly written) suggestion of how I think you should lay out the hook.
Ex-general Aerynn Silveris isn't given much of a choice, when the king who exiled her summons her back to his side. (character introduced) But when she returns to her home, she finds the king murdered and discovers a looming threat by a daemon horde (conflict) she must (overcome the conflict - hunt down killers, find who controls the horde, protect the kingdom) or else (stakes)
I hope this helps.